My Odyssey to Reconnect with JOY

my name is

marilias i’d love to know yours

we all have one right not a choice we

made

do you like yours or do you hate it

maybe do you think it’s defining you

what is its meaning

i recently listened to a talk from an

expert in names and she was stressing

the importance of this act from

our parents not a random choice

at all consciously

or unconsciously when we are giving it

given a name

there is often a mission attached to it

so let’s take our name as a gift

a wishing from our parents maybe a

blessing more than a curse

hopefully and decide

what we want to make of it

mine is very unique in fact so

unusual that no one can catch it the

first time

even french people

even after 10 years in asia

i got used to it and i cannot drop the

second part of my name

because lies is an ancient french word

that means joy

and i can tell i was pretty happy

growing up

in a big family the older of

five siblings with a twin sister

so i thought i was pretty much

programmed for joy

you got it my topic today

is joy and i want to start with a

distinction

joy versus happiness

even though marilyus rhymes with

happiness

as i said the meaning of my name is joy

not an effort to pursue something for

some kind of perfect life

but more something that you embrace

in the moment

because let us face it life is not a

straight line

it has a way to take you to places you

never thought

you would go

this is me eight years ago

pregnant with my fourth kid

when two months before the delivery date

he was diagnosed with a genetic

condition

called achondroplasia the most

common form of dwarfism

still a pretty rare condition affecting

only

1 out of 25 000 pregnancy

it was a complete shock and i was

oscillating between

denial and scandal

why me if i can take a comparison the

unlikeliness

of it to happen is like being on a plane

embarked for some destination and at the

last minute

you end up landing in a different place

you say

what i didn’t sign for this

but this is it and

i want to share with you three keys

that made me reconnect with joy again

because the next two months were pretty

much

of an emotional rollercoaster

and very soon anxiety and self-doubt

started to creep in

will i be able to love this kid

how will the world accept him

how to raise him to be a joyful boy

and if i can continue on that lighter

metaphor

we all would like to be traveling here

was i

expecting a third child knowing it all

dreaming of the next destination like

some great vacation

in bali secretly hoping for a cute

little girl

after three gorgeous boys when

just before the landing the doctor

the captain announces

welcome to alaska

now how do you react you have to get

down on the ground in alaska

and you have a choice you can either

suffer and complain like a good french

would do

that it’s so damn cold here and you’re

not prepared for this you

don’t have the appropriate clothes in

your luggage

or you can

[Music]

explore and discover that they are in

fact

beautiful and different things to see in

alaska

back to this moment

look my tummy was huge

how ironic for such a tiny baby

i remember vividly when

i made this shift inside from

resistance to acceptance

and it’s only until i accepted the

reality

as it was my child has dwarfism

until then you are in a dark place and

there’s no much room for joy

but then you can start to see

glimpses of joy

and i kind of got excited to embark on

this journey

or should i say this odyssey because

this is then

that we decided to equip our sun

with a strong name euless it’s the

french word for odysseus

and let me refresh your memory in case

you forgot this

famous king who went to war

against the troians for 10 years and

then on the way back

found a lot of struggles until 10 other

years later

he can finally get his wife and his

throne back this very

charismatic hero is remembered

for his astuteness perseverance

and loyalty now back

to our euless

when he was born i completely fell in

love

wouldn’t you

now on our journey there were a few

stops to hospitals

and he was not a great fan i was not a

great fan either

i’ve only been to hospital four times

just to give birth

when i saw my baby all wrapped up for

this mri

it’s easy to get sucked into the spiral

of fear what could go wrong

and every medical checkup could

have been excruciating i think anyone

here

who have ever had a loved one in

hospital

knows about how it feels

so i decided that i should trust

and i had to work a little bit on this

one uh

with some fake it until you make it as

they say

but i decided i would trust euless

that he’s gonna make it through no

matter what

and honestly he became so

confident in his own skin

like his signature was be fearless

and have fun so much that

he would bring a smile and completely

shift the atmosphere in any hospital

room

and similarly with schools

maybe i was lucky that we met the right

teachers and headmasters but

i think most probably he was attracting

with his energy

the people that would trust him and

believe in him

let me tell you a small story when he

was

three years old i think he was dreaming

to ride these bikes

and one thing with achondroplasia is

that because of the size of the legs

there was no way his feet could reach

the pedals

and i think he inspired his teachers by

his relentless

drive and he found ways to have a friend

of his

driving and pushing the pedal for him

while he was standing

up like a warrior very proud on his tank

now i must say that i feel extremely

proud

of what he has become this is his

first graduation party after four years

of

amazing preschool and now here

in this school well accepted by his

peers

knowing how to get help when needed and

really spreading

joy all around because

trust and joy work hand in hand

and they are very contagious

now baby you think it sounds a little

bit

too good to be true like you know toxic

positivity when

you’re asked to always see the silver

linings or

just as simplistic as put on your rosy

glasses

maybe you think well it’s easier said

than down

and i must be optimistic so no wonder

maybe with my upbringing that i can see

the glass half full

and i am marry joy after all

now was i joyful all the time

of course not was it always

easy i swear no

but i learned that

it’s actually a third concept that is

key

here and i’ll call it grace

it’s a skill of cultivating joy

and grace doesn’t mean ignoring the

reality or

the more negative emotions

or hiding or trying very hard to find

joy that is

elusive no i think grace is about

embracing joy where it is

and it is after all accessible

it’s a skill that can be learned by

anyone

at any age and when i realize that

it clearly made me a different mother

and it

also invited me to step

into a new profession one that would

allow me

to help people build their resilience

and find their joy for themselves

so i hope i can share with you a few

tips about that before concluding

and what an amazing opportunity that i

can

share my experience and as well as

what i learned in the textbooks but

julius didn’t

need me to journey in grace

this is his first pop-up card that he

did when he was five

and this is the gratefulness note that

he wrote last year

i am grateful that i am small because

when i play hide and seek

it’s easy to hide

each time i see this nut it makes my

heart melt

nor does he know all about the science

behind positive psychology that shows

that

what you focus on grows

and the surest and the shortest way to

joy is gratitude and there are many ways

to practice it

in fact a study proved that

even just five minutes a week

of journaling can raise level of

happiness by 10 percent

another one showed that gratitude

practice would correlate with a drop in

25 percent

in depression

but my favorite one

is as simple as

take a moment every day before bed

and just think about three good things

that happen during the day big or little

i also like to add two other questions

to be able not only to appreciate the

good that happened during the day but to

wonder

why did it happen and what can i do

tomorrow to repeat it

this method has been proven to work

over and over again be it for

leaders for educators in families in

groups

and the last one i want to share with

you is this one

can you seek think of

a memory a good memory of you from the

past

if you close your eyes and visualize it

for a moment

your body your heart your mind will

shift

within seconds

it’s because positivity triggers

positive feedback loops in our brain

and sometimes i ask my client to list on

a list of

activities or things that they that

brings them joy

and when they look at the list they

realize they are cheap and easy

and they can actually re-experience

those moments

anytime but we tend to overlook it

i also learned from a great ted talk

from designer

ingrid fetter lee that they are

specific shapes and colors that bring us

joy

that help us access to joy like

confettis for example like this

eggs painted by a friend of mine for

easter

so what if we could see more of the

aesthetic of joy

around us

now as i’m wrapping up i must confess

that julius has become my greatest

teacher

in joy and that i have no doubt

he will in the future step into the

power

of his name and do big things for the

world

so i want to leave you with this simple

message that

if ever the journey of life takes you

to places you didn’t plan to visit

remember that joy is about

choice trust

and grace merci

thank you