From Victim to Creator
[Music]
what if i told you
you attract people into your life
what if you co-created the events
in your life that brought you pain
what if that which brings us pain
is actually here to serve us
and what if reality as you know it
is not what it seems
here’s an idea life is a mere
interpretation and a matter of
perspective
bounded by our beliefs and perceptions
when we string our interpretations
together
we create a story and the grouping of
these stories over time
develops into the story of our life
human beings have been telling stories
for
thousands of years how do we know if
these stories we tell are true
for one event with a hundred people
there are
100 different experiences of that one
event
what is the truth of the event is there
one
today i’m going to share with you my
greatest teacher in life
and one of the most impactful barriers
that i’ve had to face
since we are all from different walks of
life i want to invite you to
apply your barrier to the messages and
stories that i’m going to speak on
i can still remember my first dance
class
i was in junior high and i was at an
all-girl school
dance club was the name of the class
where a hundred plus different kids
were put into a room to learn ballroom
dances
we were randomly partnered and not only
was i introduced
to a boy i had never met which at the
time i had little to no experience with
the opposite sex because i went to an on
girls school
i was introduced to a boy who had never
met a girl with one arm
you see when i was born missing my right
arm the doctors told my mom
she is only as handicapped as you make
her and growing up there was nothing i
was told i could not do
nor was there anything and i mean
anything that i was allowed to play
a one-arm card for if i tried to
my mom would respond faith that is a
fact
not an excuse
when i was partnered in those dancing
classes i was rejected over and over
again
can you imagine being 13 in your awkward
years
and you’re having to learn how to dance
relate to boys
and handle their reaction to you missing
a limb
it’s a lot when we label someone
as different when we other someone
we dehumanize them and when we pity
someone
we take away their dignity
these experiences can create wounding or
trauma
trauma is not only what happens to us
but it’s what happens inside of us
the trauma that happened inside of me at
dance club changed me
although i did not know it at the time
and just a few months ago
i had a session over zoom with a
kundalini yoga coach
which is a breathwork practitioner
and she requested that we open our
session with ecstatic dance
now i’m at my house alone no one’s here
with me
or at the time and when jenna made the
request
i paused frozen and i asked her can we
please
not do this and jenna said to me faith
do you trust me i will be dancing with
you
so she turned up the music and i
attempted to dance
and the degree of my discomfort in doing
so
absolutely paralyzed me early dance
think
i felt a huge surge of anxiety and pain
and i started to cry my heart broke
at realizing how uncomfortable i was in
my own skin
in my own home alone so
comfortable that i couldn’t dance so
uncomfortable that i could not dance
i asked myself when did i stop dancing
and then i remembered dance club
if you have read the body keep score you
will know that trauma
is stored in the body in our tissues and
in our cells
without us even realizing
because of my experiences in dance club
and the stories i created from them
an identity emerged that i am someone
who does not dance
for the next decade i played this
identity
and every dancing scenario that i found
myself in
people what people would say faith come
on dance
and i would say oh it’s fine guys i’m
just somebody who doesn’t dance
just not my thing i’m just not a dancer
and i didn’t realize at the time that i
was doing this to protect myself
to ensure that i would not feel othered
alien
or rejected the way i felt as a little
girl
during dance club
being viewed as different in countless
instances
feeling dehumanized and pitied
throughout my life
made me feel alone i believed that i was
unworthy of connection community
and love but i also felt this way
because of the story that i was creating
based on my
own interpretation of my experiences
having clarity on what our facts in life
and what our stories
is essential to shifting out of the role
of victim
and into the role of creator
in the victim state or the victim role
life happens to us we believe our
suffering
is from external circumstances and we
blame things outside of ourselves
for why our life is the way that it it
is
for why we are the way we are but in the
creator state
life happens for us when a challenge
comes
we interpret the challenge as
preparation for the future
something that is even greater than what
is now
where some boys rejecting me because i
have one arm
sure but could it also be that
their experience of meeting me which i
interpreted as rejection
was just them being a deer seeing
headlights
and they simply did not know what to do
their shock and fear of upsetting me is
what caused them to freeze and avoid
me could they have been having
just as uncomfortable experience as i
was
as humans we are wired to create and
find
meaning in life when we experience
adversity
we make a story about how the adversity
or the barrier impacts us
and what it means about who we are and
what we are worthy of
these stories that we use to create
meaning
that we use to reason with ourselves for
why things happen to us they are
the barriers that we place against
ourselves
that is if we believe
something that is empowering or
disempowering
because when we believe something
the brain subconsciously looks for
evidence that proves our belief to be
true
at the base of our brain stem there is
something called the reticular
activating system and it’s basically a
bundle of nerves
that filters out unnecessary information
so the important stuff gets through the
important stuff
is your beliefs and this is all done
without your awareness
do you know what you believe
and most importantly do you believe you
are a victim
to life or do you believe you are a
creator of it
