Tear down your inner walls to live a life truly seen.

so

i had it all a good husband

two amazing kids a successful career

beautiful house and world travel

i’d worked so hard and done everything

life in society had told me to do in

order to be fulfilled and happy

on the outside it all looked really

yet when i stopped to take a breath and

checked inside

i was dying i had everything

but when i looked around i couldn’t

actually feel it all because i was

behind this wall

i felt completely alone i was depressed

and off purpose

there was this pull inside of me

something i had to trust that this

wasn’t it

i knew there had to be more but i had no

idea how to get to

wherever i wanted to go wherever that

was

and more importantly i’d shut everything

out

i’d built up these walls inside myself

that wasn’t allowing life

in it’s true for a lot of us that we put

up walls to protect ourselves but

then this also blocks us from our true

selves and potentials

i know exactly when i started to build

up my walls

i’d like to invite you to travel back in

time with me to a small town in texas in

i’m almost four years old and have just

had my tonsils

removed i’m in the utility room in my

house and my mom is

giving me a bath in the sink

i remember her asking me a question and

i try to answer her

except something isn’t right i can’t

seem to get the words out

you see when the doctors were doing the

operation to remove my tonsils

they clipped the bottom of my tongue

which then made it very awkward to speak

from that moment forward my life went

from carefree

to one of constant struggle

i literally and figuratively

lost the voice of my childhood

i developed a stutter and you’d find me

a lot of days on the school playground

being bullied and teased i was called

stupid and dumb

you know that feeling of just wanting to

fit in and be like everybody else

that was me wanting to connect and

belong yet over and over

i was left on the outside i desperately

wanted to be included

in order to protect myself from the hurt

and shame

i slowly built a wall around my heart to

keep the pain

out so this became my pattern

if i was teased or embarrassed i would

retreat inside myself a little more

distance myself from life and others

until eventually

the wall protected me from really

feeling anything

by the time i left for college i could

speak without a stutter for the most

part and

still tripped over words as i sometimes

do even now

but the wall was still there

the ability to keep the pain at bay was

firmly

in place

we put up walls to stop the pain but you

see

if you don’t allow pain in you don’t let

the great experiences

in either like joy

and you end up being lonely and

disconnected

the walls can often look like other

things like

trying to be more perfect you know if i

can do more and be

more then maybe i could be seen and

heard

and loved maybe you

overeat or under eat perhaps you

overgive

maybe you drink a little too much or

you’re just trying to be nice to

everyone

whatever it is that you are using to

protect yourself from the pain

is a wall

i was in this cycle of wanting to

connect but

couldn’t so i try to do better be more

perfect but

that wasn’t the answer either so i

retreated more and more

inside myself i was moving through life

all in my head and i was completely shut

off from what my heart and soul

truly desired

so the universe decided to give me

opportunities for my growth

have you had these experiences too

everything began to fall apart

including the massive wall inside

my marriage broke down my kids were

being bullied in school

i was done with my line of work i was

chronically exhausted

i had to take two hour naps just to make

it through the day

i knew i had to find a different way or

i wasn’t going to survive

i’ve always been a seeker

i have a phd in personal growth

can any of you relate to that

so i studied i studied everything i

could around

personal development and spirituality i

took numerous courses and retreats

i was a meditator and i did that

for hours at a time

this process takes time it just does

but the wall that i had built up over my

entire lifetime

was finally breaking down

wasn’t always easy i go to bed

one of two ways with tears

that i wasn’t connected and feeling like

i never would be

or i’d go to bed determined to try and

do it better tomorrow

but what i found on the other side was

more than worth the tears

i was beginning to connect to myself

you’ve heard the expression everything

isn’t falling apart it’s

actually falling together and so i began

to rebuild myself

instead of a wall

the first time through i’d done

everything in my mind with strategy and

thinking things through with protection

and barriers this time

life was teaching me to do this through

my heart

and not just my head

i went from trying to control everything

so i could be prepared and

ward off any unwanted feelings to

holy i’m feeling everything and it

all just hurts

two wow

what i came to understand is that i was

learning

