These Shoes Were Made for Walking

[Applause]

[Music]

[Applause]

[Music]

this is a bit awkward isn’t it

[Music]

good afternoon can everybody in this

room

see my shoes

for those of you at the back that can’t

i have to admit they’re the most

ostentatious

and over-the-top shoes you can imagine

and i bought them almost six years ago

to the day with my first pay packet when

i started work as a solicitor

in london but looking at them now

they’re in better condition today than

they were

the day they were taken off that shelf

and placed on my feet for me

and you’re going to find out exactly why

that is

now by way of background i am a mouth

painting artist

i achieved history for somebody with my

level of disability when

completing the new york marathon

i was an olympic torch bearer in 2012

and i received an obe later that year

for services

to charity

but it hasn’t always been that way

i looking back i think i had a fairly

ordinary childhood

brought up by two loving parents

at school i saw myself very much as an

arounder

i was fairly academic but i had a great

love and passion for sport

i played qriket for my school football

for my school and county

i was a qualified scuba diver i had a

great love

for rugby i played rugby for my school

my town my county my region i toured

australia

and new zealand at the age of 16 and

just a few months before my

17th birthday i was trying to play

semi-professionally for the london

broncos

rugby league academy site

but all of that changed on the 4th of

april

now on the 4th of april i was playing my

very first match for the broncos academy

away versus halifax in yorkshire

now the match kicked off looking back i

remember consciously thinking to myself

that my dream

of one day becoming a professional rugby

player had just become

one step closer

but it was just 20 seconds into that

match

as i went into my first tackle of the

match as i had hundreds and if not

thousands of times before was going up

playing the game

that’s something went terribly wrong

i’ve since been told that as i went into

that tackle one of my own teammates

came in to help me but as he did so his

knee

struck me inside my neck and broke it

instantly

now lying on the pitch i can’t explain

how

but i knew what i’d done i knew i’d

broken my neck

the paramedics were asking me to move my

toes

i couldn’t the physiotherapist asking

if i could feel them touch my hands

i couldn’t there were visions of

christopher reeve flooding my mind the

prospect of a

future life as a disabled person

confined to a wheelchair

was inescapable as i lay on the pitch

that day

contemplated my future the last thing i

remember

before i stopped breathing and felt

unconscious was simply pleading

with the paramedics to let me die

but they didn’t i was airlifted

from the pitch to the neuro-intensive

care unit in leeds general

in family where i was kept in an induced

coma for two days

during that period it was unclear

whether i had sustained brain damage due

to oxygen

deprivation on the pitch but what was

clear from the scans and the x-rays was

that i’d suffered

a dislocation of the third and the

fourth vertebra of my spinal column

and the prospect that if and when i was

to awake that i’d be severely disabled

was already clear

now after two days the decision was

taken to wake me

the doctors had to determine whether i

had sustained brain damage

now at that time i was intubated and

therefore couldn’t speak

i could move no part of my body below my

neck

and i was heavily sedated and so i

remember being told

that if i understood what’s being said

to me

i should simply blink my eyes once

do you know who you are

one blink do you know what your name is

one blink do you know where you are

one blink do you know what

i’m about to say to you

one blink

i didn’t need to be told that i broke my

neck that my chances of survival

were unclear that i never again

voluntarily moved any part of my body

below my neck

and that the life that i’d lived loved

enjoyed

but ultimately taken for granted for the

first 17 years

and 15 days of my life was over

i already knew

my recollection of my time release is

extremely vague you know i was heavily

sedated and extremely poorly

however i do remember the nightmares

those horrific dreams in which i could

no longer move

in that first split second when i awoke

that’s what it was

a nightmare and then reality hit

now what followed were nine months spent

recovering in three different

hospitals during which those hospitals

became my home

and the nhs and the doctors nurses

and healthcare professionals that cared

for me became my family

now in all i spent 258 days

lying in a hospital bed and that gave me

an unthinkable

amount of time to think i saw myself as

a victim

why me what have i done to deserve this

now for me at that time the mindset of a

victim was a safe world for me

that i felt entitled to wallow in

self-pity

and i sought solace and if not comfort

from

everybody’s kindness and their sympathy

but whilst 99 of me wanted to remain in

the safe world

as a victim they remained one percent

within me

this tiny burning ember which was

terrified by the prospect of giving up

of giving in and terrified by the

prospect of a lifetime defined

by my disability

by that time i simply didn’t have the

strength of body the strength of mind

nor the knowledge to cross that

all-important

psychological barrier between remaining

a victim

and actually becoming accountable for

how i responded to the tragic

hand of cards i’d be in doubt

for me the worst times were the middle

of the night

and during those endless hours when i

woke in hospital i could feel myself

slipping into a deeper void

i was becoming more aware of the life

that i’d lost

and that this new life of mine was

different

this new life was a life trapped in

hospitals attached to machine to

monitors

i couldn’t eat drink sleep

