Why SelfHelp Doesnt Work

we’re always told that we should never

talk about people behind their backs

yet i always thought if i’m speaking

nicely about them

then why can’t i talk about that but

anyway we don’t really have that problem

because

the person i want to talk about today

happens to be here with us

allow me to introduce you guys to my

buddy

jerry now a couple years back jerry’s

alarm clock would go off and he’d

immediately hit snooze nine minutes

after that

he hit snooze again and then nine

minutes after that

snooze and then nine minutes after that

he finally realized that it was already

8 42 and he had to

shave shower brush his teeth and get to

work

all before 9. he’d stroll in a couple

minutes late and he’d

hide his face behind his briefcase and

just as he got to his desk

ready to let out a big old sigh of

relief

he’d hear his boss scream late again jer

[Applause]

walk over to his desk smack down a load

of papers

and he tell jerry to get to work

this happened day after day after day

jerry was going through the motions he

was running on the hamster wheel of life

completely unaware of the life that he

could be living

he was a 23 year old with unlimited

potential

amazing resources and a tremendous

opportunity to make a difference in the

world

but he had no clue that at the time

because

my buddy was just ready to keep running

on that hamster wheel

because that was all that he knew

but lucky for jerry he happened to have

a cute little hamster and even luckier

this adorable little guy did not like to

run

on his teeny tiny hamster wheel

jerry would find him in his shoes in the

closet he’d find him sneaking around in

his pillows he’d scurry around on his

desk

he’d basically go everywhere in jerry’s

room

except for on his teeny tiny

hamster world one day when jerry got

home from his

normal job at the same normal hour as

always

he went into his normal room plopped

himself down onto his bed

and he looked around for his not so

normal

little hatch there but to his surprise

his hamster was

not in his cage and he was not in the

closet he was not in his pillows and he

was not scurrying around on his desk

today jerry’s hamster had made an

amazing leap onto jerry’s bookshelf

and he was stuck in between the front

cover

and the first page of dale carnegie’s

how to win

friends and influence people how

wonderfully convenient

jared got in the book a couple months

back as a gift from an internship he did

but he never read it

but over the next three hours jerry read

every

single word he was glued to the advice

reinvigorated by the positivity and

meaning this

book brought to his life for the next

few months

when his alarm clock would go off

instead of hitting snooze and rolling

back over

jerry would approach the day with

excitement he was like a totally new

person

he’d read more self-help books he’d

listen to podcasts and he’d read

article after article about how to live

a more meaningful life but fast forward

two years and

my buddy jerry started to face the same

sort of existential

quarter life crisis that he did when he

was 23.

but why i didn’t even understand how

that was possible you’d read

all the self-help he could get his hands

on and he knew exactly what the experts

said he should be doing

so jerry would go into that normal room

of his and he would think

why is self-help not helping me and the

answer came down to this

on monday jerry would learn the power of

being patient from his favorite podcast

host

but on tuesday that same podcast host

would talk about never waiting to follow

your dreams

on wednesday jerry’s thoughts were so

jumbled he felt like he knew absolutely

nothing

which in turn made him do absolutely

nothing on thursday he was taught the

importance of finding your why but on

friday he was told that your why can

only be found through

random life events you can’t control so

on saturday he wondered why he ever

tried to find his why in the first place

on sunday he was told to outwork

everybody else but on monday he was told

to never compare his work to other

people

so on tuesday he was so confused he did

no work at all

not all of the advice was directed

toward jerry

but he didn’t realize that there were so

many thoughts coming at him from all

different angles that all he wanted to

do

was crawl into bed and hit the snooze

button

he was going down a rabbit hole of

personal development doom

but as you guys know lucky for jerry he

didn’t have a pet rabbit

he had a cute little handsome

and even luckier one day when jerry was

about to hit the snooze button for nine

more minutes

he noticed that his furry little friend

was not in his cage and he was not in

the closet

he was not in his pillows and he was not

on his desk

again this little guy had made the

miraculous

journey on to jerry’s bookshelf

jerry grabbed his little pal and he

noticed the book he was so

casually lounging on top of and what do

you know

it was paulo coelho’s the alchemist

a magical fable about following your

dreams

again jerry had meant to read it a

little while back but it didn’t really

fit in with all these expert

research-backed approaches he was so

used to

but over the next few hours jerry read

and he read

and he read some more this book opened

up a new world for jared he was able to

use

his imaginativitation in order to become

an active participant in that new world

and yes

you did hear me correctly i said

imaginativitation

it’s imagination plus creativity

plus interpretation plus implementation

and just like that jerry had a new way

of living he had a new kind of book to

read

he had a newfound appreciation for

stories

parables and allegories

this is how we maintain our personal

growth

this is how we do not get stuck in that

personal development rapidly

this is how we overcome information

overload

contradictory opinions and advice that

may not necessarily be directed

toward the kind of person that we truly

are

when jerry read books like the 5 a.m

club

the go-giver the way the peaceful

warrior anything by mitch alba more the

journey to cloud9

he was able to uncover things about

himself that he otherwise never would

have had he continued to

robotically consume self-help advice and

just

expect it to work wonders jerry also had

this really cool opportunity to talk to

some of these amazing

authors and storytellers like dan

millman bob byrd john david mann

john gordon josh kaufman and he noticed

four key ingredients

that really set parables and allegories

apart from the rest of the personal

development world

first it’s about the journey not just

the destination

by following an entertaining story

readers are able to be more present

more focused making them more likely to

make realizations about their own lives

second there’s a stronger emotional

connection the readers are able to

feel the advice not just be told it

making them more inclined to want to

feel or not feel

how the characters do within the book

third

stories help to reduce some of the

stress honestly sometimes it feels like

self-help books can be more stressful

than helpful

because it seems like if we don’t follow

the advice to a t then

we will not succeed but if we uncover

some of the advice through these stories

then we’re able to take some of that

stress off and we’re able to

take things a little bit less seriously

and finally

we are encouraged to use our magic

invitation

so after finishing up the alchemist

jerry used his

a magician in order to plan out the life

of his dreams

he imagined a world in which he gets to

impact millions of people

he creatively worked backwards realizing

he needed to

give talks go on podcasts and write

books in order to make such an impact

he interpreted why he wanted to do this

because

ever since he was a little kid he had a

soft spot for the human condition

and he’s been trying to make somebody

else’s day just a little bit brighter

every day since and last but not least

he is currently in the midst of

implementing his plan

as he stands up here today giving a tedx

talk

to all of you all right fine you got me

i may be jerry but this story is not

totally true

sadly i don’t have a magical little

answer with

extraordinary tastes in literature and

to be quite honest with you guys in my

tiny apartment in new york city i don’t

even have enough space for a bookshelf

i just kind of stack my books up on top

of my nightstand

but i was living a life in which i was

going through the motions not living up

to my full potential

i hopped off life’s hamster wheel when i

discovered self-help

i hopped back on when i realized that

there were too many people telling me

too many different ways to live my life

and i hopped off again when i started

reading parables and allegories

realizing that i could make my own

realizations about the life that i truly

wanted to live

when you go home today and you begin to

envision

the life of your dreams please

do not remember me or the hamster i do

not have

but rather remember jerry

the journey the emotional connection

the reduced stress and the imagination

j e r i

the next time you feel stuck or you feel

like self-help is not helping

remember my buddy jerry and his cute

little hamster

who never wanted to run on his teeny

tiny hamster wheel thank you