How to be your best self in times of crisis Susan David

my name’s Chris Anderson I’m the guy

lucky enough to run the head

organization it’s a treat to be here

with you thank you so much for taking

time to come and be part of this this is

new for Ted this is you know we’re known

for TED Talks

here we’re going to spend an hour in

conversation with some of the world’s

wisest people because this is a moment

when we need that wisdom more than ever

though we’re facing the pandemic that

we’ve warned about you know these are

extraordinary times times we’ll remember

for the rest of our lives I suspect and

it’s not like you know the battle is

just the external battle the battle

against the virus the decisions that our

leaders make there’s this other battle

as well that is probably equally as

consequential the battle that’s going on

right inside our minds I mean if you’re

anything like me you’ve had heard this

real rollercoaster of emotions the last

few days weeks this is scary this is

different this is alarming you know we

don’t know what to what to make of it a

lot of us and the decisions we make

collectively I think is going to be

hugely consequential on one scenario

there’s a chance that we can use this

moment to build community to build bonds

with each other to get to know each

other in different ways to spend time

with people we haven’t spent time with

to look for the best in each other and

on another scenario our fear and anger

will drive us apart I’d like to

introduce the questioner in chief my

wonderful colleague be Ted’s current

affairs curator Whitney Pennington

Rodgers thanks so much Chris and hello

to everyone joining us all around the

world Chris we’ll be back later to take

part in this conversation he will come

with some of your questions and so on to

our guests you know as Chris mentioned

there’s so

happening in the media so much

conversation around the coronavirus and

oftentimes it’s focused on the things

that our government officials are doing

the decisions that they’re making so

what’s happening to our lives physically

what are some of the changes that we’re

experiencing as far as working remotely

social distancing but what often is

overlooked is the social and the

emotional toll that this is all taking

on of all of us which is a really

critically important and a very real

part of how we’re all experiencing this

pandemic and so we’re we’re really

thrilled to be joined today by renowned

author and harvard medical school

psychologist susan david she gave a

hugely popular TED talk about emotional

courage and the impact that

understanding your emotions can have on

your lives on our lives and so we’re

excited to chat with her about how we

can approach this as we’re experiencing

this pandemic in this moment thank you

for inviting me to the conversation I’m

delighted to be part of it I really

appreciate it thank you so much for

being here with us today so we’re we’re

again excited to have you and I I guess

first and foremost how are you doing how

are you holding up well I think like

everyone we’re doing the best we can

given the circumstances my husband is a

physician at MGH and it’s really a stark

reality when one week you saying you

know can you pick up groceries in the

next week you exchanging emergency

contact information if something were to

go wrong so you know we’re all living

this reality and I think trying to find

the inner resources to do that in the

best way we can is just a profound

importance right now but thank you yeah

no definitely I’m glad to hear that

you’re you’re managing and hanging in

there your work is is so focused around

how we can best prepare ourselves

emotionally and psychologically for

these moments of change and complexity

and you have this really beautiful

saying about life’s beauty is

inseparable from its fragility what does

that mean and how does that apply to the

the current moment we’re all experienced

well I think we all know this internally

at some level that there is this complex

an intimate beautiful relationship

between the beauty of life and the

fragility of life we love and then we

lose we are healthy until we are ill we

enjoy in which we need it until those

jobs are no longer we might you know

roll our eyes and yell at our kids and

ask them to tidy their rooms and then

one day there’s silence where their

child once was they’re now making their

way in the world and so there’s this

complex interplay between the beauty and

the fragility of life that just is what

makes the wholeness of life and it’s so

often in our narratives in society we

talk about you know focusing on success

and being positive all the time and

goal-setting and you know there’s this

whole even even our avoidance that we

have really I think at a very broad

level in society our voidance of talking

about what is the most common feature

that all of us or common experience that

all of us will go through which is to

die and yet so much of our society is

constructed around preventing avoidance

denial of this reality and you know the

circumstance that we in now is not

something that we asked for

but life is calling on every single one

of us to move into the place of wisdom

in ourselves beyond the thinking judgey

county mind into the space of wisdom and

and fortitude and solidarity community

courage and it’s a calling for all of us

right now that I think is just so imaged

in what is in our absolute and our

reality the fragility of life right now

thank you for that and I mean and I

think that for a lot of us when we’re

thinking about how our lives have

changed you know and we are approaching

this idea of happiness so many of the

