The Myth of the Midlife Crisis in Men

[Music]

stress anxiety and fear

are the number one reason why people are

depressed right now the pressure is

all-time high especially after the

pandemic because we’ve been locked in

our homes

we’re stressed out about what’s going to

happen in the future we’re stressed out

about our jobs we’re stressed out about

our lives

but see that’s nothing new because the

second leading cause

of death among men and women from 15

years old to 29 years old

is depression but men die three times

faster in depression than a woman

because men are more prone to suicide

one out of ten men experience depression

and anxiety

and only few reach up for help that’s

the reason

that suicide is a leading cause for men

right now in depression

we feel guilty and we feel shame and

society has told us that we’re supposed

to be strong men

but every time that we feel depressed

every time that we feel anxiety we feel

weak

49 of men are more depressed and they’re

willing to admit

so rather than get help they pretend

that everything is fine

they pretend that they don’t have

depression they don’t have anxiety

see that’s the number one reason why men

are losing the edge

they feel they don’t have a purpose

they’re full of uncertainty they’re full

of anxiety

i see my mission has been for the last

decade to find out what gives a man the

edge

how can we overcome depression how can

we overcome that anxiety

that hunts us is the silent killer that

we experience in a daily basis

men who have an edge could conquer

depression

who live on the edge are not afraid

to go into the darkness and that’s the

reason that my mission has been to help

men discover what gives them the edge

to go concrete under pressure to conquer

the anxiety so they could realize that

every single day

it’s not weakness but a strength

to fight through your emotions

see i lost my edge and i fell into

depression

as some deep pain in my body at one

point

that i knew it was stress i thought at

one point i had cancer and

i saw doctors i saw specialists and

every single one told me roll this in

your head

you’re going through stress but at that

time i was running a successful business

had a great marriage had beautiful kids

had nothing to be depressed about

but at the same time i couldn’t sleep at

night and that deep

feeling of uncertainty was constantly

giving me the pain in my world

in my health in my body

so i did what most men do

i drink my way out of depression

i try to pretend that i didn’t have the

pain so i took a shot of tequila to numb

the pain and

one shot became two and two became three

and eventually every single night

i will need half a bottle tequila to

numb that pain

it wasn’t until one day i woke up and my

son was standing right in front of me

i realized that i couldn’t live this way

even though i had successful practice

and i will put on my suit and i will

go to the office and everybody said you

know raul is successful he has his life

together

nobody knew what i was really going

through inside

nobody knew what the dark and depression

that i was

in and and because we’re afraid to ask

for help because we’re afraid

to seek help to continue to sedate

that pain so why was i in pain

what i found through my journey

is that we all go through this tunnel in

life

the moment that we go through this

tunnel this dark tunnel that’s the

moment that we have the choice

to create ourselves so he will say raul

is

you went through a midlife crisis you

went through a depression but the

reality is that i don’t believe

there’s a midlife crisis i believe there

is a right of passage

what i found through my journey is that

men go through stages

and we speak very little of this because

we don’t have

people to guide us through the stages

see back in the days when we lived in

tribes

if you wanted to become a leader all you

have to do is go out there to the

wilderness kill the wolf

and come back because you were worthy to

be a leader

nowadays nobody’s preparing us to kill

the wolf

nobody’s preparing men to face that dark

pain

that darkness that emotional fitness

that we need

to overcome depression so the first

stage that men

are going to go through is the stage of

a peasant the peasant mentality the

victim mentality

the victim entirely is telling the world

that

they’re wrong and you’re right

but always somebody else is the reason

why you’re going through what you’re

going through

it’s not until you overcome the present

mentality realize that man i have to get

my life together i have to go through

this pain to overcome and that’s

the moment that you step into the

warrior mentality and the word mentality

is when you start taking

your skills to the next level that’s the

moment that you start working on your

craft

working on your skills to find your gift

see society worships the warrior

mentality you sit in magazines you see

it in movies every single man wants to

be a warrior every single man wants to

be strong

i see the moment that you become the

warrior

eventually the next stage

is a sedated warrior because being a

warrior is not sustainable

hustling every single day trying to make

money and trying to succeed in life

becomes exhausted

that’s what happened to me i was a

warrior for a long time and the reason i

was having those pains is because

i wanted a deeper purpose in my life i

wanted to do something different but i

was so stuck in the warrior mentality

