The Quest for SelfLove

in our culture

self-love is something that is not often

discussed

rather we often rely on validation from

friends

family and peers

because of this i grew up with a flawed

belief

that beauty begets attention

that the person in the room with the

most attention also had to be the most

beautiful

in my mind i believe that this person

would in turn

have the most love from others and as a

result

from themselves because of this

i devoted much of my early teenage years

to becoming that beautiful person

by spending time money and effort

on countless cosmetics ridiculous fad

diets

and unoriginal fashion trends

we were taught from young age that the

only way to be accepted is to be

considered beautiful

with all the hours that i dedicated to

catching the attention of other people

i expected my self-worth to increase

i expected as most have at some point in

their life

to find fulfillment by changing myself

to suit society’s expectations

in turn receiving external validation

in some moments it legitimately felt as

if my inner happiness increased

however it would soon regress the moment

i couldn’t get

quite as many boys to look at me or

quite as many girls to look up to me

i was in an illusory competition with

myself to perpetually beat a high score

of vanity

because i was told that beauty was

happiness but

i wasn’t happy as i grew matured

i thought about what the saying love

yourself truly meant

and in turn how to receive happiness

from it

when i considered societal and cultural

expectations

i noticed a society that social media

had its own definition of

self-perfection

it allows us to connect to millions of

people and platforms with a single

swiping motion

and yet it can also contribute to our

own insecurity

in a second we can pass through pages of

models and ads

meanwhile the next dozens of

motivational speakers and self-help

platforms

pitching for positivity

for most people loving oneself means

setting time aside

for a wholesome moment treating

themselves to a nice meal

perhaps allowing themselves to indulge

in a movie and hobbies such as painting

or reading

but is it really the picture-perfect

moment seen on pinterest

on social media i noticed that society

elevates late night searches and

luxuries as agents of self-worth

and that’s true substance often got lost

and what is now a be good

feel-good all-encompassing self-love

movement

this is the mainstream culture where

money feeds into indulging yourself

and the harder you work the more worthy

you are

this would imply that you’re only worthy

if you work enough and essentially

pay to play

and this is only further compounded if

you’re the average teen

because i know that the aesthetic

self-love

most are familiar with could never apply

to me

i’m in no way shape or form a millennial

who doubts themselves in ritual like

face masks and bubble baths while

sipping jose on the weekend

and frankly most people aren’t

and this is only further compounded

however true self-love can actually have

a healthier definition

according to psychologist dr andrea

brand self-love

means having a high regard for your own

well-being and happiness

it means that when you love yourself you

accept your so-called weaknesses and

appreciate these shortcomings

as something that makes you who you are

but what if self-flow isn’t actually a

state or feeling

per se but a constant and often

conscious

process this is how psychology today

describes self-love staying that

self-love is really comprised of four

parts

self-awareness self-worth

self-esteem and self-care

self-awareness the first step

is being aware of your thoughts how they

affect your emotions

and how your emotions cause you to act

the next aspect self-worth is about

realizing that everyone has

value including yourself

the third self-esteem is about being

happy with who you are

and the last self-care is about taking

care

of who you are because like i said

before

self-love is a process which never truly

ends

one must always remember to love oneself

to validate oneself

and take care of oneself

so how do we start this process of

becoming more

self-aware we start by taking ourselves

into account

by asking yourselves how do you think

speak act on a day-to-day basis

how do you act towards yourself

how do you feel about yourself

noticing your answers how you define

your own value

are you respecting yourself are you

content are you taking care of yourself

what does that mean for you

yet it’s hard to answer these questions

especially as a kid

therefore it should come to no surprise

that many people

are age and younger myself included

struggle with self-love i grew up in a

single parent household where peace and

beauty were the only attributes of

love’s existence

attributes i never seem to fully attain

how could i practice this elusive

self-love when the only thing i was told

about it was that vanity equaled

love as we go through high school

the cliche moment of spawning a girl

rushing to the restroom

crying with mascara running down her

face and unhappy with her image

is commonplace equally so

walking down hallways overheating a

group of guys harshly criticizing their

own gym physique and how

they are big enough is the norm

we are so quick to speak along ourselves

it’s normalized to the point that it’s

become

accepted commentary the true self-love

of being considered and respectful of

itself is nowhere to be found

you’d assume that such a critical issue

affecting our society

a substantial amount of scholarly work

would have been done on this topic

yet while doing my research for this

talk

most of the journal articles i found

were either decades old

excessively focused on narcissism or

were very religious

the absence of this information made one

thing fairly clear

scholars simply don’t write enough about

self-love

they don’t think it’s important and who

can blame them

with all the misconceptions about how

easy self-love

is it’s no wonder that further work

isn’t done on it

but that’s harmful because of adults

don’t give

importance to self-love kids won’t

either so how do we

everyday teens redefine the societal

expectations of self-love

we start with ourselves

to champion self-love self-moreness must

come first

the moment that i began to ponder

self-love i began my own journey towards

it when i realized that what society

feeds to us is actually an

impersonalized misconception

i began to accept myself

as i stand here today i am still on this

journey

challenging myself to define what

self-love means to me

growth and movement which only comes

through brutal

honesty something i had trouble with

while putting together this talk

i had trouble trusting myself trusting

others

trusting the process because it’s

sometimes hard to recognize

our own worth i thought i couldn’t speak

on this topic because i hadn’t mastered

it yet

but self-growth is not linear

it’s messy it’s dynamic

it’s wrong and the fact that i’m

standing before you today

is in it of itself an act

of self-love thank you