Leading into the unknown

what do you believe is the most precious

gift

you have been given and that you can

give to someone else

in this life for me it is time

my most favorite phrase to say is one

second at a time

it helps me to live consciously and to

be aware

and be present in every second of time

i say it to encourage people around me

to stay

present in each moment of their lives

and to those in pain to know

that they will overcome that this

intensity

of pain will pass my second favorite

saying

is that life is short

it matters not whether you live to be a

hundred

if you love life and if you have people

that love you

and to those that you love

there will never be enough time in this

life

as a young advertising executive in my

early twenties

i was looking for a time management

system to help me to organize my life

the franklin county training program

that i enrolled in

was based on the book by dr stephen

covey

the seven habits of highly effective

people

this approach to time management is

rooted in principles

that require your leadership your

choices

your decisions that indicate what is of

value to you

it places responsibility and

accountability

squarely on your shoulders the time

management training required me to

develop my personal vision

which is influenced by the habit two

which says begin with the end in mind

and have a three put first things first

in developing my vision i visualize

drawing my last breath how i wanted to

feel

and how i did not want to feel have you

ever thought

about how you want to feel when you take

your last breath

i created a vision that will help me to

prioritize my focus

and filter my choices and actions

every second of the day my personal

vision is

to live my life with integrity

passion and in ecstasy

so that every day can be the last with

no fear

and with no regrets now the question is

how do you know if you are sincere and

committed

to your vision it is easy to create a

vision intellectually

the challenge is to live in a manner

that brings you into alignment

with your vision since creating my

personal vision

there have been many tests through the

years

but none as poignant and life-defining

as what i experienced december 2006

it started at lunchtime on wednesday the

sixth

i received a call on the landline

yes they were landline those days

i was on my way out of the house for a

meeting with the prominence of african

businessmen

and also a friend so i thought it was my

mother on the line

she sounded very anxious i did not want

her to feel that she was not my priority

by telling her that i’m rushing to a

meeting instead i

sent a text from my cell phone to the

businessman

explaining the situation advising him

that i’ll be

15 minutes late he did not respond

so i assumed he understood my sister

strelo

had been admitted by my mother to the

hospital

mainly for observation on friday the 8th

of december i was due to fly from

johannesburg to durban

my hometown to visit her my mother was

asking whether

i could come home earlier because i

always cheered up my sister

the anguish in my mother’s voice worried

me

so i promised to take the last flight

out

to durban that night and also text my

sister and told her

i will see her the next day thursday the

7th of december

at 2pm which was the visiting time

the next day my mother and i arrived at

the hospital

two hours earlier than the visiting time

the doctor encouraged us to discharge

her

on the way home i stopped

at her favorite grocery store as i

wanted to buy her

fruits i liked her eating them while i

massaged her feet

she told our mother to call me back to

the car

to tell me to hurry as i was taking too

long

we did not question her as to why

she was in a hurry to get home but i

obliged

as we drove into our road she was

extremely excited

she said i am going home

so childlike with the glow on her face

as we parked in the yard she started

losing strength

we carried her to her bedroom at exactly

2 pm on the dot the time

i had told her i will visit her my

sister took her last breath

in my arms i screamed

stella don’t leave me

my father mother and i were in shock

despite the most excruciating pain

of losing my only sibling the moment

was perfect

i was where i wanted to be with her

just as i was with my father six months

later on the 23rd

of june 2007 when he died as well

but that’s a story for another time

what happened to the businessman you ask

well

he decided not to continue with the

meeting

after i rushed to the venue because he

could not understand

how i chose my family over a business

meeting

when i called him to tell him that my

sister died

he said oh i’m sorry

and that was the end of the conversation

i never heard from him

for many years after that the

circumstances

around my sister’s passing taught me

four

crucial lessons about living which i

have named liv

that i wish to share with you l for

leadership

i for inner voice v for vision

and e for emotions about leadership

i learned that i am my own best leader

i have learned that the most difficult

and yet most

fulfilling leadership journey is that of

leading myself

i do not put too much stock in

positional leadership

for its sake i believe that the most

effective

positional leaders work hard to master

personal leadership first i believe that

every morning when i wake up in each

second

in each decision with each

choice i am leading myself into the

unknown

with its gifts its lessons

positive or negative joyful

or painful i have learned the importance

of being a protagonist in my own life

and not abdicating leadership to others

because of their titles positions sphere

of

influence or number of followers out of

fear

or lack of trust of myself

working in the leadership practice i

have developed

a definition of leadership which is the

ability to direct

to shape and influence into the future

a new and unknown reality i thank my

sister strelo

for inspiring this way of seeing

leadership

consequently instigating my business

for sorry leadership partners where i

teach others

to be their own best leaders i learned

to treasure and trust my inner voice

to have the courage to listen to both

the discomforting

and the comforting thoughts without

trying to silence or numb them

with substances to embrace my inner

voice

as the compass that guides my choices

my decisions every second

my father always told me that i must

understand the weight of

every choice and every decision because

they have consequences

he used to say you may not choose the

results

in making a choice and a decision you

need to take responsibility for the

outcomes

even the unintended i am very conscious

of the decisions that i make just like

when that call came from my mother

on the 6th of december 2006.

i had no idea what will come next

but i knew that with every choice i

wanted to

live with the consequences with no fear

and no regrets

knowing and honoring our inner voices is

becoming even more essential

in a world in which our choices and our

decisions

are increasingly influenced by

algorithms

conspiracy theories and fake news

had i abdicated my leadership

of my life because of fear

and to the mercies of the misguided

views

of what makes a credible and kick-ass

businesswoman in the eyes of the

businessman that i was meeting

my vision would have remained words on a

page

not the reflection of the true

values in my heart a recipe for

lifelong regret visions guide our lives

provide the directions to the choices

we make about everything family

spirituality physical well-being

leisure work school

friendships amongst many other things

a clear vision makes you decide

what to focus on and what not to focus

on

so that you consciously create

your desired life and filter out

the priorities of others it allows me

to be consistent guided by my values to

engender

trust in who i am do you have a personal

vision

make the time if you do not to work on

your personal vision

lastly but not in the least

i have learned how to use and direct my

emotions

rather than have them control me

at the start of my career i came across

the most

liberating and empowering definition of

emotions

of emotions as energy emotion

this way of seeing emotions changed my

life

i can visualize the physiological

changes that are happening in my body

my breath the beating of my heart

my temperature rising if i’m sad

or in pain the tears that are about to

overwhelm me

i cry more readily than i get angry

i see anger as more destructive

but more powerful i usually use it

as fuel to do good i ask myself

two questions when i’m reacting to what

is happening to me

the first one is what is my lesson to

learn from this

the second is is this my lesson

or am i a vehicle for someone else to

learn their lesson

after all not everything is about me

even though it’s happening to me or

around me

these are the questions that help me to

evaluate

how i can best handle the situation i

tend not to sweat the small stuff

keep grudges or make mountains out of

molehills

after my sister expelled her last breath

in my arms

i sat with her for over two hours

i watched her and i felt so many

emotions

disbelief anger

sadness pain love

but no fear and no regret as i end our

time together

as you reflect on your life’s journey

spare a thought about how you want to

feel

and do not want to feel when you draw

your last breath

we never truly know what tomorrow will

bring

we can hope wish

but we do not truly know what i

desire for me and for you is to know for

sure

that every second of this short life

that we are leading ourselves into the

unknown

and every day can be the last

with no fear and no regrets

thank you

you