we can perceive our barriers as
challenges that weaken and defeat us
or challenges that strengthen and
transform us for most of my life
i did not know that my painful
experience changed how
i viewed myself did not realize that my
self-esteem and my confidence
was impacted or how much i did not feel
worthy of confidence
because i have one arm i did not know i
subconsciously gave my power away to
something i could not even control
which of course left me feeling utterly
powerless in my life because
not only did i give my power away but i
gave it away to something that would be
impossible for me to change
and when we can’t take responsibility
for something
we lose the ability to respond
response ability the ability to respond
understanding our barriers can make it
easier for us to break them
and to consciously respond
for example learning about human
psychology
and what society has been taught to be a
normal
body normal body being someone who has
all of their limbs and can see
and can talk and hear
when i understood what this normal body
was and how it was taught to people
it allowed me to make sense of people’s
response to me
it freed me from no longer taking it
personally because i realized
people aren’t bad because they treat me
differently people do what they’re
conditioned to do
and people are conditioned through media
entertainment their family and their
culture
our conditioning is not our fault but
our healing
healing our conditioning is our
responsibility
what if in order to heal we have to feel
what if the pain we feel when someone
turns us down
the pain we feel as rejection is
actually
the illumination of where we reject
ourselves
and if we reject ourselves well you can
take responsibility for that
i thought people stared at me because
they thought i was weird for having one
arm
which is sometimes true however when my
feelings were
hurt because of that the pain i was
feeling
was not coming from them the pain i was
feeling
was the illumination of my own belief
about myself that part of me deep down
believed them here’s a mind bender
i’m going to say really slow because it
takes a minute
to sink in
what you think others
think about you
is actually what you think
about you
we can blame society all we want for the
problems we encounter
but as individuals we are part of
society
we are all cogs in the machine as
someone who is different
from the norm and we all have something
that makes us different that makes us
feel
like we don’t belong right
you have the power to be an ambassador
for the change you wish to see in the
world
for how you wish society to view what
makes you different
you can rewrite the script by showing up
in a way that
opposes society’s expectations
to change the world you must embody
and be that change and all that you do
in my experience life will continue to
bring people and circumstances
into our lives to reveal where we are
not free
so we can actualize our greatest
potential
playing the victim is the biggest
barrier of all
because it makes you powerless it strips
you of any and all tools
to climb the mountain in front of you
now when someone stares at me i lean
into it
i see it as an opportunity to deepen my
practice of showing up for myself
can i hold myself in these vulnerable
moments can i look that person in the
eyes
and smile because they’re on their
journey
and they’re doing the best they can with
the awareness that they have
again back to conditioning
can i master my own emotions and not
take people’s response to me personally
can i stay sovereign in my own
state of being and not waver in my
energy
rejection is an opportunity for
self-love
when i believed that i would be rejected
for having one arm i
attracted people and circumstances into
my life where that was true
i brought those experiences to myself
because i was subconsciously looking for
them
i was looking for an external event to
prove
my subconscious internal story
when i started identifying the stories
that i told me about myself
which were not always nice i was able to
flip the script
i started paying attention to all the
opportunities and people
that showed me that i am loved and
worthy
your energy is your currency
and what you pay attention to
is what you invest in what you invest in
is what grows in your life
when i realized these stories i started
investing in myself
loving yourself is investing in yourself
now when i when people say and even when
i say love yourself
i sometimes want to cringe because what
does that even mean love yourself we see
it all the time right
loving yourself means taking care
of yourself it isn’t giving yourself
whatever you want
it is doing things that’s in your own
best interest
it’s feeding yourself nutritious food
keeping your living space clean
providing for yourself telling yourself
stories that are empowering and not
disabling
it’s accepting and embracing yourself
it’s caring for how you feel for your
state of being
that means keeping boundaries and not
running your energy to e
and most importantly trusting yourself
being your word to yourself and then to
others
so what i started showing up
when i started showing up for myself and
taking responsibility for my energy
for how i show up for how i feel i was
able to shift my reality
the love we also desperately search
is already within us
many stories and parables are useful
but many of the stories we tell
ourselves create barriers
that block us from the exquisite life
we deserve and we are worthy of
now as the creator of my story i see
these painful experiences that i’ve had
in the past
as stepping stones in my own journey
and the painful experiences that you
have had are the same
you can view those painful experiences
as
the as the juice to transform yourself
as the gifts to bring light into the
world
their keys for unlocking your limiting
beliefs
because the lesson will continue to show
up
until you learn it when you rewrite the
stories you tell yourself
about yourself about the world
and you believe in your inherent worth
and goodness
you allow the magic of life to come into
your life
come into your heart and with a little
luck
and a lot of love and some faith
you can begin to dance again
thank you