how to connect to myself and i learned

you have to know how to connect to

yourself first before you can connect

with

others but then after that

you feel connected to everything

and i discovered a process that makes

this possible anytime every time

and i call it listen trust

act and the first step

is listen and it begins with connecting

to you when you begin to truly

listen to yourself you start to build

this deep connection to you

and it feels like coming home

by learning to come back into your heart

you find that thing we know a source

that place of true power your power

i couldn’t really define it as

connection at the time

but each time i let myself get in tune

with me

the deepest yearnings of me the wall

inside broke apart a little more there

was more space for me to come back home

to

i was able to access more of myself and

hear

what i was intuiting intuition is one of

the biggest assets

we don’t use enough of but it’s always

speaking to us

if we learn to listen

and the feeling of being alone started

to go away

it was instead replaced with deep

self-love for myself

each time i allowed myself to go inward

and feel

the pain would be replaced with

connection

and love layer after

sad layer would be lifted and joy

would be left in its place

the poet rumi says be full of sorrow

that you may become hill of joy weep

that you may break into laughter

the second step i discovered is trust

so when the pieces of me started to come

back together

i found that there’s this greater energy

of life supporting all of us

and it doesn’t matter what you call it

spirit

universe nature goddess god

those spaces in between us are real and

viable

and are always up under us wanting only

the highest and best for us

but i had to learn how to trust outside

of my mind

at a level that was closer to my heart

what i would hear when i was listening

did not always make

logical sense to me but this deeper

knowing

was asking me to trust what was coming

through

one day it told me i was writing a book

so i trusted that

and i did write my book in seven hours

the destiny path being alone

to coming home

and we always have a choice in these

situations

i could have chosen not to cancel my

appointments that day and not

follow through what was being asked of

me

but instead i chose to trust

and in that something magical

came through and the final step

is act your outer world is not going to

change if you don’t take action steps to

create something different in your life

again it’s about connection and choosing

to engage with life that’s heart

and not just head i knew there had to be

people out there who could deeply see

and

understand me and when i began to build

connection to myself without the wall

i then had the inner capacity to connect

with others in a more

vulnerable way

when you shift your inner experiences

your outer world starts to change

i now have connections with others that

are incredibly authentic

and at a depth level i knew was possible

i now know how to ask and receive

support

and i can offer it as well without over

giving

or trying to do it perfectly

you learn to act in a way that’s in

alignment with what you truly desire

but it’s a choice and it’s a practice

and in my action i shifted careers and

i’m now on purpose with my life and no

longer go to bed with

two not so good options

i now go to bed in a tremendous amount

of gratitude

love in my heart and a freedom

i never knew could have existed before

it is possible to live in a state of

wonder and grace

with the flow of life we are all meant

to live in connection to ourselves and

with each other

this is how we are designed before we

start building up the walls that stops

everything from flowing

now when i feel pain it moves through

sometimes it takes a moment sometimes it

takes a bit of time

but i am no longer afraid

we build our walls well and this world

doesn’t teach us how to build

connections with each other

or even show us how we can live without

walls

and the process while it needs learning

is simple listen

trust act

and i’d like to share with you now three

other words

that are very effective in building

connection

these are three equally simple words but

incredibly powerful

and no it’s not those three words

now these three words are i see you

i see you

you can say this to your loved ones

either in person

or through a screen

how do you think this would affect the

homeless person that you pass

on the street and maybe sometimes ignore

what if you said to them in your mind or

even out loud

i see you

it changes worlds and it creates

incredible connection

you can say this to yourself in the

mirror

a life without walls without your inner

barriers allows you to create

the outer life you want and not the one

that

society says that you should have but

the one that’s unique and designed

especially for you in ways you cannot

even imagine

but wait maybe just

imagine it because it’s yours to have

if you so choose

i see you listen

trust and act

thank you