things that at one point really did

bring us a lot of joy being able to go

out with friends and socialize and spend

physical time with loved ones so many of

those things have changed

but you know I guess in

moment how do you advise that we

cultivate happiness and enjoy with all

everything that’s going on well so just

to be clear firstly I’m not anti

happiness which you’ll understand why

I’m saying this as I progressed I think

though that often again we have this

narrative in society that is about be

happy and be positive and whilst that

may sound like it’s the right thing and

it sounds like that is the thing that we

should all be saying you know just keep

positive or you know when people are

experiencing cancer they’re told to just

be positive or when people are being

marginalized or discriminated against

just stop being so angry you know we

have in our society this um almost

judgment that happiness and joy are the

most important emotional experiences

that we can have and on the other hands

are so called bad or negative emotions

are frustration anxiety grief loss fear

sadness and so what we do is we often

become very comfortable with happiness

and we become uncomfortable with those

difficult emotions and we push them

aside but I think what store often

happens when we try to pursue some idea

of well going out was what made me happy

or I can’t go clubbing this weekend and

now I can’t be happy is what we’re doing

is we’re basically establishing the

anchor point of happiness around

expectations or goals and what we know

actually when we look at the scientific

literature is that when we overly

strongly focus on happiness as a goal we

actually become less happier over time

and it’s this really interesting paradox

because that’s we almost seeking

something as opposed to just living our

lives in a way that is I’m passionate

and accepting what I would say is that

rather than trying to find happiness I

think now for all of us is actually a

space for us to come into ourselves to

come into our emotions to not try to

brush away the grief or the loneliness

or the anxiety but to our

face into that one of those stories that

I spoke about in my TED talk which has

really stuck with me my whole life was

when I was about five years old I became

absolutely aware of the fact that I was

gonna die one day and this is very

normal around the age of five or six

years old children become aware of their

own mortality and I became aware of the

fact that I was going to die and if my

parents weren’t going to be around

forever and I would find my way into my

parents bed at night you know squeezing

between the two of them and I would say

to my father and my mother

you know promise me that you won’t die I

must me you won’t die and I was five and

I was desperate and my father was so

profoundly beautiful in the way he told

me during those nights he didn’t try to

build some false narrative oh just be

positive I’m gonna be around don’t worry

about me everything’s fine

he didn’t try to build some false

narrative between me and reality what he

said to me is dizzy it’s normal to be

scared we all die and it’s normal to be

scared and what we need to do is we need

to not try to away with fear but rather

to reach inside ourselves and to find

the courage and I think there is a

message for our times which is not to

try rush aside or belittle or judge

yourself if you experiencing difficult

emotions this is a tough time but rather

we can use strategies to enable us to be

with those emotions in healthy ways

which is the whole foundational

experience of what I call emotional

agility this is ultimately what will

enable us to bring the best of ourselves

forward in every aspect of how we love

and how we lead in these times we parent

and how we come to ourselves and I think

that that’s exactly what we’d love to

hear more about is this emotional

agility that you just referenced maybe

just first start there what is the most

agility what are the the main tenets of

this philosophy well the first part of

emotional agility which is really

critical is moving away from I think

what so many of us have I did some

research where I was asking people you

know when you have difficulty emotional

experiences what do you tend to do with

them and I did surveys of around 70,000

people and what I found is that a large

majority of us maybe you know driven by

this narrative of I’ve got to be happy

and positive all the time

what we tend to do when we have these

difficult emotional experiences is we do

we judge them we’ve been little then we

push them aside or we get stuck in them

so the language that I use is we often

bottle our emotions we rationalize them

and we push them aside or we brood on

them and we get stuck in them and what

emotional agility is and I can talk

about this you know in terms of its

principles but also its strategies in

more detail but really what emotional

agility is it’s the ability to be with

ourselves our full selves our full

emotional experience in ways that are

compassionate because the Syst of and

these emotions are real so we need to be

compassionate with ourselves and others

we need to be curious you know what is

my frustration telling me about what’s

important to me what is my guilt telling

me when I’m interacting with my children

right now what is they telling me about

what’s important there are so many

millions of people who are jobless or

disenfranchised or in situations of

profound difficulty right now and I’ve

got anger towards that what is my anger

tell me about what I value so if we can

move into a space where instead of

pushing aside these signposts that our

