How to Trojan Horse Leaders into Being More Empathetic

[Music]

in august 2008

i almost died after weeks of intense

neck back and migraine pain

i collapsed unconscious on my bathroom

floor

luckily my husband was home at the time

and immediately called 9-1-1

and paramedics came and whisked me off

to harborview

the regional trauma center part of uw

medicine system

in seattle there doctors discovered a

ruptured brain aneurysm

bleeding into my right frontal lobe they

rushed me into surgery

where skilled nurses and doctors we now

affectionately call

brain ninjas saved my life

i was in the hospital a total of six

weeks between neuro icu and inpatient

rehab

i don’t remember much of the month of

august that year due to short-term

memory loss

heavy drugs and other cognitive trauma

now you also need to know that i was

temporarily blind during this time

so there i was hair half shaved off

lying unsure in a hospital bed staring

into my own blurriness

listening to the tv

would it be weird to say that i had an

amazing experience during that

time the care we received was

extraordinary

all medical procedures were explained

before any poking and prodding began

everyone from the surgeons to the meal

delivery staff

used my first name there were no set

visiting hours

my husband could stay there as long as i

needed him

and at a particularly vulnerable time it

was a

big deal to choose my own food which

meant a lot of chocolate cream pie

my dog could come visit me in the

outdoor garden

and no matter who he asked for help no

one ever said

that’s not my job extraordinary

was it just luck or chance that i had

the most

kind and caring people on my care team

after my amazing recovery i wanted to

give back so i became a patient advisor

for the hospital

that meant i was the voice of the

patient on in this case an

education committee this allowed me to

get a peek

under the hood none of this was

chance or luck it was intentionally

designed

to be an empathetic patient experience

see uw medicine like many hospitals

around the world

follows a methodology of philosophy

known as patient and family-centered

care

they use this methodology to determine

policies practices

communications training that put the

patient

and their family at the center of the

care experience

they see things from the patient’s point

of view like with their patient advisors

and adopt policies that make the

experience

what it is empathy

by design but why

well it turns out that patient and

family-centered care

saves hospitals money it reduces costly

errors it reduces readmission rates

it boosts patient satisfaction scores

and word of mouth

it even improves health outcomes

all very bottom line motives to invest

lower costs

higher profits and that’s totally okay

as a patient i didn’t care about why i

just cared about the great experience

i had that led to my recovery this

environment enabled my caregivers

natural empathy to flourish so it was

the ultimate

win-win-win for organization staff

and customer

is empathy adopted for selfish motives

any less valid

we all lament what barack obama has

called the empathy deficit

we see in our world in our community in

our workplaces

but broad platitudes to be nicer

are not actionable enough for people to

put into practice during tough

situations

if we really want to close the empathy

gap we have to meet people where they

are

we have to get creative and often

we as humans need selfish motives

to adopt new behaviors

empathy to me as a marketer has always

been important to success

understanding things from your customers

point of view so you can provide the

right

products services communications but

several years back i was left shocked

and

scared by questionable leadership

practices

all around us our most visible and

successful leaders

involved in scandals ranging from dc to

silicon valley

wall street to hollywood

all of this while at the time i was

reading books to my two and a half year

old son

like words are not for hurting and

trying to teach him values of compassion

and collaboration and understanding his

impact on other people

and honestly i lost heart i teared up

reading those books to my son i thought

why bother

if he’s just going to grow up in a world

where the leaders that he sees as

successful

don’t exemplify any of these values

so my solution was to research research

exactly how we could put empathy into

action regardless of our profession

and who was doing it and i was delighted

to find

so many examples so much data and

research

that proved that empathy is not just

good for society

it’s great for business and as a

business strategist

a light went off i thought what if we

could convince leaders

to adopt empathy because of them being

able to find success for themselves or

their brands or their cultures

what if we could show them what’s in it

for them

first let me explain what i mean by

empathy in a business context

empathy is not about being nice it’s not

about

crying on the floor with your employees

it’s not about caving into crazy demands

it’s not even about agreeing with people

empathy is about seeing things from

another person’s

perspective so that you can connect with

them

it’s about a method of perspective

taking of information gathering

and using that to take action to make a

decision

to communicate in a certain way it can

often lead to compassionate acts

especially during a tough decision and

sometimes it can involve

feeling what someone else is feeling

but for those of you wondering but

exactly how does it benefit a business

here’s what i learned empathetic leaders

enjoy more loyalty and engagement

if you see hear and value your people

they’re going to do their best work for

you

and that’s going to translate to the

customer experience

one study showed that engaged workforces

will yield 10 percent more customer

ratings higher customer ratings

and will increase sales by 20 percent

empathetic cultures create more

innovative products and services they

attract top talent they retain top

talent

they reduce turnover one survey showed

that eighty percent of people would be

more likely to stay

or would be more likely to leave their

employer for a more empathetic

organization

but more than 90 percent would be more

likely to stay

with an empathetic employer

empathetic brands enjoy more positive

word of mouth

they enjoy more customer loyalty and

profitability and revenue

one survey of ceos showed that they link

empathetic culture with financial

performance

and you can look at a company like

ryanair airlines a discount airline in

europe

