The Power to Design a Life You Love

[Music]

if you don’t design your life

somebody else will design it for you we

should always be

in the driver’s seat of our lives not in

the back seat

not in the passenger seat success

is an idea but is it your idea

or someone else’s you see almost

everything is perspective i used to

think

that success would lead to happiness

that it was everything

that’s what everyone told me as a kid

but in 2003

while helping serve five million

refugees on the kandahar border of

afghanistan

that all changed i suddenly stood with

the muzzle of a machine gun

piercing my back that moment changed my

life forever

surviving a near kidnapping made me

realize that our lives are as delicate

as the hourglass and time was something

we lose

with each breath never to be redeemed

the culture i grew up in was obsessed

with success no matter where i looked

that was all people seemed to care about

so i sacrificed it all and with tenacity

and conviction

i pushed myself harder and harder

chasing my dreams and climbing the

career ladder

or what i call my career bucket list

i was a light sleeper but a heavy

dreamer

after studying late nights i would spend

the early mornings

as a young aspiring pro athlete

courageously sprinting all the way up to

the top of the dune

with each step my foot would sink but i

kept climbing

after all i was climbing a mountain made

of sand

i wasn’t climbing to prove a point to

someone else i was climbing

for myself you see this is analogous to

my career and life trajectory

no matter how difficult or volatile it

was to

master my path towards that next

promotion

i had to keep going but even when you

make it to the top of the org chart

and achieve career mastery

it doesn’t stop there we all still ask

ourselves

what’s next so i finally hit pause and

decided to reset

to reflect and look down only to realize

that those that told me success was the

end all

couldn’t have been further from the

truth i knew success was important

the data tells us that it is that

success

affects the quality of our life but the

latest research says

only up to a certain point there is a

limit

for example household income is strongly

to both emotional and personal

well-being

and a person’s own evaluation of the

quality of life

changes in family income are important

drivers

of people’s emotional lives they in many

cases

translate to increase happiness

especially from the poverty level and we

can’t deny that

the way we feel even affects the

inflammation in our bodies

however the difference the marginal

dollar makes

in reducing negative emotions

starts to fall around seventy thousand

dollars a year seventy five thousand

dollars a year

is the breaking point and it continues

to fall

becoming very low once you cross a

hundred fifty thousand

then it hits zero at two hundred

thousand

i witnessed this firsthand no matter how

successful i was

i still felt unfulfilled and empty

inside

have you ever personally defined success

actually written it down not many

many successful people still go through

depression today depression

is a single leading cause of disability

globally how can this be

i somehow knew innately that success

alone

could not be the purpose of life i knew

something was missing

something more to life worth chasing so

i set myself free

conquering my limiting beliefs about

wanting to be a physician

even after getting into medical school

per chance to play tennis

and instead i turn pro as i travel the

world as a professional tennis player

my journeys quickly became more about

self-discovery

and less about the sport of tennis that

i love so dearly

the inner game of tennis for me

wasn’t about tennis at all it was about

mindset

i was looking for more and as a result i

began

to experience more i began to experience

life as a young writer i wanted the

confidence

and the power to design a life i loved

but i knew that to write my story

i needed to focus on changing my

perspective from self-criticism

to self-compassion that means you must

get to know yourself you must also

be kind to yourself understand that you

are part of humanity

and be mindful of your thoughts and

feelings

in other words you matter

this became my new life lens my search

for more

was not alone many people struggle with

this and like others

i wanted to know why success was not

everything so i asked my personal board

of directors

those mentors who are masters of their

craft they had cracked

what i call the mastermind code reverse

engineer from your passions

master them transform them into skills

and then use them to solve the problems

of other people

they give back with purpose and they are

the grand masters

of their own lives then they said

something profound

they said success does not lead to

happiness

we have it backwards happiness leads to

when you are in touch with your true

self you are happy

repeat after me base self

best self base self

best self so what is the purpose of life

ask yourselves is that happiness success

or freedom embedded in that question

is the key to fulfillment happiness is

external

based on what happens fulfillment

is internal we all want success and we

all want fulfillment

but they are not the same fulfillment is

much deeper

more meaningful and freedom it’s

so let’s use our freedom to discover and

uncover

the five secrets to career and life

mastery

happiness doesn’t come from a perfect

life

or from being perfect all beautiful

things

have unique imperfections your scars

wounds

and shortcomings are your beauty like

broken objects