emotions give us and instead move into a

space where we are passionate with them

where we curious with them and where we

start saying how can I even in the midst

of fear I don’t need to do away with my

fear the fear just is it’s my body it’s

my mind it’s my emotions doing their job

our emotions have evolved to help us

and so when we feel fear that’s our

emotion trying to help us so the

important thing here is not to do away

with it but also not to get stuck in it

so to develop a sense of what our

courageous steps that I can take even in

the midst of a reality that I didn’t

choose and that isn’t of my asking how

can I bring myself forward in a way

that’s courageous and connected so in

brief emotionally is the ability to be

with ourselves in our fullness with

compassion curiosity so that we can live

in ways that our valley is connected

that’s beautiful

and I think that that for me that’s

definitely really meaningful in thinking

about how I’m personally experiencing a

lot of this and I imagine for a lot of

folks and and so I’m curious then in

thinking about emotional agility free

you know pandemic and today what are

some of the differences between how you

might practice that before and how are

you practicing that now what are some of

the the ways practicing emotional

agility has changed well I think the

principles of emotional agility are

actually fundamental principles of

psychological health and wellness

regardless of the context that we end

regardless of whether we stressed in our

job or you know struggling to be with

our children in a way that’s effective

over dinnertime

you know those must have been the

day-to-day realities that we

experiencing and I think that all that’s

really happened is the need for

emotional agility becomes so much more

profound and so much clearer

we also are deciding whether we let that

narrative that is coming through the

media own us whether we’re going to let

our emotions earn us or whether we are

going to exert some kind of empowerment

and connection over these experiences

and whether we going to earn it and you

know what always just comes to mind and

it’s it’s probably you know very oft

used phrase but it really I think is so

profoundly important right now I think

as I’m speaking of that beautiful Viktor

Frankl idea Viktor Frankl who

survived the Nazi death camps who

describes what I think is the most

profoundly powerful human sentiment and

it’s this that between stimulus and

response there is a space and in that

space is our power to choose and it’s in

that choice that lies our growth and

freedom we didn’t choose these

circumstances often what happens is we

get hooked we get into an experience

where there’s no space between stimulus

and response

we either mindlessly you know go ant our

Twitter feeds and we engage with the

news and we catastrophize or we feelin

so stressed out or we avoiding or and so

I think this is really a time of peering

space between stimulus and response we

do that by being open to what we

experiencing by saying what do I need to

do here but being intentional and the

particular strategies are thinking short

answer to your question you know

emotional agility are basically the

skills that are foundational to wellness

within ourselves to being healthy within

ourselves every day what’s happening in

this context is we are needing to bring

those skills with greater courage and

strength to the situation that we face

I’m curious to I guess and if we can

look at some specific issues that people

might be experiencing I think one of the

big ones with social distancing is that

a lot of folks who at one point you know

went to an office are now working at

home they’re working at home get

sleeping at home relaxing at home and so

maybe in talking about that specifically

for some of the ways this might impact

us and then what are some areas that you

think you can apply from emotional

agility to young to this new this new

normal yeah so and very important point

is I think you know when I talk about

having more space to have these

experiences of course that doesn’t mean

we are always alone we might be as I am

I’ve got two young children who are now

home from school and I’m trying to do my

work and I’m trying to look after them

and there’s a lot that’s going on but we

on spending hours commuting you know

most most of us we on spending hour

distracting or avoiding outside of the

house so we’re really starting to think

about how they’re using what I’ve got in

the space in this context right now

don’t you know one of the things that I

think is really profoundly important is

when we think about social distancing I

think a better way for us to all be

thinking about this originally the media

had used this language of social

distancing but actually what we’re

thinking about here is physical

distancing physical distancing we can

still if we are social creatures which

many of us are we still need to be able

to look for meaningful quality

interactions that are really critically

important to us right now

so we know that we can be lonely in a

crowd you know we don’t we don’t we

don’t need when we think about

loneliness loneliness is not just oh I’m

by myself therefore I’m lonely you can

be in a crowd of people and be lonely so

what is it that we think about when we

think about how do you mitigate against

or how do you ameliorate learning us

learning this is actually a function of

whether our our interactions are

meaningful or not so again this idea

that emotions tell us a story behind our

most difficult emotions are signposts to

the things that we care about if you

find yourself feeling lonely as an

