Empathy Isnt Complicated

[Music]

[Applause]

in uptown new orleans there’s a

beautiful area where carrollton avenue

meets st charles

the oak trees their roots are stretching

through the concrete of the sidewalks

you can hear the bells of the streetcar

coming down the street street

track

letting everyone know that they’re

gliding closer

one of my favorite things about this

spot is

on the corner of plumbing carrollton

there’s this beautiful beautiful old

church brick style church

partially hidden from view from the

other side of the street

right next over is oak which is uh my

favorite quality is it always smells

like fresh coffee so when you’re when

you’re there you just get the whiffs of

all the coffee shops on the corner

the only thing

that would spoil the charm of this old

beautiful corner of new orleans

is the 115 pound

junky homeless man in the corner wrapped

in a cigarette burn quilt the skin

peeling from his hips for sleeping on

the concrete so long

the blanket providing a

false sense of security as he withdraws

from heroin

hopeless hurting

and just like the church

i was partially hidden from view

according to the national alliance for

homeless people or to end homelessness

excuse me

an estimated 500 000 people

will spend the night homeless on every

given night across the country

so as i lay on the corner that night

along with thousands of others across

the country

when i woke up that morning the smell of

fresh coffee was a little bit closer

than usual

as i opened my eyes

a small white cup

steaming with fresh hot coffee on top of

the cleanest ten dollar bill i had ever

seen

it took me a second uh to figure out

what was going on i wasn’t aware i mean

i was in a little bit of a haze

as i woke up that morning trying to

figure out what happened i was paying

attention to the the the way the cup was

neatly stacked on top of the 10 bill

folded not thrown to the side

now i had seen the comings and goings of

this stranger

that had given me this coffee and cash

quite a bit at this point it’d been a

while now and

i can’t speak for her

but i can zoom into the act a little bit

closer

right so

i can tell you about her intention i can

tell you that i knew that when she left

her cleaning job at the bank at night

she walked the opposite direction i knew

that when she left she went away from

where i was

i knew that in order for her to get that

close to me to fold the ten dollar bill

to put the cup of coffee on top she

chose to make an extra effort there was

intention involved in her act

but what i’d like to do is i would like

to distinguish

these acts between

others right because what’s the

difference is

as myself i was aware of the act i was

aware of her intention

and that had a great significance on me

so

let’s fast forward

to uh what seemed like the next night

was but most likely a week later

i had a

long journey back to the spot where i

was going to sleep that night

i had laid up against the masonry of

that old church i can still feel the

warmth from the sun radiating through

the concrete

and i remember i could have only fallen

asleep for a couple of hours and as the

bars closed

here comes chris

right he walks up to me stands about six

or seven feet away and he says hey man

um

i won’t give you a bus any money but

i’ll buy you a bus ticket wherever you

want to go

and i i must have looked shocked by the

statement because i didn’t even get to

reply to the guy and he immediately said

well look man i’ll be back in the

morning he takes this giant five gallon

jug of water and just puts it right next

to me and leaves

now

having spent some time out there one of

the things that you realize is people

make promises they say they’re going to

return they say they’re going to bring

you something or they’re going to come

to help and they never do

nine times out of 10 they never return

and you never see that person again so

for myself it was easier to resign the

thought it was easier to say well that

was a crazy encounter and move on right

because rather than be disappointed

rather than have that hope what little

is left smashed again

but

just as suddenly as i had resigned the

thought here comes chris with a white

honda civic curbside to carrollton

waving a mega bus to get out the window

all right now these are two moments in

my life that would change my life

forever but i want to zoom in on what

chris has done right because

chris has experience with some of the

pitfalls of addiction

now whether that’s through his own

experience or through encounters with

other he was aware that there are things

that addicts have tendencies to do and

that alcoholics have tendencies to do

but so nonetheless he still showed a

willingness to help

right hence the bus ticket instead of

cash

right hence the effort instead of none

at all

so when i look at this

and i’m trying to think about the

intention behind chris’s act and again

it’s it’s hard for me because when i put

it in words i can’t speak for chris all

i can do is give you my side of the

story but i can tell you about this

impact that it’s had on me right because

what’s happened now is i’m not hopeless

anymore i’m not alone because there’s

just a sliver of a chance that i might

be worth something more than that

right so what these two actions have

done

is empathy has connected us

right with chris and the stranger’s

actions they have opened the lock of

sorrow and hopelessness with the key of

unprejudiced and unbiased humanity

the idea that we’re all human

and we all have these same struggles

they just look a little different from

person to person

one of the things

that i noticed um

the most was

the way that chris had spoke to me

he was very matter-of-fact very blunt

very straightforward with what he had

said and the disbelief came from because

i had been called on my bluff you know i

had elaborated this con of um i’m gonna

be a traveling teacher that’s trying to

get to nashville so you should help me

out with some cash right that was my

elaborate con for this guy because why

wouldn’t you believe an emaciated

heavily tattooed caveman with dirty

flip-flops and a backpack i’m obviously

a credible source of information

okay

so if you’ve stuck it out with me this

far and you’re paying attention

hopefully i’ve shown you that

our actions uh have an effect

and if i can connect these things for

you i’d like to say

when we look at empathy we usually only

see the effects of our immediate

surroundings we can see how we help our

family we can see how it helps our

friends but we often don’t see how

far-reaching our empathetic actions are

so i’d like to leave you with this

um

one day my wife and i are

driving around running some errands in

her car in the afternoon and we stop at

a particularly popular panhandling spot

in town

you know

the gentleman approaches the vehicle my

wife gives him a little bit of cash and

then i notice when she opens the center

console she’s got this

haphazard wad of one dollar bills and

coins like a monkey fist sitting in the

center console and um

we started to have a discussion we drive

off and we started to have a discussion

about the common pitfalls of addiction

the misconceptions of giving homeless

people money and before i could drag the

conversation out any further my wife

very simply

and very matter-of-factly said you never

know that might be someone samuel

thank you

[Music]