Journey through life and overcoming a battle with self

a very good afternoon to all

so here we are today focusing on

something called

the warrior within

let’s go to let’s dig down

back to some of my favorite animated

movies how many

fans for animated movies i think some of

them make

more sense to me than any mainstream

feature film nowadays

inside out for those who watched it

you know exactly what i’m going to talk

about for those who don’t don’t worry

i’ll be summarizing it

so i know when we talk about warrior

within

the first movie that will come kicking

asses would be

my most favorite kung fu panda but

why are we talking about inside out

today

so it’s a 2015 film that has won

and bagged too many awards the same year

for being the best animated movie

academy awards golden globe awards let’s

see what message this actually

was trying to give about

11 year old girl named riley who was

transferring because of her father’s

work to another state and there she

realizes

that she has to completely go into

a new place leaving behind everything a

part of her childhood

from the home she was in to the the

salons

and pizzerias and her friends her

school her everything and she has to

settle down

in this new town that has a lot of new

people

for 11 year old girl i don’t think that

would seem like a great idea

so this movie highlights four or five

core emotions that riley is going

through

namely we have joy we have disgust

we have anger we have fear

and we have sadness like any of us

this tiny girl goes through all these

emotions inside her head

the director has done a beautiful job by

impersonating all of them and showing us

what these emotions actually do to us

so taking a leap from here

what voices do you hear do

i mainly hear two basic voices in my

head

when i’m having a thought process one

the evil side of me that’s telling me

what is the negative side of whatever

i’m going to do

what will be the problem what will be

the false and what

and how it’s not going to work out

there’s also an angel side an angelic

voice that tells me that

you know what shreya you can do it it

everything’s gonna settle down

it’s just for now that you’ll have to

put your brain straight ahead and forge

so just like every uh voice in my head i

feel like every

impersonated emotion that the director

has shown beautifully in this movie

there are two voices at times don’t you

feel that when you’re the happiest

you feel so demotivated you feel like

why is this happening to me isn’t it too

good to be true

don’t you start doubting being happy

that’s the demon that’s the voice that

tells you that

no come on this is just gonna be last

for a few minutes or

is it really happening to me but there’s

definitely a voice that will tell you

chuck everything come on enjoy the

movement

be happy live it like you should

there’s also fear that has this voice

that says

oh my god i’m scared of heights oh my

god i’m scared of deep waters i

am hydrophobic and every time i see

water that’s exactly how i look

but there is something in me that says i

have a bucket list where i’m going to

take off and i am going to jump down

a cliff skydiving or jet skiing and go

snorkeling like all my friends are

currently in more leaves

go snorkeling go dive deep in an ocean

that’s the other voice speaking and then

there’s anger

that says prove your point right now

end this conversation tell them that you

are right

but there’s also this voice come that

comes in and says

you know what calm down look at others

perspectives

look at different sides for now don’t

speak you’re too angry

and then there’s sadness looking at the

image itself i feel so sad

it says that oh my god this situation is

too negative

for me this is not supposed to be

happening

but there’s something that says you know

what

go ahead dust yourself and forge

because that’s where you’re supposed to

head towards happiness there’s some

light

in the tunnel there’s some silver lining

on the cloud

there are multiple emotions that a

person goes through

i did too i do as well right now

at this very moment i have multiple

emotions going in

going on in my head like all of us do

just to scroll through your instagram

can lead you to

various emotions there could be anxiety

there could be

jealousy there could be a lot of

comparison happening

which may lead to a lot of insecurity

procrastination something so simple that

i keep pushing unnecessarily and a lot

of confusion

with all the thoughts mixed up in my

head

and then there comes my favorite

laziness

this is the i think this is the most uh

famous emotion that we’ve been going

through

during covered so like i said

every uh voice that’s in my head

everything has two every emotion has two

sides to it similarly every emotion in

me

does have two sides a demon

and there’s a warrior that says

that you know what let’s uh

let’s think about the negative first and

then look at the positive

and that’s how i forge ahead so let’s

go back to some indian mythology

there they say that the timeline of this

world is divided into

four yugas one the satya yuka

the devlog and the asar lok having a

huge

war that is the evil and the world that

we currently live in

having a war amongst themselves and then

there was

a yoga where we had ramayana where the

rulers of two countries were having a

quarrel for whatsoever reason then we

had dwarf

where the same family had a good and an

evil side that was fighting that is the

pandavas and the korvas

and now we are in the kalga which is the

present

so who is the one who is fighting the

world wars

i don’t think so the kali yuga is where

we

have battles within ourselves

so there was a burden of thoughts in me

just last year january i remember

going to the doctor visiting the doctor

for a weekly dosage of

b12 my immunity was low being an

extrovert most of my life

i did not understand why i was not able

to

pull out my thoughts push it out of

myself and speak to

at least my mother who i always go up to

or my best friends who i would have a

telephonic conversation immediately

after

any situation but there was this cloud

of thoughts that i could not express

and everyone during my miscendia days

post

that or before that i was this bomb who

would create the party

scene or be the happy and the joyful

person that i am

but there was something that was

internally damaging me these

thoughts that were disturbing me and