example what is that loneliness the

signpost of the loneliness is often the

signpost that you value presence and

connectedness and that you don’t have

enough of it now so that loneliness is

telling you that there’s something that

you value that you need to be moving

more in the direction of and so you can

start asking yourself what are some

small changes that I can make that are

really important to me right now in this

context of loneliness are there people

that I’m reaching out to that I maybe

haven’t spoken to for a few years is

there a way that I you know I have this

really remarkable experience sometimes

where I feel like even when we speaking

to someone we speaking beyond the person

um there’s something beautiful that I do

in one of my exercises that I’ve

actually done in some TED workshops

before where I asked people just to

silently look at another person there’s

this beautiful phrase in South Africa

summer bonnets are greeting that were

born amines I see you and by seeing you

I bring you into being and in the

workshops sometimes what I do is I’ll

stop people and I cue them and I say

Sabha Boehner and all I’m doing is I’m

asking people to look beyond the eyes to

look into the soul and the love and the

light and the hurt in the person that’s

in front of you and I’ve been doing that

with my children you know they don’t

necessarily love it but instead of doing

the quick hug when they at the computer

trying to do their learning each day I’m

starting to say to them you know let’s

just look at each other

it’s just connect with each other let’s

be the person behind the person so I

think that there ways that we can

whether it’s an online meeting with our

colleagues or phoning someone that we

care about or even how we look at a

person there is meaning that brings us

out of loneliness and meaning that

brings us out of social isolation in

ways that are really profound and

beautiful I just wanted to nip in with a

couple of questions from the where out

of people who were watching so I’m

thinking especially I think some people

watching you know literally in a

situation now where they they have spent

days alone and it’s a fearful it’s a

fearful time and so one question is you

know what do you mean when you say reach

inside of us to find courage how do you

actually do that well firstly what we

know is the way fear operates so when

people are feeling fearful or when the

situation is ambiguous as it as it is

right now

usually what we try to do and this is

literally a cognitive reality for us is

that our mind tries to fill in the

blanks so we don’t know the answers and

we

try to fill in the blank so we mat

catastrophize or we might you know

develop huge amounts of anxiety or we go

to our Twitter feed in search of the

answers and often what that does is it

actually provokes the very opposite of

what we need what that provokes is it

often provokes more anxiety more fear

and more you know we talk about viruses

and we talk about physical contagion um

but we also know that people can

experience very real levels of emotional

contagion emotional contagion is when

you in subtle ways pick up on the

emotions of other people because as

human beings again we’ve evolved to pick

up on these cues and so I think you know

when I’m saying reach inside of yourself

when we think about intentionality

intentionality is this idea that rather

than being mindlessly sucked into our

experience which I have been - you know

this is this is a common common human

experience we get sucked into our news

feeds

instead we’re starting to ask ourselves

questions of is this helping me and is

this some alternative way that I can be

engaging so I’ve had lots of people

contact me recently just saying things

that you know I I’ve just taken such joy

in creating a little garden for myself I

have gotten a list of books that I

really wanted to read and I haven’t I’ve

reached out a friend who I haven’t

spoken to for years and where we had

some silly argument about something and

we can’t even remember what that

argument was but I now know that whether

I’m right or wrong doesn’t matter more

than a more important question which is

is my actions serving me is it serving

the person the loved one that the human

being that I must want to be so if we

can start reaching inside ourselves and

saying you know what are ways that I can

if I’m lonely how can I contribute how

can i connect what are ways that I can

come to my experience though that it’s

intentional and its values connected and

also if you feel

and so many of us are also be

compassionate with that this this is

tough we often live our lives as if we

in a never-ending Ironman or an woman

competition you know where we’ve got to

have goals and be healthy and be fit and

be there all these things that we feel

we’ve got to do every single day we’ve

got to be the best leaders we’ve got to

be I think just you know breathing into

the experience is really important there

are other practical things that we can

do in relation to this experience as

well and often we use this language we

say I am lonely I am sad I am angry and

it’s a normal default way that we

describe how we feeling but if we think

about the language of that what we doing

is we are saying I am all of me 100% of

me is the singular experience I am sad

but what are you starting to do when you

use that language is we do it

unintentionally but what we started to

do is we starting to define ourselves by

our emotion we are not our emotion we

own our emotions they don’t own and

define us what we want to do is we want

to show up to our emotions with

compassion and curiosity but we also

