We are Losing Our Humanity and Im Tired of Watching it Happen

[Music]

my

first boss out of business school did a

phenomenal job of teaching me how to be

a horrible boss

he taught me so many dubious lessons how

to treat the people who work for me with

no respect

how to have a large ego and how to be

inauthentic

i lump all of those things under the

word dubious

his lesson stayed with me for 33 years

and it took

major life events for me to actually let

go

of those lessons leaving corporate

having my e-commerce consulting business

go to

zero during the dot-com days and

completely reinventing my book

publishing company because of amazon i

can’t believe

i spent over half my life acting

dubiously

it’s been 36 years now and three years

ago i thought he was completely out of

my life

in practicing for this talk joe lau my

10th

reviewer said something that made me

recognize there was one more dubious

lesson i needed to let go

blame joe said those people that teaches

dubiousness are innocent because that’s

what they were taught and those before

them

were taught the same thing so i want to

say

thank you joe i no longer place fault

with my first boss for who i was

you see we’re all born innocent we’re

born neither credible nor

dubious as we grow up we are taught to

live and work

dubiously just like my boss taught me

the seeds of dubiousness are planted in

so many different ways and one example

is the first time a parent tells a child

to lie about their age so they get the

free kids meal

so as we’re going down the road we don’t

see the turn to credible we only see

dubious because that is what we’re

taught that is what we know

let me point out the dubiousness of

two historical events during the dot-com

days

people were encouraged to spend stock

option money they didn’t cash in and

they got so full of themselves they stop

going to meetings and they stop

paying their bills today because they

can pay the bills tomorrow

during the 2007 financial crisis

the creative financiers made billions

and instead of getting the penalties

they deserved

they were given a slap on the wrist the

rules were changed and we were showing

society that dubious ways

pays

over the last couple decades dubiousness

has crept more and more into society as

can be seen by the american state of

credibility survey

it shows that only 57 percent of

americans are considered

dubious considered credible 43

are considered dubious and 50 thought it

was

worse in the year the survey was done

versus the previous year

the survey went on to list the bottom

four

professions in terms of credibility

national news media lawyers

members of congress and automotive

salespeople

now when i was growing up i couldn’t

possibly imagine that the national news

media and

congress would be in the same negative

list as lawyers and automotive sales

people

this got me thinking about our humanity

so i looked up the definition and

according to the american

webster dictionary it’s the

compassionate sympathetic or generous

behavior

or disposition the quality or state of

being humane

now in looking at this definition and

thinking about

this survey i came to one depressing

conclusion

the continual teaching of dubiousness is

causing us to lose our humanity

over one year period i interviewed 500

thought leaders on the concept of

credibility and i had

a number of positive and negative

surprises and many aha moments

i didn’t realize when i first started

doing the interviews i needed to keep

track of

when and how people showed up

it turns out that two percent have no

integrity by not showing up to their

scheduled interview and not

letting me know why before or afterwards

four percent were rude by coming late

to a live show and overall 23 percent of

the people were late

80 percent who were really phenomenal in

this one-on-one conversation

have a really shitty online presence and

98

needed clarity on who they serve and how

best they serve them

after 95 of the interviews were done i

had a

massive aha moment you see i have a lot

of video testimonials over 400

and they go something like this

mitchell i’ve needed clarity for the

last two

four 10 12 years and you gave it to me

in five minutes

thank you very much now with over 400

testimonials

and people telling me i’m brilliant that

dubious lesson of ego

started creeping up again

that’s when i realized it shouldn’t be

that easy

no one should be able to talk to you for

five or ten minutes give you some words

of wisdom and in some cases completely

change the trajectory of your life

what i realized is that it wasn’t me

it was the framework it involved

throwing away the positioning

that we have

and focusing on and delivering and

clearly articulating

our purpose we’ve been taught wrong

we’ve been taught to do business the

hard way we’ve been taught to do

business

dubiously instead of credibly

so after 95 of the interviews were done

i had a wake-up call i have a son who’s

in his 20s and i’m

unhappy about the state of humanity he’s

living in today versus what it was when

he was growing up versus what it was

when i was growing up

i want us to reverse this dubious trend

for this generation

and the next since business school

i’ve been looking for that person who

would teach me and others

how to actually bring humanity back into

business

what i recognize is i need to stop

looking and that we

all need to do it and we need to do this

now

so i ask you can we bring humanity back

into how we live work and play

is there a path for us to be more humane

is there a path that would allow us to

cross from the dubious to the credible

side of the river

the answer is yes let me start by

sharing with you the current definition

of credibility and then give you the

updated definition that came out of the

research

to the oxford dictionary credibility

is the quality that somebody has that

makes people believe or trust them

so unless you’re reading between the

