The battle for my brain a story of hope and healing.

[Music]

i

open my eyes confused

i look around the lights are so

bright the room is white

machines beeping were in the background

a stranger is leaning over me where

am i what is happening

i try to push back the blanket with my

arm

but it does not want to move

i attempt to speak but the only sounds i

make are slurred

finally the stranger looks at me

understanding dawns

on her face it strikes me then

that i am in hospital

it will be okay rebecca she says as she

pats my leg

exhausted my eyes closed i cannot

process what’s going on

perhaps this nightmare will be over soon

next door in a small stuffy conference

room

around a crowded table my family

anxiously wait

for the team of specialists to give

their verdict

multiple evaluations have been conducted

no hope is the verdict rebecca will not

recover

rebecca will never function

independently again

my mum my sister and my best friend

dissolve into a puddle of tears

my family are given information on

having me admitted to a nursing home

for permanent 24-hour care

fed up my dad stands and points at the

specialist

you do not know my daughter he yells and

storms out

dragging the rest of my inconsolable

family with him

have you ever had that moment when you

want to give up

crawling into a dark hole to disappear

seems preferable than facing the

obstacles that lay ahead

i was known as the dresses in heels girl

every day was an opportunity to express

my creativity now i knew what outfit i

would wear

from day to day my friends loved it

however my career had gone in another

direction

i worked in the resources industry with

my newfound love of

welding and science i plan to retrain as

an engineer

in my spare time i volunteered in animal

rescue

my life was a typical snapshot of any

other young woman

in her late twenties

unexpectedly my health spiraled

downwards

i had what felt like hundreds of blood

tests

it seemed like i lived in a medical

center

no explanation was found

back at the doctor’s office my my

employer gave me three months medical

leave

to rest and recuperate

so i decided to focus on healing

one day as i was preparing to meet a

friend i was looking for my keys

i felt an overwhelming urge to lay down

a few minutes later i violently began to

shake

i thought i had a seizure

it was definitely time to seek medical

help again

back at the doctor’s office he decided

to order an mri to check for the worst

case scenario

a brain tumor just in case

i felt reassured and continue with my

life as usual

during this time my best friend got

engaged and asked me to be her

bridesmaid

the mr itself was noisy and time

consuming

i passed the hour thinking of my

wardrobe

the next morning i received a phone call

asking that i come in immediately

i felt a chill one down my spine

i was absolutely terrified

i asked my parents to come with me for

support

as we sat in front of the doctor i knew

my life would be forever changed i

had a brain tumor urgent surgery was

needed

to save my life the seizure i thought i

had

was a stroke and there were many more to

come

we say keep positive when faced with

life’s challenges

i thought chemotherapy would be the next

treatment after brain surgery

my hair would grow back amazing i’d lose

weight

i had the damaged my teeth fixed in

other words

looking fabulous in time for the wedding

was what i had to look forward to

to say it was distressing is an

understatement

but nothing prepared us for the outcome

initially surgery went well

later that night i suffered a massive

stroke

my life hung in the balance for weeks i

drifted in and out of consciousness in

rcu

while everyone discussed my fate

my next memory is six weeks later my

doctor

explained what had happened and the

rehabilitation journey that lay ahead

i was puzzled how could this happen to a

young person

like me

one day in rehab over coffee

my best friend i told my best friend

i could no longer be a bridesmaid

her answer was a firm no i thought how

could i walk down the aisle i can’t move

did that she refused to hear another

word

who was like to argue with the blushing

brad

the rehabilitation process was long

far longer than i expected

i thought my life would return to normal

within a matter of days

it soon became clear how utterly

mistaken i was

i had to learn to manage the most simple

of tasks

like brushing my teeth all by myself

every night i’d cry myself to sleep

positive rebecca was nowhere to be found

i felt as though i was a liability

thankfully my family lifted me up when i

could go on no longer

my dad was undaunted in his belief that

i

would improve he would tell anyone who

cared to listen

that rebecca would recover but at night

the tears fell in silence he would

question himself

over and over was remaining hopeful

that i would improve the key to my

success

or had his talks had his positive

attitude turned into a toxic behavior

that undermined

the difficult journey that lay ahead

i returned home far earlier than

predicted

using a wheelchair my hands shaking

uncontrollably

and my voice still sled the

rehabilitation process

continued the next three years were

grueling

learning to walk speak read and write as

an adult

is an exercise in patience

every gain followed the rule of three

steps forward and two steps back

i remember so clearly the first time i

stood in the shower

it shocks me still that i took something

so small for granted

for months i’d showered with the

assistance

in a shower chair my arms lifted up and

scrubbed

my stubbly hair massaged into a foamy

leather

as the warm beautiful water fell softly

on my skin

i relish every moment

the tears fell down my face

and i knew then that everything

would be okay

months later i fled to queensland as

part of my best friend’s bridal party

i managed to walk down the aisle using

no mobility aids

but clinging to my partner groomsmen

at the reception i was asked to give an

impromptu speech

while still very self-conscious about my

slur

i agreed i briefly told the story

of what had happened i described how

this wedding had been my motivation

to learn to walk again i thanked my best

friend

afterwards i received my first standing

ovation

the crowd clapped for what felt like

hours

later on i was diagnosed with further

brain tumors

these are inoperable but remain stable

undaunted i continued on with my

rehabilitation journey

eventually regaining my driver’s license

and completing tertiary studies

it is ingrained into our subconscious

that remaining positive

is the answer to any tragedy we face

while trying to comfort others we remind

them and by extension ourselves

that there are many in the world who

have it worse

when you are that person who has a worse

like me

you begin to realize those statements

are incredibly

destructive and toxic so many people say

to me

but you have to survive so much as if

that negates any further problems

that happen in my life recognizing the

obstacles that lay ahead

is not the same as re as accepting those

obstacles cannot be overcome the

acknowledgment of these challenges gives

us the mental clarity

to successfully plan an action moving

forward

as a whole humanity is resilient we

thrive without happiness

we can learn to live with pain

realistic optimism or hope can coexist

with emotions such as grief

anger or sadness remaining hopeful

in a situation that seems hopeless is

almost

impossible but not improbable

we do not need to experience trauma to

effectively utilize the possibilities

hope can bring hope is universal

its beauty can be attributed to the

fierceness of its power

hope does not expire nor does it run out

raining blindly optimistic is the

socially acceptable form

of self-sabotage as much as we

may try we cannot avoid the diversity of

life’s experiences

however we can apply

the concept of hope to any circumstances

we face

have you ever had a traumatic incident

that left your life forever changed

the person that looks back at you in the

mirror is a stranger

thinking back to the years gone by is

the story of someone else

when i look at these two photos i see

two

completely different women

i ask myself daily

do i hope to regain my old life that of

a student engineer with so many dreams

of success

or do i see my new life as more

accomplished

having conquered the impossible

i’m not sure if i want to know the

answer

thank you

you