that i refuse

to break through and that’s the reason i

stepped into the sedated stage

of the warrior and that’s when a man

has to find out who who truly is

because a sedated warrior enters the

tunnel

that’s when uncertainty keeps saying

that’s the moment that you’re on focus

that’s the moment you have low energy

that’s the one that you feel

disconnected

that’s when you question your purpose

that’s when you feel alone and see most

people right now are not talking about

this tunnel

because they want to be warriors they

want to pretend that everything is fine

they want to pretend that

that nothing is going on inside of them

instead of

looking deep inside

i’m making the choice to face the

darkness

see i believe the tunnel is the right of

passage for every single man

just like i said before now back in the

tribal days you have to go through the

wilderness

to be worthy of being a leader now you

have to go through the tunnel in life to

be able to

be a leader and that’s the moment

that you find your edge because the

moment that you find your edge

you rise as a king the king mentality is

a is a man who

has a purpose the man who’s driven the

man who’s creating an impact

a man who wants to create a legacy in

his life

what creates a king is somebody who

lives

on the edge and i broke it down into

four different areas number one is

energy you have to have the energy you

have to feed your body you have to make

sure that every single day

you’re mindful of the energy that you

exude

through people the second is you have to

be determined

determined to fulfill your mission

determined to fulfill your dreams

determined to be able to

conquer your demons

the third is to be guided to live for

something bigger than you

to believe that you have a deeper

purpose see that’s most men who want to

be guided most men want to be leaders

but they don’t want to be followers and

the fourth is

execution you have to be willing to

execute

become excuses about why you’re not

doing the things that you want to do

the moment that you execute is not about

perfection it’s about creating progress

because i believe the man who lives on

the edge a man who has the edge knows

how to create his energy

how to be determined how to be guided to

execute

and there’s three ways that i’ve learned

that a man finds the edge

number one is association who are you

surrounded with

who is sharpening the edge are you

surrounded with people who have a

peasant mentality

who are always victims of the

circumstances are surrounding what

people are going to uplift you

are going to call you to a higher

standard

number two is accountability who’s

holding you accountable

who’s helping you see the things that

you need to do the moment that you are

accountable to other to others that’s

the moment that you actually gonna be

able to show up more

and you show up alone and the last is a

simple action plan that’s intentional

every single day it’s not about having

perfection it’s about creating the one

percent rule how can i get better by one

percent i could go stronger for one

person how can i get wise for one

percent how can i execute and learn by

one percent every single day

association that cannot build an action

plan

so it gives each man the edge

i want you to ask yourself four

questions

to help you get out of the depression

and that anxiety to be able to for you

to find the edge number one is

what is the life that you want to create

because the moment that you are clear

about what you want that’s the moment

that you start getting out of your head

and the depression state or the anxiety

state and you start looking outside and

say what can i create

what do i want what’s possible

the second is why

why do you want to do it i believe that

a lot of men lose the ads because they

forget why

they do what they do that’s what

happened to me i forgot why until my son

was standing in front of me i remember

why

i do what i do the third is who will

suffer

if you don’t do it who will suffer if

you don’t pay the price who will suffer

if you don’t show up in life because

that’s what’s going to give you leverage

for you to find the ads that’s when i

give you leverage for you

to find a reason to conquer depression

anxiety

and find the light at the end of the

tunnel

and the last one which is the most

important one is who must i become

so i could conquer my darkness

who must i become to be able to find the

edge

because that’s the moment that every

single day gonna focus on becoming that

version of yourself

that man that woman should be able to

lead

with power so my intention for you as

you listen to this talk

is to realize number one you’re not

alone

we all have our demons to deal with we

all have our darkness

depression is a selling killer

number two every single one of us are

gonna go through stages in life

every single one of us has to face that

pain in order for us to go to the next

level

and number three is not about the

journeys about who you become

in the journey who you become in this

journey is what matters the most

you’re either gonna be somebody excuse

or somebody’s reason

to level up so my intention for you

is to choose to conquer your tunnel

to choose to lead with power to

to be choose to overcome whatever

challenge you’re going through

because life is always giving you

exactly what you need

in order to grow expand and level up

thank you for your time

you