The Journey of Grieving Feeling and Healing

you know

sometimes i wonder

why did i survive

and maybe i’m here today

to be a very good role model to you

not to revive in life but to evolve

you cannot grieve what you don’t feel

so i like to really ask you to maybe

listen to the

process that i have experienced

from auschwitz i’d like to take you

way back way back to 1943

when i am a 15 year old young girl

and learning how to hopefully

be part of the olympic team i

am taking ballet lessons there and i’m

getting ready

for my boyfriend to take a picture of me

as i do a split and as i do a split

my world is just beautiful i am totally

in love

but i had no idea that

i will never come back to that place

so i was very happy with my boyfriend we

planned our

time together in school and how we’re

going

to get married then have a life together

we had our own book club

and then all of a sudden there was a

knock on my door

that invited me and many many others

to go on that terrible terrible journey

from kasha hungary to auschwitz

we were pushed in totally

my mother held me and she said

we don’t know where we’re going we don’t

know what’s going to happen just

remember

no one can take away from you what you

put in your own mind

that is a sign our white marked fry

work makes you free my father

thinks it’s not gonna be bad

because we’re just gonna work and then

we’re gonna go home

that does not happen at all i stood in

line with my sister

and the end of the line there was a guy

pointing to the left

and pointing to the right he asked me

pointing at my mother is this your

sister

or is this your mother

i could not ever forgive myself

that i told him it’s my mother

he pointed to the left i followed my mom

he came to me and said you’re gonna see

your mother very soon

she’s just gonna take a shower and

promptly

threw me on the other side when i stood

in line to get my tattoo

i didn’t get it i didn’t get it i was

told

they don’t want to give me the tattoo

because i’m going to the gas chamber

they could put me in a gas chamber any

minute and beat me up and torture me

and never ever murder my spirit

i will talk to you about the journey

of grieving feeling

and healing victor franco and i talked

about

that we are not a shrink but a stretch

and i kind of like that that i’m here to

stretch

your comfort zone to be able to go

through

the grieving feeling and healing

the way we grieve that we cry

we scream and when you’re in a car

it’s really helpful no one can hear you

you scream it out you cry

and then you laugh like a hyena and get

all all those feelings out

but i tell you that you cry

you cry and then you can’t cry anymore

you’ll see

don’t allow yourself

anything but being a survivor

so you feel the feelings

and then you feel more

and it comes up sometimes in the most

unopportune time if you don’t want

someone to see you crying

maybe you want to wear dark glasses you

can see them but they cannot see you

don’t allow that to stop you from your

daily functioning

it’s not 24 7 that you’re grieving

but i think it’s good to put a little

side

a time every day when you grieve

when you scream and then

you’re going to feel better because what

comes up to your body

doesn’t make you ill what stays in there

does

and i like to tell you that there is no

grieving

without feeling i hope you cannot try to

understand

what’s going on that’s all in your head

trying to figure

things out it’s better to really

go to the heart and give yourself

permission

to feel the feelings

because then you’re going to begin

the healing there is no forgiveness

letting go without rage i remember when

i was

rage for rage for recognizing

that my boyfriend was gone i have not

had my parents with me anymore

so drive don’t try to cover things up

we don’t cover chocolate with hungarian

paprika

let’s see how you can find a

part in you that’s going to keep you

congruent

that you’re thinking your feeling and

your behavior

is in your charge but just remember

grieving feeling and healing

will go through a period

when you are absolutely angry

absolutely rageful

and it’s not fair

and that’s okay as long as you don’t get

stuck in it

because that’s a victim’s mentality

why me why me rather than what now

so my healing took many many years

that’s why i feel so fortunate to let

you know

not to ever ever give up to find hope in

hopelessness

and i look for a gift in everything

in a darkest places you may go through

a dark tunnel and you’re going to look

for the light

you’re not just trying to grieve and

grieve but to allow give yourself

permission

to feel that feeling of loss that

unexpected that totally unanticipated

it’s okay to be angry

it’s okay to legit this legitimize that

anger

but be careful how long you’re gonna

hold on to that

you got to go through the anger going

through the valley of the shadow of

death

just don’t camp there or set up us or

that

the pandemic is something that is still

going on we don’t know how long

it’s going to be but i can tell you

as a survivor that the surviving

can makes you stronger maybe today

we don’t know what’s going to happen

next

and that is really very difficult to

acquire

something of a scare that no one ever

can get to you

and take away your peace of mind

so i started to tell you about the

teenager

on that city pool wearing a beautiful

white striped bathing suit and knowing

that the boys are looking at me

no i won’t be that girl anymore that

little girl

is never be the same she’s gonna be

better

she’s going to be stronger so find that

little girl in

you as well and tell that little boy as

well

that you want to become a healthy adult

that you can think in a way that you not

only take care of the me

me that you do everything in your power

to unite

and hopefully empower each other without

differences

so you can be you the one of a kind

there never ever be another you

so the question is now

as i leave you

how are you going to look at life

that in everything that is happening

there is a gift in it it’s not what

happens

it’s what you do with that i want to let

you know

that there are a lot of untapped

potential

in the shadow that you go

through that shadow and you’re never

going to be same

you’re going to be better because

suffering gives you

strength and then you become a survivor

and never a victim ever

i wish you a wonderful journey in life

that when you are in your dead bed

you’re going to be very satisfied

to really truly live like to the fullest

that you have joy passion

love and purpose and life

someone asks in the face of adversity

what is your best

advice what mantra might help anchor

someone

when a problem feels insurmountable like

what would what’s something good that

you could say to yourself

i like to talk about the goal

because if someone has a goal they have

an

error that they follow when i came to

america

from germany there was a big storm

in the english channel and i could see

that we were taken off somewhere

but the skipper knew that we have to go

to new york

so sometimes we have to go a different

path as long as you know

what you’re focusing on that is going to

really get you closer

to your goal this is another interesting

quest i mean the questions are amazing

there’s so many um this one says

you know it’s interesting to hear about

allowing yourself

to be angry my question is

is this a necessary step can you heal

without the rage

i think you cannot forgive without the

rage

as long as you don’t get stuck in it

anger is not a dirty word it’s just what

you do with it

and how long you hold on to it because

while i’m angry at you

you don’t suffer i do see i’m selfish

i want to have joy and passion and like

i would be

angry right now hating the nazis i would

still be a prisoner

why give hitler a posthumous victory

no no way this person asks

how can you inspire americans to empower

each other with our differences

instead of letting our differences

divide us as it is happening today

well you know i was in hungary with

carajas

in the 80s we brought the east germans

together

with the best germans i think it’s very

good for us to meet each other

it’s very hard to debase a person into

an

object who you know and and break bread

with

see we can get to know each other

at the beginning when you were talking

about evolve and revolve

one of the things you talked about was

stretching our comfort zones

all of us are being stretched in our

comfort zones today and

and because we don’t know what’s going

to happen tomorrow

and so i’m doing everything my power to

guide people

to really practice every day

what they were meant to be today

if i die i will be so happy in my dead

bed

not asking what the world has given me

or

how i much suffered but how i was

able to become 92 years

young hey yeah younger now

i’m full of joy i’m full of passion

and full of curiosity be curious

that will really make your life much

better

i think that’s a beautiful way to close

us out dr eager thank you

so much