The Meaning of Love
[Applause]
growing up
i had parents that deeply cared for me
they took me and my three siblings on
outings to the zoo
hiking cycling and we had lots of fun
together
my childhood didn’t just consist of fun
activities with my friends
as my family was very much a big part of
the joyous memories i hold until today
this is something that i’m deeply
grateful for and a privilege
that you get to enjoy however it dawned
upon me as i grew older that
love needs to evolve over time as we
grow
and change this only occurred to me when
i was in secondary one
fresh out of primary school i was faced
with a new learning environment
new people and fresh challenges that
demanded me to change
in particular one of the biggest
challenges of being in an
academically competitive school is the
enormous levels of stress
and high expectations they eventually
did to me falling into a pit of despair
and a general loss and purpose in my
life
this change from a young kid to a
teenager asking existential questions
meant that i needed to be loved and
cared for in a different way
i no longer just needed my physical or
surface level emotional needs to be met
i didn’t just need to be happy rather i
longed for deeper emotional fulfillment
that could only be provided by guidance
through mentorship and a willingness to
be patient
and accept the struggles of teenage word
as i grew up
my needs changed and so did the way i
needed to be loved and cared for
this was my first revelation on love the
love needs to evolve over time
as we grow my second revelation on earth
came to me
during a conversation with my mentor on
the role of family in my life so far
we were talking and i realized that
despite the fact that my
family deeply cared for me the typical
high expectations of an asian household
had taken a toll on me
and high expectations make sense they
can push lazy students to
work harder perform better and do well
in their academics
but it also discounts reality as it
unintentionally imposes a high standard
of perfection
onto students for me it led to a fear of
failing
being vulnerable and admitting to my
faults
because of this that year throughout my
struggles i opened up to my friends
rather than my family and they kept me
going
most young people today will be able to
relate to this but my journey didn’t end
there
at this point most of my daily concerns
and worries
were governed by academia or friends in
school
however while i was having a
conversation with my mentor he asked me
one simple question
what do you need from your family at
that point
only one thought could cross my mind i
needed to be loved
i realized that despite all my worries
and concerns about
friends or school work a lack of
understanding from my family
was the root cause of a fear of failure
which had led me
to erroneously strive for perfection
cover up my mistakes
and refuse to accept myself when i say i
needed to be loved
what i really meant was that i needed to
be accepted
this was my third lesson on love that we
need to be
that we need to accept ourselves and be
accepted by our family in order to feel
love
i have one more story for you throughout
my struggles i often turn to my friends
for acceptance
but what love truly was really shown
through at one particular
moment in my life before we get to that
you should know something about me
i have many acquaintances but few
friends but because i have so few
friends
i’m totally clueless on how friendship
works at one point in my life
my best friend even had to give me a
step by step tutorial on how to stand up
for my friends
step 1 recognize when your friend is
being confronted or in a vulnerable
position
step 2 cite your side friend and support
him or her by giving affirming messages
seems pretty obvious they should stand
up for your friends right
apparently not for me this same friend
also showed me what love truly was
last year i messed up i spilled a secret
that i promised not to expose
i made a dumb mistake and once you break
a promise you can’t take your actions
back
clearly i got chewed out and scolded
however what my friend would say at the
end of the hour-long
scolding would actually get me crying i
asked
if you’re so angry at me why don’t you
just leave why are you still here
don’t you reply god was no matter what
no matter how much you mess up or how
many mistakes you make
i’ll still be here for you and we’re
still friends
this is also love to me giving
caring and sacrificing even when
no other person doesn’t deserve it you
see i had gotten something that i didn’t
deserve
forgiveness grace mercy
this is love given unconditionally
despite the temporal mistake or
character flaw and that’s my third and
last revelation on love i have for you
today
the love is given when the person
matters more than the mistake
in closing did you know that there are
six greek words for love
two of which succinately express all
i’ve learnt about love in the past few
years
fear deep friendship and pragma
long-standing love although we commonly
think about romantic attraction as love
the understanding that the english word
love actually encapsulates so many
different and deep concepts of
connection
allow us to look deeper into how we love
and are loved in our lives
such as in the deep friendship love
given through my friends forgiveness
or the long-standing love i needed from
my family
so through my experiences i’ve shared
with you today i hope to be able to shed
more light on how you love
and are loved in your life