Maps to Authenticity in Leadership Speaking

[Music]

when’s the last time that you went

dancing

i’m talking about the kind of dancing

where you actually get dressed up in

your finest you put on your dancing

shoes and you actually go somewhere to

dance

i bet it was a long time ago

especially now with covid but even

before then

people just aren’t dancing and moving

their bodies the same way they were when

i was growing up

i’m a child of the early 1970s and back

then everybody was dancing

i grew up in sweden so we were dancing

to abba and bonnie m and my father loved

with a capital l earth wind and fire

that song

doesn’t in september that was always on

that was like the theme song of my

childhood

but you know what dancing in whatever

time and whatever place you do it it’s

about one main thing

it’s about release

letting go self-expression

and that’s so different from how we’re

living today

isn’t it

in my line of work training global

leaders and teams and change makers and

the art of leadership speaking

i see a lot of pent-up bodies

in fact i’d say that full-body tension

is probably the biggest problem that my

students face

and this tension affects everything they

do when they are speaking in front of

audiences

when they move they move like robots

when they speak their faces are in

lockdown so their voices are monotonous

and sometimes when i look them in their

eyes

there’s nobody home behind them

[Music]

tension is the enemy of connection

and some of my students

you can’t see who they are at their core

because this is hidden and invisible

entombed by layers of what habit

and culture and life frankly

have brought them

my job is to very gently

very lovingly and very competently

open

these layers

releasing their authenticity back out

into the world

so that they can connect with their

audiences make their messages matter

and show up as the best versions of

themselves

my job

is to bring them home

where’s home for you

your vertical center

where you can dance like no one is

watching

let your hair down and just do you

where you are unshackled from the social

and

cultural and self-imposed

behavioral norms and etiquette which

dictate how you should walk how you

should stand how you chew yawn

move and even breathe

where is home

where are you

who are you with

and what are you doing

when you’re the best version of yourself

completely relaxed

and free

unbound by the invisible chains which

block

your light

hide your gifts

and suffocate who you are at the core

where

is home

knowing where home is is about

rediscovering who you are at the center

of your being

it’s about living your truth and being

okay with that

it’s about taking your armor down

and just being in that moment so that

both you and your audiences can thrive

if you don’t know where home is no

worries i’ve got a map to help you find

it

a map to finding your way home and to

reclaiming your authenticity as a

speaker

this map

was created from the many forks in the

road twists and turns and dead ends

quite frankly that i’ve experienced

myself and my own adventures in

leadership speaking

and i want to share this map with you

here

because now is the right time

covert 19 has left us

unhinged

we are fragmented

and out of alignment can you feel it

you know we may have revolutionized

how we stay connected with each other by

being online

but i feel like we’ve never been more

disconnected

yeah because we’re squeezing ourselves

into these small little digital

rectangles

where you only see our bobbing heads and

moving mouths

sound familiar

yeah

and this squeezes and shrinks our

authenticity and it takes

the air out of what we say it flattens

our voices disengages our bodies and

what we have to say in our messages just

disappear

but you know what

what we’re doing in these little boxes

is we’re talking about facts and

knowledge and information and for you

left-brained people in here

this is probably some sort of a

renaissance

but this is unbalanced

if i were to draw what this looks like

we would be looking at

a giant

head

with a tiny little stick figure body

that it’s floating on top of these are

the proportions that we’re dealing with

right now all right this is what’s

showing up

and i want to ask you

how can you show up as the best version

of yourself when you’re only a bobbing

head

how can you be authentic and connect to

your audiences when this is what’s going

on in fragmentation look the answer is

simple you can’t

because your body is the key to

unlocking everything

what your body does your authenticity

does

what your body does your presence does

what your body does your voice does what

your body does i think you get the

picture

your body is a book

and the stories that it tells reveals

who you are at the core

that’s why before we even start talking

about the map that i’ve got for you here

today

you need to trust that your body’s got

your back

and reconnect with your legs

and your feet yes you have legs and feet

and what you can do

as a kind of ritual before you get

online before you speak to any audiences

as a matter of fact take your shoes and

socks off

and walk around the space curling your

toes feeling that

ground underneath your feet and think to

yourself

where are my feet

where are my knees

where are my legs

and the next level of this is to balance

here you leave your head brain

and you enter the intelligence of your

beautiful body

and you and i both know that when you

are balanced you can do anything

so let’s get back to this map

the first stop on it

is pretty straightforward i’m going to

call it

your mindset and it’s this red dot right

here

mindset

heartbeat

we feel most alive when our heart beats

the quickest

don’t we

think about when your heart beats fast

when you’re dancing

when you’re in love

when you feel fear

let’s unpack fear

related to speaking in front of

audiences raise your hands if you’ve

ever felt fearful before you speak

yes look at everybody this is universal

thank you yes

this is how we operate as people we are

hardwired to deal with fear in one of

three ways we take flight we fight or we

freeze

and you and i both know that none of

those options are appropriate to do when

we’re speaking in front of audiences

so what do we do we have to have a plan

because if we don’t have a plan fear

will manage us

instead of us

managing fear

and in the context of speaking in front

of audiences fear

is a thief

it steals your ability to relax and to

enjoy yourself and it robs your

authenticity so what’s the plan two ways

that i want to suggest

for you to manage fear way number one

prepare very well

or like ben franklin said if you fail to

prepare

you prepare to fail

yeah so i’m talking about the high

stakes talks right the ones that really