several years ago they implemented many

uh empathetic customer service policies

to take

the hassle out of travel things like

allocated seating or baggage fees

the following year they saw an increase

in their net profit of 43 percent

empathy is not just good for society

it’s great for business

and if we can help leaders adopt an

empathetic mindset

even if it’s to advance their own agenda

the recipients

still benefit i have personally

witnessed

how doing things for good optics can

transform people from the outside in

hear me out once upon a time i was a

marketing manager and it was my job

to put on events and campaigns to help

our clients

pretty up their not so pretty

reputations and one of the

promotions i always used to push on them

was a food bank drive

because it was my way of getting them to

use their money for the good of the

community

a semi-truck load of food would rock up

to a food bank

press would take photos execs would

shake hands staff would unpack boxes

and the client would look like a hero

but something amazing happened those

executives

the staff they were now in a situation

they never would have been in

interacting with people at a different

socioeconomic level

they got to know them as people they

heard their stories they hugged

many of them stayed involved with the

organization long after the event

selfish motives got them into the room

to connect to be forever changed

and by the way the food bank got stocked

and hungry people got to eat

this is the cornerstone of effective

marketing what’s in it for me

we can use this human trait to persuade

people if you’ve ever

wrapped vegetables and bacon for your

little one to eat you know what i’m

talking about

and we see examples of this beyond

for-profits

we see non-profits using this as a way

to get people to do good

it’s not just about their cause or the

people they help but

how will you make a difference how can

we acknowledge your generosity with a

brick in the walkway

or a building named after you

now i realize this might not sit right

with some of you and i totally get it

but do the recipients care how a leader

gets to adopting an empathetic mindset

like me in that hospital

once you try it on once you adopt an

empathetic mindset

you’re there you’re being empathetic

i talked to one psychologist who works

with used to work with autistic children

and to help them cultivate their empathy

they would give them wrote lists of

things to do in an interaction

make eye contact follow specific scripts

the kids didn’t want to do it they were

being told to do it

but what happened was they liked the

response they were getting

and they wanted to do more and pretty

soon it did become just

part of how they operated with people it

took that

external nudge to get them to make that

internal change

modern market trends as well as the

pandemic have shown us that

brands and leaders acting with empathy

are winning right now

those that have been there for their

employees for their customers

for their communities the markets paid

attention

and rewarded them just look at all the

media attention lavished on zoom

for free k through 12 access or

salesforce

for extending paid family leave or

starbucks for

increasing employee mental health

benefits

and by the way further to that the

incoming talent generations

gen z millennials they’re demanding a

new kind of workplace culture

and a new kind of leadership style one

survey showed that 71

of them want their workplace to feel

like a second family

top talent will no longer tolerate

organizations that don’t

see hear and value diverse viewpoints

they’re demanding respect balance

empathy

and companies ignore this shift at their

own financial peril

as we face a world filled with

challenges right now

we’ve got to get creative so let’s show

leaders how adopting

empathy can yield success

when our most visible leaders are acting

with empathy that has an exponential

impact

on all of us and talk about the ripple

effect

you can be that model of success in your

own sphere of influence

when you act with empathy through active

listening

through genuine curiosity through

practicing presence

you’re going to reap all the benefits

that the research shows

collaboration innovation trust

you’re going to get more done and people

are going to look at you as a model and

say

i like the way he operates i want to

find success

that way you show them that you can be

compassionate and competitive

ambitious and kind representation

matters

here’s hope for the future there are

efforts afoot

all over the world to cultivate empathy

in young children

so they don’t need that external

motivation so it just becomes part of

who they are

let me tell you about a little girl

named yalda modabur

yalda was born in the u.s but her family

moved back to iran

and then back to the u.s in the late 70s

right before

the iranian hostage crisis yalda did not

have

many friends she didn’t fit in but then

one day a group of girls came to her

door

and asked her if she wanted to play

delighted she followed them

and they led her to a mob of waiting

kids on bicycles

kids taunted her by singing bomb iran to

the tune of barbara anne

they pelted her with plaster of paris

balls

yalda was physically and psychologically

bullied

for two more years

you know what happened to that little

girl she grew up

became a scientist studied the brain and

opened a school goleston education in

northern california

a school where empathy and compassion

are ingrained into the curriculum

and experience not just some 30-minute

class

kindness is at the root of every kid’s

experience and

yalda wanted to create an environment

where kids were so cradled and supported

that they would never want to lash out

and treat others so inhumanely

she wants empathy to be so embedded in

their identities as leaders

that acting in any other way would be a

misalignment to their sense of self

imagine if empathy was just how we

wanted to operate

imagine if that was the norm imagine if

leaders

grew up like the kids at yalda’s school

it’s possible but for us adults

right now we need to reprogram ourselves

and human nature suggests that external

motives

selfish motives are a great way to

ignite

internal change

so let’s show leaders what’s in it for

them let’s show them

that they can be successful without

parking their humanity at the door every

day

a world where leaders who put people

first

profit grow and thrive as a result

that world is possible but we have to

meet people where they are

so i invite you to help me trojan horse

the world into being more empathetic