Radical Self Leadership

[Music]

what does it take

to banish self-doubt and embrace radical

self-leadership

my journey started on a thursday night

about 15 years ago

when my night school students were

finishing up their final exams

and as they started walking towards me

with their exams in hand

there comes one of my very brightest

students

she was at every single class she was

right at the front of the room

and her written work and assignments

were uniformly outstanding

and as she came towards me my smile

turned to a look of concern

as soon as i saw her expression i will

never forget

the tears running down her face as she

handed me her exam

and choked out an apology for failing

the course right in front of the other

students

what just happened i quickly determined

that there had been no crisis that night

there was no catastrophic event she was

simply convinced

that despite all of her study and

preparation

she knew absolutely none of the answers

to any of the questions

and yet i knew that it was

mathematically

impossible for her to fail that course

and as it turned out

she actually got an a on her exam now

this is an example of what i call

radical self-doubt

and psychologists call imposter syndrome

you might have heard of it it’s when you

have feelings of

inadequacy or incompetence despite

evidence of being skilled and successful

imposter syndrome was coined in the

1970s by two psychologists

pauline clance and suzanne eins and they

first observed

it among high achieving professional

women

and as a high achieving professional

woman i will just say

i can identify but i have three

questions for you

and i want you to be very honest with

yourself

the day you got your offer of acceptance

to college or university

did it cross your mind that there must

have been some

clerical error in the admissions office

when you got accepted

or that big high-stakes job interview

was it possible that the interview panel

got your name

confused with another candidate when

they offered

you the job or at work

do you sometimes feel like your

colleagues seem to know exactly what

they’re supposed to be doing

well you’re in kind of that fake it till

you make it mode

and don’t worry i’m not going to ask you

to broadcast your answers on social

media but

i will raise my hand to all three of

those things

in spite of 12 years in university and

then another 20 years

in teaching and research and clinical

practice and leadership

i still sometimes feel like i am nowhere

near as

smart or effective as my brilliant and

successful colleagues

and it turns out i’m not alone

research shows that imposter syndrome is

pretty widespread

one study shows that about 70 percent of

us experience it at one time or another

and more recent research suggests that

imposter syndrome

may be especially prevalent among

students and academics

as well as individuals whose gender or

ethnicity or identity

makes them a minority in the workplace

and

the irony is we all keep it a secret

as if everyone else around us is waking

up and

going about their lives secure in the

assurance

that they’re fully skilled and

successful when chances are

they’re feeling exactly the same way you

are

self-doubt radical or otherwise

distracts us

and robs us of the ability to be

fully present to ourselves and others

and taken to an extreme

it can undermine the joy that we take in

our work

and relationships and so after that

fateful night of the final exam i

started thinking about my

outstanding students and what they were

doing right

and it boiled down to three practices

three behaviors

that are beautifully simple if not

beautifully easy

think of it like a simple wooden

three-legged stool

and it struck me that maybe i needed to

be teaching my students

about the three-legged stool the three

practices

in addition to teaching my course

content

and as i started talking with students

about the three-legged stool

it occurred to me that maybe what works

so well in school

could be equally true long after

graduation

because the three-legged stool didn’t

just help my students

it gave me a tangible way to banish

that self-defeating inside voice and

so now when those doubts creep in am i

smart enough

do i really have what it takes or when

i’m tempted to take the easy way out

because i’m afraid to fail i get a

picture in my mind

of the three-legged stool and that gets

me out of my head

and guides me toward positive action

so what are the three practices

show up pay attention

and do your homework simple but not easy

now it’s hard to imagine being remotely

successful

if you don’t actually go to work or show

up for class

but showing up is so much more than just

being

physically present for example how well

do you show up for yourself on a daily

basis

and how good are we at showing up for

others

for our colleagues or our teams or our

students

as vice president academic and chief

learning officer

at a large canadian public college i’ve

had no shortage of coaching

conversations with students and

employees from

all across the organization and at their

heart

almost every single one of those

conversations is about showing up in

some way

maybe it’s giving someone else the

benefit of the doubt

or saying yes to a bold idea

and the decisions that we make can have

life-changing consequences

so we owe it to ourselves to show up for

our values

