Choose to be Bold

[Music]

[Applause]

let me tell you a story about my friend

he grew up a very normal boy went to

school and scored very good grades

you know not those grades that the

teacher gets back to you you know with

the paper folded down

so that the rest of the peers in the

class can see and you’re embarrassed

after school he managed to take over the

family business

he was very successful while at it drove

an amazing beautiful car

built an amazing beautiful home for

himself

and how we ended up connecting is

because we both loved fashion

we both loved suiting up we spent so

many hours

in restaurants speaking about how

fashion has constantly evolved

let me tell you something else about my

friend

he hates christmas every single time the

lights go up in the mall

and the christmas carols fill up the air

he picks up his call and he tells me

man it’s that time again

he dreads taking that same trip back

home because that trip

comes with those same very questions

that frustrate him and make him sad

where is she they ask we’re growing old

we want grandchildren

we’re so happy you have become

successful

but now we want children

these questions that started as a gentle

nudge kept on becoming less gentler over

time

and i have seen my friend turn to the

bottle every single day

my name is chris jeri mckenna

i am happiness i am free and i am bold

for a very long time i could never

introduce myself like this

but somewhere along the journey i

started to discover

what it meant to live your truth i

started to discover who i really was

and i decided to be loyal to my own

authenticity

by doing this it freed me from my own

misery

and i consciously made an effort to

constantly be happy

i believe happiness is the only and the

true natural form

of all human beings and animals combined

think about it every single thing that

you do

is in constant search of happiness you

go to school so that you can get good

grades

so that you can go get a job get some

money buy yourself some good clothes

help your parents all these things make

you happy

so it’s no coincidence that as we are

searching for our own happiness

we are actually going down the same

route of self-discovery

for the last decade i struggled to live

a normal life

normal here meaning conforming to the

different

to the different societal norms that

have been placed on us from a very young

age

from a very young age we were taught

that suits are for boys

and dresses are for girls

that small little dolls are toys for

girls

and cars are toys for boys

this continued to even when we are

adults when we are choosing our career

parts

and we were constantly reminded that a

mechanics job is a man’s job

and a hair stylist job is a woman’s job

these same very norms even dictate who

we should love

as a man you’re only expected to be with

a woman

and as a woman the only partner that you

should bring home

is a man coming to the city when i was

19 years old

my goal in life was to thrive and to

survive no matter what

i wanted to act i wanted to be a big

superstar

featured in very many different tv shows

and in big movie series but i knew for a

fact that the battles that i had been

going through as a teenager

will now be tested in this big city

but i was not going to back down

as i acted in very many different stages

in the city

i realized that what society wanted me

to accept as normal

wasn’t the case for humanity and was

definitely not the case for me

i came across a quote at that particular

point that constantly encouraged me

a quote by ellen degeneres

the truth is that we are all one

connected thing

from the exact same molecules but our

vibrations

are different how we express ourselves

in life

can be completely different from anyone

else

i continued acting in very many

different platforms in different

counties

in my country and the constant theme

that stood out every single time

is that the african culture glorifies

and promotes heteronormativity

heteronormativity means denoting or

relating to a world view

that promotes her heterosexuality i beg

your pardon

as a normal or preferred sexual

orientation

allow me to introduce another term here

gender binary this is the classification

of gender into two

and opposite distinct forms masculine

and feminine all this determined whether

by social system

or cultural belief

however this is not the case

and is not accurate for every single

person and every single child

born across the world

i believe that gender identity

is one’s own internal experience and

perception

of self and you know what

it is actually separate from one sex

the journey towards expressing my own

identity

wasn’t easy i had it rough for very many

years where small decisions

like what to wear to a wedding as an

adult

was something that constantly frustrated

me

because i wanted to wear a shot pants

coats

because that’s what i was comfortable

doing

but yet society insisted that as a woman

i should attend these different events

in a dress

small decisions like this which may not

mean much to

anyone across the world

are some of the challenges that i had to

overcome

those were my fears and in that

particular moment

i chose to put back my fear and choose

to be bold in making small decisions

like this i started rocking what i was

comfortable rocking to different events

because that’s who i am and that is my

truth

i remember for the first time in my life

after very many years looking at myself

in the mirror

and i say to myself

i am gay i am unique and this is my

truth

every single time i say this to my

friends i tell them i felt a weight was

lifted off my chest

