How Struggle Helps Us Grow

[Music]

[Music]

[Applause]

i’m on this large

mountain over 9 000 feet high

and i’m looking down trying to pick my

line

my mouth has gone all dry and i’m

nervous

excited and scared all at once

i’ll mention closer to the edge and i’m

also

talking to myself in my head thinking

things like

are you out of your mind this is far too

dangerous

as well as thinking just do it you’ll be

fine

there’s like a battle going on in my

mind

i start moving too late now to pull back

and off i go and i’m picking up speed

and i’m going faster and faster and i

can feel

my heart my chest going boom boom

as well as the wind in my face as i’m

carving up the snow

now my confidence is growing and so is

my smile

i skied every run on that large mountain

by the end of that day

the confidence and the freedom i felt

was liberating

i remember taking a deep breath and

having so much love

for that moment and experience

in my life i have a picture taken on

that day

that’s me the one on the left

the short one with the yellow frame

i was a very tired a very proud man of

what i accomplished

and felt amazing because only a couple

of days prior

on those lower learning slopes of the

whakapapa ski field

i honestly thought that i would be

spending

most of my time eating snow

and not skiing you see i have no balance

none

at all so

for me it would have been quite easy to

doubt my skills and my abilities

and back away from that large mountain

on that day

so how did i push past my limitations

and my fears to create

and find a new ability

on that day let’s go back in time

let’s go back to 1995. it’s the 20th of

may

and i’m 25 years old i’m a taller

version than myself

i’m six foot three or 193 centimeters

tall i love my sport and i’m fit and

strong

i really love my rugby

yet i’m only 80 kilos and i probably

should be

100 kilos to play the position i do in

my team

but i like to think i punched above my

weight

now imagine a neatly presented field

marked out as a rugby pitch surrounded

by

vehicles and people in a little country

village

on the east coast of forks bay new

zealand

there’s some amazing games of rugby on

this field

so much so that half the community come

out

to watch these epic battles between two

old rivals

great games to watch very physical

and the score is normally very close

on this particular day my team had key

personnel

either away or injured including the

regular captain

now as i was one of the senior members

of their team

and playing lots of rugby and making the

odd rep side

and captaining one of these in the past

i was asked to step up and leave my team

on the day

and of course i saw this as a great

honor and opportunity

because i had lots of friends and a few

family

surrounding their field that day so as

we let our teams out onto the field

i was very proud

the game itself was a real tough and

physical game

and we were well down on the scoreboard

we’d put up a good fight and in the

dying minutes of that game

we received the ball as a team and did a

lovely little move up the sideline

which created a bit of a break and i was

thinking cool

we could score here just before full

time just to finish on that high note

bam

instantly i knew i’d made a huge

mistake i couldn’t breathe

and the pain was incredible

i remember lying on that cold wet

muddy rugby ground yelling out

help help

please help me but for some reason no

one could hear me

and it was then that i realized because

i couldn’t breathe

my voice was actually barely

a whisper as the four or five men

that were on top of me got up and looked

at me

they immediately knew that i was in

dangerous trouble

so everyone stopped the game and radioed

for the emergency helicopter

i had severely and critically

dislocated my neck

i was struggling to breathe and in

severe pain

it took over an hour for that helicopter

to reach me

and as they were loading me up into it

the doctor who traveled with it asked me

if i had had

any pain relief i said no

so he gave me some medicine and i

finally

passed out

i woke up five days later and i honestly

thought that i was in a bad dream

now some of you here would have woken up

after a terrible

experience and just hoped that it wasn’t

true

i woke up not being able to move

anything

not my hands all my arms

all my legs nothing

i remember lying in that hospital bed

feeling very very scared and very

vulnerable

it only felt like moments before that i

was a strong

fit young 25 year old man who

could do a physical job all day

and then run a half marathon if i chose

to not being able to do anything for

myself

i couldn’t even feed myself and i

couldn’t go to the toilet by myself

now for this shy young country boy

that was big right there

how was i going to survive this

why am i telling you the story

because we all have tough times in our

lives

we all have some sort of challenge

struggle

