How to overcome the small self and step into a flourishing life

[Music]

[Music]

there are

crucial moments in our lives times when

we make a decision

that can have an incremental or a

seismic outcome

it alters our life trajectory

who we are who we can

be the significance of these moments is

of our own

making it is our choice entirely

to step forward or to remain in the

place of comfort

of familiarity our place of safety

and maybe even the place that sheltered

us when we were newly fledged

or the place we learn to return to even

if we’ve outgrown it

is where our life stays small

for me this place is my childhood

bedroom

a place that now exists only in memory

how can we create these crucial decisive

moments

ourselves how can we step around

what might hold us back from the small

version of life

i’m kirsty foster i’m an adventurer an

expedition leader

a creative and an explorer of human

potential

for over 20 years i’ve worked with

groups and individuals

in remote wilderness mountains desert

jungle with tribal people in remote

communities

i’ve walked in nature in the footsteps

of animal

and human alike stood in mega cities and

worked

integrally in my home community

a key element of my work is immersive

visceral

experience it is real

grounded intentional imperfect

not some theoretical idea

this creates space for learning offers

different perspectives

enables individuals to grow

exponentially

i have sought to continually learn and

grow alongside those i’ve worked with

this gives me fuel and dynamism for my

journey

as a girl of 14 i was too scared to go

on school trips

sometimes i would register to attend

then i would find an excuse

not to go mostly i didn’t even sign

up it wasn’t because i didn’t have

dreams and aspirations

but my life was small and unexercised

i hadn’t connected with or activated my

potential

i wasn’t even aware that it was innate

or latent

within me or that i could step out into

so many experiences and places in the

world

instead i was caught in ideas and

projections of my own making

that made the world seem too frightening

too challenging for me

sometimes i imagine going back to my 14

year old self

usually at times when i have a challenge

or an area of growth to make

she is there in the attic room with

slanting walls

in my childhood home it’s sunday night

and she’s recording the charts from the

radio and a cassette player

with a finger poised on the pause record

button

the room is colorful with posters quotes

from literature

lyrics from songs from the window i can

see a sliver of the sea in the distance

i go to her and say look what i

am doing now we’ll laugh together

she is the essence of me my ungrown self

the one who is most able to acknowledge

who i am

and most importantly where i have

travelled from

recognizing my past self doesn’t make me

feel like an imposter

in my current life instead it is an

expression of joy

an acknowledgement of the choices made

the summation of what brings me here

in the present i’m viewed in the light

of my accumulated experience my skills

capability and capacity

the external reading of me of what i

bring

only my 14 year old self and i

inhabit my inner world and know the

route i have travelled

in march 2020 like all travellers

i was grounded for my usual outward

activity

the usual face-to-face work with a group

of people getting on a flight

adjusting to a new place another

continent

language time zone a newness of

experience

this was curtailed all the usual

physical

mental and emotional stretches of myself

were tempered

changed instead i galvanized all the

learning

perspective and insight in different

ways

i delved into my creative side and

immersed in the natural world

as we all in our own different

experiences of lockdown

became more inwardly focused

i found myself casting back to my 14

year old self

and began exploring how this teenager

with agrophobic tendencies

unable to go on school trips became an

international traveler

a leader facilitator and creative force

with a deep

rich history of experience ripe with

tall tales and escapades from across

six continents how can i distill and

decant this

in a way that would enable others to

activate it in their own way

to step into their potential and create

their own

broad story

i’m a regular runner not because i’m a

purist or hardened athlete

primarily it burns off the cake and

biscuits i eat

most importantly it creates a space for

mental buffering

processing allowing my brain to go into

free fall

i run in the early morning i’m not keen

at all to get out of bed

i get dressed leave the house and start

running

my method is to get up quickly dress

step out of the house and close the door

before i have the opportunity

to procrastinate and persuade myself

other ways with all the versions i can

creatively muster

it takes direct and swift action to get

ahead of my negativity

which can be a skillful and creative

gatekeeper

i always feel better on return i have a

sense of having won over myself

immediately at the start of the day

as of my work my daily start point is

experiential

creating actual visceral memory in the

body

there is something about stepping

outside that door each day

of continually having to repeat that

action pushing against my own negative

inclinations

