Achieving the Executive Mom 3 Pivotal Moments

back in 1993

i was a month away from graduating from

uc davis

and i did not realize that i had just

met my future husband kevin

he was cute he was a aggie basketball

star

and he doesn’t let me forget that he

still holds three-point records today

i used to refer to him as marriage

material but not for me

for somebody else because i was moving

in a month

so i never would have guessed then that

a he would become my husband

10 years later and b that he would stay

home with our five kids

and that i would be the breadwinner i

grew up in the midwest

and from what i knew i would get a

college degree

and yes i’d work for a while and i’d

work hard

but when it came time to have kids if we

were lucky enough to have them i would

be the one to stay home with the kids

and that was the plan all the way up

until

one month after my twins were born our

fourth and fifth children

today i am so grateful to love what i do

as senior vice president of sales at

salesforce

my kids are now 13 to 16 years old they

are

genuinely good people that i enjoy

hanging out with

most of the time and while i had to

figure out how to navigate my way

through some pivotal moments in this

life to get to where i am today

let me try to see if i can save you some

steps you would think in 2021 that this

generation would have many

obvious paths and options to balance

this thing

called career and family but the

question

how do you do it is still the number one

question that i get from so many women

and increasingly men and even more

increasingly

men who are asking on behalf of the

women in their lives

they are all trying to figure out how to

navigate this rush hour of life

and truthfully there are many paths but

the decision is still complex

and through my journey thus far there

have been three pivotal moments that

have given me the opportunity

to take on a more challenging career

while still feeling fulfilled as a

mother

and this first pivotal moment came when

i picked the right partner

and i stayed in the game when kevin

offered

to stay home with the kids that was the

first pivotal moment for me

and i remember back when we first dated

he was always talking about what he was

most impressed with me about

and that was that i had a chemical

engineering degree

and that i had a job before i graduated

and then i was really excited about this

book that i was reading called power

talking

and it might seem like a small thing but

in retrospect

this view on equality made all the

difference

in terms of creating a true partnership

as we tackled

this working and parenting life before

kids

the decision on whether to continue

working or not

it seems pretty clear and simple ah i’ll

figure it out

but truly until you have a child no one

can predict

the feeling that you have of this

awesome responsibility

not just to keep the child alive but the

feeling

and the pressure that you feel to make

sure that they’re set up for success in

this world

it’s a lot and it’s this time after kids

that so many working mothers start to

diverge from their career

and i remember this deciding moment like

it was yesterday

i still feel this anguish in my chest

and the decision that i had to make here

i was two years into working in

salesforce i was an account executive

loving my role loving my team loving the

company

and but in those early years if you

weren’t out meeting with customers

you were expected to be in the office

and when you have a one-year-old

your schedule can be unpredictable and

kevin was also working

so when my daughter got sick it usually

fell on me

to go stay home with her or pick her up

from daycare

and that 4 30 pickup time meant i was

leaving the office

in a rush to go pick her up

and often that meant missing a lot of

those really critical networking happy

hours

so on top of all of that i had a i was

part of a youngish team

and i was the first one to get pregnant

so

all in all i was an outlier so i got to

this point where

i just felt like i wasn’t giving my best

to anything not to my job

not to being a mom not to my

girlfriend’s

or my my twin sister something had to

give

and the second maternity leave was

decision time for me

and the common choice for so many women

at this point is just to simplify it all

and to stay home and go be a full-time

mom and

this is if they can afford it but i just

wasn’t ready for that yet

i still loved what i was doing i still

loved working i still loved the company

so i scrambled to make something work

there was another mom from another team

that was also in the same situation as i

and so together

we created a role in support where we

could take cases from home

and this way i could work from home and

i could parse my work hours into blocks

that worked for me

whether it be early morning or late

night this also meant that kevin had to

shift and take on that wake up and

breakfast routine from 6 to 9 a.m

and this allowed me to actually spend

chunks of time

in the middle of the day taking my kids

to park and

spending a lot of time doing picnic

lunches

and while it was a super busy time i was

so grateful that i was able to stay in

the game

both in my job and in my kids lives

but as grateful as i was for the support

role and the flexibility

doing what you don’t love takes a toll

on you over time

it wears on you and i was a long way

from my sales role that i loved

so after four years in that role i

started to look for other options within

the company

and it also meant that the possibility

was there that i would

leave the game and stay home and be a

full-time mom

because at the time there weren’t that

many roles that were available that

allowed me to scratch my edge to get

back closer to the customer

to get you know closer to a selling role

you know but also have the flexibility

that i needed at home and that was when

kevin suggested

that he would stay home with the kids

and he would

take the flexibility that he had

managing his own real estate

to go do that it had never even occurred

to me that that was an option

and had he not offered i would not have

felt the freedom to take on these harder

and more complex roles

where i was so as they say it takes a

village

so make sure that whatever situation

you’re in

that you’re choosing a partner or

partners that will support your career

goals

and it will give you multiple options

and that allows you to stay in the game

so my second pivotal moment came when i

decided to step on that first run

and i nearly never took that leap into

leadership

one day about three years after kevin

decided to stay home with the kids

one of our executives pulled me aside

and he said

you really should think about getting in

to a leadership role

and at the time i was thinking why would

i do that

i love the accounting executive role i

love being close to the customers

i love being in the middle of the action

and i love being accountable

for being the one closing the deal

and i also looked around me and i didn’t

see a ton of women leaders

and i certainly didn’t see a ton of

