Finding Yourself In Difficult Decisions

[Music]

yep

finding yourself in difficult decisions

all right so let’s think about it ever

since we were born

we constantly have to make decisions in

our lives right

so i could only think of two instances

that we don’t make decisions for

ourselves and that is the time

when we are babies and the time that we

are way too old to

be aware of what’s surrounding us and

um so yet

making decisions seems to be something

very familiar to us

and yet sometimes when it comes to big

and difficult difficult decisions we

don’t know

how to deal with it or how to decide

uh make it more easier for us to choose

so let’s think about it if

it it was raining outside right and

you pull out your phone to decide

to to book wrap obviously you would go

you would want to book a crap car

because

it’ll be safer for you you wouldn’t be

wet

granted you might get to where you want

to go a little bit

um a little bit slower

but then when you think about it the

benefits of

choosing grab cards outweigh the

benefits of choosing grab buy

you see with easy decisions there is

always a better option for you to choose

so the decision making is is very very

easy

we cannot say the same thing with diff

difficult choices or difficult decisions

because in difficult decisions um

sometimes some aspects it is better but

it works in some other parts

i’ll tell you a story so last year

um we had a fashion show at the m

gallery in

indo and um

the we decided to have the catwalk

outdoors

because the surrounding was very

beautiful

the the resort is amazing and the

cenaric is

just breathtaking right so we have to

have

the runway on the out outdoors and

so we decided on the night before we

have to get this lighting system up

and the plan was the guy have to work

through the night

in the morning i would come out and

check the lighting on the

runway because when the sun

sunrise at sunrise the sky would be as

bright as when it is

in sunset which is when the show’s

supposed to take place

now little did i know it was raining

the whole night and when i woke up at

six a.m

in the morning this is what i see so of

course

i was so panicked i was very much

intent i remember around 10 a.m

i started to have an early lunch with my

husband

who is also the designer and the catwork

directors

and there was a heated debate about what

to do with the shows

my um my husband

was adamant about the fact that it would

stop running by the afternoon

so therefore we have to have the show

outside

the catwalk director on the other hand

have different

thoughts about it he was arguing that

if we were to have the show outside

right and if it was to be

raining then you have to hurdle the

audience inside

and you know like with all the ladies in

high heels they cannot run at all

so we can’t risk to have the show like

that

now me i’m caught in the middle of this

as the producer i

which way should i choose should i use

to my husband um

and risk having the show outside well

the whole point of having the

shows outdoor because of the sceneries

and there was a lot of sweat

and blood put into this to get the whole

uh

the whole show there in inktober right

if we were to have it indoors

we would have done it in saigon but on

the other hand

risking to have the audience having a

really bad experience

is not ideal either so what

what should i do but let’s pause a story

for now and then we’ll get back to it

later right now i would give you another

example

so that you it’s easier for you to be

related to

right so you are now in college

and soon you’ll be graduating and you

would have to apply for jobs

right and so say there are two jobs

offers

one that is referred by someone you know

maybe your parents may your friends um

it’s less challenging and but it offers

you a little bit

less money and the other one on the

other hand

would require you to move to relocate to

a different locations

it seems it requires you a lot more

attention

more challenging the job seems to be a

little bit more difficult

but then it offers you more money

so what should you choose well in my

experience

i could tell you a lot of people would

go

for the job that is a lot more easier

and familiar to them the job the

referral job

now why is this it is no different

than the fact that when you travel

oversea

there’s a lot of delicacy that you could

eat in that country

but you but lots of people don’t choose

to eat those

food they they go to mcdonald’s and why

is that

because mcdonald is something certain

something they are familiar with

right and because of that

um i would call this this whole i

and and because of that we don’t

want to choose the chops that require us

to

get to know the co-worker gets to know

our boss or requires us

more much more attention we we then

choose something more comprehensible to

us

now i would refer to this as the unknown

the fear of the uncertainty of the

outcomes

could bring us and for that reason

lots of us just opt for the option that

is

very easy for us to comprehend

so how do we then make the decisions

hard decisions easier by using

the class half full and have empty

analysis what i mean by that is

instead of looking at the negative part

of the class

we focus on the energy on the

on the positive part and from that point

you draw out a conclusion

a decision that is bad fits for you

so i got married six years ago

and before i got married i didn’t come

out to my parents

um i think the reason is is

only because i they are old

and a little bit conservative

and i it was never a right time for me

to do so

and um it’s not because i’m ashamed

myself because i’m out with all of my

friends and my sister

right um but then when

we decided to get married meaning that i

am

i am now facing the choice of come out

or not come out coming out

and um so

for a gay person i think coming out to

the parents

would be the most

[Music]

