The Other Side of Bias

have you ever had a good for you moment

you’re probably wondering what a good

for you moment is

i remember a time i was sitting in a

hotel lobby finishing up a conference

call

i was in a little nook in the corner so

i wouldn’t disturb anyone

but two women came over and sat with me

and continued their conversation

i am for my colleagues on the phone that

i wouldn’t be able to make our next call

because i had to teach

at the time that it was scheduled and

then i said my goodbyes

when i hung up one of the women sitting

near me smiled and asked

are you an elementary school teacher i

smiled back and i said

i’m a professor the other woman

then asked like at a university

when i responded yes the first woman

replied

good for you and they returned to their

conversation

at that moment i wondered what just

happened

what did i say that have produced such a

reaction

and reflecting upon that and related

situations

i question why some people respond to

our accomplishments or our good fortune

with excitement while others respond

more dismissively

more importantly i wonder what can we do

to create more authentic

communal and celebratory moments in our

interactions with others

now whether we acknowledge it or not we

all make assumptions

we may not realize that we do but it’s

our way of dealing with

all of the pieces of information that

come our way on a daily basis

we use assumptions as mental shortcuts

to process an event a situation or a

decision

they help us to make sense of our

environments and understand how to react

but what is more fascinating is how

these shortcuts work

our assumptions are formed by our prior

experiences when we encounter a

situation that is

unfamiliar or ambiguous like this one

we attempt to fill in the blanks we take

cues from our surroundings

and match them to our past encounters to

determine our responses to the situation

based on our prior experiences we also

learn what to expect under certain

circumstances

and come to rely on our intuition when

we find ourselves in similar situations

as long as events are consistent with

our expectations

we basically remain on autopilot and

navigate through the world with an

effortless attention

for example look at these words

at the count of three let’s say out loud

the colors of the following lines of

text

as fast as we can ready

one two three blue green brown yellow

red

but what happens when things aren’t as

we expect

now look at these words at the count of

three let’s again

say out loud the colors of the following

lines of text as fast as we can

one two three

yellow red brown blue green

not so easy right we believe that as

humans we are

rational and logical and unbiased

however research shows that

approximately 98 of our day-to-day

thinking relies on mental shortcuts

and is quick routine reactive and driven

by our instincts

this means that if we happen to

encounter information that is contrary

to our expectations

we don’t know how to process that

information

of course if we’re talking about the

relationships between words and colors

this may not seem like much of an issue

but how does this

influence relationships between people

when dealing with people one of our

mental shortcuts is to categorize

ourselves

and others into social groups for

example

i’m a woman i’m from philadelphia

i’m an alumna of the university of

delaware

we tend to create our social identities

by associating ourselves

with those whom we perceive to have

similarities

what this means is that i’m likely to

try to establish a connection

with other women philly jones

and blue hens this categorization and

association process helps to

locate ourselves in the environment and

gives ourselves

information about how we relate to

others around us and then the process

makes us feel good about who we are

but what happens when we encounter

someone we don’t know

or for whom we don’t have information

our shortcuts activate similar to what

we did when showing that beautiful yet

obscure landscape picture

we rely on context cues and our past

experiences to attempt to fill in the

blanks

for example if i see someone walking

down the street

with the dog it may be natural to assume

that that person is the dog’s owner

or if i’m at a hospital and i see

someone in a laboratory coat

it may be intuitive to assume that

person is a lab technician

or if two women over here a youthful

looking african-american woman on the

phone

say that she has to teach it may be

instinctive to assume that she’s an

elementary school teacher

although such judgments are quick

routine and reactive

we honestly believe that we have used

sound and impartial logic

combined with our experience to

thoughtfully analyze the available

information

and make an informed decision which is

why we’re

surprised when we encounter information

that runs contrary to our expectations

such information disrupts our world view

and

unsettles that good feeling that comes

from knowing how the world works

and that what we believe is true

so if we find out that that person

walking down the street with a dog

is actually a professional dog walker

or that person in the lab coat just

happens to be a doctor

or that youthful looking

african-american woman

is a university professor it alerts us

that

we may not know as much as we thought we

did

and that produces a feeling of mental

discomfort

in that moment we don’t know how to deal

with the situation

or resolve that feeling of uneasiness

except to respond with

good for you and then move on

but to be honest it’s that move on with

which i struggle

because while it may be the easiest or

the most comfortable response

i wonder if it’s the best response i

find myself wondering what can we or

more specifically what can i do to

connect more positively and

authentically with others

at a basic level we need to establish

connections

well there’s so many things that make us

different

there are just as many things that make

us the same

therefore we can relate to others by

sharing information about ourselves and

attempting to

find a point of common ground for

example i may introduce myself

by telling you about my hobbies or my

pastimes

which by the way include listening to

podcasts

running and why

we can also ensure that those

connections are real and genuine rather

than falling back on our assumptions and

mental shortcuts about others

we should invite people to tell us who

they are

in doing so we start to see people as

individuals

rather than as members of the category

we also identify and focus on our

similarities and shared interests

rather than our differences now

if others tell us something we don’t

expect to hear

we have to be willing to incorporate

this information into our belief system

and change our assumptions it’s okay if

we don’t know something

or rely on our mental shortcuts as long

as we’re open to

revising our expectations when presented

with new or

inconsistent information there is so

much diversity in the world

even within social groups that it’s

unlikely that our shortcuts will hold

true for everyone and in every situation

therefore people in situations that

diverge from our prior experience

are actually opportunities to learn and

to grow and

expand our world view

now i’m going to warn you that it may

feel uncomfortable

but that discomfort is what moves us

towards becoming

better people so when we meet someone

that challenges our way of thinking

we can now pause to realize what a

wonderful opportunity

we’ve been given to experience someone

who’s unique and distinctive

and who broadens our network as well as

our perspective

and we can celebrate that encounter as

neither

good for you nor good for me

but actually is good for us

thank you