Elope Your Life

[Applause]

after my wedding

the supposed best day of a gal’s life

i went home and i cried

and make no mistake these were not tears

of joy

yeah not exactly the start to a modern

fairy tale right

you see i had originally just wanted to

elope with my husband

but instead i spent so long

trying to impress and please other

people with this big wedding

that i lost sight of so many things

but out of this attempt at having this

amazing

enviable big day i actually learned

something

really really important about every

single one of us

and how comparison and expectations and

norms

are quite possibly keeping us from

living the most fulfilling lives

my name is sam i’m an author and an

adventure elopement photographer

i help empower couples to live their

truest lives

starting with their wedding and i’m here

today

to show you just how unique you are

and why that uniqueness should be

reflected in all facets of your wedding

and your life regardless of what norms

or expectations tell you

why you can certainly elope for your

wedding like i wish i did

but you can also take that one step

further

and elope your life

so because the term elope is so

prevalent in all this

let’s start off by talking a little bit

about what that means

so what comes to mind when you think of

the traditional word

elope well

if you’re like a lot of people some

associative words like

sadness shame disapproval

or boring courthouse wedding come to

mind

that being said do these people who

eloped

look like they fit that sad shameful or

boring courthouse wedding descriptor

or these now i know what you’re thinking

boring right yeah all kidding aside

the english language and definitions are

constantly changing

and the word elope doesn’t necessarily

mean what it used to

now instead of running away from

something you’re actually running

to something you’re running to yourself

your relationship and what’s true to you

and that’s not something often seen with

a lot of weddings and wedding planning

if you’ve ever been involved in planning

a wedding whether it was your own or a

friend’s

the next few examples i’m going to give

will either number one

trigger flashbacks sorry or at the very

least have you

nodding your head and internally saying

oh

yes now if you haven’t had the

pleasure of planning a wedding

consider this a potential preview

you’re inviting me right

but why weren’t we invited

well if joe isn’t invited i’m not coming

either

chicken or fish or a vegan option

seating arrangements wedding favors

and the coup de gras the dreaded

aunt carol

notice a common theme it’s

all about what others want or pleasing

other people and so many couples get

stuck on that

making sure guests have the exact food

that they want

appeasing loved ones who insist that

that certain person be invited

making sure your wedding just isn’t

generally seen as tacky

and you see all those things they’re

about something much bigger

it all comes down to this highly

technical

and scientific fact we just want people

to like us

and that is where we get it all wrong

your wedding day is supposed to

represent you and your spouse right

but instead we are so focused on making

people like us and having people approve

of our wedding

that we lose sight of who we are and

what actually represents us

we’re trying to solve a problem so far

downstream by making a wedding where

everyone’s happy

that we don’t take a moment and think

how we can stop that at its source by

asking

is a wedding even us

and that’s hard to do because from the

time you learn what a wedding is

you learn what a wedding should be no

one ever gives us a moment to stop and

reflect

on how a wedding is representative of us

no

or whis past it made to focus on those

required details

you guys know the ones the dress the

cake

the bouquet the guess the reception the

party favors the list

goes on it’s become so ingrained in

us that it’s really hard to take a step

back and ask ourselves

is this even really me is this really

us not to mention

you have all those other people who feel

like they have to have the best wedding

that falls in line with those norms and

expectations

first dances become more choreographed

dance floors become more glamorous

the serving of food becomes an

entertainment spectacle

and because we want people to approve of

our wedding

and by extension approve of us

we see all this guest satisfaction with

all this pomp and circumstance and we

think

oh duh this is what i have to do

and just like that we have trapped

ourselves in that

toxic comparison game we haven’t even

given ourselves a chance to think

is this what i want to do

and this goes for every aspect of our

lives

not just weddings from what we should

study in college

to what we’re told is the gold standard

for beauty

most any decision we make has us

potentially worrying about

what others may do or say oh and

ultimately we just

we gotta stop we gotta stop and ask

ourselves these really really important

questions about

all aspects of our life am i doing this

because i love it or because of what

others are potentially doing or saying

and make no mistake this takes a lot of

self-reflection and introspection

and it’s probably part of the reason i

end up being sort of a

part-time unofficial therapist listening

ear for a lot of my couples

because we dig into a lot of that stuff

now i want to talk to you about that

toxic comparison game for a minute

and i want to tell you why it’s absolute

garbage did you know it’s not

objectively fair to compare yourself to

anyone else

yeah i’m gonna tell you why

you are absolutely unique there is not

another person on this earth

like you there never has been and there

probably never will be

no one else has your specific set of

experiences

and that means in order to fairly and

objectively compare yourself to someone

you would have to start off with the

exact same set from

upbringing to personality traits to life

experiences

all the way down to what your hair color

is

and what some bully said to you during

second period in high school

just me on that last one cool

but all these things and more greatly

influence how we see

and react to the world and in turn how

others react to us

the permutations of these factors are

exponential

now for those of you who need the cold

hard statistics

i’ve got you covered because i can

statistically prove

