Exploring flexible language in selfidentification

[Applause]

i

am a linguist linguists study language

and we do this in a lot of different

ways some linguists study how we

pronounce certain sounds

others look at how we build sentences

and some

study how language varies from place to

place just to name a few

but what i’m really interested in is

what people think

and believe about language and how these

beliefs affect the way we use it

all of us have deeply held beliefs about

language

such as the belief that some languages

are more beautiful than others

or that some ways of using language are

more correct

and as most linguists know these beliefs

are often less about language itself and

more about

what we believe about the social world

around us

so i’m a linguist and i’m

also a non-binary person which means

i don’t identify as a man or a woman

i also identify as a member of a broader

transgender community when i first

started getting connected to other

transgender people it was like learning

a whole new language

and the linguist part of me was really

excited

there was a whole new way of talking

about my relationship with myself

and a new clearer way to communicate

that to other people

and then i started having conversations

with my friends and family about what it

meant for me

to be trans and non-binary

what those words meant to me

specifically

and why i would use both of them

i also clarified the correct words they

could use

when referring to me for some of them

this meant some very specific changes

for example some of my friends who were

used to talking about our friend group

as ladies or girls switched

to non-gendered terms like friends or

pals

and my parents can now tell people that

their three kids

are their son their daughter and their

child

and all of them would have to switch the

pronouns they used to refer to me

my correct pronouns are they and them

also known as the singular they

and these people love me

but many of them told me that some of

these language changes were too hard

or too confusing or too ungrammatical

for them to pick up these responses led

me to the focus of my research

there are commonly held yet harmful

and incorrect beliefs about language

that

for the people who hold these beliefs

act as barriers

to building and strengthening

relationships with the transgender

people

in their families and communities even

if they want to do so

today i’m going to walk you through some

of these beliefs

in the hope that we can embrace

creativity in our language

and allow language to bring us closer

together

you might see your own beliefs reflected

in these

experiences in some way but no matter

what

i hope that i can share with you some

linguistic insights that you can put

into your back pocket

and take with you out into the world and

i just want to be super clear

this can be fun learning about language

brings me joy

and i hope that it can bring you more

joy too

so do you remember how i said that for

some of my friends and family

learning how to use the singular they

was really hard and they said it was

too confusing or too ungrammatical for

them to pick up

well this brings us to the first belief

about language that people have

grammar rules don’t change

as a linguist i see this belief a lot

out in the world

a lot of language users believe that

grammar just

is what it is when it comes to language

what’s grammatical is what matters

you can’t change it i want to tell you a

story about english

in the 1600s back then as you might

imagine

people spoke differently than we do

today in particular

they used thou when addressing a single

other person

and you when addressing more than one

other person

but for some complex historical reasons

that we don’t have time to get into

today

so you’ll just have to trust me as a

linguist here but people started using

you to address someone regardless of how

many people they were talking to

and people had a lot to say about this

take a look at what this guy thomas

ellwood had to say

he wrote the corrupt and unsound form of

speaking

in the plural number to a single person

you to one instead of thou contrary to

the pure

plain and single language of truth

thou to one and you to more than one

and he goes on needless to say

this change in pronouns was a big deal

in the 1600s

but actually if you follow the debates

about the singular they at all

these arguments might sound familiar to

you

they’re not that far off from the

bickering we hear about the so-called

grammaticality of pronouns used to talk

about trans and non-binary people

one of the most common complaints about

the singular they

is that if they is used to refer to

people in the plural

it can’t also be used to talk about

people in the singular

which is exactly what they said about

thou and you

but as we have seen pronouns have

changed

our grammar rules do change and for

a lot of different reasons and we’re

living through one of these shifts

right now all living languages will

continue to change

and the thomas ellwoods of the world

will eventually have to get with the

program

because hundreds of years later it’s

considered

right to use you when addressing another

person

not just allowable but right

the second belief about language that

people have is that

dictionaries provide official unchanging

definitions for words

when you were in school did you ever

