The Meaning of Love

[Applause]

growing up

i had parents that deeply cared for me

they took me and my three siblings on

outings to the zoo

hiking cycling and we had lots of fun

together

my childhood didn’t just consist of fun

activities with my friends

as my family was very much a big part of

the joyous memories i hold until today

this is something that i’m deeply

grateful for and a privilege

that you get to enjoy however it dawned

upon me as i grew older that

love needs to evolve over time as we

grow

and change this only occurred to me when

i was in secondary one

fresh out of primary school i was faced

with a new learning environment

new people and fresh challenges that

demanded me to change

in particular one of the biggest

challenges of being in an

academically competitive school is the

enormous levels of stress

and high expectations they eventually

did to me falling into a pit of despair

and a general loss and purpose in my

life

this change from a young kid to a

teenager asking existential questions

meant that i needed to be loved and

cared for in a different way

i no longer just needed my physical or

surface level emotional needs to be met

i didn’t just need to be happy rather i

longed for deeper emotional fulfillment

that could only be provided by guidance

through mentorship and a willingness to

be patient

and accept the struggles of teenage word

as i grew up

my needs changed and so did the way i

needed to be loved and cared for

this was my first revelation on love the

love needs to evolve over time

as we grow my second revelation on earth

came to me

during a conversation with my mentor on

the role of family in my life so far

we were talking and i realized that

despite the fact that my

family deeply cared for me the typical

high expectations of an asian household

had taken a toll on me

and high expectations make sense they

can push lazy students to

work harder perform better and do well

in their academics

but it also discounts reality as it

unintentionally imposes a high standard

of perfection

onto students for me it led to a fear of

failing

being vulnerable and admitting to my

faults

because of this that year throughout my

struggles i opened up to my friends

rather than my family and they kept me

going

most young people today will be able to

relate to this but my journey didn’t end

there

at this point most of my daily concerns

and worries

were governed by academia or friends in

school

however while i was having a

conversation with my mentor he asked me

one simple question

what do you need from your family at

that point

only one thought could cross my mind i

needed to be loved

i realized that despite all my worries

and concerns about

friends or school work a lack of

understanding from my family

was the root cause of a fear of failure

which had led me

to erroneously strive for perfection

cover up my mistakes

and refuse to accept myself when i say i

needed to be loved

what i really meant was that i needed to

be accepted

this was my third lesson on love that we

need to be

that we need to accept ourselves and be

accepted by our family in order to feel

love

i have one more story for you throughout

my struggles i often turn to my friends

for acceptance

but what love truly was really shown

through at one particular

moment in my life before we get to that

you should know something about me

i have many acquaintances but few

friends but because i have so few

friends

i’m totally clueless on how friendship

works at one point in my life

my best friend even had to give me a

step by step tutorial on how to stand up

for my friends

step 1 recognize when your friend is

being confronted or in a vulnerable

position

step 2 cite your side friend and support

him or her by giving affirming messages

seems pretty obvious they should stand

up for your friends right

apparently not for me this same friend

also showed me what love truly was

last year i messed up i spilled a secret

that i promised not to expose

i made a dumb mistake and once you break

a promise you can’t take your actions

back

clearly i got chewed out and scolded

however what my friend would say at the

end of the hour-long

scolding would actually get me crying i

asked

if you’re so angry at me why don’t you

just leave why are you still here

don’t you reply god was no matter what

no matter how much you mess up or how

many mistakes you make

i’ll still be here for you and we’re

still friends

this is also love to me giving

caring and sacrificing even when

no other person doesn’t deserve it you

see i had gotten something that i didn’t

deserve

forgiveness grace mercy

this is love given unconditionally

despite the temporal mistake or

character flaw and that’s my third and

last revelation on love i have for you

today

the love is given when the person

matters more than the mistake

in closing did you know that there are

six greek words for love

two of which succinately express all

i’ve learnt about love in the past few

years

fear deep friendship and pragma

long-standing love although we commonly

think about romantic attraction as love

the understanding that the english word

love actually encapsulates so many

different and deep concepts of

connection

allow us to look deeper into how we love

and are loved in our lives

such as in the deep friendship love

given through my friends forgiveness

or the long-standing love i needed from

my family

so through my experiences i’ve shared

with you today i hope to be able to shed

more light on how you love

and are loved in your life