i was finally free i was whole

and for the first time in my life i was

in sync with my being

this was a victory for me

but what i didn’t know was that this was

just by the beginning of my journey to

boldness

the first place where i encountered

the choice to be bold is in my workspace

being an actor i got to a point where i

had to turn down scripts which did not

work for my gender identity

being a producer in the film and the tv

industry

i was constantly ridiculed for picking

up jobs

that were supposed to be men producing

jobs

but yet as a woman i wanted to do them

growing up in a christian home and being

a believer

when i came to the city i had to look

for a church

and every single sunday i walked into

that church

where i believe the universal language

should be love

because also we are taught that love

your neighbor as you love yourself

but the church was the very one place

where i received hate

gossip stairs

such a painful experience for me

that i had to retreat to worshiping my

god the best way i knew

in solitude and that still works for me

to date

i remember that cold morning of july

2018

when i woke up and i looked at my phone

and i had over a thousand messages and

over 500 missed calls my blood went cold

i knew something was wrong

what i did not know is that i had become

a trending topic

overnight and with

every single tweet every single comment

of hate

towards me i was reminded how our

society

promotes and glorifies gender roles and

gender identity

without thinking about the other person

on the receiving end

who they identify as

and who they have chosen to be what is

their truth

this whole experience was so painful for

me that for three months

i was constantly down and had bouts of

depression

but once again i reminded myself that i

had to choose to be bold

this whole experience made some of my

family members and friends

become strangers i received comments

from friends like we were okay with you

being gay

but now that you’re so outspoken about

it we don’t know what

other people are going to think when

they see us hanging out with you

i wish you were not that outspoken we

will still be friends

some different family members chose the

path of hate as well

but at that particular point i knew i

had to find my tribe and i did

my two lovely and amazing friends who

have held me down to date

loving me for who i am and for the

person that

i have become

all these different experiences that i

have gone through in my works places

church social media only emboldened me

more

and made me choose to live a happy life

truth

bold and unapologetic

when the shift happened for me i was

done letting my authentic self take a

back seat

and i took power back to my hands

i started speaking boldly about the

harassment of gay people

in my own country where we boast of

democracy

such a fast-paced nation but still holds

on to akai clause that threatened the

lives of gay people

i started speaking boldly about

companies

where if you are openly gay you are

fired instantly

yet their vision and mission statements

say equal for all

i started speaking boldly about cyber

bullying of the gay people

because of who they are and who they

choose to love

yet politicians priests religious

leaders media personalities

are not put to task for crimes of hate

like murder and rape

i knew that the freedom that i felt is

what i needed every single person in the

gay community in kenya

and in africa at large wanted to feel i

needed to give them the same freedom

that’s why i started my own organization

bold network africa

an organization that uses storytelling

to be able to inspire and tell stories

of different people in the queer

community

who have chosen to be bold for our

generation

and for the generations to come

our vision is for one day to have a free

africa

where every single person feels loved

and protected

by society and even the laws that govern

them

looking back at my own journey of

self-acceptance

it takes me back to my teenage years

where the decision to either wear sofco

jeans over a dress

or to play cops and robbers with the

boys of a pretend house with the girls

was the beginning of me yearning to be

accepted and to be loved

for who i was

when i think about that time

i think about my friend

my amazing friend who was found hanging

from the roof of his house

a 50 year old gentleman

with a suicide note for his parents

the problem lied in the same very

questions that they asked him

the questions were wrong and why i say

the questions were wrong

is because they constantly asked him

where is she

what if they took time to understand

their son and asked him where is he

maybe my friend will still be alive

i think about the many different people

in the gay community who have

contemplated suicide

and have had to go through so much

mental anguish

and i ask myself and i ask you today

what if we changed how we raised our

children

what if we taught them to love and value

themselves

for who they are and live their truth

and what if we made a promise to them

that no matter who they

are we will love them holy

for the politicians religious leaders

mothers

fathers brothers and sisters

ask yourself today would you rather

have a barely functional child

who is going through so much mental

anguish because of the different

norms that you have dictated for them

or would you rather have a successful

child

whole happy and is loved for who they

are

today i leave you with this two

different statements

that constantly encourage me and have

gotten me here

freedom lies in being bold

and choose love over hate because

love always means thank you