Autism The Planet I Call Home
how cool would it be
to be an extraterrestrial imagine
traveling all the way across the galaxy
from a distant star system many light
years away
to a planet that promises a peaceful
life and the fulfillment of all of your
dreams
now imagine the beings on that planet
might think that you’re weird
they might not even accept you what a
freak
they might say about you you don’t
belong here
being an extraterrestrial might not be
as cool as you think
it might be incredibly hard trust me
i would know i grew up on the far away
planet of st
louis county okay actually not so far
away
pretty close in reality when i was
younger i developed differently than the
other kids around me
i screamed to my neighbors when they
tried to greet me lined up markers in
exact rainbow order and alphabet blocks
from a to z
and instead of responding to questions
from my parents with a simple yes or
no answer i recited entire quotes from
the disney movie 101 dalmatians
compared to the other kids with
seemingly normal lives
i wondered which planet i really came
from
my parents took me into a neurologist
who grimly diagnosed me with autism
spectrum disorder
his prediction for my life was
incredibly bleak i would never
understand social cues
play team sports or have any lasting
relationships with friends
that’s how my life should have turned
out
however luckily for me i had a family
who believed in me
they immediately sat to work recruiting
countless doctors
therapists psychiatrists and other
loving adults
it was their constant help and support
that gave me the incredible opportunity
to grow up among my peers and to live a
life closer to normal
whatever that means but there’s only so
much my family could do to help
as i grew older i had to teach myself
how to navigate the vast
treacherous planet of maintaining a
social life
you see the way my brain works every
time i walk into a social situation
it’s almost like i’m playing my first
game of chess
whenever you play chess you have to
remember what the pieces are
how they move and how to anticipate what
your opponent is going to do
that’s my social anxiety in social
situations
my brain is constantly forced to think
about every possible combination of what
might happen
sometimes i don’t know who’s who other
times i don’t know how people will react
in these situations my mind is like a
simple windows xp computer attempting to
run a complicated windows 10 program
i can do a tough engineering problem in
two to five minutes
but i sometimes need up to 15 to
formulate the right words to text to a
friend or
write in an essay i have different
strengths and weaknesses than people
without
autism and that’s what i needed to
figure out for myself
to make my social life easier after
finishing 5th grade in my public
elementary school
my parents transferred me to a 6th
through 12th grade private school
whitfield at whitfield i definitely felt
like i was on another planet
no one said hi or waved anymore instead
people spoke informally using words like
slip and dialing slowly with
narrow dies at each other
people didn’t care that i was smart or
capable intellectually
they only prayed upon my social
ineptitude people distanced themselves
from me
people laughed at me from across the
room
once somebody stole my computer stylist
once someone sent out photoshop pictures
of my face on cartoon characters
once i thought he had a girlfriend
similarly by asking her out and then she
would just automatically say yes
okay let me just say about that last one
that is not true
at all not on this planet anyway
but most importantly no one understood
me
many of my peers were jerks to me and
others thought i was friendly but
weird countless nights right before i
fell asleep
i spent hours wondering how i could
possibly fit in
i pondered endlessly over every time i
messed up in social situations
i constantly thought about how to change
myself in order to please others around
me
i had inner thoughts like what could you
have done differently why how could you
have been more normal
why are you so weird i truly wasn’t
wrong when i said it was hard
living on another planet
humans have only explored a miniscule
fraction of the universe as a whole
the estimate for the current distance
across the universe right now is about
93 billion light years
however we’ve only set humans as far as
the moon or about
1 25th of a millionth
of a light year now those may seem like
just numbers
but to reference that distance that’s
triple the circumference of planet earth
compared to a value smaller than the
radius of a single hydrogen atom
in other words we’ve only explored half
of a quintillionth
of the distance across the entire
universe
just like the vast unexplored regions of
our universe there was so much more that
life had to offer me
i was about to discover new joys and
challenges which i had never experienced
before
and i was not even aware of the
opportunities i would have to adapt
to learn and to grow
on a blustery february afternoon right
after i had just gotten home from
classes in my senior year of high school
i heard a noise my phone was ringing it
was a 314-935 number
i picked up the phone and a voice said
hello
andrew this is gene bobick of the
washington university school of
engineering and applied science
i want to let you know that you’ve been
awarded the lanes door fellowship
this opportunity is a full tuition
scholarship to washington university in
st
louis as his words gradually sunk in i
realized how big of a chance this was
wash who really am i seriously prepared
enough
am i ready i immediately knew my answer
after attending the scholarship retreat
in march
of 2018 i committed to watch you on
march 27th
i made my dream a reality
as our pax of the burma kia sorento
turned right onto shepley drive
ras and dorm staff screaming and
cheering at us the whole way to my new
dorm building
a big smile across my face i had finally
made it after way too many iceberg
activities and get to know you games
over the several days of new student
orientation
i attended my first classes on august
27th and beheld the vast new universe
