The Light of the Dark

last year

i like many other people taped up a

paper rainbow

in the front window of my house

this was a fun way to add a little bit

of cheer and extend it outside of my

home

during the year of 2020. a few days

after i hung up this rainbow i was

sitting in the front room of my house

on the other side of the rainbow and i

had an interesting observation about

light

and that led me to draw this drawing

i titled this drawing taped up a paper

rainbow

in my house window now the window lets

less light inside my house

and it puts more light outside of my

house

there are two kinds of light that i’m

talking about here in this drawing

there is a literal light a light being

blocked by this colorful craft paper

which stops less light coming into my

house making the front room darker

and there’s a metaphorical light the

metaphorical light being the light that

i hope to extend outside of my house

i have been looking for light for a long

time now

i have so many so

many drawings where i was

looking for light i don’t believe

i knew whether i was looking for literal

light or metaphorical light

and even though i knew the difference i

don’t know if i knew the difference

and i assumed that they were one and the

same

literal light is external the sun rises

and sets each day

light switches can be used to turn on

and off the light as you choose

and a candle can be lit to shine light

into the dark

literal light is not white it is made up

of a rainbow of colors

as isaac newton discovered in the 1660s

metaphorical light is some kind of hope

or illumination on something dark or

unknown it doesn’t take long

just a quick google search to find a

scroll-worthy

amount of posts or quotes or words about

metaphorical light

from quotes to scriptures to sacred

texts

light is used as a metaphor for hope

from some kind of darkness

metaphorical light is internal and the

good news is

you can find it if you know where to

look for it when making art you cannot

depict the light without also depicting

the dark

like this drawing i did here i rendered

the illusion of an egg

by observing the light and the dark

or these figures here who are looking

for light

in the dark representing one

requires representing the other it is

the conversation

between the two and even the

contradiction or the opposition

of the two that creates the conversation

about light and dark

there is a word used in art terminology

called chiaroscuro

chiara meaning light or an obscuro

meaning dark

together this word literally means in

one word

light dark as i see these figures now

i see these women looking for light

and i also see them wrestling with the

dark

rather than allowing the light and the

dark work smoothly together

i see that they are even afraid of the

dark

and not only are they afraid of the dark

i see that they are afraid of

their dark just like light there are two

kinds of darkness that i see in these

drawings

there is an external darkness and there

is an internal darkness

the external darkness is why we are

afraid of the dark

do any of these phrases feel familiar to

you

don’t walk down that dark alley lock

your doors at night

sleep with a baseball bat next to your

bed just in case

all of these examples have to do with

external darkness

and it is unfortunate and so sad that

some people choose

to take advantage of another person in

the dark

internal darkness is a beautiful thing

it is where it all

begins the lunar cycle begins not with a

full moon where the moon is fully lit

but with a new moon where the moon is

dark and turned into herself

not shining the sun’s light

the full lunar cycle lasts just short of

30 days

and a full moon lasts just short of

three days which means that the moon is

dark

or returning to her darkness waxing or

waning

90 of the time while the sun

offers us light and helps light the way

that we can go

the moon asks for trust and reminds us

to turn into

our internal darkness as often as we

turn ourselves to

the external light trees also begin in

darkness

you can look at a tree only so long and

not see

her roots trees ask us to remember

that the strength of a tree lies not in

what we see above ground but what is

happening below ground

in the dark and we all

began in darkness too

i drew this egg thinking about the

concept of conception

and about how my twin voice grew inside

of me

and i grew inside of my mother and she

inside of hers

and how we all began in the dark

no matter how much light shines on this

egg

the interior of the egg is still dark

and this is the sacred darkness the

darkness where we all

began carl young said

how can i be substantial if i do not

cast a shadow

i must have a dark side if i am to be

whole

it has taken me a lifetime so far to

understand the truth of these words

to be whole i must have light and dark

and to add an iteration to carl young’s

important words i would say

to be whole is to be dark within

at first when looking at your own

internal darkness

you may feel afraid of the dark

and over time you can learn how to

discern

the darkness from your darkness

neutral and existing like the inside of

this egg

waiting to be realized and with more

time

you can grow to love your own darkness

and honor it

realizing this is where the sacred parts

of you

are the seeds of growth and

self-discovery

waiting to be realized and nurtured

i learned to love my own internal

darkness

by making artwork creativity is the very

act of turning inward to your own dark

and then extending into the light what

you find

or the act of turning to your

subconscious and then turning it to

the consciousness this is why

creating is so powerful it is a

vulnerable offering of somebody turning

into their dark and

sharing it with the world and when

experienced

it is a deeply connecting experience

as i look inward and create some of

these parts i choose to share outside of

myself

and some of those parts at least for now

i choose to still keep inside of me

and i still have so much more darkness

of my own

to explore and discover

in the past when i was looking for light

i believe i was doing that with a

fear-based motive to get

more and more and more light to try

to get rid of and eliminate the dark

i see now that was simply not true and

also not possible

i can’t ask myself to be entirely light

in the same way i can’t ask the moon to

be full more often than she is which is

only

10 of the time i cannot ask myself to be

entirely light in the same way i cannot

ask a tree to be rootless

and exist only above ground i cannot ask

myself to be entirely light without

dismissing

the darkness that i was born in

in some way whatever way is true for you

we are all looking for light

we are looking for some hope or

illumination

from the darkness that we are

experiencing

and to find this light i have learned

you must

first look at your dark within

just like the rainbow that i taped up in

the front window of my house

i have found that the more i can be at

home with my own

darkness the more i am able to extend

light

outside of myself

thank you