or adversity at some point in our lives

mine just happens to be that i

dislocated my neck

and it’s put me in this chair

so why does that matter because these

challenges

struggles and these difficulties

bring potential gifts

so what might look like my disability

actually has

the potential to reveal new

abilities that i hadn’t seen before

new abilities instead of disabilities

i quite like that

i truly believe that these challenges

struggles and problems are given to us

so that we can

grow and expand by being pushed

and pulled to what we are individually

meant to create in this lifetime

when i started to reframe my tough times

i started to think in a way that was far

greater

than my problems

and when we learn this way of thinking

we can actually create a life that we

love

regardless of the challenges

or perceived disabilities that we might

be facing

the thing is though fear is a very

powerful emotion

and i was frozen and terrified

with fear lying in that hospital bed

and yes there was a big part of me that

just wanted to

hide under the covers and let life

happen

and believe me i wanted to stay angry

and sad

and go why me

why but

when i looked down that road all i could

see

was this sad angry bitter young man

and i knew i didn’t want that for my

life

so i chose the other road

and that was to find the courage to face

whatever fears

i had and get up out of that bed

and do what i could with what i had

and believe me it wasn’t much at the

beginning

but by doing what i could with what i

had i

soon came to realize an experience that

there is this power

inside of me and you

that is far greater than anything

any challenge or any condition that i

might be facing

and when i learned this way of thinking

it gave me the courage not to just ski

down large mountains

but it also gave me the courage to step

out here on this stage today

and it gave me the courage to ask this

beautiful young lady out not just once

though she did smile but until she

succumbed to my chance

and agreed to be my wife

see the thing at the time of my accident

i was this 25 year old man who

only thought he was good at physical

things

i had this ego that was constantly

trying

to prove to myself that i was good

enough on the rugby field

or good enough on the farm or good

enough

out drinking with my mates and then in a

split second

that one thing that i thought i was good

at was taken away

and i couldn’t even scratch my nose and

i had doctors telling me

that i would never walk again or push a

wheelchair

now it’s important not to listen to that

right there

because i proved them wrong i pushed out

of that hospital

and i started creating little goals and

visions for myself

and i soon came to realize that there is

a way of thinking

that is far greater than my physical

being

all my conditions situation

that i could be in and

there’s a way to think and a power that

we can partner with

that is far greater than anything

we are only limited by the way we think

it’s not what you see it’s how you

see it that truly matters

so as a result of changing my limited

thinking

and learning how to create a life i love

i can honestly say

that i am more confident and happier

today

than before my accident all because

i changed my thinking

yes i’ve had some ups and downs i’ve had

some bad days

along the way but i found that if you’re

willing to look for it

there is always a silver lining i

came to meet and fall in love with the

woman of my dreams

we are parents of four amazing children

we ran a large sheep and beef farm

together

which so many people said that i

wouldn’t be able to do

at the time of my accident we have

travelled the world

and even water ski on heron lake

in london

i have white water rafter canoed

paraglided

ab sailed of tomato peak

paraglided sorry and scuba dived with

the sharks in the napier aquarium

and that’s just to name a few i have a

beautiful

grandson and a beautiful granddaughter

and no doubt more to come

life is good my health is great

even though i’m in a wheelchair and my

relationships

are fantastic i honestly feel blessed to

wake up to another brand new day

in what we call this experience good

life

now i’m not telling you all this to

impress you but to actually impress upon

you that

if i can do it you can do it

we can all live into our own greatness

yes i truly do believe that our

challenges struggles and our problems

are

given to us so that we can discover

our own individual expression

of that one true ability in this world

so ironically it was there all along

because it’s the way we think and i’ve

found that if i think with more love

for my family and for myself

and my life and my friends

and if i think for more love

for humanity and the environment

then i become happier

so the key is to learn

to use our minds properly so that we

can push past our limitations and our

fears

and creating that life that we love

thank you

[Music]

you