Growing Up With an Undiagnosed Learning Disability

imagine growing up your entire childhood

with an undiagnosed learning deficiency

imagine struggling every waking minute

to remember what question you asked

just to realize you never even asked a

question

imagine listening to a 30-minute lecture

to not hear a single word your teacher

just said

imagine working to pass a test for five

hours

that your best friend studied for 15

minutes before it began

just to once again be slapped across the

face with failure

imagine what it’s like to know there’s a

problem but everybody ignores you

i grew up as a smart quiet girl in

elementary school

i was never rude i never asked questions

and i always did my work i would often

sit in the back of the classroom and

just stare off at the whiteboard

my teachers applauded me for being so

well behaved they often marked me as

mature for my age

all of my teachers ignored that maybe it

wasn’t maturity but confusion

glossed over by the social construct

that girls need to be polite respectful

and all-knowing

while boys are allowed to get away with

being rowdy

because from a young age girls are told

to be obedient

adhd and add often fly under the radar

as opposed to boys who are allowed to

behave as they want which leads for an

easier time spotting disabilities

since no teacher ever noticed anything

off about my learning habits

i had to teach myself how to process the

information given to me

i subconsciously began to learn new

study skills and i adapted them to my

own needs

i became a flashcard queen that was the

only way i could remember anything

even though i learned a few tricks and

tips to help me along the way

it wasn’t enough i never understood why

i spent hours after school and my

homework when all of my friends had

finished

in class how did they have time for that

i worked and studied harder than most

people i knew but my grades were still

suffering

by the time 8th grade hit i dreaded

class i was so scared i was going to get

in trouble for not knowing the answer to

a question

the problems grew bigger and bigger and

school became the main source of my

anxiety

ninth grade was the first time a teacher

noticed anything abnormal about my

learning habits

he asked me to stay after class and talk

to him about why i was struggling so

much

together we came up with a plan to help

me succeed in his class

and that was the final catalyst for my

family and me deciding

that i needed to get tested for adhd add

and other learning disabilities

that summer i spent over 72 hours with

her neuropsychologist

doing tests and activities that would

help her figure out what problems i was

facing

when the diagnosis came back as the

inattentive type of adhd

along with a few other processing issues

a huge weight was lifted off of my

shoulders

i was going to be able to work

proactively to solve the problems i was

facing the next year

i went to the administration at my

school to request a 504.

what a 504 is is a legal document that

provides accommodations

for students with different types of

disabilities my educational therapist

and the neuropsychologist that did my

testing both advocated for me to get one

i needed help in school and this was the

only way i was going to get that

in the first meeting i went to my family

and i

brought the report and diagnosis for the

administration to read through

along with my grades to show how i was

struggling with testing

the fact that i was failing all of my

tests had a written report on my

specific adhd

was suffering severe anxiety due to

school

and spent over triple the time on my

work than an average student

was not enough for them to give me the

very few accommodations i was asking for

instead i was told that i was too smart

to need a 504

and in order to acquire one i would need

to start failing all of my classes

i was absolutely shocked and taken aback

by that

how could i be penalized for something

that i worked hard for

my family and i pushed tirelessly for

the team of administrators just to hear

me out

meeting after meeting no one would

listen by the time of my last meeting my

grades were severely suffering

the added stress of trying to achieve

basic educational rights

was taking a huge toll on me mentally

finally my educational therapist came to

our last meeting

and with her my parents a few teachers

and a counselor all standing behind me

the administration decided that i was

deserving of a 504 after all

after 16 years i was finally given the

help that i needed

i’ve been working at an educational

disadvantage for most of my life

if my teachers had just taken the time

to truly watch me

and remove those preconceived notions

that young girls are impervious to any

type of non-visible learning disability

i would have had a much smoother time in

the school system

learning to work with what i was given

has helped shape me into the hard

working person i am now

i’m grateful i was i learned a work

ethic from a young age

but i’m also extremely resentful that

the schools were so unmotivated to help

me and other students like me succeed

it is absolutely critical that parents

and teachers are hyper aware

of any challenges or unusual behaviors

students are facing

no child should go the majority of their

school career without knowing what’s

wrong

it’s an alienating feeling and it can be

easily avoided

it’s most important students listen to

themselves do not let anyone tell you

what you feel

you know yourself better than anyone

else understand that no matter how hard

school making friends or even sitting

still is

you’ll eventually overcome those

barriers and become the happiest version

of yourself

take your struggles and turn them into

something positive

thank you