Small Steps How I Walk

when i share

with people that i have a disability

they’re often shocked what do you mean

you have a disability i can’t see it

well trust me it’s there but this

element of surprise

isn’t just limited to me but how often

do we experience these secret storms

whether it be financially or with our

relationships or with our work or

whatever it may be

yet the people we’re closest to the

people that we walk past on the street

they can’t see it today i want to talk

about those things that we’re battling

that aren’t always known to those around

us

and most importantly i want to talk

about how do we persevere in the face of

such adversity

you see i was born with an ultra rare

genetic skin disease called paconica

congenita

or pc for short and what this means at a

very simple level

is that my skin cells reproduce at such

a rate that my fingernails and toenails

are a little bit thicker than the

average person

i can experience some trouble speaking

my voice can get a little raspy

and it can cause severe calluses and

blisters all over my feet

and now i mentioned that this was an

ultra rare disease and to put a little

perspective on that

there are a little over a thousand

registered patients with pc

in the entire world and in my home state

of maryland there are only five people

that have it

one of which is me and so growing up i

would visit doctor after doctor

and they had never met someone with my

condition and they would always say

you know little guy tell us what the

pain is like and this is how i would

describe it

imagine you’re walking through your

living room and you go crunch on a lego

now if you’ve ever stepped on one of

these pieces of plastic you know the

pain can be excruciating

but for someone with pc that’s what

walking can be like

and so as one might imagine it’s

affected many aspects of my life

but one of the areas i’ve struggled the

most with it was college

because in high school i had these big

dreams of going to this massive

university

you know the big school spirit the

football games i wanted all of that

but in the back of my mind i had this

fear like how was it going to get from

this end of campus all the way to this

end in 15 minutes

i knew it could potentially take a toll

on my feet but despite that

i decided to go to virginia tech and

after i got accepted i was sitting

around the dinner table

with my mom we were talking and and she

asked me this and she was like

are you sure you’re going to be able to

get around campus like are you sure with

your feet and everything and in the most

disrespectful naive

response i crossed my arms and was like

i’ll be i will be fine don’t worry about

me

and i was fine for about the first week

because when i woke up the following

sunday my feet

were burning the toll of walking around

and venturing blacksburg

had finally caught up with me and when i

looked down that morning

my feet were starting to become covered

with blisters

in fact i wanted to share a picture with

you from that sunday just to illustrate

how bad it was because i’m not sure

words can do it justice

and to make matters worse the following

day after icing my feet

my right foot got infected and there was

like a bowling ball coming

it just it was a nightmare and so that

night i sat there i had three pounds of

ice from 7-eleven

i had a bucket to ice my feet and i was

staring at the ceiling

my mind meanwhile is spiraling how is it

going to make it four years

how is it going to make friends how how

how

i sat there lost in some ways i was

angry how could this be this isn’t what

college is supposed to be like

and then i was overwhelmed with this

feeling of hopelessness

and in that moment what i really needed

was some direction

how was i going to make it four years

like this but most importantly

how the heck was i going to make it to

the end of the week and i can tell you

the answer

wasn’t just going to be to tough it out

or to be a man that wasn’t going to help

because this

wasn’t going away so as i sat there

thinking

what i was going to do i i just paused

and said

i’m just going to try and make it to the

end of the semester i’m transferring all

to try and make it to the end of the

semester and to do that i was like i

probably should try and pass my classes

because

that failing out would really only cause

a whole different world of problems

other than what i was dealing with

currently and so that week i made it my

daily goal i was like okay how am i

going to make it to the end of the end

of the semester

and i was like you know what every day

this week i’m gonna make it to class

because if i can make it to class i can

pay attention somewhat and i hopefully

pass and before i know it it’ll be the

end of the semester

and i call these daily goals my small

steps now the power of these small steps

is that no matter what i was

you know experiencing that day what was

happening to me all i knew is that i had

to take

one small step and get my butt to class

and for the first time since that sunday

i had a little bit of control over my

life i had a little bit of direction

on how to climb out of this now i’ve

talked a lot about

direction but why is that so important

well at its core

these small steps every day to go from a

to b that’s that is way too simple

because we all know that life isn’t kind

enough to just let us go from a to b

there will always be that curveball but

i believe the small steps

approaching things in daily goals can

serve as your guide

server’s your blueprint in that turmoil

and here’s what i mean

after about a few weeks of you know my

small steps i was going to class i was

doing my homework

i you know i was doing everything i you

