How Protecting Our Joy Can Save Live

[Music]

it is december 25th

1991 a time when the entire western

world is celebrating christmas

yet on the other side of the world the

site that i

live on in country of georgia we’re in

the middle of the civil war

and the fall of the soviet union that

christmas day

would be the last day the soviet flag

would fly over the kremlin in moscow

so representatives from the soviet

republics had already announced that

they would no longer be a part of the

soviet union

i will never forget that day i am in the

kitchen with my mother

she is making dinner the aroma of her

cooking

tempting me to remain in the kitchen

until the dinner got done

i stared at her with adoration and

observed her serene demeanor

as she smiled at me in between chopping

her salad

all of the sudden i can hear the bums

going off outside is they were right

over our roof

i am shaking and at only 11 years old

i am utterly and completely scared

when the electricity clicks off and

everything goes dark

i start to cry i immediately jump from

where i’m sitting

into my mother’s arms i wanted her to

protect me

so how would you feel in this situation

where would you hide

i refused to die i have so many dreams

yet to accomplish

finish school get married have children

but at that time

i believed that the end of the world had

come and we were going to die

even though my eyes were open i couldn’t

see

anything all around me was complete

darkness

after that the light fell dark too

with no more access to the propane gas

we didn’t have a heat our water got

turned off

and we couldn’t find a clean water to

drink anywhere

my dad had a very high paid prestigious

job

and before the war we’d lived a very

good life

now i’d gone from eating the caviar to a

moldy bread

and that if we could find food so every

other day we would wake up at 2 a.m

to get in line for bread some days we

will stay in the breadline for four to

five hours

and every other day we would receive

only one small quarter of bread

for four of us if they ran out of the

bread before we got into the front

of the line we were out of luck

so i felt despair and so did everybody

else around us

as people said goodbye to each other

leaving home as if they were never

coming back war had brought despair

tragedy and devastation i thought back

only a year before when my friends and i

would play the war games

digging the shackles and choosing to

fight for the good commander

now here we were facing the actual war

it was nothing like our games because in

this war

people died for real and no matter how

hard my little girl’s brain

and heart wanting things to be different

nothing

nothing could bring these people back to

life

and when i realized my powerlessness my

helplessness

that i could not prevent the pain i

could not stop the suffering

i could not save a single soul that’s

when the life stopped existing for me

and as the work continued anyone who was

not

born in georgia was forced to leave and

go

back to where they’ve been born so my

family

faced this fear because my mom who was

born in ukraine

was given the choice to either leave the

country with my sister

with me or live without

any kids at all i could not

imagine any worse nightmare for my mom

to face this tragic choice

and for me to be forcibly separated from

my own

mother i could live without bread

i could survive without food i could

grow without education

but i could not imagine saying goodbye

to my mom

what would our last hug and kiss feel

like

what would i say so instead of making

this choice my mom dyed her hair

dark to resemble the other local

citizens

and our family went into the hiding when

the war began to normalize

one of the last clear memories that i

have is going back to school

and sitting in a cold classroom with no

heat

electricity doors or windows i could

hear my stomach grinding

i was starving yet i knew something was

keeping my little girl spirit alive

but what it’s been 29 years since i was

a little girl

growing up in the middle of the war in

the soviet union

now i am an adult and being an adult

comes with a new pressure and

responsibilities

many of us dream to make a difference in

the world or to create something of

value

something real something significant and

necessary

everyone has the right to dream and

idealize these dreams

but how do we achieve such greatness

when oftentimes our dreams aren’t even

clear to ourselves

do we just sit there and hope that the

dreams

will fall into our laps i believe in

dreaming

and in searching for the big grand goals

but it’s necessary to make an effort

have a strong desire

and take actions to bring our dreams

into reality

because for me allowing myself to dream

gave me the hope that i could feel joy

again joy that would not depend

on any external circumstances

when i was 11 years old and the entire

external world collapsed around me

there was only one thing that saved me

from my pain

my suffering my fear and made me

victorious

in times of total devastation and loss

and that was

my joy what i discovered is a joy

is a gift we need to protect

when we find a strength to overcome

insurmountable obstacles

and do more than just survive during

these dark times in our lives