don’t want to get stuck in our emotions

though simple strategies that can be

really helpful to people is instead of

saying I am sad label your thoughts your

emotions or your feelings for what they

are they are not back there are thoughts

there are emotions their feelings so you

might say something like I’m noticing

the feeling that I’m said I’m noticing

the urge to shut down the conversation

with my spouse or I’m noticing the urge

to keep going on my social media feed

right now

I’m noticing the thought that things are

never gonna get any better

what you start doing when you this is a

mindfulness technique but what you’re

really doing is you are labeling your

thoughts your emotions your feelings as

thoughts emotions feelings and when you

do this what you start doing is you

create that space that I spoke about

between stimulus and response no longer

are you defined if you are now able to

see them for what they are and then you

can start saying I’m noticing that I’m

feeling sad what is that telling me

about what I care about and how can I

bring more of the thing into my life and

it’s going to be different for different

people are you mentioned there about

contribution and about compassion I

wonder is it the case the two things

first of all how can people help like

practically how can they help others

when we’re all in this isolated world

right now but secondly can that can that

process itself actually help people that

shifting from feeling the pain to act to

the sort of the agency and they’re

reaching out and try to do something for

data can that make a difference yes it’s

such an important question it’s this

thing of sama buona ICU but in seeing

myself I’m able to see others to this

profoundly important way of seeing

others and yes you know finding ways

that you can contribute there are so

many people in pain right now there are

people who are in their houses who

haven’t spoken to another soul for days

there are people who need help with

essential groceries and services they

are chuk keepers who are struggling and

so within our community instead of

spending our time you know trying to get

stucked or or trying to stop ourselves

even from being in the sabor ticks which

I think the so many of us is that

experience is really thinking about what

are practical ways that we can do it and

what is what’s what’s so true for us as

human beings is we often think that in

order to make a contribution we’ve got

to do something huge

it’s got to be grand it’s got to be

massive scale but you know if we think

about the need to belong every single

one of us needs to belong and we know

that we can have one other person’s pain

just by being that persons person today

that might just be a phone call but if

we can reach beyond ourselves that’s

healing for others and it’s healing for

ourselves as well and so this is often

not about these big things it’s often

about what I call tiny tweaks more

values connected actions that we can

take that are committed and and even you

know being at home being physically

distant there’s this courage

there’s courage in doing that I mean

we’re doing it because we know that it’s

the right thing but there’s also courage

in looking inside of ourselves and and

and owning that you’re doing that not

only because you have to but because

that is something that is profoundly

important that you care about others and

I think actually this is also a

conversation to be having with children

right now you know I think you know

often what happens with our kids is we

say well these are the rules

you know this is what we’ve got to do

now but what are we doing we’re really

trying to help our children develop

their own sense of values and character

and so we can start doing this by

showing up to our children’s emotions

how are you feeling instead of kind of

you know say everything’s going to be a

cage I worry about it and try brush over

it our children are feeling what they’re

feeling if we can shut those feelings

with compassion but then also ask our

children you know what are ways that you

think you can bring yourself to your

friends

what are your connections or how always

that you are living right now connected

with who you want to be as a person

these are incredible times for us we

didn’t ask for them but we are

developing our resilience and our

character and the character of those

around us without a doubt so your last

comment about children and how you can

really have conversations with them

about what’s going on you know a lot of

them may be experiencing some of the

same emotions that that we’re all

experiencing but maybe with a little

more confusion because they have less

life experience and so how can we talk

to children if you’re if there are

parents out there about what’s going

out there and how they can deal with

their emotions the most important thing

we know you know spoke about instead of

saying I am said you noticing that you

feeling said another very very important

part of being effective with our

emotions is being granular with our

emotions and what I mean when I say

being granule is often we use very big

labels to describe my emotions you know

people might say I’m stressed dressed

I’m stressed that’s the most common one

that I hear um you know in in my work

and the work that I’m doing in

organizations very often people sound

stressed but there’s a world of

difference between stress and

disappointment or stress and overwhelm

or stress and yeah and what we know

psychologically is when we label our

emotions in a more granular way when we

move beyond the I am stressed into what

is this emotion really then what it does

