From Victim to Creator

[Music]

what if i told you

you attract people into your life

what if you co-created the events

in your life that brought you pain

what if that which brings us pain

is actually here to serve us

and what if reality as you know it

is not what it seems

here’s an idea life is a mere

interpretation and a matter of

perspective

bounded by our beliefs and perceptions

when we string our interpretations

together

we create a story and the grouping of

these stories over time

develops into the story of our life

human beings have been telling stories

for

thousands of years how do we know if

these stories we tell are true

for one event with a hundred people

there are

100 different experiences of that one

event

what is the truth of the event is there

one

today i’m going to share with you my

greatest teacher in life

and one of the most impactful barriers

that i’ve had to face

since we are all from different walks of

life i want to invite you to

apply your barrier to the messages and

stories that i’m going to speak on

i can still remember my first dance

class

i was in junior high and i was at an

all-girl school

dance club was the name of the class

where a hundred plus different kids

were put into a room to learn ballroom

dances

we were randomly partnered and not only

was i introduced

to a boy i had never met which at the

time i had little to no experience with

the opposite sex because i went to an on

girls school

i was introduced to a boy who had never

met a girl with one arm

you see when i was born missing my right

arm the doctors told my mom

she is only as handicapped as you make

her and growing up there was nothing i

was told i could not do

nor was there anything and i mean

anything that i was allowed to play

a one-arm card for if i tried to

my mom would respond faith that is a

fact

not an excuse

when i was partnered in those dancing

classes i was rejected over and over

again

can you imagine being 13 in your awkward

years

and you’re having to learn how to dance

relate to boys

and handle their reaction to you missing

a limb

it’s a lot when we label someone

as different when we other someone

we dehumanize them and when we pity

someone

we take away their dignity

these experiences can create wounding or

trauma

trauma is not only what happens to us

but it’s what happens inside of us

the trauma that happened inside of me at

dance club changed me

although i did not know it at the time

and just a few months ago

i had a session over zoom with a

kundalini yoga coach

which is a breathwork practitioner

and she requested that we open our

session with ecstatic dance

now i’m at my house alone no one’s here

with me

or at the time and when jenna made the

request

i paused frozen and i asked her can we

please

not do this and jenna said to me faith

do you trust me i will be dancing with

you

so she turned up the music and i

attempted to dance

and the degree of my discomfort in doing

so

absolutely paralyzed me early dance

think

i felt a huge surge of anxiety and pain

and i started to cry my heart broke

at realizing how uncomfortable i was in

my own skin

in my own home alone so

comfortable that i couldn’t dance so

uncomfortable that i could not dance

i asked myself when did i stop dancing

and then i remembered dance club

if you have read the body keep score you

will know that trauma

is stored in the body in our tissues and

in our cells

without us even realizing

because of my experiences in dance club

and the stories i created from them

an identity emerged that i am someone

who does not dance

for the next decade i played this

identity

and every dancing scenario that i found

myself in

people what people would say faith come

on dance

and i would say oh it’s fine guys i’m

just somebody who doesn’t dance

just not my thing i’m just not a dancer

and i didn’t realize at the time that i

was doing this to protect myself

to ensure that i would not feel othered

alien

or rejected the way i felt as a little

girl

during dance club

being viewed as different in countless

instances

feeling dehumanized and pitied

throughout my life

made me feel alone i believed that i was

unworthy of connection community

and love but i also felt this way

because of the story that i was creating

based on my

own interpretation of my experiences

having clarity on what our facts in life

and what our stories

is essential to shifting out of the role

of victim

and into the role of creator

in the victim state or the victim role

life happens to us we believe our

suffering

is from external circumstances and we

blame things outside of ourselves

for why our life is the way that it it

is

for why we are the way we are but in the

creator state

life happens for us when a challenge

comes

we interpret the challenge as

preparation for the future

something that is even greater than what

is now

where some boys rejecting me because i

have one arm

sure but could it also be that

their experience of meeting me which i

interpreted as rejection

was just them being a deer seeing

headlights

and they simply did not know what to do

their shock and fear of upsetting me is

what caused them to freeze and avoid

me could they have been having

just as uncomfortable experience as i

was

as humans we are wired to create and

find

meaning in life when we experience

adversity

we make a story about how the adversity

or the barrier impacts us

and what it means about who we are and

what we are worthy of

these stories that we use to create

meaning

that we use to reason with ourselves for

why things happen to us they are

the barriers that we place against

ourselves

that is if we believe

something that is empowering or

disempowering

because when we believe something

the brain subconsciously looks for

evidence that proves our belief to be

true

at the base of our brain stem there is

something called the reticular

activating system and it’s basically a

bundle of nerves

that filters out unnecessary information

so the important stuff gets through the

important stuff

is your beliefs and this is all done

without your awareness

do you know what you believe

and most importantly do you believe you

are a victim

to life or do you believe you are a

creator of it