all the ways my fast clever brain gets

going

with all the reasons why i should delay

wait until later

not go running at all by running swiftly

my negativity has little time to

persuade me otherwise and stops

its efforts if i linger

i can become immersed in negativity

my exploration began looking into

negativity in the widest terms

how it inflects on human experience the

answer i found was immediate and

definite

and made me feel better better it was

not just me

having an excess of negative voice

within me

neuroscience has long understood that

humans have a negativity bias

an asymmetry in the way that we make

sense of the world

using positive and negative information

the reason and purpose for this is to

protect us

and enable us to respond to risk and

danger

negative experiences and thoughts take

precedence in our considerations

even if there are equal positive

elements

so we naturally coalesce with these

negative predispositions

that keep us safe and alert but can

prevent us

from giving proper consideration and

acknowledgement to the positives in life

in addition to our negative

predisposition every thought we have

releases chemicals which affect us

when we have positive thoughts the body

produces serotonin

which creates a feeling of well-being it

increases creative thinking

it can widen our attention span and

change our perception from a focus on me

to we in our brain

the prefrontal cortex is where all mind

and brain functions converge to be

distributed

this area of the brain reflects the

impact of thinking patterns and related

chemical release

at a physiological level

when happy thoughts occur the prefrontal

cortex enforces

existing synapses and creates new ones

these can enable the brain to make new

connections

new predispositions that reflect in the

body

and experience of the individual

producing new

neural connections and pathways

whereas when negative feelings are

experienced the brain

draws metabolic energy from the

prefrontal cortex

meaning it can’t perform at high or even

normal function

which can make it difficult to take in

new things also to think creatively

these negative feelings when they are

experienced consistently

can alter the plasticity of the limbic

system

which has been found to manage feelings

of motivation

reward learning as well as fight

flight and hormones that regulate the

immune system

so negative thoughts have a profound

effect chemically emotionally

and manifest in lesson well-being and

immune system response

negative thoughts it seems are far more

toxic than i realized

the internal battle we undertake is

working to combat

a persuasive predisposition that through

being hardwired to protect us

can also hold us back

how can we use all of this as fuel for

the journey forward in life

we can thankfully counteract this and

create our own

new positive connections and pathways we

can

hardwire ourselves to think positively

and therefore create more serotonin

more positivity and therefore more

capacity to be creative

to be other to be courageous

in the study of human brain development

it was thought that only in childhood

was the brain malleable to new learning

santiago cacao considered the father of

neuroscience

coined the term neuroplasticity long

before evidence of this emerged in the

latter 20th century

learning a new ability repeated

experiences

and regularly practicing something all

make systemic

adjustments in the brain showing its

plasticity

its dynamism to grow and orient in

different ways

so despite our primal negative

predisposition

we can positively orient ourselves at

any age

and utilize our profound brain

capabilities to do so

i could still be that girl in the

bedroom i might be a nice person

creative thoughtful desire the greatest

happiness for all

i will be a small flame hidden from view

without the ability

to grow and fully share without the

tools to propel or fulfill myself

i would like to draw to conclusion with

an encouragement to utilize

a lifelong ability to learn and flourish

to make

the choice to resist the internal

negative voice

however persuasive and encompassing and

step out

to take a step you do not need to embark

on travel to remote and exotic places

but experience exactly where you are

exactly as

you are there is no need to be

superhuman

or compare yourself to others instead

all you need to do is immerse in your

own inner wilderness and forge your path

armed only with persistence patience and

repetition

no other specialist tools and knowledge

are needed

other than all you innately have all

that

is liminal latent waiting to be

stimulated

my 14 year old self eventually stepped

out and went on an experiment in life

with no set destination other than to

work with people and create value

and here i am my journey continues

i am not remarkable i have my own unique

potential to activate as

each of us do i overcame my internal

resistance

my negativity which had grown to

himalayan proportions

before i could actually scale a

himalayan mountain in person

in undertaking this journey in training

myself in these inner realms

i know i will never be so stuck again

that things will not be straightforward

that i can

create a happy fulfilling way ahead

and that i can create my flourishing

future

alongside others the view is amazing out

here

come see for yourself