then i thought you know what

last jan this was happening and for me

it was just getting very tiresome

so i said let me have the most perfect

escape plan there was a there was a time

during that the last year that i felt

that i was

victimizing my parents victimizing them

through

my emotions that i was going through

internally to a point where i know i’m

saying it with a smile to a point where

i wanted to give up on life

that took a turning turning for me

i was thinking for someone who saw who’s

motivating the others

how could i think of giving up on life

how could i even have a thought like

that it was easier than pulling myself

up for sure

and then with these cloud of emotions i

said you know what

let me just get out of this city let me

get out of this place that i

am in where everyone knows me let me go

to a place an unknown place that where

people won’t recognize i can start

a little afresh i was already fighting

battles outside

in regards to relationship in regards to

my career path

i felt like i was sorted anyone who sees

my

instagram or social media would feel

like yeah she sorted she just won

but then what what next was something

that was killing me inside my head

because i

set a bar way above way high for myself

that is not no one’s mistake so having

to do this

i decided okay there is a course in

london that i’ve been

longing to do for a long time so let me

get away for a month

i’ve asked one month’s break for my

parents

so last february i remember packing

myself

packing all my clothes packing

everything possible for

a month and getting my visa done all my

documents ready

and then march 2020 is when i fly

happiest escape from the thoughts

i didn’t know i would be carrying them

less did i know that but

i was so sure that i was going to leave

behind everything and take a break and

come back

travel is the best escape 2020

march i five hours from my flight

uh departure i get a call just before i

leave to the airport from london saying

that my relatives and friends say that

listen there’s something called a

lockdown happening

so why don’t you just step back and not

fly now

maybe a week later i said no my course

starts in a week

but they say that no it’s not the right

time to go

and i realized that okay i’ll have to

stay

back at the same place with my thoughts

this is this was what was going on in my

head more than going and joining a

course

i said okay let me do this let me

stay back and figure out what i can do

and therapy was one thing that i was

looking forward to

therapists my mother’s been looking for

therapists all over hyderabad my

hometown

and seeing where best can she send her

daughter who

is no more as joyful as she used to be

but then modi ji announces a complete

lockdown

where i say all right i have to live

with this not just in

my city but in my house in my room

locked all by myself

so self-healing didn’t really look like

an option but

there wasn’t another option for me left

and

as i got into the covered phase

i started i started thinking that there

has to be something more that i have to

do

i i started getting up early i started i

said let me try one of these

self-healing processes so i started

doing surya namaskara

there was yoga that i was indulging in i

started reading the bhagavad-gita

i didn’t know much of mahabharata back

then i started reading

and i said i started watching episodes

of mahabharata on

hot star and realized that i was super

furious with the pandavas there were

emotions that

were just kicking in i was getting angry

with arjun

i was yelling at them i was screaming i

was crying i was weeping when draupadi

was having her childhood

i didn’t know these emotions were

kicking me just because

there was so much built up in me which i

couldn’t even speak about

and then there came a phase where i said

okay

there is something that i have to deal

with that i have to

fight or that i have to live with

i said you know what i cannot live with

these it’s just getting

too difficult for me let me just see how

i can battle them

then came the phase where i was

self-healing looking into different

aspects

and thinking to myself that there are a

world of

not opportunities world of emotions that

i was going through that i had to tackle

each of them very tiresome but

thanks to covet that i was sitting and

listening to every thought that i had

was like a cloud that was passing by a

thin

cloud that had that was going through

with a heavy breeze

that i couldn’t hold and retrospect or

introspect

and this happens there were questions

that i was answering thinking am i even

worth it am i even sure of what i’m

doing

i want to teach i want to do some

service

am i all the nice things that everyone

says during my introduction i feel like

is it really me are they talking about

someone

like me who has multiple thoughts in her

head and

has been questioning her own self-worth

but don’t you answer questions like this

on a daily basis

why does this always happen to me why do

i postpone things this is a major

question i’m sure

every student has been answering and why

do they always get it right so

so insecure in our own mind

there is no one who’s telling us or

comparing us we ourselves are doing it

there was one small thing that i

caught on to i made the voice

of the warrior in me

louder than the one that had the demon

i just had to rise raise that volume

that small volume of the warrior and say

that you know what

demon chill let me handle but

thought by thought not at once i had to

tackle

each emotion differently another

quotation from my favorite movie

your mind is like water when it is

agitated

it becomes difficult to see but when you

allow it to settle

the answer becomes more clear so take

more time

just give yourself more time i know

you’re battling

issues outside you’re fighting with your

parents you’re fighting with your

friends

then you sit and think okay why don’t we

think from their shoes their point of

view

but how many demons are you dealing with

inside just introspect

let the warrior take control not the

demon on a daily basis

and it’s not something that happens once

i fought laziness back then and now you

think i’m the most active no

it’s a demon that i have to fight each

and every day

it had to be the quotation for those who

don’t know

had to be from my favorite movie kung fu

panda

thank you so much