that i had just discovered
i got involved right away in way too
many extracurricular activities
i wanted to stay involved in eight
different organizations
of those eight i only immediately
dropped two of them
you could say that i may have
overcommitted myself just a little bit
because i was so busy with my clubs i
treated my friendships like i had in
high school
instead of texting them and friends
often and checking in with them
i spoke with them almost exclusively at
shared club meetings or events
in addition another side effect of being
so busy with my clubs
was that i prioritized them higher than
my classes
the vast vacuum of space is very cold
about minus 455 degrees fahrenheit
in the extremely cold environments like
this contrary to popular belief
the human body does not freeze
instantaneously but actually takes a
matter of minutes to become completely
frozen
note that in those few minutes out there
without a spacesuit you would also have
no pressure outside of your body
so your skin would continue to expand
like an inflating balloon
even if those two things weren’t enough
your brain would shut down after about
15 seconds with full organ failure after
two minutes
that’s all not accounting for the lack
of oxygen or the harmful uv radiation
in the fall 2019 semester of my
sophomore year at washu
i finally realized what’s happening but
i was too late
and i wasn’t wearing a spacesuit my gpa
was at a chilling all-time low
my friendships were failing and i felt
an expanding pressure from everyone i
knew to do better
including my family when people would
off to me and say hey andrew how’s it
going
i would reply that i was fine but i
really wasn’t
as someone who tries to stay honest and
open
it hurt me to live my life in a lie
even worse dark thoughts continually
haunted me what would the world without
you look like i thought to myself
it would probably be better i mean you
do ruin everything
maybe that neurologist way back when was
right maybe you aren’t cut out for this
maybe you don’t deserve this
luckily i mustered up the courage to
talk to my parents about what was really
going on
they had known about my club’s grades
and friendships but not the true depths
of my dark emotions
after suffering through many
conversations and several breakdowns
with them
i began to re-teach myself that i was
capable of success
both my classes and my social life
in the spring 2020 semester i started
regularly seeing a therapist and
it wasn’t always easy but i began to
find more ways to focus on the good in
life
instead of just the bad my drive to do
better didn’t stop when the coven 19
pandemic began to affect our nation
and the world after our almost
month-long spring break
i somehow continued to attend all of my
classes virtually kept up with every
assignment
still did clubs and texted friends more
than ever before
by the time the spring semester was over
when people came up to me and asked me
how i was doing i knew i didn’t have to
lie anymore
i was doing okay i was in a better place
and today while i do have hard moments
here and there i continue to improve
my understanding of others and myself
i wanted to share my story with you
because i know that not everyone is
aware
of the challenges that people on the
spectrum face in the world today
hopefully my story can shed some light
on my world and how i interact with the
universe around me
now here’s some more general information
about being on the spectrum
and what you can do to help people like
me
officially an autism diagnosis includes
difficulties with the following
nonverbal communication social
interactions and relationships
repetitive speech and movement abnormal
use of routines
obsessive interests and objects or
activities and unusual sensory responses
to the environment
many people with autism struggle with
issues like these that may seem trivial
to neurotypicals
or people not diagnosed with autism
however is
important to note that it is called the
autism spectrum
for a reason just because you’ve met one
person with autism
doesn’t mean that they define everyone
else because if you’ve met one person
with autism
you’ve met one person with autism
so how can you support people on the
spectrum if everyone is different
glad you asked here are some strategies
that i have found helpful
in my experiences one
use simple direct language free of any
sarcasm or idioms
many people on the spectrum are very
literal for instance when someone says
huh well that’s just great
to be taken to mean the situation is
actually
great two
try not to ask us too many questions at
once and give us enough time to
formulate our thoughts when asking us
questions remember that windows xp
example i used earlier
we’re definitely not computers but it is
important to be patient when interacting
with people with autism
that way we have the time we need to
come up with a reasonable response
three refrain from exposing some people
with autism to extreme sensory activity
like bright lights or loud noises
these can often be detrimental to people
with autism so just be aware
four many people with autism also have
routines
they can be helpful at times but can
also be difficult to alter if
circumstances around them change
once we’ve learned something one way is
often difficult to undo
five many of us struggle with how to
socially include ourselves
therefore just like people who aren’t on
the spectrum are neurotypicals
many people on the spectrum just want to
be socially included
don’t be afraid to include them
these are a few of the strategies that i
have found helpful in my experiences
with people with autism
hopefully these points and my story can
spread awareness
so that one day we can live in a world
where we
accept and celebrate neurodiversity
in my academic career at washu in the
future as i continue
being a student i know that i will
continue to face obstacles
will i be challenged academically maybe
a little
will i struggle socially you bet
but i will conquer my difficulties and
celebrate my successes
knowing that my autism makes me who i am
besides i’m finally here i now live on a
planet
that i can call home thank you