Why we need disruptive leadership. Its time for a REBELUTION

[Music]

[Applause]

i was sitting in the chair

as those words hit my heart like a

tsunami

it was almost as if the wind had been

taken

out of my chest

i didn’t have words to respond

i simply sat there

and on the other end of the phone she

asked me again

sonya when are you gonna finally believe

that you’re enough

those words opened a door

and a window to a place i’d never been

able to

see myself in before

as i finally found a little whisper

to respond as the tears stream down my

face

i answered today

looking back now i realize that was the

moment

that i actually started to take my leap

to become a rebel leader

leading up to that moment i had a lot of

scraps and pieces of my life

i didn’t know how to describe them at

that at the time

but when we think of a quilt and how

a quilt comes together

it suddenly starts to make sense to me

because a quilt starts with pieces

oftentimes

they were scrap pieces to be brought

together

and to become something new and

something beautiful

they were often passed around through

traditions

they’re homemade typically there’s a lot

of story

in a quilt

they’re also a beautiful story of things

that we would typically toss away or

dismiss

and those things becoming something that

actually protects

something that warms and something that

has great meaning

when given to another

so when i think of my pieces

i see at the time i thought i was an

imposter

because there was one half of me that

i was as a child i was very

i was a great student i was very

obedient i wanted to

make others happy

i went off to the military right out of

high school

and i excelled in my military career

i attained my first degree in criminal

justice

i then got a very successful job within

the government

i moved around a lot in those jobs but i

was always

again successful in every position that

i took

i got a second degree

in criminology and then i started

to really dive deep into volunteer work

and i started to volunteer for youth

organizations doing grief counseling for

kids

becoming a mentor and again everywhere

that i went

i was very successful in this i grew a

lot i learned a lot

i started to do a lot of self work

i started to dive real deep into

what was where did my beliefs come from

how do i love myself how do i become the

best version

that i’m wanting to be in the world

now all of these things were that were

pieces

that from the outside looking in others

saw them as

success and they saw me a success

but when i say that i felt like an

imposter it’s because there was a whole

other set of pieces

that others probably didn’t really know

about

and those were the pieces that i was

judging myself over

those were the pieces i was giving most

of my attention to

and that was as a child

never feeling like i belonged anywhere

that i went

my military career that was great but i

judged myself for not finishing 20 years

that i actually left early and i left

feeling unbelonging from that space as

well

during the days of don’t ask don’t tell

my two degrees that i was very proud of

i wasn’t using them in any way shape or

form so i felt like i had wasted money

and time

my jobs that i was being so successful

at i was unfulfilled

and i was moving every year to two years

into a new position just to keep myself

engaged

i was two divorces in at this point with

no children

and one of my darkest pieces that many

didn’t know about when they saw success

on the outside

was that i was battling the story

of addiction the whole time with alcohol

i was trying to numb the failure i felt

from not understanding how these pieces

went together what was i doing with my

life

why did i have this internal knowing

that i’m here to do something

special something really great and i

felt like i was

losing that battle i was not meeting

that need

and i would probably still be in that

moment today

if it wasn’t for the fact that i just

would not give up on seeking

some sort of meaning and that was when

i started to look back and i started to

see that there was a thread going on

here

that the one thing that brought all my

pieces together

was the fact that i never belonged i was

a disrupter in every space that i went

to whether i meant to be one or not

and when i say disruptor it was never a

bad thing i was always bringing in new

ideas creative ideas

new perspectives creative perspectives

i was a breath of fresh air in most

spaces that i went into i didn’t feel

like i belonged

to them and maybe that’s because i was

never meant to

because i needed to bring the

non-belonging

into the space and open up

opportunity the other thread

i started to see is this thread of being

able to radically love

and that meant that i stand on the

ground that every single human being on

this

earth is lovable whether i understand

their views or their belief systems or

why they did what they did or not

and when i was able to see those two

threads

suddenly those degrees suddenly

my military career my government career

all the work that i did

to finally propel myself to leave and

start my own business and become

a leadership coach and a workshop

facilitator and

my own owner of my own business all of

it suddenly started to make sense

and i was finally ready to put together

my finished quilt

and what is that quilt it’s being the

change

that i’ve always wanted to see in the

world

it’s standing here in front of you as a

rebel leader and claiming

that title with pride

and calling out all the other rebel

leaders

across the world because it’s my belief

that it is time for change in leadership

in this world

we need leaders who are willing to break

the rules because let’s be honest

many of these games were never created

for us to win

or even maybe even have a chance to play

them

it’s time for something new now your

revolution your rebelness might look

very different than mine it doesn’t have

to be

my story your threads

are likely to be something very

different

but to even know where to start

you got to be willing to ask yourself

the question

what’s an area that’s longing for

disruption

within you

now mine was the freedom

to stand in who i am unapologetically

to dare to live my life for me

once you have that area of disruption

it’s helpful to sit down and to imagine

if i were living my life in this way if

i dare to disrupt

in this space

what would that mean

what are the thoughts that show up

and some of those thoughts might be this

is selfish i can’t do this

another thought might be

i might make others angry or what if

others don’t approve

and another thought might be what if i’m

not good enough and what if i fail

start to sit with those beliefs and

thoughts

and then ask yourself what’s the cost

if i don’t

and then i want you to start to do the

work

and that could be getting a coach it

could be getting a mentor

it could be finding a program that’s

going to help you explore

it might be just taking the first step

creating an llc

going asking a business partner to join

business with you

taking the class whatever it is for you

find the way to do the work

and i want you to sit with that list and

start to work through those belief

systems

question them ask if they’re true

and dare to be willing to put something

in the replacement of it

and one of the last things i want to ask

you to do in this journey

is to find a community and a support

group

that’s going to want this for you

this is not something to be done alone

we are meant to come together and create

change

and as a rebel leader that is no

different

it is time for a revolution

have you actually felt the pool to break

free

and if you have what’s stopping you

[Music]

you