is it helps us again move into that

space of ourselves and it doesn’t think

really powerful in our brains that

starts helping us to understand what is

the cause of the emotion and what is the

pathway forward so we’re now moving

beyond this are it all feels stress into

this is overwhelm I can do something

with overwhelm I can create pockets of

control okay if my stress is lonely I

can look for opportunities to each other

so emotion granularity is really

important when it comes to children the

same applies we often as parents with

really really good intentions want to

just jump in and say you know the child

says mommy I’m worried you know don’t

worry it’ll be okay and again I take

that lesson of my father you know it’s

normal to be scared what we know for our

children is simply showing up to them

simply being them and holding space for

them to feel what they feel is probably

the most important way that children can

develop a sense of

security in the context of chaos so

that’s the showing apart the second part

is again we are wanting children to feel

that their emotions don’t own them when

we set a kid’s like I don’t worry

everything will be okay or just be happy

what are we teaching we teaching that

some emotions are good and some emotions

are bad and that the bad ones should be

done away with and so when we do that

very often children don’t get practice

with feeling what a difficult emotion

feels like and better don’t then develop

the the the strength and the capacity

the psychological resource that that

builds the winner child is feeling what

they’re feeling that’s what they’re

feeling if we can show up to that with

compassion that in of itself is probably

the most powerful thing then another

thing that we can do is we can start

helping their child to label their

emotions

we know that children as young as 2 or 3

years old are able to start

differentiating between angry versus

said I feel rejected or I feel it’s

unfair okay so so children are starting

to develop this language and when our

children are going through difficulties

we can help them to do that like is it

that you feeling you know stressed here

or is it that you scared are you lonely

are you you know what is it that’s going

on for you sir helping our children to

step out of their emotions so that those

emotions are data but they’re not

directives they’re data they’re telling

us what we need but they’re not calling

the shots and then we can start helping

our children to say so what is it that

you need right now you know do you need

us to organize a facebook conversation

with a friend but at the end of the day

all of us every single person listening

every single person who will be

listening every one of us is doing the

best we can with who we are with what

we’ve got and with the resources that we

have available to us

the most important thing that we can do

with ourselves and it will then be role

models to our children is to be

compassionate with yourself

and that moves us into the space instead

of of judgment and not enough and never

enough into the space of being and

resilience and grace and dignity some

people are asking almost not so much

about you know fear and depression but

about just just focus like people who

have had their academic life their year

has been disrupted what can I do to find

any focus and to pay attention to yeah I

mean life is right now

conspiring conspiring against any kind

of focus and at the same time you know

we’ve almost got all of us as a science

society like a forced amount a forced

time of needing to read galvanize

ourselves and so I think for every

person first do you recognizing what are

some of the things that you are doing

that are unintentionally sucking

literally sucking the life out of your

day um it might be it might be the

constantly checking the numbers it might

be you know going down a rabbit hole of

epidemiological studies there are

different ways that we are just having

this conspiring against our attentional

resources and again you know trying to

navigate what’s going on with children

and with both elderly parents there’s

just so much going on I think you know

one of the most important things that we

can do it is as far as you can try to

establish pockets of control you know

there’s lots that’s out of our control

we we don’t control almost all of us

what can we control we control how we

respond we can control how we connect

and we control how we are to the best of

our ability able to segment our time off

so if for you that means that your

control that day is simply making and

of what food is going to be on the table

or whether that control is putting your

cell phone in a drawer for an hour every

day or whether the control is you know

shutting something else so we we’re

family we love music and we we always

dancing around the kitchen and you know

we love and you know that’s one way that

we bring joy to our lives but I’ve

actually been finding that there’s so

much joy is in general that for me the

control is actually the control of

exerting some kind of silence in the

environment wherever it’s possible I

haven’t left the house for two weeks and

the first week was absolutely you know

it was chaotic with all of the stuff

going on and I found for me being able

to just think about okay if this lands

up being some kind of forced sabbatical

that I don’t ask for but if that’s what

it is what are the three or four things

that I need to be doing everyday that

are going to create some kind of routine

and what are ways that I can think of

other projects that I want to do so we

created some kind of routine for my

