Taking charge of your mental health

when i was growing up

i was never exposed to the idea of

taking care of my mental health

in my schooling years we were taught the

importance of physical health

but no one no one ever mentioned the

term mental health

the extent of my knowledge was to know

that the institute of mental health in

singapore

was where crazy people would go to and

back then

i understood crazy to be a negative

thing and had associated mental health

to mean crazy for a very long time

never in my adolescence and teenage

years did it ever cross my mind

that i have mental health issues

when i was 6 years old i vividly

remember writing 4 words

on little pieces of paper i wrote

i want to die i’ll fold them into tiny

squares

and tucked them in a little plastic

container at the very side of my desk at

home

one day i came back from school and i

saw these pieces of paper scattered all

around the dining table

it hit me really fast that my mom had

discovered my treasure chest

my parents started questioning me about

the existence of these notes

and i remember feeling really small at

that time

i felt horrible for writing those words

and thought of myself as a bad kid

they made me promise to never write such

words again

and just like how i tucked those notes

in a very little corner of my desk

that issue was talked into a very dark

corner of my household

i was never ever brought up again seeing

that no one truly addressed

a state of my mental psyche as a young

child

my suicidal thoughts and bouts of

depression did not stop

however just at one time in secondary

school when i opened up to a

trusted teacher she was one who

constantly checked in on me

and was genuinely concerned about me

conversations always started with

how are you doing cheryl that morning

after i told her that i had almost taken

my life the night before

i gave her my word that i’ll never end

my life

however that promise did not stop my

suicidal thoughts on coming back

till today thoughts of ending my life

still come back to me

sometimes they come as fleeting thoughts

and sensations that are easier for me to

overcome

and then there are times when i feel

like i’m completely broken apart

and inflating harm to myself would be

the only way out to escape from this

internal pain

that feels excruciating and unbearable

a couple of my low self-esteem these

dark moments

constantly feed me with unreal

unrealistic and illogical phrases

like no one loves me and it’s better for

everyone that i’m not

in their lives somewhere in me truly

believes

that i am the cause of everyone’s misery

all of these are the huge barriers that

prevent me from reaching out for help

and support

the world health organization’s

constitution states that

health is a state of complete physical

mental

and social well-being and not merely the

absence of disease

or infirmity this is crucial

to our understanding that mental health

doesn’t just mean

mental illness but it governs the way we

think

feel and act in the world when we are

feeling low and depleted

it doesn’t necessarily mean that we have

a mental illness

but we could indeed be having a mental

distress

in 2011 i finally felt the need to

change

something in my life the walls of my one

bedroom

apartment in vancouver felt like they

were closing in on me

and i made the bold decision to move

east and to try finding safety in

toronto

my good friend asked me cheryl you just

keep running and running

and you never seem to settle or find

ground

what will you do different in toronto

and at that point

it almost seemed like a joke but i just

said

i really have no idea but i turned to

practice yoga

and hope for the best so i’m not saying

that yoga

is for everyone or is a way to

realization of any sort

in my experience it has been a

combination of meeting the right people

and having the open mindset to receive

or to reject philosophies

that will help me make sense of the way

i view the world

i’ve learned to understand that yoga

isn’t just about a physical practice

but it’s about how i am how i am in a

relationship with myself

people around me and the world

when i started seeing a therapist in

2012

one of the first things we worked on was

for me to find that inner strength and

courage

to ask for help i started understanding

the need to have mental resilience

an important role it plays in keeping me

safe

especially in those dark moments we

started by identifying the reasons

why i would feel unloved or unwanted and

worked on building

and strengthening mental muscles would

encourage you feel love

and my right to exist in this world

similar to finding the right physical

activity for one to feel physically fit

i had to experiment with different

techniques that will allow me to

continually build mental muscles

to help me show up in my daily life as a

more compassionate

and empathetic individual i utilize

different techniques at different points

in my life

and they sort of form this self-care kit

that can take anywhere with me

at any point in time so

what do i currently have in my self-care

kit

number one i have a daily yoga and

meditation practice

it doesn’t matter if i practice for just

five minutes or two hours

but it’s really important for me to roll

up my mat and to find that space and

time to find stillness

strength and softness in my physical and

mental bodies

number two physical activity being

active is a huge part of my life

but the activities have always been

different i went from rollerblading to

wakeboarding

to snowboarding and hiking and currently

cycling and rock climbing perhaps i do

gear to its more extreme sports

but it’s also because it gives me this

great spark and adrenaline

which is my greatest source of feeling

free and whole at the very same time

number three boundaries therapy made me

realize that i had no concept of

boundaries

i was always there whenever my friends

or family needed me

regardless of how i was feeling at that

point in time

to me it was always others before self

but i knew that i was resenting my

family and my friends

because i didn’t want to be there for

them but it was huge part of me

that felt really bad because they needed

me

didn’t they i wanted to be needed

but at the same time i needed my own

space to recalibrate

it’s taken me years of work to really

establish proper boundaries for myself

and to find a strength to tell people

that i cannot show up for them

because i needed to take care of myself

first

number four a calendar and bullet

journal

these are essential items to help me

manage my time

as an executive director of a non-profit

organization

it is easy for me to constantly fill my

calendar

with to-do items and be flustered when i

can’t find a time for self-care

or to finish my classes however it

wasn’t until last year

that i realized that i needed the

mornings to practice

and to work on essential tasks and the

afternoons could be safe for meetings

with these time management tools i’ve

learned to space out tasks

and to be more realistic with my time

and so in other words i’ve realized

that none of us not you nor i have the

superpower

to achieve infinite amounts of time

number five letters and notes from close

friends especially in those moments when

i want to inflict self-harm upon myself

both mentally and physically

i try to remember that i have the stash

of notes for my close friends

that one christmas i ask my friends for

a special present

to write me a present to write me a

letter that i read in my darkest moments

because i’m so used to beating myself up

i found it necessary to let the words of

my friends

draw me back to reality and that

there and there are many many instances

when i felt like

running away again but i chose to turn

to these notes

which always serve as a reminder that i

am loved and appreciated by people

these reminders allow me to find

strength and courage

to then reach out for help and lastly

number six therapy i have a weekly date

with my therapist

this allows me to let go of any baggage

or bottled up thoughts or feelings

that i can’t quite share my friends

family or partner

it gives me the opportunity to make

sense of my emotional and mental state

and also keeps me accountable

for my own mental health as the

executive director of the singapore

mental health film festival

i still live with depression anxiety and

suicidal tendencies

but i wouldn’t call myself weak-minded

but instead

i’ve acknowledged to i have learned to

acknowledge immense amount of strength

and courage

it takes for me to practice daily

self-care so that i can live an

intentional life

building a self-care kit or routine

requires self-discipline

and commitment it also requires

flexibility instead of rigidity

because there are things that may work

today which may not work tomorrow

cell care gives us that opportunity to

continually explore

and discover new or old ways that will

help us feel grounded

and safe in our bodies taking care of

mental health doesn’t mean

that we’re weak-minded or have a mental

disorder

taking care of mental health is part of

a human existence

it allows us to show up and be present

in our everyday lives

it gives us its strength to say yes or

no to things that people

depend depending on the situation it

also gives us that courage to ask for

help and support

when we need it and to notice signs of

mental distress

before they become acute and

overwhelming

to close to code the world health

organization

mental health is an integral part of

health indeed

there’s no health without mental health

my hope for everyone young and old alike

will be to understand the importance of

mental health

and to take necessary measures to

perform regular self-care

thank you