matter

where you need to put some sweat equity

into the game roll up your shirt sleeves

go and rehearse until this content

becomes a part of your body i see a lot

of people who rehearse until they kind

of get robotic and then they say oh i

better stop rehearsing now but that’s a

mistake

they need to go the distance

or like prince said my musical idol

the more you learn it the more it

becomes part of who you are

fyi that’s how you know that you’ve

rehearsed enough

so that’s where you stop rehearsing when

it just pours out of you

another way to manage fear

is to change the orientation of your

internal compass this is a compass

and most of my students in the early

days have a compass needle that points

squarely at them it’s the me show hey

they use the i and the me and the myself

pronoun a lot

but what they don’t know yet because i

haven’t taught them yet is that

leadership speaking isn’t about you it’s

about your audience

and that’s where your compass needle

needs to be pointed

you need to be in authentic

service

yes because it’s not the me show it’s

the wii show

you are bundling your content into a

world that matters to your audience

their needs their interests that’s what

you’re populating this bundle with in

your content and you’re doing the same

with your delivery how can you show up

in presence and use your voice and

connect with your body so that your

audience gets you

that’s authentic service and something

magic happens when you do this

when you’re in authentic service to your

audience fear melts away

you know what this feels like when

you’re giving somebody something from

your heart

then you’re not in fear

try that next time

let’s move on

we’re going to go to one more stop here

on the map the heart set

yes this is that place

that you protect and build walls around

when you’re in fear

this is what you armor up and shut down

when you feel afraid

and vulnerable this is normal we all do

this

but the problem is when you do this

related to speaking when you armor up

your heart

we can’t see you

and if we can’t see you

we can’t connect with you and if you

want to know what it feels like to be in

the company of someone who has an

armored heart

just remember the last time that you

felt numb

when you were watching somebody talk

yeah

that feeling of hey i’m here but you

don’t see me that person is so

disengaged discombobulated disconnected

they’re in their head not their body you

see

and by the way if that person is you

making people feel numb when you’re

talking to them

my invitation to you

is to get out of your head

and get into your body you have a lot of

work to do to reconnect

so

more about the heart

i like to say that who you are at the

core

in your heart

is one of the four elements

and we all know these elements earth

water fire air

let me break this down

if you are earth core if this is what is

your dominant element

then you are

steady on your feet

you move slowly and with purpose

and you make your audience feel safe

if you are water core you are liquid and

mobile you move from your hips and you

have a melodic voice that people like to

listen to

if you are fire core you are fierce

you move in angles and you make people’s

hearts beat faster

if you are air core you are light

and luminous and ephemeral and you spend

time on your toes

and you make people feel young again

which element are you

where is home

knowing where home is is about knowing

where you’re the best version of

yourself because you’re the best version

of yourself and your element

but there’s a shadow side

i’ve found that you tend to be the least

best version of yourself when you’re in

the opposite

element

so my element is fire you might have

noticed that

and the opposite of fire is what

water yeah i hate being watery it’s like

woo

that’s not me

so i have to do a lot to compensate i

warm up

the waters of my body are in my hips so

i’m spending an hour before i speak

doing that i wear blue

to try to get flowy with you for balance

because too much of anything isn’t good

people

too much fire i burn

and if i burn i burn you too i need

water for balance too much earth and

you’re digging your audience into

ditches you need air

too much water and you’re drowning in

your sorrows

and the audience is drowning with you

you need fire

too much air and you whisp away into

nothing into the universe and nobody

remembers you were there you need earth

so the takeaway is

you are the best version of yourself in

your element but there’s a shadow side

that you need to nurture

so let’s go to our last stop on our map

here today

and that’s right here

i’m going to call this the gut

set the gut this is where your intuition

lives

your gut keeps you alive

i like to say to my students and to my

two teenage children

if it feels right it is right

but if it feels wrong it is wrong

stop drop

and make a bold decision

what does that look like in real life

related to speaking well let’s imagine

you’re talking and you’re feeling

something is not right and you’re

listening to that internal conversation

that chatter

and you’re feeling like you’re talking

too fast stop

take a drink of water if there’s

something nearby

as you’re drinking you’re dropping

what’s not working and you’re doing the

opposite right making a bold decision is

about doing the opposite 180 degrees

different from what you were doing

the opposite of speaking fast is

speaking slow so take that water put it

down and the next time your mouth opens

you speak slowly

i know this sounds easy but it’s kind of

hard

but when you do it you add it to your

repertoire you become ninja level aware

of this conversation in your gut

and it keeps you authentic it keeps you

in the moment

you know what

about 16 minutes ago

i was talking about how we’re not

dancing

anymore as a culture you remember that

part

yeah well i kind of feel like these dots

are a little mobile there’s something

dancey about them

and i think it’s time to connect the

dots

let me draw the full picture

[Music]

you begin with your feet

finding balance getting grounded

connecting to your legs

then you go to your head

where your mindset lives two different

ways to manage fear

then you go to your heart

where your true nature lives but mind

your shadow

next you get to your gut

always trust your gut it keeps you alive

and look

huh it’s a human

it’s you

welcome home

this is your map

and you already own it but let me tell

you this another way

[Music]

[Music]

[Music]

[Applause]

under the surface i see you glow

i know that you’re in there

my invitation to you

is to come dancing

to use the map of your own body to

reclaim

your authenticity

dare to be remarkable

dare to be seen

because when we really see you

we connect with you

[Applause]