Finding the Funny in the Crummy

thank you guys for coming

dear

[Applause]

for a long time i carried a secret

my childhood was filled with rage and

violence

home for me was not the safest place to

be

what becomes of someone when they grow

up in a

discouraging and disturbing and

dysfunctional environment

i became a comic and a humorist

i have learned to see the world through

the lens of humor

my failures my childhood my waistline

and today i want to share why and how

you should develop your own

humor lens

the great fall i fell down a flight of

steps similar to these

at work all the way down

and i was so humiliated until i got on

the elevator

and a woman who was helping me twist my

skirt back around

change my perspective with just one

question

she asked me but did you chip your teeth

she had chipped her teeth in a great

fall and in that moment we laughed

but more importantly we connected by

sharing her great fall

i felt better about mine the healing

power of humor is much stronger than we

think

and when i speak of humor it’s about us

relating

human to human it’s not bitter or

self-serving or exploitive

this type of humor is called connective

humor okay i made up the phrase

connective humor

but that’s why i’m calling it

one of my favorite studies is about 50

returning

pows from vietnam and although they were

subjected to

horrific conditions and abuse they

suffered from almost

no mental illness and one of the reasons

the researchers found

was connecting through humor when they

asked the soldiers about the experience

one soldier said at first i didn’t think

it was very funny

[Laughter]

but later he said but eventually i

thought the group was really funny

we talked about how the group was able

to stay connected

and feel a sense of control through

humor

when they asked about the type of humor

in a vietnamese prison camp

one gentleman said you just had to be

there

and you do have to be there because it’s

about us

relating to one another about an

experience that doesn’t always go

according to plan so the pow’s sanity

was saved

by connecting through humor but how

important

is connecting for us i will tell you

a cigna study showed that the lack of

connection

is the equivalent of smoking 15

cigarettes a day

that’s the health risk when we’re lonely

it’s our mind’s way of saying i need to

connect

and there are so many ways for us to

connect but are we really connecting

social media often portrays people on

their very

best days

[Laughter]

and perfection is a repellent it’s

vulnerability

that draws us together we connect

because we can relate

so even though i’m happy for you that

you ran another marathon

i can’t relate because i don’t even like

to drive 26 miles

[Laughter]

i connect to the people that are still

trying to figure out zoom

their washing machines are overflowing

or 1980s senior portraits

because i can relate to them so when you

share something real

about your life it makes me feel better

about my life but what about trauma

what’s the role of humor if it’s cancer

or death but there was a laughter study

in breast cancer patients

and that study referenced 32 other

studies and there were lots of charts

and graphs

and numbers and statistics but the net

net was

that the laughter therapy reduce stress

anxiety and depression and breast cancer

patients

i asked my friend beth about this she’s

a breast cancer survivor

and she said keeping her sense of humor

helped her

but it also helped the people around her

because we don’t know what to say

in tough moments and seeing the funny

and the not so funny makes the situation

less

scary so when we laugh

at i’m sorry your boobs tried to kill

you breast cancer mom

even though it’s slightly inappropriate

it’s still taking us

out of the pain and the grief long

enough

for us to feel hope i asked beth about

her funniest stories of breast cancer

and she told me

the funniest is her dad calling her and

asking her about her

autopsy on the day of her biopsy

developing your own humor lens is like

building muscle

but it’s more fun because you don’t have

to go to the gym

step one find five funnies a day

look for the anomalies the ironic and

the ridiculous

these are five of mine my oldest

daughter was asking for a mammogram

but what she wanted was a monogram

[Laughter]

this obgyn is offering curbside visits

[Laughter]

i don’t know what that means but it made

me laugh just thinking about it

move a little further

i burned dinner i didn’t over bake it i

actually caught the box of pasta on fire

[Laughter]

here comes karen with her essential oils

my favorite coronavirus meme

and last that’s my dog oliver trying to

hide

it could be a funny line from a book or

from a movie it doesn’t matter where you

find it just find five a day

and after you’ve done this for a week

you’ll be able to find five before you

leave for work in the morning

next step write it down studies show

just writing down your worst moment is

going to make you feel better

but i’m adding some additional steps

leave it for 30 days and then go back

and revisit your entries and look for

the humor and the entries

this is why women have more than one

child

even a 48-hour delivery with no drugs

invariably becomes a really funny story

repeat as necessary if your spouse just

left you

or you’ve been fired it’s going to take

more than 30 days

i know this from personal experience

but eventually we can find something

funny

in almost every situation

the last step is to share it not with

everyone

and not everything but by allowing

yourself to see the humor

in your own life you’re saying i’ve had

my fair share of failures

and suffering and you are allowed to

have yours

and together we’re going to get through

this

i couldn’t source who said someday this

will be funny

but it was probably eve in the garden of

eden

[Laughter]

but i want to leave you with this

imagine if you could attract

more of the right people into your life

and strengthen your relationships

or if you could let go of your past

mistakes

all the guilt and all the shame

or imagine an illness or a painful

childhood

or a 48-hour labor with no drugs

could lose some of its sting for you or

for others

when you see the world through the lens

of humor

the someday this could be funny could be

today

thank you

thank you thank you so much

are there any questions is ted

on next