How Reflect Connect and Select Brought Me Home

[Music]

have you ever had a phone call that

changed your life

on march 13 2015 i was going about my

daily game day duties as an assistant

baseball coach at sonoma state

i was getting the field ready i was

organizing scouting reports

i was dealing with young college

baseball players and their daily

problems

i received a phone call from my wife’s

doctor my wife had been suffering from a

disease called lupus and

this doctor had managed her care for the

last seven years

at the end of our conversation he

informed me that he thought my wife

leslie had six months to a year to live

you know the phone call was devastating

it it triggered this

fear of the future this fear of the

unknown

it triggered anxiety and depression it

sent me into this downward spiral

unfortunately his his words came true

seven months later on october 25th 2015

i got a phone call from that same doctor

to inform me that my wife leslie

our son tyler’s mom had passed away

the downward spiral that i was on it

turned into a free fall

i stopped taking care of myself i i

stopped paying bills i

i started numbing my feelings and

emotions with

alcohol i was doing my best to to take

care of our son tyler

i was heading up the stairs one morning

to check his blood sugar

tyler’s a type 1 diabetic and i didn’t

make it to the top of the stairs

i had an alcohol related seizure and the

free fall that i was on it it came to a

crash landing at the bottom of our

stairs

and when i came to i i looked up and i

saw two paramedics standing above me

but what made the biggest impact in my

life is i looked up the stairs and i

i saw her son tyler and he was looking

down at the only parent that

he had he was frightened and he was

scared and

i couldn’t get to him i couldn’t hold

him i couldn’t hug him

i couldn’t tell him that things were

going to be okay because i just didn’t

know

later that day i was coming home from

the hospital and

i was angry and disappointed with myself

or had

taken my life to but i couldn’t help but

think that

that that was leslie that was leslie

nudging me

down the stairs giving me a wake-up call

telling me to straighten my life out to

to start

living my life by the advice that i give

to our players at sonoma state

when dealing with the players at sonoma

state i try to give them three steps

they’re the same three steps that i used

when i was struggling with baseball

those steps are to reflect connect

and select and i relate them to baseball

because baseball’s such a big part of my

life and

i envision myself up to bat i’m battling

the pitcher and i’m

paddling the defense and in order for me

to score

i gotta touch three bases i gotta touch

first

second and third well

in life i use these three steps as

i gotta touch each of those three steps

and they’ve helped me deal with

the challenges of dealing with lupus and

diabetes and dealing with the loss of my

wife

the first step is reflect and reflect

means to look in the mirror and to

analyze yourself and evaluate your

situation and

where you’re at and and where you want

to be

you know back then i remember looking in

the mirror

i was 35 pounds overweight my face was

bloated due to alcohol

my blood pressure was was through the

roof

i knew that i needed to stop drinking i

needed to start exercising

and i needed to start filling myself

full of nutrition

and that’s exactly what i did and it

gained this momentum to get me to the

second step

and the second step is connect and

what connect means is to to ask for help

to connect with people that can help get

you where you want to be

i was very fortunate my best friend dan

he had lost his wife at the very same

age he’d walked in my shoes

he’d been where i’d been i could lean on

him for

support and for advice

is there somebody that you can call on

is there a friend or a therapist that

that you could get help from the third

step

is select and what select means is to

select decisions that are going to make

you stronger knowing that all decisions

are linked see they can work for you or

they can work against you

knowing that one good decision it can

lead to the next one just like one bad

decision could lead to the next bad

decision

i remember back then i would wake up and

i would

i would choose to be a victim to my

situation

i would choose to neglect nutrition and

choose to sit rather than exercise

now now i choose

when i wake up to see life as a gift and

i get to see it through the lens that

leslie gave me

that life is really short

now steps they

i relate them to to baseball and maybe

you could relate them to

to hiking or music or photography

they’ve helped me become a better parent

a better

friend and a better person i get the

opportunity these days to

speak to colleges and police departments

and sports teams and i know these steps

have helped them

and i know they can help you so many

of us these days are waking up at a

crossroads

and there is that fear of the future and

there is that fear of the

unknown i know if you can get the

courage to

to look in the mirror and reflect and

figure out where you’re at

and where you want to be and you can

connect with people that can help get

you there

and you can select decisions that are

going to make you stronger

you can make it through your most

challenging times

i hope you choose to use this

as your nudge down the stairs thank you