mended with gold we are all kintsugi

the breakage and mending are all honest

parts of who we

are and should be celebrated not hidden

every heart is damaged some of your

hearts are broken right now

but you’re all more beautiful for having

been broken

this is the first secret to career and

life mastery

resilience mastery multiplies with

resilience

resilience plays a big part in who we

are

and who we become our lives have a

natural course

acceptance of this reality allows you to

trust that wherever you

are is exactly where you’re supposed to

in order to learn and grow like in

afghanistan

the deepest darkest challenges can be

the most transformative

if you trust in your strength know that

you are enough

and have the utmost confidence that you

have the ability to reach the other side

of whatever it is that brings you that

pain or discomfort

at the beginning of last year i had the

greatest sense of pride

to be an inflection point between

decades

not knowing what was coming i was

scheduled to give this ted talk

in may 2020 but instead we found

ourselves in the twilight zone our

careers

our lives were disrupted filled with

confusion

filled with loss unemployment was the

highest we had seen

in in 45 years the year 2020 was a time

to pivot

and for deep reflection and resilience

this new decade began with the tragedy

of of kobe bryant’s passing

coincidence it was the 24th of

february

the day of his memorial the same day i

began a new role at ucla

where i would be leading an ambitious

re-imagination

of the career center do i hear an eight

clap

go bruins kobe

the quintessential perfectionist was

undoubtedly

a master of the art of basketball but

what many people don’t realize

is that kobe’s mindset is more

inspirational than his amazing

athleticism

giving tribute to kobe at the start of a

transformative time in history

is an honor for me it reminds me of the

lessons he brought

not just to the city of angels where he

is beloved

but worldwide in eight moments of

silence

let’s remember him and ask ourselves

is there more to life than success

clearly there is he discovered early on

what intrinsically matters in life to

live in love

like there’s no tomorrow our past

intersected

many times on campus and in beverly

hills with his grandmother

he taught me the importance to upskill

to reskill

to power skill and that giving your best

inside and outside of your comfort zone

and giving back will accelerate your

path to career and life

mastery focus is the next secret to

career and life mastery

we all need focus we have to focus

and sometimes refocus the vision within

ourselves

it’s not about sight it’s about

insight we must train our minds to focus

to rebalance how many of you own a set

of binoculars

and or enjoy sightseeing binoculars

magnify objects that are far away and

have prisms that must be aligned

to correct the images formed by the

ejective lenses

you have to adjust them through a

process called

calibration life has calibration too

let’s do an exercise close your eyes

turn off your racing thoughts

clear your mind imagine yourself

in the highest point in the city of your

choice

imagine yourself sightseeing looking way

off

into the sunset look for your north star

the direction of your true purpose or

your primary goal

the target you are seeking your north

star is a point

where your purpose meets your faith

let’s take a moment to pause

and reset our career and life vision

imagine coin operated binoculars right

in front of you

first we will calibrate the right

objective lens

or life lens imagine your life

in the far future as clearly as you

would visualize the rest of the day

today

or the week ahead how much time would

you have

after work for yourself for your family

for your pets now the left lens

or your career lens create a career

bucket list in your imagination

what would it look like if time or money

was never an issue

where would you be working what would

you be doing

and why take a deep breath

imagine your visions as one vision

what’s the nexus that can links all your

non-linear careers together

and integrates them into one meaningful

path it’s what ties

your experiences together

it connects your careers to your life

this must be a panoramic lens with no

distinction between work

and life a holistic lens

a career and life combined vision

it’s where you ultimately want to be

your zenith the pinnacle

of your career and life intersection

the highest peak above you it has no end

it has no beginning but it’s where you

yearn to be

now imagine yourself putting a quarter

into the coin operated binoculars

reach for the middle knob the one that

says

turn to clear vision

turn the knob and open your eyes

think of the world’s best archers they

all

aim with not just one eye but they use

both eyes to master your career in life

you must be an archer and master your

vision

where focus goes energy flows

clarity leads to focus it exists

intuitively

over time our minds get confused and

self-doubt

enters every year we must look back

at our portfolio of work revision

and refocus every new year’s eve at

exactly 11 59 p.m

the times square ball slowly descends

141 feet in 60 seconds

along a specially designed flagpole

just like watching the sand of an

hourglass slowly trickle down

one second at a time one grain at a time

new yorkers and countless tourists from

all over the globe

gaze at the lighted panel ball as if

they are looking into the future

and they are mesmerized perspectives

change

over time just like careers

they evolve in each year we evolve since

