The Romanticization of Love

when i was a little girl

i loved disney movies i would sit in

front of the tv for hours

marveling at all of the princesses and

their happily ever afters

the one that i liked the most though and

probably watched over 50 times

was the little mermaid the red-headed

mermaid immediately caught my attention

how she wanted to leave her life in the

ocean behind for a guy she had

never formally met i thought it was

romantic back then

and over the years i came to realize

that i especially

enjoyed movies like these sleeping

beauty snow white

beauty and the beast all movies with

princesses who got these happily ever

afters a prince that would give them all

and that was the end of their story

i guess this was the beginning of my

endless childhood romanticism

in the first grade i liked a boy in my

class and on my birthday i bought

him a gift my teacher actually scolded

me because of this

and told me the other kids felt excluded

because they weren’t getting one

in the third grade i would sit beside

the guy like in the carpet when the

teacher read to us in the class

and i tried putting my hand over his as

some sort of romantic gesture

he was really weirded out by it of

course

and in the fifth grade a boy who sat

beside me in class asked me to be his

girlfriend with a post-it note

and can you guess what i said i might

have only known him for a week but i

said yes with a smile

and my two little braids on my shoulders

he broke up with me a week after

from disney movies to princesses and

nine-year-old boys

it seems as if i was always searching

for a romantic endeavor

i desperately saw a happily ever after

that i saw in every playground

now we’re in high school all i see on my

netflix feed are horribly produced chick

flicks that have the same guy playing

the same role for the 50th time

and shows like gossip girl that have 30

new couples each season

but why why are we so obsessed

with love it may seem like something

teenagers are thinking about

every single day but it goes beyond that

way beyond that and then i realized

it goes all the way back to disney

movies love songs

and all those happily ever afters were

exposed to

from books to movies to social media

love is presented as this ideal state

our brains unconsciously equate being in

a relationship to success

and superior to being single yet this

isn’t exclusive to the status quo

as love has been present since the

beginning of humankind

countless philosophers psychologists and

scientists have searched for the origin

of such a

desirable thing yet

love is left to the interpretation of

the individual but is highly influenced

by the societal concepts that have been

created around these

that’s when the question presented

itself

what in our psychology dictates such a

form of thinking at a societal level

and so i began my research from article

to article i kept running into one

constant theme the popular mainstream

term known as daddy issues as silly as

it may seem

it led me down a rabbit hole and i

eventually

found the origin of such term turns out

this was all not at all new matter of

fact this conflict dates back to the

20th century

sigmund freud most commonly known as the

father of psychoanalysis

one of the most influential medics and

psychologists of the 20th century

developed a plentiful array of

psychological theories

in place one that correlates to the

complex origin of love

and how humankind acts according to it

shrouded within an already extensive

theory

known as the psychosexual stages of

development freud characterizes a

particular phase of it

the oedipus electric complex now

i bet many of you have heard of this

theory in the first place or at least

have heard of the famous greek strategy

it’s named after

freud explains that basically when we’re

three to six years old we fall

in love typically with our progenitor of

the opposite sex

and feel hatred or envy for the parent

of the same sex

for men this is titled the oedipus

complex and for women it is known as the

electra complex

when the child is young he develops he

or she develops

an infatuation for the parent of the

opposite sex

thus perceiving them as their first love

and an unconscious level

yet the child realizes that the parent

already has a life partner

the progenitor of the same sex thus the

feelings of rivalry

and is left with this void that is never

resolved

this causes us to have an unfulfillment

or at least that’s what freud says

this theory however is not a given fact

and has been dismantled and questioned

by modern psychologists

countless times yet it is an insightful

way to look at it

and many of his predecessors

psychologists within the modern field

have presented more plausible and

recurrent theories that

are able to tie to more than just love

but also face many of the questions

humanity has

not just love one of his many

predecessors and former colleague

carl gustav young expanded upon his

theories in an unconventional way

able to tie this obsession to not only

