Living with Mental Illness

this

topic comes under the theme of

sustainability because

i feel that it fits in well when you

have a mental illness

you have to sustain with it you have to

go through every day you have to fight

every day and you have to keep going

these talks are usually given by an

expert in the field

which may be pushing it for me i’m not a

psychologist or a psychiatrist

simply someone who has been through it

and wants others to know that they can

get through it too

so there’s me i’m going to start by

explaining a little bit about myself

growing up i was very sporty very

academic

and very much a perfectionist i still am

it’s

a blessing and a curse i

really struggle with how people perceive

me

i want everyone to like me i’m sure

people will understand

the need to have people want to be your

friend you know

the thought of someone not liking me

sends me into a panic

i want to do everything as best as i can

and i set up high expectations for

myself

this kind of led to lots of issues and i

was eventually diagnosed with anxiety

depression and ultimately anorexia

divorcer

this happened about the age of 14 so it

shaped the woman i’d become today

it’s true that a mental illness or any

disorder does not define you

you are still you no matter what label

you are given

but we cannot deny the fact it makes us

see the world a little differently

the eevee before i became ill is very

different to the eevee now

and that took a long time for me to come

to terms with

i had to accept that i was going to

someone i didn’t know

so yeah this is me

running that was my main spot as well as

badminton and football

fortunately i’m in a place now where i’m

able to accept

my bad habits and notice them before

they become too

harmful and i’m able to use my

experience to help others

because i see it as a sign of strength

and not weakness

the biggest turning point for me was

when i committed to recovering from my

eating disorder were three years

past since being first signs of anorexia

and well understanding that i had to

change

it was a long three years i

started off just trying to be healthier

trying to control things in my life and

i used food and exercise to do that

soon i was eating the same meals every

day i had rigid

timings i had rules that had to follow

and it took over everything

i was admitted to an outpatient eating

disorder team

where i went for weekly in sessions

including weigh-ins and dietetic

appointments

at this point i was still insisting that

i was fine i thought i had everything

under control

my parents were just worrying and

obsessing and they didn’t need to

i was no different to all my friends

um yeah it wasn’t long after this that i

ended up being

admitted to an inpatient facility i

lived here for 11 months

that was my room and it was a huge part

of my life i’m not going to forget it

and i made friends there i’m not going

to forget

it’s eating disorders they’re not simple

people think it’s about appearance and

vanity they think

it’s just about wanting to be skinny

they think

i don’t know what they think once you’ve

been through it you know it’s not like

that

everyone has a different journey what i

went through was completely different to

some of the people who

i was in hospital with and

it’s not just a diet it’s not something

that just got out of hand

it’s got underlying psychological issues

which

you need to address if you want to

overcome it as with any disorder or

mental illness

it took me a long time to come to terms

with this

i realized i had to commit to my own

recovery

and i had to take responsibility for

that myself

no one else was going to do it for me so

i talked

i talked to my parents my family my

friends i opened up about what was

happening

i’ve accepted the fact that i had a

problem i

made an instagram account which is quite

a common thing in the eating disorder

community

you track your recovery you share with

people in similar situations

how you are doing you you know take

challenges

just biscuits and things which i would

have never touched

but i had a community behind me where i

could share that with

and who had my back i rested which is

really hard to do when you want to be up

and doing everything

but i had to accept that i can’t do

everything that i used to be able to

i used to be a type a perfectionist who

would get up every morning and do

revision eight in the morning late at

night i never missed a day of school

and i didn’t let myself off if i made a

mistake

i’m still working on it but i’m come a

long way

and now if i’m tired i sleep in if

i know if friends want to make plans i

might prioritize that over

going you know out well whatever

so it’s anyone who’s been on a similar

journey knows how much energy it takes

just to overcome the bad habits and

i want to say bad habits but the

negative cycles that you can get

yourself into

because it is a spiral that can descend

quite quickly

i’m hoping well i’m working on finding a

balance

so that i can still be the person i want

to be but also take care of myself

so that leads to where i’m at now

self-acceptance isn’t easy and when

you’re used to criticizing yourself

every day

it takes a long time to overcome so you

need to be patient

you need to talk to people which is

incredibly hard

but is incredibly worth it i think

opening up

is one of the most

difficult things you can do when you

want to convince yourself that you don’t

need help

but asking for help doesn’t make you

weak it makes you

very strong and i don’t think people

understand that enough it doesn’t matter

if other people don’t understand it

though

as long as you understand it when you

are going through it then that’s all

that matters

it’s your life it’s not theirs

i don’t think i wouldn’t i wouldn’t be

here if it wasn’t for my family and

friends

and partner you know supporting me

through all this

i’d like to say i could do it on my own

but i wouldn’t want to

so some of the most incredible people i

know have gone through mental illness

their entire lives

they’ve struggled but they’ve managed to

build those lives higher than they

thought they could

despite the bags that they carry the

point i’m saying is

you can’t you don’t have to let this

hinder you you can keep doing what you

want to do

you can keep being the person you want

to set out to be

and i’m going to say again that a label

a diagnosis does not define you

it’s not the end of your story you can

keep doing it

you are incredible i know i keep saying

that but it’s

true you are stronger than anyone else

could realize

and you’re going to get there you

deserve to be kind to yourself

and be patient with yourself because

it’s you should be proud of how far

you’ve come i’m proud of myself for

getting here

and talking here because a few years ago

it wouldn’t be possible

i wouldn’t i was told i wouldn’t make it

to uni i was told i wouldn’t get gcse’s

and now i’m you know

nervous but i’m doing it i’m yeah

yeah i’m up here and like this poem by

lana rafaela

i think it’s brave and i think anyone

who’s going through a similar thing

is so unbelievably brave and

you should be proud of yourself thank

you

you