Empathy Isnt Complicated
[Music]
[Applause]
in uptown new orleans there’s a
beautiful area where carrollton avenue
meets st charles
the oak trees their roots are stretching
through the concrete of the sidewalks
you can hear the bells of the streetcar
coming down the street street
track
letting everyone know that they’re
gliding closer
one of my favorite things about this
spot is
on the corner of plumbing carrollton
there’s this beautiful beautiful old
church brick style church
partially hidden from view from the
other side of the street
right next over is oak which is uh my
favorite quality is it always smells
like fresh coffee so when you’re when
you’re there you just get the whiffs of
all the coffee shops on the corner
the only thing
that would spoil the charm of this old
beautiful corner of new orleans
is the 115 pound
junky homeless man in the corner wrapped
in a cigarette burn quilt the skin
peeling from his hips for sleeping on
the concrete so long
the blanket providing a
false sense of security as he withdraws
from heroin
hopeless hurting
and just like the church
i was partially hidden from view
according to the national alliance for
homeless people or to end homelessness
excuse me
an estimated 500 000 people
will spend the night homeless on every
given night across the country
so as i lay on the corner that night
along with thousands of others across
the country
when i woke up that morning the smell of
fresh coffee was a little bit closer
than usual
as i opened my eyes
a small white cup
steaming with fresh hot coffee on top of
the cleanest ten dollar bill i had ever
seen
it took me a second uh to figure out
what was going on i wasn’t aware i mean
i was in a little bit of a haze
as i woke up that morning trying to
figure out what happened i was paying
attention to the the the way the cup was
neatly stacked on top of the 10 bill
folded not thrown to the side
now i had seen the comings and goings of
this stranger
that had given me this coffee and cash
quite a bit at this point it’d been a
while now and
i can’t speak for her
but i can zoom into the act a little bit
closer
right so
i can tell you about her intention i can
tell you that i knew that when she left
her cleaning job at the bank at night
she walked the opposite direction i knew
that when she left she went away from
where i was
i knew that in order for her to get that
close to me to fold the ten dollar bill
to put the cup of coffee on top she
chose to make an extra effort there was
intention involved in her act
but what i’d like to do is i would like
to distinguish
these acts between
others right because what’s the
difference is
as myself i was aware of the act i was
aware of her intention
and that had a great significance on me
so
let’s fast forward
to uh what seemed like the next night
was but most likely a week later
i had a
long journey back to the spot where i
was going to sleep that night
i had laid up against the masonry of
that old church i can still feel the
warmth from the sun radiating through
the concrete
and i remember i could have only fallen
asleep for a couple of hours and as the
bars closed
here comes chris
right he walks up to me stands about six
or seven feet away and he says hey man
um
i won’t give you a bus any money but
i’ll buy you a bus ticket wherever you
want to go
and i i must have looked shocked by the
statement because i didn’t even get to
reply to the guy and he immediately said
well look man i’ll be back in the
morning he takes this giant five gallon
jug of water and just puts it right next
to me and leaves
now
having spent some time out there one of
the things that you realize is people
make promises they say they’re going to
return they say they’re going to bring
you something or they’re going to come
to help and they never do
nine times out of 10 they never return
and you never see that person again so
for myself it was easier to resign the
thought it was easier to say well that
was a crazy encounter and move on right
because rather than be disappointed
rather than have that hope what little
is left smashed again
but
just as suddenly as i had resigned the
thought here comes chris with a white
honda civic curbside to carrollton
waving a mega bus to get out the window
all right now these are two moments in
my life that would change my life
forever but i want to zoom in on what
chris has done right because
chris has experience with some of the
pitfalls of addiction
now whether that’s through his own
experience or through encounters with
other he was aware that there are things
that addicts have tendencies to do and
that alcoholics have tendencies to do
but so nonetheless he still showed a
willingness to help
right hence the bus ticket instead of
cash
right hence the effort instead of none
at all
so when i look at this
and i’m trying to think about the
intention behind chris’s act and again
it’s it’s hard for me because when i put
it in words i can’t speak for chris all
i can do is give you my side of the
story but i can tell you about this
impact that it’s had on me right because
what’s happened now is i’m not hopeless
anymore i’m not alone because there’s
just a sliver of a chance that i might
be worth something more than that
right so what these two actions have
done
is empathy has connected us
right with chris and the stranger’s
actions they have opened the lock of
sorrow and hopelessness with the key of
unprejudiced and unbiased humanity
the idea that we’re all human
and we all have these same struggles
they just look a little different from
person to person
one of the things
that i noticed um
the most was
the way that chris had spoke to me
he was very matter-of-fact very blunt
very straightforward with what he had
said and the disbelief came from because
i had been called on my bluff you know i
had elaborated this con of um i’m gonna
be a traveling teacher that’s trying to
get to nashville so you should help me
out with some cash right that was my
elaborate con for this guy because why
wouldn’t you believe an emaciated
heavily tattooed caveman with dirty
flip-flops and a backpack i’m obviously
a credible source of information
okay
so if you’ve stuck it out with me this
far and you’re paying attention
hopefully i’ve shown you that
our actions uh have an effect
and if i can connect these things for
you i’d like to say
when we look at empathy we usually only
see the effects of our immediate
surroundings we can see how we help our
family we can see how it helps our
friends but we often don’t see how
far-reaching our empathetic actions are
so i’d like to leave you with this
um
one day my wife and i are
driving around running some errands in
her car in the afternoon and we stop at
a particularly popular panhandling spot
in town
you know
the gentleman approaches the vehicle my
wife gives him a little bit of cash and
then i notice when she opens the center
console she’s got this
haphazard wad of one dollar bills and
coins like a monkey fist sitting in the
center console and um
we started to have a discussion we drive
off and we started to have a discussion
about the common pitfalls of addiction
the misconceptions of giving homeless
people money and before i could drag the
conversation out any further my wife
very simply
and very matter-of-factly said you never
know that might be someone samuel
thank you
[Music]