to love

but to the upset to the to the

development of mankind and universal

feelings

although yells theory isn’t mutually

exclusive to love

it can be applied in such a scenario and

is much more plausible

in the world of contemporary psyche

young is able to recognize this idealism

and superiority given to love when it

simply isn’t as society paints it the

societal phenomenon the obsession with

love

comes from an individual perspective

that becomes collective

as we all experience it this

is what young likes to call part of a

collective unconscious

a term he himself coined part considered

part of jungian psychology

it attempts to explain why so many

ancient texts and civilizations

such as mythology and religious texts

share constant patterns and themes that

are frequently displayed

he wondered why this happened how all of

these cultures from multiple time

periods shared

common structures symbolism and themes

in their writing

and art artistic expression he then

realized

that all of these stem from innate human

nature

this is what it forms the collective

unconscious

the most common themes that we see

throughout storytelling

actually stem from these happiness

justice

love these are all part of the

collective unconscious

but what is the collective unconscious

exactly

it’s difficult to explain without

getting wordy but it is an innate place

within our insentient mind that is

common to

everyone here it is a collection of

beliefs

knowledge and imagery that is general to

every single human we may all have our

differences

but we can all agree upon common themes

displayed throughout storytelling

like the good versus evil morale or

justice

this is what stems from the collective

unconscious

and young is able to tie this back to

love

as love is one of these frequently

displayed things

in the collective unconscious love is so

prevalent

in current society because of how

in-depth it is within our innermost mind

the more deep something finds itself in

our collective unconscious

the more we subconsciously express it

through any forms on our reach

the human being having this constant

innermost paradox within them

finds for a way to express these and

this

often the not concentrates on art

storytelling or any other medium that we

may explore

this obsession with love can be

encompassed by young’s theory

as he also realizes the physiological

factors that go within it

love is innate to humanity and now it

has fallen under the western world’s

wing

it is heavily prioritized and glorified

it drives our meaning a desire

often seen as a motivation and a way to

reach the ultimatum of life

it is often portrayed that love will

make us reach the end goal

or happier than what we are currently

although this is true in many cases

it is not applicable for all this

theme within the collective unconscious

exists

due to our constant seeking

for an expression of what has become in

our collective unconscious

these individual factors and make us

seek for love

aren’t particular to any soul human

being as we

all experience it i however don’t doubt

why it’s sought so often

from the feel-good hormones released

when you’re in love like oxytocin

quite literally nicknamed the love

hormone to enjoying a genuine bond and

connection with someone a principle of

human interaction

love is a beautiful thing yet the

constant exposure to it can become

overwhelming

especially if you’re single and it goes

without saying

it’s okay to be single the constant

glorification and exposure

from society can often affect our mental

health

as it hinders us from discovering the

real reason we desire love

the constant exposure to love can often

affect our mental health

all of the pressure coming from all

angles can often hinder

us from realizing the real reason we

seek love

i wouldn’t blame anyone for feeling this

way it’s completely natural to desire it

the problem is when love becomes an

obsession not a complimentary

when love becomes a way to fulfill

happiness unconsciously through

because of external and internal factors

it can be harmful

it just isn’t love

it’s perfectly to okay to be single it

goes without saying

and can be more beneficial than

otherwise it leads us to know what we

like within a relationship and

understand

what we desire so if there’s anything i

want you to take away from this

is that love is extremely romanticized

nowadays from movies like the notebook

to songs by paul anka

it forms part of our collective

unconscious and identity as humankind

it makes us feel lonely to see it

everywhere when society tells you that

the best thing that could

ever happen to you is being in a

relationship

you can’t help but to feel alone

it is an ever expanding beautiful

experience

but we can’t help but realize it can

affect our mental health

to be overly exposed to it being single

is an equally fulfilling

and beautiful experience and we

shouldn’t undermine we have all of our

lives to love someone so why not start

by loving ourselves

thank you