in how we frame those decisions showing

up

is as much a philosophy of service as it

is a concrete physical action

sometimes in our busy lives it can be

so much easier to fly below the radar

and it takes courage to speak out or

stand with others whose voices may be

marginalized

or muted and let me ask you this

have you ever said no to something

something

really good in your life because you

were

afraid to say yes showing up

is saying yes it’s about facing our

fears and stepping outside our comfort

zone

with the intent of making a difference

so

showing up is key but it’s equally

important for us

to pay attention and so many people

are not paying attention and i’m not

talking about the driver in the car

ahead of you

who is going very slowly because they’re

looking

at their phone self-doubt

forces us to focus our attention inwards

onto ourselves and not necessarily

in a good way when we’re worried about

looking

competent or confident or in control

it’s really hard for us to pay attention

to other people

and that’s a problem because we are all

social animals paying attention

is an extremely active practice of

courage and

curiosity the american poet

mary oliver said to pay attention

this is our endless and proper work

if showing up is about service saying

yes

paying attention is deeply and

meaningfully engaging with people

and the world around us it’s grappling

with ideas that are

new or unfamiliar or even those

with which we may profoundly disagree

and i have found this to be as true in

my personal life

as it is in the workplace or the

classroom

so okay let’s get personal

when my daughter was five my

relationship with her dad

ended for lots of reasons that i’m not

gonna get into right now

but anyone who’s ever been through a

divorce probably knows that

it’s not fun or easy to want to show up

for your ex

never mind pay attention to them and if

it weren’t for my daughter

i probably wouldn’t have tried but i am

so glad that i did by intentionally

trying to understand

his perspective how he saw things that

started to open up a space

for him to hear me and for him to show

up for me

and instead of years of acrimony and

conflict we enjoyed years of friendship

and joy in co-parenting our

amazing daughter and i get

that not every relationship can be or

even should be

salvaged and maybe that story kind of

sounds like a fairy tale

but six years ago when chris my

ex died after a heroic battle with a

terminal illness

i grieved for the loss of one of my very

best friends

and for my daughter’s loss but i had

no regrets and that experience

taught me a profound life lesson not

showing up

not paying attention can cost us grades

or jobs but it can also cost us

relationships

and joy and so we might show up

and pay very close attention but unless

we do our homework we’re still going to

miss the mark

now for students homework is more than

doing the course readings or studying

for exams

homework might be joining an

extracurricular club

or cultivating a professional network

or homework might be seeking out

counseling supports

or academic accommodations or tutoring

homework is looking for that something

extra we can do

and it’s not just about helping

ourselves homework

is about advocacy and activism

and lending a helping hand so

what does your homework look like with

your partner

or your friend or with your community

and what homework have you been maybe

putting off with yourself

and let me tell you the real secret you

have to do

all three all three of these practices

it’s a three-legged stool

and if you start sawing away at one or

two of the legs of the three-legged

stool

it’s gonna tip and teeter and if you

actually start hacking away

at the three-legged stool chances are

you’re gonna fall off

and let’s be real the three-legged stool

is not the solution to the world’s

problems

life is messy and it’s complicated

and there are no shortage of times or

reasons

when we should very rightly doubt

ourselves

but thinking about my student the one

who wept on that

cold dark thursday night all those years

ago

no one ever told her that the things she

was already doing

showing up paying attention doing her

homework in

all the ways that i’ve mentioned were in

themselves

a virtual guarantee of her success and

i can’t help but wonder if maybe knowing

that might have reassured her that she

really was on track

that maybe her radical self-doubt her

imposter syndrome

might have been challenged by the

tangible evidence of her three-legged

stool

and maybe that night she might have

handed in her exam with a sense of

pride and triumph and excitement for the

next step in her journey

so how well are you balanced

on your three-legged stool at their

heart

these practices show up pay attention

do your homework aren’t just a recipe

for success

at school or work or even

success in life they are ingredients

for radical self leadership

for making the most of your full

potential

all you have to offer and so instead of

radical self-doubt

let’s embrace radical self-leadership

and

rewrite the future now through

your life should you decide to carry

this three-legged stool

along with you you might be amazed at

the secrets that it will reveal to you

and the dreams that can help you fulfill

and the difference

that you will make in this world show up

pay attention and don’t forget your

homework