that you are so unique it is absolutely

impossible to fairly compare yourself

to anyone else in this grand

race that we call life so

let’s bust out a couple of those

important facts

first the odds of having someone look

like you

based on eight key facial features is

one in one trillion

some of those facial features include

ear length circumference of your head

distance between the center of one pupil

to the other

that means that out of one trillion

people

there are just two that have those same

eight features

and keep in mind this doesn’t mean that

they’re absolutely physically identical

now when we think about that we also

kind of have to ask ourselves

well how many people have ever lived

well according to the population

reference bureau

they used 2019 data and they dug way

back into the fossil record

50 000 years to the first modern homo

sapiens

and the number they came up with was in

comparison

a measly 108

billion now those numbers are big and

abstract so

let’s put them into context we would

need 10

times the amount of people who have ever

lived on this planet

to equal that 1 trillion number

and that’s that that’s just based on

facial features

one of the most insignificant building

blocks of what makes us who we

are so just imagine the additional

differences

in things like body structure access to

nutrition

upbringing beliefs values relationships

that are possible

these stats are just the tip of the

iceberg

you are never working with the same set

of variables as

anyone else for any endeavor in life

because of this

you’re always working with a unique set

completely your own

and you know once you realize that it’s

impossible to compare yourself to anyone

else because you’re so

unique you can start focusing a lot more

on your own happiness

and your own race in life

and the cool thing about that is because

you’re the only one

running your particular race

you are guaranteed to win

that is what eloping your life can do

for you you can live a more fulfilled

life

and ultimately become the person who you

were meant to be in the process

and the thing about this is this whole

concept you don’t have to elope

on your wedding day in order to elope

your life

heck you don’t even have to get married

life is full of moments like weddings

where we’re constantly being told what

should be done

and we never stop and think and ask

ourselves

is this right for me you can choose any

moment

any opportunity to begin the process of

growth and self-discovery

so you might be thinking

sam how do i do this what are some

examples of ways that i can elope my

life without actually eloping on my

wedding day

i’m glad you asked i want to be able to

give some examples that are both

big and seemingly insignificant but no

less important

because we can truly elope our lives on

a variety of levels

the couples that you saw at the

beginning of this talk who eloped

one of them was scared to speak in

public and so they eloped their lives

by signing up to speak at a convention

on a topic they are passionate about

another they went back to school to

pursue a career

that they loved instead of the one that

was currently draining them

and another well she asked herself

man well what if what if i really want

to go see that new movie that came out

in theaters but

none of my friends can go spoiler alert

she realized she could still go see the

movie by herself

i eloped my life by eloping my hair

now real talk for a second i

long hair has always been sort of a

safety blanket

sort of defense mechanism for me and

when i was younger it was a given like

it was for a lot of girls that

pretty girls have long hair

now obviously i’ve still got some long

hair

but cutting it into a mohawk was really

nerve-wracking

and if you’ve had long hair for any

period of time and debated

chopping it all off y’all know exactly

what i’m talking about

now is this hairstyle changing the world

no but it might change the outlook for

one little girl who’s never liked long

hair or

the expectations that come with that

traditional gender role

and you know the possibilities are

endless

are you living in a location because you

love it there

or because of potential negative

blowback from family that you’d receive

if you decided to leave

elope your location

are you pursuing a career because you

love it

or is it because it’s the career that

you’ve always been told is the right

choice

or that’s what successful people do

elope your career

are you afraid to order that pizza on a

first date

and instead order a salad so you won’t

be seen as a little too over

indulgent elope your dinner

cut your hair get married

or don’t study the arts in college

be a football playing ballet lover

any decision you make ask yourself am i

doing this for me

or because it’s what’s expected

and bonus when you elope your life

and live authentically and

unapologetically

others are inspired to do the same

you can empower others to be their weird

quirky beautiful

brainy selves simply by showing them

that they can

and how is that for minimum effort

with maximum impact

i want to end by helping you guys take

the next steps and the first steps in

eloping your life

now let’s all take a moment and i’m

going to do it with you

take a moment to think about one thing

that makes you who you are

especially if it’s gone against some

norm or expectation

and when you have something raise your

hand don’t worry i’m not going to call

on you you are safe

got it good i want to tell you

right now that i already know

that i love that thing about you yeah

i see some smiles and everything out

there so with that reaction

you cannot tell me that you don’t also

love that thing about you

now how can you take that thing that we

both love about you

and transform it into an action that you

can use

to elope your life in some way

congrats you just took the first step

now continue to be proud of those unique

things about you

and listen to those pieces of you next

time that you’re confronted with a norm

or an expectation that

so desperately wants to fit you inside

of a box

that you just don’t fit in

and furthermore what is stopping you

from living every single day like that

whether it’s your wedding or not start

by reflecting inward

and asking yourself is this truly me

and then make today and every single day

going forward

the day that you make the decision

to elope your life

[Applause]

you