we can perceive our barriers as

challenges that weaken and defeat us

or challenges that strengthen and

transform us for most of my life

i did not know that my painful

experience changed how

i viewed myself did not realize that my

self-esteem and my confidence

was impacted or how much i did not feel

worthy of confidence

because i have one arm i did not know i

subconsciously gave my power away to

something i could not even control

which of course left me feeling utterly

powerless in my life because

not only did i give my power away but i

gave it away to something that would be

impossible for me to change

and when we can’t take responsibility

for something

we lose the ability to respond

response ability the ability to respond

understanding our barriers can make it

easier for us to break them

and to consciously respond

for example learning about human

psychology

and what society has been taught to be a

normal

body normal body being someone who has

all of their limbs and can see

and can talk and hear

when i understood what this normal body

was and how it was taught to people

it allowed me to make sense of people’s

response to me

it freed me from no longer taking it

personally because i realized

people aren’t bad because they treat me

differently people do what they’re

conditioned to do

and people are conditioned through media

entertainment their family and their

culture

our conditioning is not our fault but

our healing

healing our conditioning is our

responsibility

what if in order to heal we have to feel

what if the pain we feel when someone

turns us down

the pain we feel as rejection is

actually

the illumination of where we reject

ourselves

and if we reject ourselves well you can

take responsibility for that

i thought people stared at me because

they thought i was weird for having one

arm

which is sometimes true however when my

feelings were

hurt because of that the pain i was

feeling

was not coming from them the pain i was

feeling

was the illumination of my own belief

about myself that part of me deep down

believed them here’s a mind bender

i’m going to say really slow because it

takes a minute

to sink in

what you think others

think about you

is actually what you think

about you

we can blame society all we want for the

problems we encounter

but as individuals we are part of

society

we are all cogs in the machine as

someone who is different

from the norm and we all have something

that makes us different that makes us

feel

like we don’t belong right

you have the power to be an ambassador

for the change you wish to see in the

world

for how you wish society to view what

makes you different

you can rewrite the script by showing up

in a way that

opposes society’s expectations

to change the world you must embody

and be that change and all that you do

in my experience life will continue to

bring people and circumstances

into our lives to reveal where we are

not free

so we can actualize our greatest

potential

playing the victim is the biggest

barrier of all

because it makes you powerless it strips

you of any and all tools

to climb the mountain in front of you

now when someone stares at me i lean

into it

i see it as an opportunity to deepen my

practice of showing up for myself

can i hold myself in these vulnerable

moments can i look that person in the

eyes

and smile because they’re on their

journey

and they’re doing the best they can with

the awareness that they have

again back to conditioning

can i master my own emotions and not

take people’s response to me personally

can i stay sovereign in my own

state of being and not waver in my

energy

rejection is an opportunity for

self-love

when i believed that i would be rejected

for having one arm i

attracted people and circumstances into

my life where that was true

i brought those experiences to myself

because i was subconsciously looking for

them

i was looking for an external event to

prove

my subconscious internal story

when i started identifying the stories

that i told me about myself

which were not always nice i was able to

flip the script

i started paying attention to all the

opportunities and people

that showed me that i am loved and

worthy

your energy is your currency

and what you pay attention to

is what you invest in what you invest in

is what grows in your life

when i realized these stories i started

investing in myself

loving yourself is investing in yourself

now when i when people say and even when

i say love yourself

i sometimes want to cringe because what

does that even mean love yourself we see

it all the time right

loving yourself means taking care

of yourself it isn’t giving yourself

whatever you want

it is doing things that’s in your own

best interest

it’s feeding yourself nutritious food

keeping your living space clean

providing for yourself telling yourself

stories that are empowering and not

disabling

it’s accepting and embracing yourself

it’s caring for how you feel for your

state of being

that means keeping boundaries and not

running your energy to e

and most importantly trusting yourself

being your word to yourself and then to

others

so what i started showing up

when i started showing up for myself and

taking responsibility for my energy

for how i show up for how i feel i was

able to shift my reality

the love we also desperately search

is already within us

many stories and parables are useful

but many of the stories we tell

ourselves create barriers

that block us from the exquisite life

we deserve and we are worthy of

now as the creator of my story i see

these painful experiences that i’ve had

in the past

as stepping stones in my own journey

and the painful experiences that you

have had are the same

you can view those painful experiences

as

the as the juice to transform yourself

as the gifts to bring light into the

world

their keys for unlocking your limiting

beliefs

because the lesson will continue to show

up

until you learn it when you rewrite the

stories you tell yourself

about yourself about the world

and you believe in your inherent worth

and goodness

you allow the magic of life to come into

your life

come into your heart and with a little

luck

and a lot of love and some faith

you can begin to dance again

thank you