Why Rejection is a Good Thing

all right how many of y’all

have ever played basketball

okay how many y’all at least know what

basketball is

okay okay now one thing that you need to

know about me

is i don’t play nobody sports all right

honestly the only thing that dribbles in

my life is the mcdonald’s ice cream cone

dribbling down my face all right

but i want to tell you about a time

about how basketball

caused one of the greatest joys in my

life and the biggest pains in my life

uh so this might come to a surprise to

some of you all but before i went to

college i was quiet

i was shy i was scared to open up

but during my freshman orientation i had

a staff member approach me

and say justin i think you would make a

great orientation counselor

you should apply next year and my

reaction

girl bye what about quiet

shy afraid to open up do you not

understand

but fast forward a year later i apply to

be an orientation counselor

and i get that thing okay i get it

so my first year of orientation it

caused me to open up

uh i matured um everybody on campus knew

who i was

and i wanted more so when year two came

around

um i i applied again i crushed that

thing

uh and i came on and went on to have a

very successful

second year orientation so much so uh

that

at our end of the year banquet my team

voted little old me

most dedicated okay blue uh

i truly felt like beyonce i was on top

of the world now this section over here

is like man what this have to do with

basketball

you just stay with me okay stay with me

uh so when three year three came around

i decided that i wanted to apply to be

the highest position

on the orientation team and that was

student coordinator

uh and every year they only offer it to

two students

and by all means i’m beyonce so who

about to say no to me

okay so i applied i crush it

and so now i’m just waiting for my yes

uh so about a week later

i get an email and it says student

coordinator

position this is my grammy moment

so i’ll open up the email oh here we go

the adjustment all right they know who i

am uh thank you so much for interviewing

with us

but there’s that word but

we are unable to offer you the student

coordinator position

okay refresh refresh refresh this is

wrong you’re not gonna hire beyonce

beyonce so i immediately need answers

so i storm into the office of our

director of orientation

he sits me down and we start to have a

conversation he is telling me the vision

and the goals of the new orientation

team

and i’m like blah blah blah blah blah so

i put in

and i tell him i say you know

it’s the last few seconds of a

basketball game

you’re down by one why wouldn’t you put

in your best shooter

boot guy got him he sits back

and he says justin i’m gonna put in my

best shooter

that can run the play

what what now listen we do not want to

hear nose

when we are applying to our dream school

we want to hear yes

when we’re applying to a job we want to

hear yes when we are going down

to the target and we put our debit card

in that machine and they say approved

we uh won’t we that’s got to be a guess

but this

no wasn’t just any number for the first

time

in two years i had to go back home

i had to go back home and you know face

some things that i was not willing to

face i told myself after i graduated i

would never go back

but that was for another ted talk all

right

so i would go on and i recuperate i

would go and i would

join a fraternity i would be a ra i

would even graduate

with my master’s degree in higher

education from western carolina

university

i essentially was trying to prove to

myself that i

could run the play now ten years later i

would get the opportunity to prove that

i could run the play

so a position opened up in my alma mater

for assistant director of orientation

uh this was this would be my dream job i

would get the opportunity

to supervise the orientation team that i

once was a part of

and guess who was a part of my interview

my old director

so we’re sitting in a car we’re sitting

in a meeting where he’s sitting at my

the portion of his interview

with me and i sit him down and i say 10

years ago

you told me that you were looking for

the the best shooter

that can run the play here i am wiser

i’m more experienced and now i know

i’m the best shooter that can run the

play

boom got him i walked out of that

interview knowing that that was my job

everybody in my life was saying man you

got this job this is your

job so i waited another week

waiting on wait wait and i’m waiting i

get an email

it says assistant director position

y’all this is my real great moment i’m

about to walk out with six of these

things all right

uh so open up the email dear justin

they still know dear justin thank you so

much

for interviewing with us

but okay we are unable

to offer you the position of assistant

director

i closed my laptop but before i did that

i

deleted the email i closed my laptop

i fall on the floor in tears

and then i called my mom hashtag mama’s

boy

and as my mama is trying to comfort me

the only thing that i hear in my head is

i’m a failure i’m not worthy

and i can’t run and i can’t run the play

it never crossed my mind that i wouldn’t

get this job

i would get this job i would go on and i

would continue a successful career in

higher education

it never it never came across my mind

that it would be a no

and for years i was trying to prove to

myself that i could run this play

so and for weeks i stayed in that

mindset of

i’m a failure i’m not worthy

and i can’t run the play so like most

things in my life

i get lost in music and uh on this

particular day

i was listening to my other queen joe

joe you know lee yeah

that jumped up and she has a song called

billions

uh and in that song she has a lyric that

says

i’ve heard too many yeses to die about

another

why have i not noticed the power of this

lyric before

so i started to dice deconstruct this

lyric

because the reality is if it wasn’t for

this no

and every no i heard before and after it

it wouldn’t have led to some of my

greatest yeses

so essentially i was trying to

constantly prove to myself that i could

run the play

but i was running a play that was never

drawn for me

so um

i wasn’t supposed to be a student

coordinator

in 2010 because i was supposed to go on

and go home and start the reconciliation

process with my dad

i wasn’t supposed to be a student

coordinator in 2010 because i was

supposed to lead

a community of 42 future teachers and

meet some of my best friends along the

way

i wasn’t supposed to be an assistant

director of orientation

because i was supposed to stay at the

university of north texas

and lead a beautiful group of student

leaders

through our orientation experience and

even along the way be a source of

comfort

for a few of them who are starting their

journey and coming out of the closet

i wasn’t supposed to just recently

wasn’t supposed to be a part of the

orientation team

at the new school uh because i was i

would have i wouldn’t have gotten the

chance to stand here in front of you

today

to give a ted talk about rejection so

whatever it is that you’ve been rejected

from

the door has been closing your face have

you been told no i hope that your i’m a

failure

morphs into your greatest triumph i hope

that your i’m not worthy becomes you

knowing your full work i hope that i

can’t run the play

finds you finding the play that is

written just for you

and as the great poet nene leakes from

the real housewives of atlanta once said

success is in my dna when one door

closes

another one thank y’all so much