children and and it’s not perfect none

of us is perfect but it is what it is

it’s these pockets of control that give

us back our sense of agency and that’s

really critical so so these

conversations are very high on the

Maslow pyramid how do we who have the

privilege to have these conversations

support those who are out working on the

front lines who don’t have the luxury of

taking time for introspection that’s

exactly right

every single one of us has very very

different circumstances and like you

know I’ve been thinking so much about

individuals for instance who might be in

situations of domestic abuse or where

children are feeling physically unsafe

and we’re going to school was was

literally what was saving that child

and this this is where my heart goes to

you know this is where our connecting

with others you know there things that

we can do that can be helpful there are

crisis tech slides that are currently

looking for people who are available to

be a helpful ear to individuals there

are ways that we can support businesses

you know is that is there a way that we

can buy gift cards to but I mean these

are these are very practical and micro

suggestions but I think that they they

important because there is real

suffering and this is not just about you

know how can I move myself into a higher

plane of being and compassion and

restoration because it’s not I mean the

reality for many many many people is

that I don’t have food in my house and

this is why us coming together as

community and being values connected and

saying how can we help what a little big

ways that we can help is is fundamental

this this right now is the marker of our

ability as humanity to come together and

to fight back against this pandemic so

putting the camera backs is and you as a

as a psychologist looking at this

overall situation you know people you

can see things going into two ways

because the world’s conducting this

massive psychological experiment we’ve

never had done before you some people

worry that we are going to drive each

other crazy we’re gonna we’re gonna

bring out so much fear and anger there’s

already a blame game going on between

nations possibly between different

communities that on some scenarios that

gets very dark on the other hand there

are thousands and thousands of just

amazing stories of help and love and

creativity and people at which way is

this going to go do you think do you

think overall we are you know we’re

going to find a way of this persuading

each other to be our better selves when

we

experience what in Psychological terms

is called mortality salience mortality

salience is this idea that our death

becomes it’s moved from something that

we can conveniently avoid to something

that is much more at the periphery even

if we aren’t directly infected or

directly experiencing something it’s

much more salient to us and we know that

when human beings have this mortality

salience we tend to become much more as

in them we tend to become more biased

mysterious up there lot of predictable

psychological responses when we

experience this um but we also know that

human beings have through time had a

well of wisdom and humanity and you know

what I would just say is I think that

what so often happens is we try to solve

the world’s problems with our minds and

of course we’ve got them this Minds out

there working on and they should

continue working on it and I think this

is a time where we we actually need to

move away from our minds into our hearts

into our breathing our seeing our

compassion our wisdom our fortitude and

when I look at the research when I look

at the psychology of generosity and

helpers and community and you see that

through history that there is this

experience of human beings coming

together I believe with all of me that

we can but it comes through the place of

being able to see ourselves and to see

the other introducer with compassion you

know even the person who might be

hoarding toilet-paper compassion doesn’t

mean that you agree that that person is

doing you know the right or the wrong

thing it’s it’s about moving beyond

right or wrong and it’s saying you know

what is this person experiencing inside

of themselves that might be driving a

particular response that is this

openness of the beauty of who he can be

as human beings and I believe that we

can

and we’ll do that and that that is the

sustainable way forward in what is a

fragile and beautiful world right now

hmm

well well Susan thank you so much for

that Whitney thank you so much for the

conversation there and you guys are mine

feel it feels great to be engaged with

you

so look tomorrow I’m gonna be talking

with Bill Gates needs no introduction

you know five years ago he gave a talk

warning about the coming pandemic he if

you watch that top Google Bill Gates TED

talk pandemic watch that if you can

before tomorrow it will make your blood

run cold I mean he’s so much of what

what the world is experiencing now was

laid out there absolutely crystal clear

and and clearly not not enough was done

so it’s going to be slow fascinating to

hear from him what happened you know why

I mean he’s a big powerful man why

didn’t the world listen more and more

importantly what on earth could we do

now how do we scramble do get our health

systems operating more effectively how

do we think about the future and then

during the rest to weakness oh there’s a

wonderful lineup as well and so check if

you check on Ted calm the full program

is on there as to who’s coming

we welcome suggestions for the speakers

as well thanks everyone stay well stay

strong we can do this bye for now

[Music]