Living with Mental Illness
this
topic comes under the theme of
sustainability because
i feel that it fits in well when you
have a mental illness
you have to sustain with it you have to
go through every day you have to fight
every day and you have to keep going
these talks are usually given by an
expert in the field
which may be pushing it for me i’m not a
psychologist or a psychiatrist
simply someone who has been through it
and wants others to know that they can
get through it too
so there’s me i’m going to start by
explaining a little bit about myself
growing up i was very sporty very
academic
and very much a perfectionist i still am
it’s
a blessing and a curse i
really struggle with how people perceive
me
i want everyone to like me i’m sure
people will understand
the need to have people want to be your
friend you know
the thought of someone not liking me
sends me into a panic
i want to do everything as best as i can
and i set up high expectations for
myself
this kind of led to lots of issues and i
was eventually diagnosed with anxiety
depression and ultimately anorexia
divorcer
this happened about the age of 14 so it
shaped the woman i’d become today
it’s true that a mental illness or any
disorder does not define you
you are still you no matter what label
you are given
but we cannot deny the fact it makes us
see the world a little differently
the eevee before i became ill is very
different to the eevee now
and that took a long time for me to come
to terms with
i had to accept that i was going to
someone i didn’t know
so yeah this is me
running that was my main spot as well as
badminton and football
fortunately i’m in a place now where i’m
able to accept
my bad habits and notice them before
they become too
harmful and i’m able to use my
experience to help others
because i see it as a sign of strength
and not weakness
the biggest turning point for me was
when i committed to recovering from my
eating disorder were three years
past since being first signs of anorexia
and well understanding that i had to
change
it was a long three years i
started off just trying to be healthier
trying to control things in my life and
i used food and exercise to do that
soon i was eating the same meals every
day i had rigid
timings i had rules that had to follow
and it took over everything
i was admitted to an outpatient eating
disorder team
where i went for weekly in sessions
including weigh-ins and dietetic
appointments
at this point i was still insisting that
i was fine i thought i had everything
under control
my parents were just worrying and
obsessing and they didn’t need to
i was no different to all my friends
um yeah it wasn’t long after this that i
ended up being
admitted to an inpatient facility i
lived here for 11 months
that was my room and it was a huge part
of my life i’m not going to forget it
and i made friends there i’m not going
to forget
it’s eating disorders they’re not simple
people think it’s about appearance and
vanity they think
it’s just about wanting to be skinny
they think
i don’t know what they think once you’ve
been through it you know it’s not like
that
everyone has a different journey what i
went through was completely different to
some of the people who
i was in hospital with and
it’s not just a diet it’s not something
that just got out of hand
it’s got underlying psychological issues
which
you need to address if you want to
overcome it as with any disorder or
mental illness
it took me a long time to come to terms
with this
i realized i had to commit to my own
recovery
and i had to take responsibility for
that myself
no one else was going to do it for me so
i talked
i talked to my parents my family my
friends i opened up about what was
happening
i’ve accepted the fact that i had a
problem i
made an instagram account which is quite
a common thing in the eating disorder
community
you track your recovery you share with
people in similar situations
how you are doing you you know take
challenges
just biscuits and things which i would
have never touched
but i had a community behind me where i
could share that with
and who had my back i rested which is
really hard to do when you want to be up
and doing everything
but i had to accept that i can’t do
everything that i used to be able to
i used to be a type a perfectionist who
would get up every morning and do
revision eight in the morning late at
night i never missed a day of school
and i didn’t let myself off if i made a
mistake
i’m still working on it but i’m come a
long way
and now if i’m tired i sleep in if
i know if friends want to make plans i
might prioritize that over
going you know out well whatever
so it’s anyone who’s been on a similar
journey knows how much energy it takes
just to overcome the bad habits and
i want to say bad habits but the
negative cycles that you can get
yourself into
because it is a spiral that can descend
quite quickly
i’m hoping well i’m working on finding a
balance
so that i can still be the person i want
to be but also take care of myself
so that leads to where i’m at now
self-acceptance isn’t easy and when
you’re used to criticizing yourself
every day
it takes a long time to overcome so you
need to be patient
you need to talk to people which is
incredibly hard
but is incredibly worth it i think
opening up
is one of the most
difficult things you can do when you
want to convince yourself that you don’t
need help
but asking for help doesn’t make you
weak it makes you
very strong and i don’t think people
understand that enough it doesn’t matter
if other people don’t understand it
though
as long as you understand it when you
are going through it then that’s all
that matters
it’s your life it’s not theirs
i don’t think i wouldn’t i wouldn’t be
here if it wasn’t for my family and
friends
and partner you know supporting me
through all this
i’d like to say i could do it on my own
but i wouldn’t want to
so some of the most incredible people i
know have gone through mental illness
their entire lives
they’ve struggled but they’ve managed to
build those lives higher than they
thought they could
despite the bags that they carry the
point i’m saying is
you can’t you don’t have to let this
hinder you you can keep doing what you
want to do
you can keep being the person you want
to set out to be
and i’m going to say again that a label
a diagnosis does not define you
it’s not the end of your story you can
keep doing it
you are incredible i know i keep saying
that but it’s
true you are stronger than anyone else
could realize
and you’re going to get there you
deserve to be kind to yourself
and be patient with yourself because
it’s you should be proud of how far
you’ve come i’m proud of myself for
getting here
and talking here because a few years ago
it wouldn’t be possible
i wouldn’t i was told i wouldn’t make it
to uni i was told i wouldn’t get gcse’s
and now i’m you know
nervous but i’m doing it i’m yeah
yeah i’m up here and like this poem by
lana rafaela
i think it’s brave and i think anyone
who’s going through a similar thing
is so unbelievably brave and
you should be proud of yourself thank
you
you