How to Trojan Horse Leaders into Being More Empathetic
[Music]
in august 2008
i almost died after weeks of intense
neck back and migraine pain
i collapsed unconscious on my bathroom
floor
luckily my husband was home at the time
and immediately called 9-1-1
and paramedics came and whisked me off
to harborview
the regional trauma center part of uw
medicine system
in seattle there doctors discovered a
ruptured brain aneurysm
bleeding into my right frontal lobe they
rushed me into surgery
where skilled nurses and doctors we now
affectionately call
brain ninjas saved my life
i was in the hospital a total of six
weeks between neuro icu and inpatient
rehab
i don’t remember much of the month of
august that year due to short-term
memory loss
heavy drugs and other cognitive trauma
now you also need to know that i was
temporarily blind during this time
so there i was hair half shaved off
lying unsure in a hospital bed staring
into my own blurriness
listening to the tv
would it be weird to say that i had an
amazing experience during that
time the care we received was
extraordinary
all medical procedures were explained
before any poking and prodding began
everyone from the surgeons to the meal
delivery staff
used my first name there were no set
visiting hours
my husband could stay there as long as i
needed him
and at a particularly vulnerable time it
was a
big deal to choose my own food which
meant a lot of chocolate cream pie
my dog could come visit me in the
outdoor garden
and no matter who he asked for help no
one ever said
that’s not my job extraordinary
was it just luck or chance that i had
the most
kind and caring people on my care team
after my amazing recovery i wanted to
give back so i became a patient advisor
for the hospital
that meant i was the voice of the
patient on in this case an
education committee this allowed me to
get a peek
under the hood none of this was
chance or luck it was intentionally
designed
to be an empathetic patient experience
see uw medicine like many hospitals
around the world
follows a methodology of philosophy
known as patient and family-centered
care
they use this methodology to determine
policies practices
communications training that put the
patient
and their family at the center of the
care experience
they see things from the patient’s point
of view like with their patient advisors
and adopt policies that make the
experience
what it is empathy
by design but why
well it turns out that patient and
family-centered care
saves hospitals money it reduces costly
errors it reduces readmission rates
it boosts patient satisfaction scores
and word of mouth
it even improves health outcomes
all very bottom line motives to invest
lower costs
higher profits and that’s totally okay
as a patient i didn’t care about why i
just cared about the great experience
i had that led to my recovery this
environment enabled my caregivers
natural empathy to flourish so it was
the ultimate
win-win-win for organization staff
and customer
is empathy adopted for selfish motives
any less valid
we all lament what barack obama has
called the empathy deficit
we see in our world in our community in
our workplaces
but broad platitudes to be nicer
are not actionable enough for people to
put into practice during tough
situations
if we really want to close the empathy
gap we have to meet people where they
are
we have to get creative and often
we as humans need selfish motives
to adopt new behaviors
empathy to me as a marketer has always
been important to success
understanding things from your customers
point of view so you can provide the
right
products services communications but
several years back i was left shocked
and
scared by questionable leadership
practices
all around us our most visible and
successful leaders
involved in scandals ranging from dc to
silicon valley
wall street to hollywood
all of this while at the time i was
reading books to my two and a half year
old son
like words are not for hurting and
trying to teach him values of compassion
and collaboration and understanding his
impact on other people
and honestly i lost heart i teared up
reading those books to my son i thought
why bother
if he’s just going to grow up in a world
where the leaders that he sees as
successful
don’t exemplify any of these values
so my solution was to research research
exactly how we could put empathy into
action regardless of our profession
and who was doing it and i was delighted
to find
so many examples so much data and
research
that proved that empathy is not just
good for society
it’s great for business and as a
business strategist
a light went off i thought what if we
could convince leaders
to adopt empathy because of them being
able to find success for themselves or
their brands or their cultures
what if we could show them what’s in it
for them
first let me explain what i mean by
empathy in a business context
empathy is not about being nice it’s not
about
crying on the floor with your employees
it’s not about caving into crazy demands
it’s not even about agreeing with people
empathy is about seeing things from
another person’s
perspective so that you can connect with
them
it’s about a method of perspective
taking of information gathering
and using that to take action to make a
decision
to communicate in a certain way it can
often lead to compassionate acts
especially during a tough decision and
sometimes it can involve
feeling what someone else is feeling
but for those of you wondering but
exactly how does it benefit a business
here’s what i learned empathetic leaders
enjoy more loyalty and engagement
if you see hear and value your people
they’re going to do their best work for
you
and that’s going to translate to the
customer experience
one study showed that engaged workforces
will yield 10 percent more customer
ratings higher customer ratings
and will increase sales by 20 percent
empathetic cultures create more
innovative products and services they
attract top talent they retain top
talent
they reduce turnover one survey showed
that eighty percent of people would be
more likely to stay
or would be more likely to leave their
employer for a more empathetic
organization
but more than 90 percent would be more
likely to stay
with an empathetic employer
empathetic brands enjoy more positive
word of mouth
they enjoy more customer loyalty and
profitability and revenue
one survey of ceos showed that they link
empathetic culture with financial
performance
and you can look at a company like
ryanair airlines a discount airline in
europe