mothers that were actually figuring it

out

and so my natural response was i don’t

think so

and he said well you’re 39 you’ve got a

good reputation here for success

and you naturally like to mentor others

so you should think about it

and so i walked away from that thinking

he made some really good points and so

as i was sinking into my subconscious

about a year later about five weeks into

our fiscal year

our manager for the team currently up

and left and went to a startup

and so he left a hole on that team and

on the way out he suggested that i

should be his backfill but that leader

at the time said no

she’s never managed before she’s gonna

have to start a level below

and i got that feedback and i sat on

that for a little bit

and luckily it only took a couple of

days for me to say you know what

that role really should be mine i am a

perfect candidate for that role

for the company and so i came back and i

played my case across the leadership

team

and i was invited into the interview

presentation process

i practiced that interview 50 times

across

50 different people before i gave that

and i came out the top candidate but

we weren’t done yet because it needed to

be approved by the president

who just so happened to be a woman and

so one day

i walked into the elevator and there she

was and i said

hi apparently you’ve got an approval on

your desk for my promotion

and she looked at me and she said have

you ever managed before

and i said no i haven’t and she said

well

you have five kids so you’ll have no

problem managing

and that is why we need more women in

leadership

how uncommonly refreshing that was for

someone to see

being a mother as a strength not a

weakness

and i came to learn just how right she

was

women and especially mothers make

innately

natural leaders so when i tell that

story

i still cringe a little bit why did i

have to be told

that i could be a leader why did i need

somebody else’s permission to encourage

me

i recently realized that i am not the

only one or i wasn’t the only one

the data shows that there’s a pattern

with women they’re calling it that

broken first rung phenomenon 30 percent

less women than men

take that first leadership role

right now 57 of all college graduates

are women

and 50 of the early workforce is women

but only 21 of c-level executives are

female

and many believe that this is due to

that broken first run

we are leaving one million leadership

jobs

on the table ladies so women need to go

take that first step

earlier if we are truly going to get to

parity

because this is an irreversible trend

and don’t wait for somebody to give you

permission

so the third pivotal moment in my life

was when i muted the noise

and i knew my worth the third pivotal

moment came in my life

when i realized that others would not

see my path

as clearly as i would and that there

were plenty of societal pressures

and those that would challenge my

choices including those that are closest

to me

and that i needed to learn how to mute

those external noises

i remember when kevin and i got into

this big argument at my company

christmas party

i had just taken on a promotion for

second line leadership

and he called me selfish he called me

selfish because he

said it could jeopardize my time with my

kids

and i think back could you imagine a man

being called selfish for taking on a

promotion with more pay

i pushed back that night and it was an

inflection point on me owning my role

i made the point that in the last three

years it had not affected my

relationship with my kids

or my time with my family and that i

could always pull back if i wanted to

and as it turned out it was just fine

because you know what else i realized

and what i learned was that the higher

up that i went

the more control i had over my schedule

and i could make all of those games and

those concerts

and those back to school nights that i

wanted to go to

so whatever you do don’t plan your

career around

wanting to be a parent find a career

where you love what you do

where you make yourself valuable and you

have a better chance to call your own

shots

and let’s be clear the decision that

kevin made to stay at home was not an

easy one either

there were plenty of societal pressures

for him

my brother-in-law pulled him aside

multiple times

dude what are you doing that job is so

hard

don’t do it run now

his dad a proud latino man could not

understand what his star athlete son

was doing and for the first two years it

was

really hard but you fast forward 13

years

and kevin’s now doing exactly what he

wants to be doing

he’s got a flexible schedule managing

his own real estate

he is incredibly active in the community

he coaches our kids in multiple sports

and he’s also their life coach maybe too

often

for their liking but to the college

students that are walking into the

workforce today

you are walking into a much more

friendly

flexible corporate working parent

environment

and society is following suit there are

many progressive companies out there

that are now offering

flexible work schedules or expecting a

flexible work schedule

even if it might just just be the

morning or the afternoon

and parental leave is now being offered

for both men and women

and oftentimes for a six month

maternity leave versus the former six

week

and child care is being offered

sometimes at a discount or even on site

but being an executive working mom now

does not come with

that stigma that you’re striking your

responsibilities at home

and it’s really important that we choose

to work at these companies

that are pushing these progressive

benefits

to allow this balance of working

families

because we need to pull forward the

language that aren’t there yet

i feel so fortunate that i’ve worked for

a company that has evolved

over time to be one of the top leaders

in offering these progressive options

so why is all of this worth it well

besides the fact that women often miss

out on this opportunity

to have a fulfilling career and to build

confidence

and to have financial independence and

dads not wanting to miss out on raising

their kids

and wanting to build a strong

relationship with them it matters to

global growth

because women are not matching the

productivity of men

we are leaving 28 trillion dollars worth

of gdp on the table

and mckenzie says just by changing a few

things we can capture

12 trillion of that by 2030.

and the science is clear on the positive

impact on children

there is no difference in long-term

success or happiness of children that

come from

two working parents versus one working

in one stay at home

in fact children have a higher degree of

confidence

and a higher iq when dads are more

involved in the parenting

and the daughters of working mothers

earn more

and believe they can get just as far

ahead in their career as their

male colleagues in the end i’m glad my

life plans didn’t work out

i’m so grateful that i picked the right

partner and stayed in the game

that i stepped on that first rung and

then i muted the noise and i knew my

worth

thank you