1920

the ball has gone through a plethora of

changes

eventually becoming the magnificent work

of art the world sees now

a crystal ball made up of almost 3 000

crystal triangles

illuminated by over 30 000 led lights

and each triangle lives a story of

heartbreak and hope

chased away by the light of a new

horizon

beneath that resplendent ball we make

our new year’s resolutions

and promises to loved ones but above all

to ourselves

it’s where some dreams end and others

begin

there below close by is a magical place

where the manifestations of these new

year’s resolutions

are realized our students and alumni

love this place they can be themselves

and aspire to be anything they wish to

they enter with hopes and dreams

with embers of fear

but leave with aspirations of

self-reinvention

i call it the career and life design lab

the path to meaningful work

is a spiritual one it’s inward

a creative design space with no borders

a sanctuary of self reflection

the designing of your life

outside its tall doors a place full of

energy and passion

now lies vacant your voice echoes

alone through the distance where once

the power of voices

would fill the sky with promise as the

former

inaugural executive director of industry

relations and career strategies

for columbia university’s career design

lab

i recall striving to build a new future

for our students and graduates

we planted seeds in the hearts of change

agents

in the heart of new york city this is a

story

about being a storyteller with no end

date in sight

this is about your story your true north

the direction of the rest of your life

we all get asked the question what do

you want to be when you grow up

doctor lawyer engineer

how many of us or where we imagined we

would be five

or 20 years ago our youth will now have

at least 15 careers over their lifetime

many will have multiple careers and side

hustles

at the same time gallup’s research shows

that in today’s global workforce only 13

of people are happy with their lives

happy with their jobs and when we look

at those that are emotionally connected

and study why

it’s because they crafted their way

forward they paved their own paths

this is jackson he was asked what do you

want to be when you grow up

this was for a kindergarten class

project most answered

doctor fireman baseball player etc he

said

everything and he said this all on his

own his kindergarten teacher was blown

away

like i was and she said she had never

heard that response before in 25 years

it’s not what you can be but all you can

he knows how to be disrupting

and not be disrupted i have spent more

than a decade

consulting and providing counsel to

thousands of people from all over the

globe

coming back full circle what i found is

that we all need a purpose

greater than ourselves purpose comes

from the power of clarity

it is not found it finds you

this is the third secret to career and

life mastery

it’s manifested in moments of

inspiration and truth

it’s unveiled in inflection points and

when you have to dig deep to survive

it’s how you align this purpose that

will give you the motivation

to design a life you love it doesn’t

matter what that purpose is

as long as it’s true purpose

people with purpose live longer okinawa

a city that has the highest density of

centenarians

people who live to the a to the age of

100 or more

they have proven this through a concept

called ikigai

ikigai in japanese means

a reason for being it’s a fail-proof

concept that will draw you to your

purpose

it’s time to interview yourself not

interview

interview dive deep within yourself

for answers to these questions what do i

love

what does the world need what am i good

what can i be rewarded for the

conversions of these four primary

elements

is your icky guy is your sweet spot

like the sweet spot of my tennis racket

here’s an example like steve jobs

mohammed bosdak

loved calligraphy a calligrapher and

musician from istanbul turkey

as a young teen he saw people playing

instruments in the markets

and saved money from his calligraphy

work to buy his own

he found a canon teacher and eventually

started playing with other musicians on

stage around istanbul

the kanun is a descendant of the old

egyptian harp

it has played an integral part in arabic

music since the 10th century

while he makes his living with

calligraphy after 5 pm

he becomes a musician life

mastery is about balance he loves both

art forms

and they provide different benefits and

creative outlets he says with

calligraphy

it’s more about technique and repetitive

practice with music

it’s about allowing your heart and

emotions to

to follow where they lead freedom

career and life vision is much like

music your life

is a symphony of ups and downs you have

to let yourself be free

to feel and explore where it takes you

like an exquisite flamenco dancer when

they’re in their element

or me dancing at a mock wedding

on the campus of columbia in the middle

of the day he gave back with music

and with the beauty of his calligraphy

these careers served as his icky guy

and his balance made him happy and made

him a living

remember the art of balancing vision is

in our dna

literally we have major and minor groups

in life and these paths they should be

aligned

and parallel if not they will clash

or be too far apart and that will hinder

your growth

and progress andrea bocelli the

legendary blind opera singer says

singing provides a true sense of

light-heartedness if i sing when i’m

alone

i feel wonderful it’s freedom

his zenith it’s not his c