start an essay with a sentence like

the dictionary defines history as

well if you did which dictionary were

you talking about

was it the oxford english dictionary

was it merriam-webster was it urban

dictionary

did you even have a particular

dictionary in mind

which one of these is the dictionary

dictionaries are often thought of as the

authority on language

but dictionaries in fact are changing

all the time

and here’s where our minds are really

blown dictionaries don’t provide

a single definition for words

dictionaries are

living documents that track how some

people

are using language language doesn’t

originate

in dictionaries language originates with

people

and dictionaries are the documents that

chronicle that language use

here’s one example we currently use the

word awful

to talk about something that is bad or

gross but before the 19th century

awful meant just the opposite people

used awful to talk about something

that was deserving of respect or full of

awe

and in the mid 1900s awesome was the

word that took up these positive

meanings

and awful switched to the negative one

we have today

and dictionaries over time reflected

that

this is just one example of how

definitions and meanings have changed

over time and to keep up with it

how dictionaries are updated all the

time

so i hope you’re starting to feel a

little more comfortable with the idea of

changing language

but of course i’m not just talking about

language in general

i’m talking about language as it is

impactful for trans people

and pronouns are only one part of

language and they’re only one part of

language that’s important for trans

people

also important are the identity terms

that trans people use to talk about

ourselves

such as trans man trans woman

non-binary or genderqueer

and some of these words have been

documented in dictionaries for decades

now

and others are still being added year

after year

and that’s because dictionaries are

working to keep up with

us the people who are using language

creatively

so at this point you might be thinking

but archie

it seems like every trans person has a

different word they want me to use for

them

there are so many opportunities for me

to mess up

or to look ignorant or to hurt someone’s

feelings

what is something i can memorize and

reliably employ

when talking to the trans people in my

life

well that brings us to the third belief

of about language that people have

you can’t just make up words

folks people do this all the time here’s

one of my favorite examples

the official term for your mother’s

mother or your father’s mother

is grandmother i recently pulled my

friends

and asked them what they call their

grandmothers

we don’t get frustrated if your friend’s

grandma goes by mima

and yours goes by gigi we just make

rather short work of it

and memorize it and move on getting to

know her

in fact we might even celebrate her by

gifting her with a sweatshirt

or an embroidered pillow that celebrates

the name she has chosen for herself

and just like your nana and your grandma

trans people have every right to choose

their own identifying language

the process of determining

self-identifying language

is crucial for trans people in my

research

many trans people have shared that

finding new vocabulary was an

important part of understanding their

own identities

as one person i interviewed put it

language is one of the most important

personal things

because using different words to

describe myself and then finding

something that

feels good feels right is a very

introspective and important process

with that process you can piece together

with the language that you find out

works best for you

who am i sometimes the words that feel

good

are already out there for me the words

trans and non-binary

just feel right but sometimes the common

lexicon doesn’t yet hold

the words that a person needs to feel

properly understood

and it’s necessary and exciting to get

to create

and redefine words that better reflect

our experience of gender

so this is a very long answer but yes

i’m absolutely going to give you a magic

word

something really easy you can memorize

and i want you to think of this word as

the biggest piece of advice i could give

you

if you don’t know what words to use for

the trans people in your life

ask i might be a linguist

and a trans person and a linguist who

works with trans people

but i’m no substitute for the actual

trans people in your life

when it comes to what words to use for

them

and you’re more likely to hurt someone’s

feelings by

not asking or assuming than you

are by asking and the words that a

person

uses might change so just commit

to asking and learning

language is a powerful tool for

explaining

and claiming our own identities and for

building relationships

that affirm and support us but language

is just that

a tool language works for us

not the other way around all of us

transgender and cisgender can use

language

to understand ourselves and to respect

those around us

we’re not bound by what words have meant

before

what order they might have come in or

what rules we

have been taught we can consider the

beliefs

that we might have had about how

language works

and recognize that language will

continue to change

and we can creatively use language to

build the identities and relationships

that bring us joy

and that’s not just allowable it’s right

believe me

you