How to Survive Life by Thinking Like a Comedian

[Music]

how desperate did 2020 get you

how many times did you think what the

hell is going on how often did you want

to shout at your kids or let’s be honest

kill your partner when they came to

disturb you during one of those endless

online meetings

in other words what effect did 2020 have

on your resilience

let’s talk about your resilience

from the title of my talk inspired by a

30 year old book by john cleese you

might be thinking that i was born a

comedian and an optimist well

i’m sorry to burst your bubble right

from the go in fact when i was six years

old i wasn’t a very popular kid in

primary school because i was rather shy

and gloomy

my parents were struggling financially

after bankruptcy and i was ashamed that

i knew what a bailiff was and why he

loved our furniture so much that he

always came to collect it

one day my teacher in the first year of

primary school asked us if somebody

wanted to tell a joke in class

now nobody volunteered but incidentally

i overheard my older brother the day

before telling a very dirty joke

involving a cowboy a wedding ring a

horse and a prostitute

now of course i had no idea why it was

funny since six years old i didn’t

really know what a prostitute was

and don’t worry i won’t tell the dirty

joke in this talk but i decided to take

my chance and i told the joke proudly

standing up on my chair in class

of course

none of my six-year-old classmates

laughed but my teacher

literally bent over laughing

i’m proud to say my school results were

excellent that year so it was my first

experience of the power of humor

i also remember my father telling us

very often well maybe we’re poor but at

least we laugh a lot

so it’s safe to say that i grew up in a

family where humor was very important to

deal with life in fact before i became a

professional writer and director humor

was my social currency because being

funny was the only way to get invited to

interesting parties without having to

pay and look now it even gets me to do

tedx talks mama

that’s why today i want to show you how

thinking like a comedian can become your

strategy to recalibrate and boost your

mental resilience at home and at work

let’s go because the need is big indeed

these days did you know that in belgium

an estimated one out of five long-term

sick leaves are due to mental problems

caused by some form of stress

now you could argue that it proves that

belgians are a bunch of nut cases and

lunatics anyway but it’s clear that our

mental resilience has been under very

big pressure for a long time worldwide

so how can we reinforce it

now maybe your first reflex now is to

think of humor as fuel for optimism and

to me the pinnacle of optimism is this

[Music]

