My triumph over my mental health struggles

[Music]

i knew someone

who was so psychotic that should talk to

ants

and she was so paranoid that people were

poisoning her that she wouldn’t eat at

all

i knew someone who was restrained in a

forensic low secure unit

for one and a half hours at a time

to stop her from running into walls

thinking they were portals

i’m 19 years old i’m an aspiring

neuroscientist

i love unicorns and cake i want to get a

fiat 500 for my first car

i identify as a dora the explorer look

alike my family make fun of me

saying i’m not a real brown person

because of my intolerance to handle

spicy foods

i’m pretty average for a young person

now do you remember that person i was

talking about

who is psychotic suicidal and

self-harming

yeah that was me

i’m that girl i was sectioned for four

years inside psychiatric units

and had been known to mental health

services since i was 11 years old

my diagnoses are emotionally unstable

personality disorder

psychosis and autism

but what is a personality disorder

if i were to be asked out on the street

to tell someone something about me

i would start off by saying that i love

unicorns

i wouldn’t even mention that i have a pd

a personality disorder

that’s because pd’s are not all of me

however unicorns on the other hand well

they are all of me

on a serious note pd’s are perceived by

the media to be incredibly

dangerous disorders where people are

killers

or murderers or worse

if you have a personality disorder the

media say you’re irrational

and crazy and need to be locked up

let me tell you what it actually is

emotionally unstable personality

disorder is a long-term disturbance of

behaviors

associated with unstable self-image

turbulent relationships having major

trauma and feelings of a chronic

emptiness eupd emotionally unstable

personality disorder is characterized by

engaging in self-harm

making suicide attempts and reckless

behavior

up to two percent of people in the uk

suffer with a personality disorder

that means it affects 1.32 million

people that’s more than the total

population of

birmingham i’ll say that again

there are more people with the pd than

there are people in brum

that’s a problem

it’s the most stigmatized mental illness

out there

stigmatized even by mental health

clinicians

eupd is globally highly prevalent

however in the chinese classification of

disorders

it’s not mentioned it’s so

stigmatized that china doesn’t even

count it as a disorder

a mental health nurse told me that

patients struggling with their mental

health during giving birth

who have eupd are turned away from

perinatal mental health services

if that’s their primary diagnosis it’s

the same

for early intervention psychosis

services even

mental health clinicians and services

reject

people with this diagnosis if even

psychiatric services disregard us how do

we

as a society expect to understand it

i was made to believe that i was a bad

person

for having a personality disorder

but i was not a bad person feeling

desperately

suicidal and feeling broken

i was told i was manipulative but i was

not manipulative

for stopping my meds and going psychotic

whenever

i felt out of control

i was told i was attention seeking

but i was not attention seeking for

feeling so

abandoned that i’d make attempts on my

life because i couldn’t bear the pain

it’s a diagnosis of exclusion

which needs to be changed

we’re vulnerable individuals who’ve had

inexplicably difficult

traumatic experiences which have damaged

our core

sense of self-worth causing us to feel

like

life is worth not worth living

i just had complex emotional needs

personality disorder doesn’t mean who we

are is a disorder

it’s how we have reacted to the chaos

surrounding

us that is disordered

personality disorders are a serious

illness not a quality of our innate

identity

but more importantly we need to talk

about self-harm and suicidality

and how this is a normality for someone

with this disorder

how do we manage it how do we

change our perceptions

how can we challenge what we know and

learn together

about supporting peers in mental

distress

it’s okay i get it these are tough

questions

but don’t worry i’ve got you we’ll

figure this out together

i came on this stage to educate and

equip you with the necessary tools for

you

as the youth of birmingham to know how

to respond to peers who are suicidal and

have a personality disorder

figures show death by suicide are

skyrocketing

kovid has changed the game

whilst we now have a global public

health pandemic

we also have triggered a mental health

pandemic

now mind says that 68 of young people

said that their mental health got worse

during lockdown

many more people are entering

psychiatric inpatient with higher

acuity of distress and more people are

in crisis

more people are suicidal all the people

running the country

rely on figures they rely on figures

to solve this colossal issue

that’s why public health have invested

25 million pounds

into reducing suicide rates by 10

percent

little do they know that the king’s fund

projected that by 2026

money to be spent on people with the pd

will be estimated as 1.1

billion pounds 25 million

it’s not enough thing is

i know we can do more than that

as the youth of birmingham we can

do more than that we can’t sit back and

leave the money to solve everything

we need to respond to the pain behind

suicide and pds

these are the most vulnerable

demographics in our society and these

people

these people need to be heard

this would be through championing the

three e’s and the three s’s of suicide

prevention

first e empathy have

empathy because compassion is key in the

healing process

a little compassion goes a long way

secondly ask open ended questions

listen for the unheard story be

curious about what’s going on in that

person’s life

being a listening ear could be the one

thing that person is looking for to stay

alive

thirty emphasize you care be the voice

that young person needs in that moment

we don’t always need clinical

interventions sometimes all we need is a

society that fosters resilience

and recovery onto the yeses now

first s say something rather than

nothing

if you don’t know what to say just say

you care

tell them they are seen and their pain

is validated

respond to the emotional distress beyond

the action

third s safety ensure safety

and call 999 if you think someone is in

imminent danger

and remove risk items

this year’s tedx theme is insert future

here i want to insert a future where we

respond

to personality disorders more safely

more effectively

and with more compassion and in doing so

we can transform

how we react to suicide

we need to be proactive in early

prevention of suicide

not reactive to when suicide is

completed

now before someone is suicidal everybody

says how they’ll be there for them when

they need to talk

during suicidality people are told

they’re attention-seeking

taking up an extra bed in hospital that

they’re not actually suicidal

after suicide everybody works together

to see

how it shouldn’t happen again

however nothing happens it’s just a

suicidality cycle

within the system

we have to bear in mind that suicide

prevention does not start when someone

tells us they’re suicidal

it starts when someone actually thinks

of self-harm as an option

before they actively hurt themselves

we need to be more empathetic and kinder

as a society

being trauma-informed because everybody

is healing from things

we can’t see that’s why

as the youth of birmingham we should

work to protect each other

and normalize not being fine it’s

kiwi impact change as a city

birmingham was where i first became

deeply suicidal it’s where i dug my

grave

but birmingham is also the place where i

rebirthed

and revived myself i turned that grave

into the most

glorious of flower beds i

embedded my roots in birmingham and

nourished the best in me to allow me to

blossom

now i’m giving you the seeds to make

your own

now i’m an award-winning mental health

advocate an international speaker

i’m a published author and an executive

of two different mental health

organizations both nationally and

globally

after having conquered my mental

illnesses

and surviving the turbulence they bring

i pursued mental health activism to be

the person to other people

that my past self needed

i transmuted obtaining my

turning my painful past into energy that

catalyzes

meaningful and impactful change that i

want to output into the world

ultimately i decided to let the fire

within me

burn brighter than the fiery turmoil

around me

i am recovery i

owned my power

i triumphed but most importantly

who i am who i am is not disordered