know i thought i could do that day

class things were going great i was

about four weeks into the semester

i had a lot of friends and surely

blacksburg was becoming my new home

well after a particularly hot weekend i

had a flare up with my feet

and i was i was kind of a mess i was

really hobbling around campus

and one night i was studying over at

newman library it was one of those

nights where you’re studying until like

3 a.m

i walk outside and i was like i thought

my bike was right there

they’re like no pat it was right there

it

wasn’t there someone had stolen my bike

i don’t know how someone could do that

but

it was gone and instantly i could feel

this wave of emotions i had in my dorm

room

rushing back oh no you know where my

feet gonna flare up really bad again oh

no how am i gonna get around campus

what am i going to tell my friends but

before i got

too distraught before i got too kind of

out of control i came back to the small

steps

because even though my bike was gone and

i’m still mad about it but even though

it was gone

i knew tomorrow i still needed to get up

and hit my daily goal of

going to class studying for an hour

every day doing all my homework

because i knew if i did those things

even though my circumstances had changed

i would still make it to the end of the

semester so the next day

reset the alarm clock ring hit it off

grab my backpack a couple ibuprofen and

i was off to mcbride

and in about 40 minutes probably the

slowest pace ever to go from one side of

the drill field to the other

i made it now i found a ton of value in

having these daily goals because no

matter what life threw at me

i knew even if i had to make an

adjustment here or there i was still

moving forward and before i knew it i

virtually walked across the stage last

spring to graduate

and even though instagram only saw this

i sure as heck know there was a lot of

hurdles that i had to jump through to

make it there

but i attribute all of those days in

between that moment that picture

to my small steps now the last piece i

want to share with you

about the importance of setting goals is

that

it really can build a positive attitude

in the journey and when i talk about the

journey you know we talk about going

from eight to

whatever your goal is there’s so much

time in the middle and this is what

people sometimes call

the grind right but the grind becomes so

challenging because when we’re in that

thing when we’re doing our daily steps

every single day

we don’t always see progress and the

reason we don’t see progress is because

we become addicted to the end

what do i mean i’ll share it one last

story

and when i was a freshman i think i was

a freshman or sophomore i was trying to

get an internship and i know for people

that have graduated

getting an internship doesn’t seem like

a big deal but for any college student

it’s a really big deal

and so i identified my steps i knew what

it was going to take to eventually get

there

and i was about i think two months in

and it was rejection after rejection

no response after no response and i got

really down

because i viewed the day how the day

went by whether or not i had an

internship

offer and so that formulated into how

about today oh nope failure what about

tomorrow nope failure oh i got a gmail

notification

maybe it’s them oh no that’s another

rejection failure

and then when you get in this kind of

constant failure after failure

we give up and i was i was really close

same thing with new year’s resolutions

we get two weeks in after that initial

motivation kind of comes back

when we don’t see the progress we step

aside

so my grandma my lovely grandma gave me

a call

and it was i think i got that day like

two or three rejections i was really

upset

and she calls and was like how you doing

and i was in the most sour mood and she

could tell instantly

and she’s like what’s wrong with you i

was like well i’m trying my best and

it’s not happening like i don’t know

what to do

and she said something to me that was so

powerful and i’ll never forget it

she was like stop worrying about whether

you’ve got your little internship or not

just figure out and just worry about did

you do today

what you needed to do and if you did

that it’s all you can do

and it changed my whole attitude because

instead of thinking today was a failure

because i wasn’t at the end

i was like you know what today was a big

win because today i did what i said i

needed to do

today i took action today i was one step

closer may not be there yet

but i was on my way and this builds a

little bit of confidence and that

confidence can build momentum

and that momentum builds to commitment

to get to the end it takes you from here

all the way

and so the next time you’re experiencing

something whether it be

hopefully not something like me with

your feet but kind of a problem or you

have this big goal like running a

marathon whatever it may be

just think about the steps you need to

take every day

to get there and now when life

inevitably throws your scales out of

balance

these small steps can give you the

direction on where to go

it will give you the perspective to

focus on today’s accomplishments

not the end today and the motivation

to stay committed along the journey

small steps isn’t about jumping from

highlight real moment to highlight real

moment

rather it’s about judging our days on

whether we planted a seed today for a

better opportunity

tomorrow it’s about giving us direction

even when life throws us a nasty

curveball

and i know to some people you’re like oh

that may be too simple

that’s fine but that’s the beauty of it

because no matter how big the obstacle

or how big the goal

it all begins with one step