sharp but his c sharp

he sees with his heart not his eyes

the quest for a life you love truly

changes us it helps us mature and we

learn our capacity to love

the more you truly love the better you

can see

as a society we need to understand this

that love is integral

in all of its forms to career in life

mastery

hate blinds us it hardens our hearts

whereas love softens them love

is the fourth secret to career and life

mastery love

is the foundation of our existence it’s

the heart of career and life mastery

it’s also essential for fulfillment just

ask alan saying george

he lives at the havencrest castle

america’s

best kept secret he and his late wife

adrian constructed the castle

on their own and they dedicated every

single piece to each other

they are not architects but artists

however

just as quickly as it began their love

story was cut short

by adrian’s death the two made a promise

a phrase they live by their motto semper

nose

it’s latin for always us it’s the idea

that marriage goes

beyond this life they design their life

and their love story

this love story is timeless

alan teaches us to make love your

process

not your outcome all if this is not the

next bollywood movie

i do not know what is

resilience focus purpose love

before i tell you the final secret to

career and life mastery

let me tell you a story about my

childhood

when i was seven years old my father

would call all the kids

who were playing tag outside to quickly

come into the bedroom

and sit in a circle as kids it was the

last thing we wanted to do

but this was my father who always wore a

serious expression as if he was

challenging anyone to defy him

i can still remember my father’s

intimidating gaze

and his forehead wriggling into his

scowl inside we stared in awe

as my father poured crystal date seeds

into a large bowl

that was in the center of a bright

sunlit carpet then he would say repeat

after me

under the watchful eyes of my father we

would recite god’s 99 plus attributes

as if we were meditating while moving

the seeds one by one from the large bowl

to the empty one

it was important for my father to see

the sincerity in our eyes

once finished he would say again

and we would start all over as i look

back

i realized he was programming our minds

in a spiritual mastermind ritual

like a tribe leader my father knew this

would stay with us

until the end of days crazy

or pure genius over time

these spiritual enlightenment sessions

intensified

and became more fun as he would declaim

zorsei

which means louder in my native tongue

each time we said it my father wanted us

to say it again with more passion

more meaning more understanding and more

seriousness

we did and it resonated he was teaching

us self-confidence

and the last secret to career in life

mastery

mindset a positive mindset is a choice

when my father had a massive stroke i

was only 11.

as he lay on the stretcher he smiled

unable to speak

and when he eventually lost his his

sight he squeezed my mother’s hands upon

hearing our names

my father worked as a chemist for his

entire life

the night before the stroke he called my

siblings and i

in the room and said one day i won’t be

here take care of your mother

he knew my father used his freedom to

come to the united states

in pursuit of a better quality of life

for his wife

and his children all his life he was

resilient he lived with purpose

he had focus and always had a love

for giving back he had mastered his

mindset and could stay positive

even on his deathbed he wanted me to

bring respect to the family

to his name akmal meaning to be the most

complete

it’s not just about novelty it’s about

mastery

he wanted me to build a legacy that

lasts forever

after all legends live forever

resilience focus purpose

love mindset combine these with

gratitude

and you will be unstoppable career and

life mastery

is self-mastery don’t outsource the way

you feel

what you see or who you are success

is not everything devotion to love is

it’s absolutely paramount kobe said

that happiness is a beautiful journey it

has its ups and downs

whether it’s in life in marriage or in

your career

things are never perfect but through

love

you continue to persevere you move

through it

through that storm and then the sun

emerges and then another storm comes

and guess what you ride that one out too

if you change your perspective you can

change your life

if you change your mindset you can

change the world

the power to live a life you love comes

from freedom

and the clarity of your purpose and it

being something beyond yourself

we are all connected spiritually

physically

emotionally and metaphysically whether

we like it

realize it or turn our cheek to each

other the freedom to pursue purpose

is a privilege it will uplift you but we

all deserve this privilege

most take it for granted in the end we

all have a heart that can see

as its sight are not the eyes but the

soul

we may close our eyes so that we may

dream

but we open our eyes so that we may feel

don’t blink when humanity stares you in

the eyes

letting go of hate gives you freedom

freedom is the only condition for

happiness

the rest is inconsequential if you are

free

you are free to be happy in your own

driver’s seat

to fulfillment you are the author

of your story it’s time to remaster

your story leave you all with these

words

every single one of you has a purpose

it’s developed from your passion

and when one is on point with that

purpose

it can help change the world for the

better

what’s your motivation thank you

[Applause]

you