Robert A. Belle The emotions behind your money habits TED

Transcriber:

I am an accountant with a numbers problem.

I mean, I’m good with numbers
and using them to report what’s happening,

but I’m also concerned
with the full story behind those numbers,

the part that gets lost in translation,

the part that numbers can’t quite tell,

the story that goes deeper

than mere strategies
for saving and earning money.

And without that story,
I don’t think I’m doing my job well.

That’s why I’ve dedicated my career

to figuring out how my work
as an accountant

can tell stories about people,

stories that will ultimately
help them improve their lives.

Let me explain.

It all started when someone told me,
“You’re obsessed with chocolate.”

And I was like, “What? No, I’m not.”

But then I wondered, could I be
in denial about my own obsession?

Was I actually spending a lot of money
on chocolate but blind to it?

Well, here was a chance
for me to test this theory.

Using my accountant lens,

off I went tracking
my spending on chocolate –

and there it was,

my love for chocolate.

I was spending about 50 dollars
a month on chocolate,

especially in months
when I was overstressed

and months when I was overjoyed.

Analyzing my expenses
helped me to understand

that I had an emotional pattern
where when I’m struggling or celebrating,

I binge on chocolate.

I had struggled with my weight
for a very long time

and I was convinced
that my diet was not the problem.

I was convinced that it was
my lack of effort in exercise,

and certainly not chocolate.

Tracking my spending on chocolate, though,

helped me realize that I was afraid
of facing myself in the mirror,

literally and figuratively,

and that I lack the courage
to deal with the real problem, my diet.

So I continued to exercise,

but devoted less time to it

and instead shifted my focus and energy
towards developing a more healthful diet.

That year I lost 50 pounds.

Our relationship with money
represents our relationship with life.

The accounting
of my own chocolate behavior

told me the story of my own denial.

I realized that perhaps
I could also help my clients

see what they were overlooking
in their own lives

and help them realize
their own emotional patterns

through their tracking and spending
of their expenses.

So I started to pay close attention
to the story behind my clients' expenses

that may be hidden to them.

One of my clients, a critical care nurse,

was convinced that
her personal budget was reasonable

and expenses justifiable.

She had struggled to build up her savings

and I noticed that she had
minimal records of her expenses.

I suggested to her
that her lack of savings

could be due to more
than just a gap in her financial knowledge

and offered to help identify the problem.

I encouraged her to start tracking
and charting her expenses.

After a few months,
her financial records revealed

that most of her spending
was on expensive clothing and shoes.

As we sat together,
she was genuinely surprised

to see just how much of her budget
was going towards fashion.

She remarked, “Wow, these are
impulsive purchases, aren’t they?

I guess I didn’t realize that.”

She analyzed further
and realized that she was buying clothes

in an attempt to impress
and appear successful to her friends.

And also when her confidence was low,
buying clothes temporarily boosted it.

She told me that buying clothing
was her attempt

to find meaning in life and feel valued.

She sighed, and she set a goal
for herself and her finances.

Six months later, she called me
to tell me she had saved a bunch of money

by reducing her spending on shopping

and instead choosing to exercise
when she felt the urge to shop.

She’s much happier around her friends.

Three years later,
home ownership is on the horizon.

Sometimes, though,

charting expenses
may not reveal something specific,

as a chocolate addiction
or shopping problem,

but what it reveals
can be just as valuable.

A marketing strategist
and upcoming musician

needed help with her taxes.

When I met with her, I immediately
took note of the fear in her face

as she looked through
her records and expenses.

I checked in with her
and she expressed to me

that some things in her life
didn’t quite seem to work out,

including her relationships.

She was afraid of facing how much money
she was about to lose after taxes.

As we continued talking
about her finances,

she started to notice a connection
between her fear of losing money

and her fear of losing relationships.

She went on to tell me that she was
afraid of committing to anyone

because she didn’t want to get hurt.

She expressed that she had not been
close to anyone in over seven years

because she feared failure.

And maybe she might have
an avoidance strategy

around both her money
and her relationships.

It’s been six years since I first
help her chart her finances,

and she’s still consistently
keeping up with her spreadsheet.

As she confronted her personal accounting

and grew her savings in advance
of each tax season,

she developed less fear of loss
and grew more open to relationships.

She tells me that she even has the courage

to walk away from a relationship
when it’s not serving her.

She recently told me,

“My spreadsheet is basically
a story of my life’s progression

and I can see it through the numbers.”

I believe we can all do this type of audit
of our own financial behavior

and that we can learn
surprising things about ourselves

through tracking
and charting our expenses.

Here’s how.

Number one, take a look
at your bank statement

for the last six months

and categorize the expenses by type

for a more holistic view.

For example,

your spending on shopping
versus transport versus entertainment.

Number two, when an expensive
pattern emerges,

see what that pattern says about yourself.

Be curious and inquisitive.

At first, it may not be that obvious,

but asking yourself what led you
to make that choice in a given moment

can provide some clues.

Do you buy pizza every Wednesday night

because that’s when you’re too tired
to cook after a stressful weekly meeting?

Number three, observe
if there are any line items

that you are shocked by
in terms of value or volume

and see what patterns emerge.

For example, did you buy
that new smartphone

just before a major function or event

so that your friends would notice?

Or do you tell yourself
you only take taxis late at night,

but then realize that you’re taking
way more taxes every month

than you thought?

Are you working late
more than you thought?

There’s so much that we can
learn about ourselves

if we take the time to look.

And sometimes our money knows us
better than we know ourselves.

Tracking our finances
can reveal what we are in denial of,

our hidden biases,

our fears and what
might be holding us back.

Though it can be difficult
and uncomfortable

to take a good, hard look
at our financial behavior,

it can reveal some deep emotional truths.

Some truths that can help us
re-evaluate our careers,

our relationships and our priorities.

So give it a try.
The payoff could be huge.

Thank you.