nerve-wracking experience that he or she

would experience

and many nights i think about

the rejections i think about

what this news would would affect my

parents

physically and mentally and i’m asking

myself

am i being too selfish to

you know exchange their reputations for

my own gain

but then again when i think about it the

more i think about it

the pursuit of happiness is actually

is available for everyone every single

one of us

regardless of who we are regardless of

our backgrounds so the fact that

i am happy with my

with my partner and i choose to lift the

rest of my

life with him i’m happy with that

decision

therefore i think my parents should be

happy for me as well

and of course you know they can um

reject or or disown me

and that’s a possibility but

i’m okay with that right and uh

luckily when i came out

my mom she opened her heart and her arms

and she welcomed us

with both hands my dad on the other hand

until today this day six years

from our marriage and we live a very

happy

um marriage like we’re i think we’re

meant for each other

let’s put it that way but

they um thank you my dad

my dad still struggling with the

thoughts of me

um being with a man instead of with a

woman

and really that is okay because on

i already prepare for this and

i think coming out is a really long

process and you have to constantly put

your efforts into it

day in and day out and with a little bit

of luck

everything gonna pans out in the end so

again using this half

the class half empty and half full

analysis

i focus on the good outcome but i also

prepare for the worst to come which is

the rejections and i act upon it

and i think if somebody else would in my

shoe

he might not choose to come out because

he focused

his energy on something totally

different

so if you think about it

by uh if you think about it by

by um using this analysis

unlocks a really cool mystery and that

is

for each decision making

the values that it comes with that

decision

is totally relative to the person who

making that decision

so um let’s get back to the

story of of the of the show so obviously

i am caught in the middle right now do i

go with my husband

do i do i listen to the catwalk director

as a matter of fact

i am the show the producer

so i don’t have to listen to either of

them it’s my decisions right

so what i did was i did i did really

want to please my husband so i continue

on

preparing the show for the outdoors but

i had to look for another location close

by

and set up a different stage for that as

well and for

for me to do that of course i have to

blow over the budget but that’s okay

that is the fight that i can take to my

husband and win and i know i can win

that

right so and again

here when focusing on the outcome

um which is having the shows outside

i then come to the conclusion that this

is what i do even though i have to spend

more money

but that is okay so

i think um

so i i think if if you really think

about it

the um tough choices

are something that we have to deal with

day in and day out

there’s no way that you have you you

cannot escape it right

so why would you always

look into the negative aspect of it

why don’t you just focus in your energy

to the good outcomes and from there

draw the best decision for you when

you’re making that decisions

today i stand here i might not be

the most successful person on the world

i’m i’m not

as rich as jack ma right but i know

exactly who i

am and i know for sure that if

life throw me anything and if i have to

make a difficult decisions

i know for the fact that i know how to

make it and

i’ll be okay with it so when you

exploring your life out there right

i encourage you to be very much

open-minded look at the issue in

different many perspective

and then you you face you

listen to advices but you should face

out the noises

because you are not putting into this

world to please everybody you cannot

please the crowd

if you are trying to please the crowd

you will be very much

miserable because they will never be

happy

and see like when you when you when you

um understand tough decisions this way

it unlocks a really cool mystery

that every that every these decisions

that you that you are making

it give you the every the the difficult

decisions that you have to make it give

you

the power to reason right

give you the power to reason therefore

give you the power to be

to shaping the your way of thinking and

in turn it makes you the person who you

are

now imagine if everything in life

everything in lives always have a better

options

then you would always reach for that one

only choose for that one

but that also mean that somebody else

put that in there for you you didn’t

make that decision

how boring would that be and who

are you at that point right

so as you grow old

you probably gonna look back into your

experience

and you might think oh okay at that

point i should have done something

a little bit a little bit differently

and that is totally okay

that is you getting old and getting

mature that’s totally fine

but i can promise you you don’t look

back with regrets

because i do believe that when you’re

making that

decision as long as you are the person

who make it

at the time it being made it’s already

optimal for you

so again focusing on

the good focusing on

the good aspect of the outcomes

when it comes to making decisions and

from there

not only that you’ll be able to draw the

best

decisions for yourself but you can also

prepare for the worst to come with it

okay

now by keep on training and doing that

you would put yourself into a driver’s

seat

and one you’re in once you are in the

driver’s seat

once you are in control of your life

then every single decision that you make

would be

optimal and that is my lesson to you

thank you very much