when we push through no matter how hard

it may be

we crack something open inside of

ourselves

where joy can come in it is a feeling

that we produce

because we work so hard for it and

that’s why

it is a gift it is a gift that we give

to

ourselves when our lives are going well

it’s easy to become lazy and not to

dream

and have goals and seek joy through

material things

when we do we get disappointed and

dissatisfied

which can lead to us becoming unkind

unproductive

wasting our time money and talents and

this collapses joy

so how do we connect to joy so we can

feel it in our own lives

number one true joy is formed in the

midst of our toughest challenges

the minute the life feels tough that’s

when we begin our journey

to rekindle a spark that has always been

there

growing up in the midst of the war was

the hardest time of my life

yet it was exactly those hardships

when i had no food stability knowledge

if i

even live that led me to discover the

importance of

joy but actually even before the war

i’ve been giving the gift of dreaming

and hope

by my great grandfather who survived the

massacre

during the armenian genocide of ottoman

empire in

world war one he did not allow the pain

suffering and guilt that he had

experienced to be part of his generation

as he grew up so because of this

when the world began i had the tools

to hold on into my great-grandfather’s

life’s message

number two joy begins with the hope

during those hard times

in the world i felt devastated and i

wanted to crumble

but by allowing myself to dream of the

brighter

and different future the future that did

not

include the war famine or death

suddenly hope appeared so be flexible

and open to how joy comes in you may be

surprised

and finally number three perseverance

it was only my decision and perseverance

during hard times that propelled myself

toward

because too often we give up before joy

has a chance to come in i remember one

day sitting in my classroom

i was tired and so hungry

i couldn’t concentrate and i felt like i

was going to pass out

but i told myself just make it through

the next

hour ilona and i did

if we take that one more step or action

beyond what we believe we are capable of

then

strength appears and suddenly we are

propelled toward again

because joy is not an idea it’s not a

persuasion or decision

then what is it to understand what

protecting our joy

looks like we also need to understand

what not protecting joy looks like

one we start seeking our answers in

material things

that disappoint and dissatisfy us

two we neglect and miss out into

possibility

to experience the exuberant details

in this world three we deny

our identity and conform to the

standards of this world

we become rude unkind and productive

and become a poor steward of our time

money and talents so again

what does protecting our journal look

like

protecting our joy is like protecting

our freedom

because joy is a conscious decision that

we make to nurture it

and embrace it protecting inner joy

begins at the moment that you choose not

to let

another person or circumstances

or events to control you anymore

so what i found out through my

experience is that often that we search

for our identity

our spark and our flame in the things

that the world

has to offer to us things that are easy

to break

lose damage or steal because our

joy comes from within it is an

internal process so what does real

joy look like

joys in our lives we do not experience

it

we have a power to rise up and defend it

joy is not based on circumstances such a

high paid job

nice car title and a position in society

because

joy is the oxygen that we need to strive

and carry on with our lives because

protecting our joy

means not to let another opinion create

your identity i have fought

survived and conquered many battles in

my life

because i use the joy as my guiding

source

and to meditate my relationships

my dad didn’t want me when he found out

that his firstborn

was a girl i was rejected by my

grandparents

because i didn’t look like them i got

called ugly by my relatives i was turned

out from the georgian universities

because of my russian last name

i got denied a scholarship even though i

passed all the exams

to qualify for it

i became an outcast due to the political

discrepancy

between georgia and russia at that

moment

i was another reject but

by using the joy as the tool to move

through these hurdles i shifted my

relationships

my dad and i have a loving close

relationship

and he sees my values my grandparents

accepted me and loved me i

entered the beauty pageant and won the

people’s winners

title and i became the only one from my

country

to study abroad with the full

scholarship

so where i am today is because the i

learn how to protect

and cultivate my joy that is the

only reason i made it through

because to me the true joy definition is

the

joy is the presence of the divine

assurance

and the extraordinary strength that we

always

have inside of us joy is something that

i have centered my entire life

around because i say to myself the power

of who i am we do have something greater

that this world has to offer to us

it’s something accessible and we all

have it we just have to reach inside of

ourselves

and grab it