The Journey of Grieving Feeling and Healing
you know
sometimes i wonder
why did i survive
and maybe i’m here today
to be a very good role model to you
not to revive in life but to evolve
you cannot grieve what you don’t feel
so i like to really ask you to maybe
listen to the
process that i have experienced
from auschwitz i’d like to take you
way back way back to 1943
when i am a 15 year old young girl
and learning how to hopefully
be part of the olympic team i
am taking ballet lessons there and i’m
getting ready
for my boyfriend to take a picture of me
as i do a split and as i do a split
my world is just beautiful i am totally
in love
but i had no idea that
i will never come back to that place
so i was very happy with my boyfriend we
planned our
time together in school and how we’re
going
to get married then have a life together
we had our own book club
and then all of a sudden there was a
knock on my door
that invited me and many many others
to go on that terrible terrible journey
from kasha hungary to auschwitz
we were pushed in totally
my mother held me and she said
we don’t know where we’re going we don’t
know what’s going to happen just
remember
no one can take away from you what you
put in your own mind
that is a sign our white marked fry
work makes you free my father
thinks it’s not gonna be bad
because we’re just gonna work and then
we’re gonna go home
that does not happen at all i stood in
line with my sister
and the end of the line there was a guy
pointing to the left
and pointing to the right he asked me
pointing at my mother is this your
sister
or is this your mother
i could not ever forgive myself
that i told him it’s my mother
he pointed to the left i followed my mom
he came to me and said you’re gonna see
your mother very soon
she’s just gonna take a shower and
promptly
threw me on the other side when i stood
in line to get my tattoo
i didn’t get it i didn’t get it i was
told
they don’t want to give me the tattoo
because i’m going to the gas chamber
they could put me in a gas chamber any
minute and beat me up and torture me
and never ever murder my spirit
i will talk to you about the journey
of grieving feeling
and healing victor franco and i talked
about
that we are not a shrink but a stretch
and i kind of like that that i’m here to
stretch
your comfort zone to be able to go
through
the grieving feeling and healing
the way we grieve that we cry
we scream and when you’re in a car
it’s really helpful no one can hear you
you scream it out you cry
and then you laugh like a hyena and get
all all those feelings out
but i tell you that you cry
you cry and then you can’t cry anymore
you’ll see
don’t allow yourself
anything but being a survivor
so you feel the feelings
and then you feel more
and it comes up sometimes in the most
unopportune time if you don’t want
someone to see you crying
maybe you want to wear dark glasses you
can see them but they cannot see you
don’t allow that to stop you from your
daily functioning
it’s not 24 7 that you’re grieving
but i think it’s good to put a little
side
a time every day when you grieve
when you scream and then
you’re going to feel better because what
comes up to your body
doesn’t make you ill what stays in there
does
and i like to tell you that there is no
grieving
without feeling i hope you cannot try to
understand
what’s going on that’s all in your head
trying to figure
things out it’s better to really
go to the heart and give yourself
permission
to feel the feelings
because then you’re going to begin
the healing there is no forgiveness
letting go without rage i remember when
i was
rage for rage for recognizing
that my boyfriend was gone i have not
had my parents with me anymore
so drive don’t try to cover things up
we don’t cover chocolate with hungarian
paprika
let’s see how you can find a
part in you that’s going to keep you
congruent
that you’re thinking your feeling and
your behavior
is in your charge but just remember
grieving feeling and healing
will go through a period
when you are absolutely angry
absolutely rageful
and it’s not fair
and that’s okay as long as you don’t get
stuck in it
because that’s a victim’s mentality
why me why me rather than what now
so my healing took many many years
that’s why i feel so fortunate to let
you know
not to ever ever give up to find hope in
hopelessness
and i look for a gift in everything
in a darkest places you may go through
a dark tunnel and you’re going to look
for the light
you’re not just trying to grieve and
grieve but to allow give yourself
permission
to feel that feeling of loss that
unexpected that totally unanticipated
it’s okay to be angry
it’s okay to legit this legitimize that
anger
but be careful how long you’re gonna
hold on to that
you got to go through the anger going
through the valley of the shadow of
death
just don’t camp there or set up us or
that
the pandemic is something that is still
going on we don’t know how long
it’s going to be but i can tell you
as a survivor that the surviving
can makes you stronger maybe today
we don’t know what’s going to happen
next
and that is really very difficult to
acquire
something of a scare that no one ever
can get to you
and take away your peace of mind
so i started to tell you about the
teenager
on that city pool wearing a beautiful
white striped bathing suit and knowing
that the boys are looking at me
no i won’t be that girl anymore that
little girl
is never be the same she’s gonna be
better
she’s going to be stronger so find that
little girl in
you as well and tell that little boy as
well
that you want to become a healthy adult
that you can think in a way that you not
only take care of the me
me that you do everything in your power
to unite
and hopefully empower each other without
differences
so you can be you the one of a kind
there never ever be another you
so the question is now
as i leave you
how are you going to look at life
that in everything that is happening
there is a gift in it it’s not what
happens
it’s what you do with that i want to let
you know
that there are a lot of untapped
potential
in the shadow that you go
through that shadow and you’re never
going to be same
you’re going to be better because
suffering gives you
strength and then you become a survivor
and never a victim ever
i wish you a wonderful journey in life
that when you are in your dead bed
you’re going to be very satisfied
to really truly live like to the fullest
that you have joy passion
love and purpose and life
someone asks in the face of adversity
what is your best
advice what mantra might help anchor
someone
when a problem feels insurmountable like
what would what’s something good that
you could say to yourself
i like to talk about the goal
because if someone has a goal they have
an
error that they follow when i came to
america
from germany there was a big storm
in the english channel and i could see
that we were taken off somewhere
but the skipper knew that we have to go
to new york
so sometimes we have to go a different
path as long as you know
what you’re focusing on that is going to
really get you closer
to your goal this is another interesting
quest i mean the questions are amazing
there’s so many um this one says
you know it’s interesting to hear about
allowing yourself
to be angry my question is
is this a necessary step can you heal
without the rage
i think you cannot forgive without the
rage
as long as you don’t get stuck in it
anger is not a dirty word it’s just what
you do with it
and how long you hold on to it because
while i’m angry at you
you don’t suffer i do see i’m selfish
i want to have joy and passion and like
i would be
angry right now hating the nazis i would
still be a prisoner
why give hitler a posthumous victory
no no way this person asks
how can you inspire americans to empower
each other with our differences
instead of letting our differences
divide us as it is happening today
well you know i was in hungary with
carajas
in the 80s we brought the east germans
together
with the best germans i think it’s very
good for us to meet each other
it’s very hard to debase a person into
an
object who you know and and break bread
with
see we can get to know each other
at the beginning when you were talking
about evolve and revolve
one of the things you talked about was
stretching our comfort zones
all of us are being stretched in our
comfort zones today and
and because we don’t know what’s going
to happen tomorrow
and so i’m doing everything my power to
guide people
to really practice every day
what they were meant to be today
if i die i will be so happy in my dead
bed
not asking what the world has given me
or
how i much suffered but how i was
able to become 92 years
young hey yeah younger now
i’m full of joy i’m full of passion
and full of curiosity be curious
that will really make your life much
better
i think that’s a beautiful way to close
us out dr eager thank you
so much