talk or move

this new life was incredibly scary and

lonely and

i knew i know that if i’d faced this new

life alone

i would have stayed on the wrong side of

that barrier

that victim but i didn’t face this new

life alone

with the support of my family my friends

and my nhs family that helped me propel

me

across that line

now life in hospital was tough

but the catalyst was nurse tracy

nurse tracy came to me one night in

august 2004

four months after i got hurt and she was

working the night shift and she was

definitely when i most needed

her advice support and encouragement

no it wasn’t what nurse tracy did that

changed my life

it was how old she did it it wasn’t the

taken of my vital ops

my temperature my blood pressure it was

her comforting smile

her listening ear for the offer of

insight into the successful lives

of previous patients which helped to

shine a glimmer of hope on this new life

of mine and nurse tracy told me about

ex-patients of us that had gone on to

successfully rebuilt their lives

she signposted me to charities

established to help people

suffering from spinal cord injury nurse

tracy showed me

that life with a disability did not mean

life confined

by a disability now nurse tracy did not

need to do this

but by focusing on what she on how she

did it

rather than what she did it was this

smallish gesture

which to me had the biggest impact

now nurse tracy told me about previous

patients

that had gone on to successfully rebuild

their lives

but what exactly did that mean for me

you know there’s a cliche in life that

there’s always somebody worse off than

you

but for me that simply wasn’t true i was

in the national spinal

injury center the biggest spinal unit in

the country

and i was the only ventilated patient

but simply i was the worst of the worst

i had no peer with whom to speak or seek

advice or comfort

it was an incredibly scary time

but i knew that if i didn’t face up to

my challenges then

i never would

now rebuilding my life for me at the

time was

completely unidentifiable it was a new

life to me i didn’t know what

this new life brought for me

you know i knew that if i focused on the

destination goal

of rebuilding my life i would fail

i didn’t know what it looked like it was

unidentifiable

unquantifiable unobtainable

i knew that if i focused on the same

goal i’d quickly lose

direction because i didn’t know what i’d

be doing in the next hour

let alone the next day week month year

or in 10 years time in this new life

of mine but rebuilding my life

meant i had to bring it back under my

control i knew that if i focused on the

end goal

the end destination i would fail and so

i broke it down into the smallest of

component parts

i created little achievable challenges

for myself

every morning when the nurses brought my

medication around rather than trying to

learn what

all my tablets did for me all at once

every day i gave myself the task of

learning what just one more of my

tablets did for me

every day when i was taken to the spinal

gymnasium

when the physios put me on the tilt

table trying to stab me up vertically

i knew that my blood pressure would drop

and i would faint if i tried to stand up

immediately

so every day i tried to stand just one

degree

closer to vertical now yes it did take

longer but by breaking down this

unachievable goal

into achievable challenges i brought it

back under my control

and slowly but surely the accumulation

of these little wins

did combine tell me get my foot on the

first rung of the ladder towards

rebuilding my life every bit of my life

has been

a matter of conquering my mindset

so many possibilities in life were close

to me that day on the pitch

but so many possibilities remained and

precious view

new possibilities were created

in short i had to focus on the doors

that remained opened

rather than all the doors that were

closed to me on the pitch that day

now i want everybody to look at this

slide and tell me the first thing that

comes into your mind

this is pretty basic maths

four times four is wrong yes

when i was in hospital in the mindset of

a victim

i focused on the one thing that was

wrong with me

my broken neck my broken body

but they that day when i took the

decision to try and maximize my quality

of life by becoming accountable

for what i made of myself it quickly

became apparent that if i was to

maximize what i could do

i had to focus on all the things i could

still do

all my qualities that remained all my

strengths

yes there is one thing wrong with this

slide but there’s three things that are

correct

rather than focusing on my broken neck i

choose to focus

on my one which was the fact that my

brain was not injured on the pitch that

day

i focused on the four which was the

support of my family

my friends and my nhs family which

helped propel me across that line

between remaining a victim

and becoming accountable and i chose to

focus on the nine

which was my my own personal willingness

to do whatever it took

to maximize what i could still achieve

in this life of mine

now at the start i asked you to look at

my shoes

now if i focused on the 15 and the fact

that i’m never going to walk a step in

these shoes

that would be heartbreaking but instead

i choose to focus on the positives

and the one the four and the nine and

the fact that i’m never

going to have to buy enough pair of

shoes again

in my life now yes these shoes

were made for walking by by focusing all

the things i can still do

focusing on my strengths i don’t just

intend to walk this way through life and

tend to walk

jog run skip and dance so tomorrow

morning when you put on your shoes make

a commitment to yourself

to focus on all the strengths you bring

to any given task all your qualities

and you won’t just walk your way through

life you’ll do the salsa

the rumba and for the more adventurous

of you you will twerk your way

real life thank you