Secrets Unlocking Your Lock Box To Live A More Joyful Life

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[Applause]

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i was once told what happens in the dark

comes out in the light

always i want to invite you to close

your eyes

and imagine a box not a big box a box

with a lock on it

inside that box are the secrets that you

harbor the secrets that keep you sick

i encourage you to open that box and

inventory what’s in there

why do you think those secrets are there

they’re secrets you’ve never told

anyone and those particular secrets

hold you back from a joyful and

purposeful life

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the journal of personality and

psychology suggests that the average

human is harboring 13 secrets five of

which

they’ve never shared with anyone at all

psychology today lists the top 10

secrets

as those in which maybe you have extra

relational thoughts

thoughts about someone else desirous

thoughts about someone other than your

partner

maybe it’s sexual behavior pornography

things of that nature

lies when we do things to be deceptive

to others and we create an environment

that’s not based on truth

romantic desire for other people maybe

it’s someone you long for from afar

and you don’t share violation of trust

those fall into

stealing letting someone else’s secret

out maybe spying on someone’s phone

or their emails emotional infidelity

is a big one and it’s something where

you may not be having physical

infidelity but you’re having an

emotional relationship with someone

other than your partner

ambition and or goal maybe it’s a goal

that you’ve set that you don’t want to

tell anyone

and it’s something that’s so personal to

you that is you would feel so

uncomfortable sharing that goal

or ambition at a fear of judgment

family detail things you don’t tell your

family or maybe you don’t even talk

about certain family members because you

don’t want people to know about them

and lastly number 10 financial secrets

financial secrets are in the form of

hidden accounts

or maybe lying about your earnings lying

about a mortgage or an inheritance or

some other type of important document

why do we keep secrets out of fear

that’s one of the reasons we’re fearful

that if someone knew this one thing

about us

they wouldn’t like us maybe we wouldn’t

be accepted

judgment is another one we fear judgment

from other people

in terms of maybe we’ve made the wrong

decision that’s incongruent with their

belief system

rejection that’s a big one we fear

rejection from the people we love and

care about and that matter the most

we often fear rejection from people we

don’t know because we want

acceptance that’s a natural human need

shame shame is a big one

so the difference between shame and

guilt is guilt as i feel

sorry for something i want to apologize

for something i’ve done to you

shame is all about an inherent viewpoint

that there’s not a place on this planet

for you

self-loathing there’s a big difference

between guilt and shame

and shame is a powerful emotion it’s at

the root of most addictive behaviors

and then the impact your secrets will

have on other people like maybe if you

tell them

it’s gonna hurt someone else so that’s

number five

did you know that secrets keep us sick

they cause emotional unhealthiness

and physical unhealthiness you think

about this

if you struggle from anxiety or

depression any of those types of things

at the root of it is likely a secret

conversely on the physiological side

when we see

individuals with gastrointestinal issues

headaches those fibromyalgia those types

of things

you’re storing and harboring the emotion

around secrets and those secrets come

out

as i mentioned earlier what happens in

the dark comes out in the light

always and those secrets will find ways

to escape

if you don’t open your lock box and

they’ll come out in those manifestations

that often we then go and seek

other types of treatment for whether

it’s medicine

therapy those types of things so i

cannot stress enough

that the secrets you keep will come out

at some point

for men oftentimes those secrets don’t

come out into their late 40s

and it comes out in the form of a

midlife crisis that’s that’s the term we

use midlife crisis

for women it’s usually in your late 30s

for women we can’t keep it together long

enough but those secrets will come out

and they ultimately will be highly

destructive so the key to living a

joyful life

is to live untethered from those secrets

and to make sure that those secrets

don’t stay locked in your lock box

so when we unpack our lock box what

happens

we start to live a more congruent life

where our actions

our thoughts and our words all go

together

another benefit of unpacking your

secrets is that you can often realize

that maybe that secret i was harboring

and i had these anticipated fears of

what might happen if i let it out were

unfounded

and that you don’t have any problems

with the reveal of that big secret

another attribute of unpacking your lock

box

is that you realize that you’re free of

resistance or your own lack of

self-acceptance and

you realize you get to be the person you

were intended to be

there’s no judgment no resistance which

is an internal issue as we struggle

when we harbor those secrets and the

last thing is you you

find other people just like you people

that are in touch with their own lock

box that have opened it up that live

very authentic lives

to create a life richer in timbre

and experience i’m going to share with

you

one of my secrets it was a secret from

myself of sorts

and it was a secret that i harbored with

god

this is less about religion and more

about faith

2013 in the course of about 24 hours my

life blew apart the life i knew was not

the life i was living

and i had no idea i uncovered lies and

deception

almost overnight so a series of events

happened

just negative events that were happening

during this time as i was trying my best

to process what was going on

i was full of anxiety i didn’t really

know what to do i was scared

and for the first time in my life i

found myself doubting

everything around me who am i who are

these people around me

and is this real and as i went through

this life crisis that ultimately

revealed something bigger i

came home one day after a number of

different traumatic events

and i walked into my home and my house

was flooded

water going everywhere and i walked in

and i could feel

i could feel the anger and the rage

just escalating i was mad at god that’s

who i was mad at

i was mad at god because i felt like why

are you doing this to me

i feel like i’ve tried to be a good

person but continuously there are these

things that are happening to me and

they’re very negative

and they’re painful and i don’t know if

i can keep going through this this is

the most difficult thing i’ve ever had

to go through in my life

and as i got more and more angry and i

screamed a guttural scream

and i fell on my knees in about two

inches of water

screaming at god in a very colorful way

and telling him how i felt

i was angry and i felt something

really unusual happen i felt what felt

like a hand on the back of my neck

pick me up as i stood up to my feet

and i felt these words i didn’t hear

them i felt them

you’re going to be okay i’m trying to

show you something

and i answered aloud and i said well

you’ve got my attention

again more colorful language and it was

at that point

that i realized there’s some reason i

must go through this situation

and i must get real and be honest about

the secret i had from god because see

the real

secret was i didn’t want god to know i

was mad at him because i felt

like there would be retribution for that

and as i got more resolved about

everything was going on the faith came

out in me

and i realized that there was a reason i

was going through all of this and just

to be patient and go

and i let the world kind of carry me

through this particular difficult

process and ultimately it revealed

a very purposeful journey into what i do

today i’m forever grateful for that

difficult moment

and i’m forever grateful that i was able

to get real with myself

and open up that secret that i had

between me and god

my relationship with god today is a very

different one it’s one of gratitude

and joy i had to learn that i had to go

through that very difficult time

for a bigger life purpose to be revealed

i encourage you to open up your lock box

unpack it

and set yourself free from the very

things that are holding you back

from creating much joy and happiness

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secrets make us sick and often deprive

us of a joyful life

untether yourself unpack your lock box

be authentic change your mindset and go

and live

an amazing and purposeful life

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you