Taking charge of your mental health
when i was growing up
i was never exposed to the idea of
taking care of my mental health
in my schooling years we were taught the
importance of physical health
but no one no one ever mentioned the
term mental health
the extent of my knowledge was to know
that the institute of mental health in
singapore
was where crazy people would go to and
back then
i understood crazy to be a negative
thing and had associated mental health
to mean crazy for a very long time
never in my adolescence and teenage
years did it ever cross my mind
that i have mental health issues
when i was 6 years old i vividly
remember writing 4 words
on little pieces of paper i wrote
i want to die i’ll fold them into tiny
squares
and tucked them in a little plastic
container at the very side of my desk at
home
one day i came back from school and i
saw these pieces of paper scattered all
around the dining table
it hit me really fast that my mom had
discovered my treasure chest
my parents started questioning me about
the existence of these notes
and i remember feeling really small at
that time
i felt horrible for writing those words
and thought of myself as a bad kid
they made me promise to never write such
words again
and just like how i tucked those notes
in a very little corner of my desk
that issue was talked into a very dark
corner of my household
i was never ever brought up again seeing
that no one truly addressed
a state of my mental psyche as a young
child
my suicidal thoughts and bouts of
depression did not stop
however just at one time in secondary
school when i opened up to a
trusted teacher she was one who
constantly checked in on me
and was genuinely concerned about me
conversations always started with
how are you doing cheryl that morning
after i told her that i had almost taken
my life the night before
i gave her my word that i’ll never end
my life
however that promise did not stop my
suicidal thoughts on coming back
till today thoughts of ending my life
still come back to me
sometimes they come as fleeting thoughts
and sensations that are easier for me to
overcome
and then there are times when i feel
like i’m completely broken apart
and inflating harm to myself would be
the only way out to escape from this
internal pain
that feels excruciating and unbearable
a couple of my low self-esteem these
dark moments
constantly feed me with unreal
unrealistic and illogical phrases
like no one loves me and it’s better for
everyone that i’m not
in their lives somewhere in me truly
believes
that i am the cause of everyone’s misery
all of these are the huge barriers that
prevent me from reaching out for help
and support
the world health organization’s
constitution states that
health is a state of complete physical
mental
and social well-being and not merely the
absence of disease
or infirmity this is crucial
to our understanding that mental health
doesn’t just mean
mental illness but it governs the way we
think
feel and act in the world when we are
feeling low and depleted
it doesn’t necessarily mean that we have
a mental illness
but we could indeed be having a mental
distress
in 2011 i finally felt the need to
change
something in my life the walls of my one
bedroom
apartment in vancouver felt like they
were closing in on me
and i made the bold decision to move
east and to try finding safety in
toronto
my good friend asked me cheryl you just
keep running and running
and you never seem to settle or find
ground
what will you do different in toronto
and at that point
it almost seemed like a joke but i just
said
i really have no idea but i turned to
practice yoga
and hope for the best so i’m not saying
that yoga
is for everyone or is a way to
realization of any sort
in my experience it has been a
combination of meeting the right people
and having the open mindset to receive
or to reject philosophies
that will help me make sense of the way
i view the world
i’ve learned to understand that yoga
isn’t just about a physical practice
but it’s about how i am how i am in a
relationship with myself
people around me and the world
when i started seeing a therapist in
2012
one of the first things we worked on was
for me to find that inner strength and
courage
to ask for help i started understanding
the need to have mental resilience
an important role it plays in keeping me
safe
especially in those dark moments we
started by identifying the reasons
why i would feel unloved or unwanted and
worked on building
and strengthening mental muscles would
encourage you feel love
and my right to exist in this world
similar to finding the right physical
activity for one to feel physically fit
i had to experiment with different
techniques that will allow me to
continually build mental muscles
to help me show up in my daily life as a
more compassionate
and empathetic individual i utilize
different techniques at different points
in my life
and they sort of form this self-care kit
that can take anywhere with me
at any point in time so
what do i currently have in my self-care
kit
number one i have a daily yoga and
meditation practice
it doesn’t matter if i practice for just
five minutes or two hours
but it’s really important for me to roll
up my mat and to find that space and
time to find stillness
strength and softness in my physical and
mental bodies
number two physical activity being
active is a huge part of my life
but the activities have always been
different i went from rollerblading to
wakeboarding
to snowboarding and hiking and currently
cycling and rock climbing perhaps i do
gear to its more extreme sports
but it’s also because it gives me this
great spark and adrenaline
which is my greatest source of feeling
free and whole at the very same time
number three boundaries therapy made me
realize that i had no concept of
boundaries
i was always there whenever my friends
or family needed me
regardless of how i was feeling at that
point in time
to me it was always others before self
but i knew that i was resenting my
family and my friends
because i didn’t want to be there for
them but it was huge part of me
that felt really bad because they needed
me
didn’t they i wanted to be needed
but at the same time i needed my own
space to recalibrate
it’s taken me years of work to really
establish proper boundaries for myself
and to find a strength to tell people
that i cannot show up for them
because i needed to take care of myself
first
number four a calendar and bullet
journal
these are essential items to help me
manage my time
as an executive director of a non-profit
organization
it is easy for me to constantly fill my
calendar
with to-do items and be flustered when i
can’t find a time for self-care
or to finish my classes however it
wasn’t until last year
that i realized that i needed the
mornings to practice
and to work on essential tasks and the
afternoons could be safe for meetings
with these time management tools i’ve
learned to space out tasks
and to be more realistic with my time
and so in other words i’ve realized
that none of us not you nor i have the
superpower
to achieve infinite amounts of time
number five letters and notes from close
friends especially in those moments when
i want to inflict self-harm upon myself
both mentally and physically
i try to remember that i have the stash
of notes for my close friends
that one christmas i ask my friends for
a special present
to write me a present to write me a
letter that i read in my darkest moments
because i’m so used to beating myself up
i found it necessary to let the words of
my friends
draw me back to reality and that
there and there are many many instances
when i felt like
running away again but i chose to turn
to these notes
which always serve as a reminder that i
am loved and appreciated by people
these reminders allow me to find
strength and courage
to then reach out for help and lastly
number six therapy i have a weekly date
with my therapist
this allows me to let go of any baggage
or bottled up thoughts or feelings
that i can’t quite share my friends
family or partner
it gives me the opportunity to make
sense of my emotional and mental state
and also keeps me accountable
for my own mental health as the
executive director of the singapore
mental health film festival
i still live with depression anxiety and
suicidal tendencies
but i wouldn’t call myself weak-minded
but instead
i’ve acknowledged to i have learned to
acknowledge immense amount of strength
and courage
it takes for me to practice daily
self-care so that i can live an
intentional life
building a self-care kit or routine
requires self-discipline
and commitment it also requires
flexibility instead of rigidity
because there are things that may work
today which may not work tomorrow
cell care gives us that opportunity to
continually explore
and discover new or old ways that will
help us feel grounded
and safe in our bodies taking care of
mental health doesn’t mean
that we’re weak-minded or have a mental
disorder
taking care of mental health is part of
a human existence
it allows us to show up and be present
in our everyday lives
it gives us its strength to say yes or
no to things that people
depend depending on the situation it
also gives us that courage to ask for
help and support
when we need it and to notice signs of
mental distress
before they become acute and
overwhelming
to close to code the world health
organization
mental health is an integral part of
health indeed
there’s no health without mental health
my hope for everyone young and old alike
will be to understand the importance of
mental health
and to take necessary measures to
perform regular self-care
thank you