several years ago they implemented many
uh empathetic customer service policies
to take
the hassle out of travel things like
allocated seating or baggage fees
the following year they saw an increase
in their net profit of 43 percent
empathy is not just good for society
it’s great for business
and if we can help leaders adopt an
empathetic mindset
even if it’s to advance their own agenda
the recipients
still benefit i have personally
witnessed
how doing things for good optics can
transform people from the outside in
hear me out once upon a time i was a
marketing manager and it was my job
to put on events and campaigns to help
our clients
pretty up their not so pretty
reputations and one of the
promotions i always used to push on them
was a food bank drive
because it was my way of getting them to
use their money for the good of the
community
a semi-truck load of food would rock up
to a food bank
press would take photos execs would
shake hands staff would unpack boxes
and the client would look like a hero
but something amazing happened those
executives
the staff they were now in a situation
they never would have been in
interacting with people at a different
socioeconomic level
they got to know them as people they
heard their stories they hugged
many of them stayed involved with the
organization long after the event
selfish motives got them into the room
to connect to be forever changed
and by the way the food bank got stocked
and hungry people got to eat
this is the cornerstone of effective
marketing what’s in it for me
we can use this human trait to persuade
people if you’ve ever
wrapped vegetables and bacon for your
little one to eat you know what i’m
talking about
and we see examples of this beyond
for-profits
we see non-profits using this as a way
to get people to do good
it’s not just about their cause or the
people they help but
how will you make a difference how can
we acknowledge your generosity with a
brick in the walkway
or a building named after you
now i realize this might not sit right
with some of you and i totally get it
but do the recipients care how a leader
gets to adopting an empathetic mindset
like me in that hospital
once you try it on once you adopt an
empathetic mindset
you’re there you’re being empathetic
i talked to one psychologist who works
with used to work with autistic children
and to help them cultivate their empathy
they would give them wrote lists of
things to do in an interaction
make eye contact follow specific scripts
the kids didn’t want to do it they were
being told to do it
but what happened was they liked the
response they were getting
and they wanted to do more and pretty
soon it did become just
part of how they operated with people it
took that
external nudge to get them to make that
internal change
modern market trends as well as the
pandemic have shown us that
brands and leaders acting with empathy
are winning right now
those that have been there for their
employees for their customers
for their communities the markets paid
attention
and rewarded them just look at all the
media attention lavished on zoom
for free k through 12 access or
salesforce
for extending paid family leave or
starbucks for
increasing employee mental health
benefits
and by the way further to that the
incoming talent generations
gen z millennials they’re demanding a
new kind of workplace culture
and a new kind of leadership style one
survey showed that 71
of them want their workplace to feel
like a second family
top talent will no longer tolerate
organizations that don’t
see hear and value diverse viewpoints
they’re demanding respect balance
empathy
and companies ignore this shift at their
own financial peril
as we face a world filled with
challenges right now
we’ve got to get creative so let’s show
leaders how adopting
empathy can yield success
when our most visible leaders are acting
with empathy that has an exponential
impact
on all of us and talk about the ripple
effect
you can be that model of success in your
own sphere of influence
when you act with empathy through active
listening
through genuine curiosity through
practicing presence
you’re going to reap all the benefits
that the research shows
collaboration innovation trust
you’re going to get more done and people
are going to look at you as a model and
say
i like the way he operates i want to
find success
that way you show them that you can be
compassionate and competitive
ambitious and kind representation
matters
here’s hope for the future there are
efforts afoot
all over the world to cultivate empathy
in young children
so they don’t need that external
motivation so it just becomes part of
who they are
let me tell you about a little girl
named yalda modabur
yalda was born in the u.s but her family
moved back to iran
and then back to the u.s in the late 70s
right before
the iranian hostage crisis yalda did not
have
many friends she didn’t fit in but then
one day a group of girls came to her
door
and asked her if she wanted to play
delighted she followed them
and they led her to a mob of waiting
kids on bicycles
kids taunted her by singing bomb iran to
the tune of barbara anne
they pelted her with plaster of paris
balls
yalda was physically and psychologically
bullied
for two more years
you know what happened to that little
girl she grew up
became a scientist studied the brain and
opened a school goleston education in
northern california
a school where empathy and compassion
are ingrained into the curriculum
and experience not just some 30-minute
class
kindness is at the root of every kid’s
experience and
yalda wanted to create an environment
where kids were so cradled and supported
that they would never want to lash out
and treat others so inhumanely
she wants empathy to be so embedded in
their identities as leaders
that acting in any other way would be a
misalignment to their sense of self
imagine if empathy was just how we
wanted to operate
imagine if that was the norm imagine if
leaders
grew up like the kids at yalda’s school
it’s possible but for us adults
right now we need to reprogram ourselves
and human nature suggests that external
motives
selfish motives are a great way to
ignite
internal change
so let’s show leaders what’s in it for
them let’s show them
that they can be successful without
parking their humanity at the door every
day
a world where leaders who put people
first
profit grow and thrive as a result
that world is possible but we have to
meet people where they are
so i invite you to help me trojan horse
the world into being more empathetic