indeed you recognized always look on the

bright side of life a tune from the

final scene in monty python’s movie life

of brian

do you also remember the exact scene

it’s part of

the main character brian who has

mistakenly been identified as the

messiah

finds himself crucified on mount

golgotha and while brian faces his final

hours a fellow convict on the cross next

to him starts singing this song to cheer

him up

it’s crazy but it’s funny

i was 14 when i saw this film for the

very first time and once again it was a

testimony to me that comedy often

springs from a dark situation in fact it

was charlie chaplin who said comedy is

inspired by contradictions

it’s about what we feel is unjust untrue

or illogical and so i think our sense of

comedy and the need for comic relief is

a very basic human reflex to reboot our

minds the question is of course how do

you access it consciously or purposely

in times of need

maybe you think now

i can’t do this

because i’m just not funny i don’t have

that so-called comedy bone well let me

tell you another story

this is viktor frankl

a very famous

psychiatrist from vienna who spent

several years in concentration camps

during world war ii

he survived stays in auschwitz dachau

and other gruelling locations and after

the war he wrote a book about it called

the meaning of life in this book he

describes how the horrors committed by

the nazis

affected the prisoners mentally now

surprisingly frankl also writes about a

couple of occasions where the need for

prisoners to have a good laugh

made them organized cabaret evenings in

the barracks even risking their lives in

doing so

so to me

that’s proof enough of the natural

resilience inherent to any human

supported by comedy in other words

everybody has this talent

you also

and yet

you’ll probably think

for some people it’s a lot easier than

for some others and that’s also true

interestingly

many of the comedians i worked with had

to deal with some kind of trauma growing

up

a couple of them were bullied at school

some found themselves socially isolated

and one of the most talented people i

ever worked with suffered from severe

episodes of depression

in all cases they developed their sense

of humor to protect themselves from

getting scarred by life

so the temporary conclusion is that a

time of crisis or conflict is actually a

good opportunity to develop your

resilience or as the saying goes while

you’re lying in the gutter you can look

up at the stars unless you’re face down

of course then you’ll only see [ __ ] but

that’s why from my 30 years of

professional comedy experience i created

a method i teach people in resilience

workshop to develop anybody’s natural

sense of humor in times of burnout

stress depression or crisis now this

talk is too short to go through the

complete process of course but as an

advocate for more humor at work i’m

happy to disclose some elementary comedy

tricks that will help you access

three key elements to reinforce your

mental resilience are you ready okay

the first reaction of a comedian to any

situation

is to question it and in comedy there’s

only one question it’s what if

take for example the film the life of

brian the premise being what if instead

of jesus christ

a random nobody had mistakenly been

identified as the messiah

indeed

comedians asked this what-if question

over and over again to find a detail

that can be changed in the premise of a

situation because in essence a joke is a

very simple construction

take this one for example my dad always

knew i was going to be a comedian

because when i was born he said is this

a joke

now here’s what happens in this classic

one-liner you start telling a story and

your audience will try to predict the

outcome of the story on the basis of

their own premise being that a father is

usually proud of his newborn baby

now a good joke surprises the audience

at some point by bending it to an

unexpected outcome which started from a

different premise in this case the

father being annoyed by the baby’s

ugliness

so the surprise is what makes the

audience laugh

indeed the foundation of comedy is

acknowledging an alternative parallel

version of reality now considering that

you could say that donald trump is

actually a great comedian which he is

if you forget most things but okay what

you do by asking the what if question

consistently is to train your sense of

reflection

and that’s the first essential element

of your mental resilience

being able to reflect on the situation

instead of just undergoing it it means

abandoning the premise that you’re a

powerless victim without any impact to

someone who can consciously choose a

reaction

to train your reflective talent you

question situations like comedians do by

tweaking details

what if people in the middle ages were

confronted with my clients or with my

kids

what if extraterrestrials had to do with

my boss

the what-if question obliges you to come

out of a tunnel vision you might feel

trapped into and see some light at the

end of it

now but of course

maybe you’re a pessimist and you think

well the light at the end of the tunnel

might just be another train coming on

yeah

to move from a negative premise into a

positive one you need to take yet

another step

what blocks our view of a different

reality is very often

judgment

our belief of what’s right or wrong good

or bad now to turn that around there’s

no better exercise than to observe the

way you judge yourself

so indeed after reflection comes

self-reflection

so i ask people in workshops to talk

about a personal characteristic that

causes them embarrassment

in the final step of this exercise i

make them imagine ways to talk proud or

positive about their source of shame to

imagine situation where it would

actually serve them

let me give you an example

in one recent workshop i had an i.t

consultant who just couldn’t say no to a

client and which obviously caused a lot

of stress so i asked him to think of a

story about how saying yes to everything

would bring him wonderful discoveries in

life

and he came up with the very funny and

true anecdote of an adventurous and

surprising tinder date with a mysterious

girl who turned out to be a transgender

jamaican

and by the way they’re a couple now so

you see

sharing your vulnerability or

embarrassment can be funny recognizable

to others and turning it around can

create a release it can be cathartic in

many ways

now of course

what comedians aim for is to make other

people laugh

laughing in itself creates a moment of

release and as neurological research

found a moment of exploring

new connections in your brain the

so-called aha moment

now a friend of mine is a firefighter he

once told me about his first assignment

him and his colleagues had to cut two

dead people out of a car wreck

shocking and when they finished the job

he was stunned to see his colleagues

stop the truck on the way back just to

pause and to share jokes in a way to

overcome their own shock

laughing out loud makes us produce

so-called happiness hormones like

endorphin dopamine and others and

laughing together creates a sense of

shared happiness and discoveries and

that’s why as a third and final element

i incite people to create specific humor

moments at work or even during meetings

these are moments of release and bonding

essential to mental resilience

maybe you’re thinking now but what if

people get my jokes wrong or get

insulted in some way

well

let me tell you the object of

introducing humor in life should be to

share experiences and emotions rather

than to make fun of someone else

so focus on situations rather than on

other people

also if you have to make fun of someone

at work then start by looking at

yourself and your own embarrassing

anecdotes

as a takeaway i would like to offer you

this formula

comedy ladies and gentlemen equals drama

plus time

using a comedian strategy in everyday

situations to enhance your resilience is

to create a mental space for reflection

self-reflection and release to distance

yourself from the drama so what i’m

calling you out to do from now on and i

suggest you do it at least twice a day

is step back from whatever you’re doing

and ask yourself

what if

i change the premise of this situation

what’s my judgment of it

can i look at it in a reverse funny way

and can i share my view with others in a

funny way

i wish you a lot of success

lots of aha moments with release and

cathartic loss

thank you

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you