lines that’s only one third accurate

based on the research the phrase know

like and trust is brought to a whole new

level as

credibility is the quality of being

known

being likable and being trustworthy

as you could see no like and trust are

there

pillars of credibility let me dive a

little deeper and

share with you the composition

the first pillar being known as

comprised of four components

being a servant leader having the desire

to serve others

have the intent and commitment to do the

right thing and having

integrity

the survey went on to highlight the top

three

areas in terms of credibility

nurses doctors pharmacists now why is

that

their perceived notion that they’re

there to serve their patients

they don’t have a personal agenda they

don’t have a political agenda

they have a human agenda now imagine

what would happen

if the sales people in your company were

perceived by your prospects as serving

them versus serving themselves

the second component of

credibility is being likable

and i love this pillar it makes it easy

to see a definition of what we need to

do to be more likeable it

involves two components sharing your

stage

and showing respect

now a word that came out of the

interviews

is cred dust it’s a fun word it’s that

sparkle that happens when you share

somebody else’s ideas thoughts or

actions

everybody wins the person you recognize

is seeing more you are recognized as

someone who is there to serve your

audience

by sharing other people and your

audience is benefiting by the new

knowledge

the second component showing respect by

showing

up when you show up this involves coming

early

being prepared and coming with your

heart

now once i recognize the need to keep

track i define coming early as 10

minutes or before and coming super later

rude is

after the hour you need to update these

numbers to reflect the types of meetings

you have

i need to remind you that four percent

of the interviewees came

after the hour to talk about their

credibility for a live show

let’s give them the benefit of the doubt

let’s say they were taught dubiously

they were taught that having

10 to 20 meetings a day was credible and

when one meeting goes late

they all go late they still think

they’re credible and they’re not they’re

acting

dubiously and they’re being rude to the

people that they’re meeting with

on coming prepared it involves googling

the person’s name and company ahead of

time

so that you have the information and you

could be of service

i’m coming with your heart it means not

holding back

it means 50 of the people who came to

the interviews

did not originally show me their heart i

was able to move that number from fifty

percent to eighty percent

but it shows me that people were not

prepared to show me who they are

if i can’t get to see you how can i get

to respect you how can i get to like you

and most importantly

why would i want to do business with you

the third pillar of credibility is being

trustworthy

it’s being authentic having integrity

vulnerability

what came out of the interview very

strong was coachability

one of the people who came to the

interviews didn’t prepare

he wasn’t really good and so i said hey

would you mind if i do a little bit of

coaching

he said yes i do i have my way of doing

things and you

have yours and i don’t want to learn

yours

we decided not to do the interview now i

consider not being coachable

very dubious and i have to ask you

if you’re hiring somebody for your firm

whether it’s an employer or a contractor

why would you want to hire somebody who

doesn’t want to listen to the board

doesn’t want to listen to the executive

staff doesn’t want to listen to any

other employees

doesn’t want to listen to outside

experts and doesn’t want to listen to

your customers

because they know how to do things you

don’t

so the framework has

three pillars and i’ve talked about this

composition

what i think about when i think about

the credibility framework

are the gray areas and one of the gray

areas is the bimodal construct of

credible versus dubious

we need a pattern interrupt

it’s not as simple as credible versus

dubious black or white

red or blue right or wrong heaven or

hell

credible people can and do step into

dubiousness

it’s important to catch ourselves and to

surround ourselves with accountability

partners that could let us know

many people on the dubious side of the

river are there because they don’t know

better

that is what they were taught that is

what they know and it works for them so

they keep on doing it

we need to teach people credibility

we need to teach people dubious and

encourage

credible we need to show people the path

to move from the credible side of the

river

from the dubious side of the river to

the credible side

we need to do this now we can’t wait we

need to educate and you could start

educating yourself first before you

start educating others

and you could do that by thinking about

the top three

things you can do to be credible versus

dubious

the top three things you could do to be

a better human

sprinkle some cred dust show up when you

show up

and be open to coaching

the message is simple and it’s hard to

ignore

if we teach people to be dubious they’ll

be dubious

if we teach people to be credible they

can be credible

i believe that we could make this a much

more humane planet

for this generation in the next and i

want you to join me

we all deserve our humanity let’s

teach each other on what is credible and

what is dubious

credibility is a conscious choice

credibility is more than a word

credibility

is a way of living credibility is the

blueprint to bring back

our humanity

i am vulnerable i have integrity i am

authentic and i am trustworthy

i have the intent and commitment to do

the right thing

i am coachable i share the stage

and i treat others with respect

i am credible

i am a humane human

what are you

thank you very much