Say yes to you a guide to selflove

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[Applause]

the truth is

many of us especially women try

so hard to please and because of this

we live in a perpetual state of

overwhelm

exhaustion and bitterness

because we can’t say no

how many of you can relate

women are more prone to people pleasing

than men

we love to support help and be there

when others need us it makes us feel

good

it feeds our self-worth

we’re there for our families friends and

colleagues

to a point that we have very little time

for ourselves

we take on work we don’t need or go to

events

we don’t care about but why

why do we struggle to say no because we

fear being

judged being rejected

and being disliked

and sometimes we say yes to avoid

disappointing

those around us we start to hide

behind an emotional mask unlike physical

masks

wearing an emotional mask harms us

and yet so many people are hiding behind

it

many of us are hiding behind who we

truly

are and who we want to be

let me tell you a little bit about

myself

when i was just five years old i was

ashamed of myself

ashamed of who i was i was brutally

beaten by my

kindergarten teacher for expressing

myself

i have bruises all over my body

i felt like there was something wrong

with me

i became desperate to feel safe

and that day i lost a part of me

that true self that

curious creative

and playful lily

and instead i learned to be someone else

at the age of 10 growing up in japan as

the only chinese kid

all i wanted to do was to fit in

but that never happened

instead i got bullied constantly in

elementary school

i felt rejected i felt like i didn’t

belong

from that time everywhere i go

i felt like i was an outsider

more than wanting to fit in i wanted to

please my mother

i needed her approval her validation

i wanted to know that i was good enough

for her love

but when i didn’t get good grades

i couldn’t face her i would hide my

report card underneath the bed

fearing to disappoint my mother

i learned to be hard on myself

when i was 15 it got worse

what is worse than physical bullying

cyberbullying cyberbullying

was another level of pain i’ve never

felt in my life

i got messages that said

you’re stupid you’re ugly

nobody likes you and as a teenager

i believe them

those words were stuck in my head

i felt like my heart was being squeezed

so tight i could barely breathe

i was in pain

i couldn’t stop crying for weeks

i needed help my mask

was eating me alive

from then on i did whatever i could to

avoid the pain

that pain of being disliked i kept on

seeking acceptance

and approval i even started

posting photos of myself showing my

cleavage

on social media just to get the external

validation

chasing that like button to feed my own

insecurity

i became desperate and create validation

that i was liked that i was enough

or that i was nice

the truth is wanting to be liked

by others was my symptoms of my own

desire

to be in control because deep down

i felt powerless and worthless

i woke up one day not knowing who i was

i had a crisis an identity crisis

i was emotionally bankrupt

my self-esteem self-worth self-respect

were all bankrupt as a result of

pleasing

people pleasing got me the life i never

wanted

i said to myself enough was enough

i realized that constantly betraying

myself

is suicide why

by avoiding to betray others i betrayed

myself

and this is the ultimate form of

betrayal

people-pleasing goes beyond just

kindness

it involves bending my values for the

sake of someone else’s feeling

and by trying to earn acceptance of

others

i lost myself in the process

i decided that if i can get the

validation from others

i’m going to give myself the validation

i

deserve and approve myself

at that moment something

shifted

i started treating myself like my own

best friend

i started to talk to myself like i would

talk to my best friend

and every time i say something hurtful

or demeaning

i would pause and ask myself

would i say that to my best friend

and if the answer is no i cancel that

thought

immediately

and guess what it started working

that validation and approval i’ve always

prayed for

i gave that to myself

this is self-love

what kind of relationship do you have

with yourself

yes it is a relationship

in fact it is the most important

relationship

you will ever have we have to face

ourselves

in the mirror every single day until we

die

so let’s make a great one

but self-love is not just a feeling

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it is an ongoing action

let me share with you some of the way

you can practice

self-love your greatest responsibility

for self-love

is to know that you are enough keep an

eye in good enough journal and add it to

it daily

be persistent because few words

repeated daily becomes a belief

and take a note every time you’re hard

on yourself

we all have those moments

it’s okay when you are

treat yourself like your own best friend

set clear boundary for you

daring to set boundary is about having

the courage to love yourself

even when we risk disappointing others

your time and energy are precious

so stand for your value your heart

and your life

assign one day i may saturday

my self-care day nothing is on that

calendar that day

practice saying no without guilt

this will give you freedom

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freedom to go on date with yourself

discover what makes you

feel alive and joyful go

lunch have a beautiful walk whatever it

is

give that attention support and love to

you

but more important than this is your

mindset

when you say yes to anything you’re

saying

no to something else so next time

before you say yes pause

and ask yourself if i’m saying yes to

this

what am i saying no to

start saying yes to you

when you say no to something you don’t

want to do

you say yes to you

when you turn up your social media and

go on date with yourself

you say yes to you

when you say no to comparing yourself to

others

you say yes to you

say yes to you

it took some times but i realized

that in order to have the courage to say

no

i have to love myself first

i finally took off my mask

and started creating more fulfilling

life

with self-love and now that my mask is

gone i’m still on the journey

to find who lily was

that playful curious and creative side

that i lost when i was five years old

so i invite you to put you first

putting your own needs first is not

selfish

in fact you will show up more fulfilled

replenished and more love for others

remember if we don’t take care of

ourselves first

we won’t be able to do anything for

anyone else

you yourself as much as

anyone in this universe deserve your

love

give that to you

start saying yes to you now

not tomorrow not next week

now thank you