A Mothers Daughter

[Music]

i feel like all of us have a story of

our own

through which we share our dreams our

passions our joys and our sorrows

some stories in particular strike a

chord with us and make us feel more

connected

i’m kind of hoping to do the same

i believe we are all dreamers and it

takes a lot of courage and faith to turn

our dreams into reality

i still have a very very long way to go

and this is not

my success story however every little

thing that i have achieved

has only been possible because of a very

special person in my life

the wind beneath my wings and that is my

mom

let’s rewind a little bit i grew up in

a perfect family my parents were madly

in love with each other

my mom being the caring and devoted

mother that she is

would hardly even put me on the floor

she loved taking care of the family and

her life revolved around us

she didn’t really get out of the house

much the exciting bit of her day was

that she tutored about

20 kids from my blog my dad being the

goofy one that he was

he gave the best piggyback rides and

i thought that he loved me

a little more than he did his alcohol

well sadly it turned out to be a sham

one day walking into my room i saw my

mom

on the floor just crying in pain

and i had no idea why my dad had hurt

her

i was so confused and

angry and all i knew was that

she did not deserve any of this and it

was completely wrong

but still my parents continued to act

like nothing was wrong between them

for the sake of our families as sad as

it is

normalizing domestic violence in indian

households

is very very common

families inculcate values in a way that

deemed meant to be superior

and in a patriarchal society if a woman

was to raise her voice

she was either considered rebellious or

even uncultured

ah the absence of encouragement and

empowerment in young girls and women was

also very prominent

when my mom raised her voice nobody came

to help

not even her own family they went on to

say things like

you weren’t raised like this you were

married off into such a nice family

nobody in a family has ever gotten a

divorce

and of course hearing things like that

she felt really helpless

but she decided to put her foot down and

eventually my parents split up

when i was about seven years old

i had no idea that behind

this domestic and timid woman was

a very strong-headed courageous mother

of two

she decided to leave that toxic

environment and start a new life because

she knew that that was the right thing

for us

even then nobody really helped because

women were to be blamed for a failed

marriage and they were the ones that

were asked to make a compromise

well my mom did not agree to that she

didn’t want to make a compromise

and i’m so grateful that she took that

step

the good news is that my mom fortunately

did find work

but it came at the cost of a lie

in the fear of losing that job she

hid the fact that she had two children

in 2002 motherhood meant losing all

prospects of a job

and it’s actually spectacular to see how

far we’ve come from that

i feel like every woman should be

self-sufficient

and needs to know that that will not

affect the upbringing of your children

i feel like people worry that if a

working mother spends too much time away

from a child

that it will affect the child’s

cognitive development

statistics do show that working mothers

spend time away from their children but

they tend to make up for it with better

quality time rather than quantity time

i feel like being a career driven woman

doesn’t make you any less competent to

be a good mother

of course um we experienced that

my mom didn’t really spend as much as as

much time as she did before

and we spent most of our childhood in

the care of our grandmother

my mom realized that slowly

as as time passed as a single parent

she wasn’t really able to give us the

time and the attention that we needed

and she made the decision to send us off

to a boarding school

so that our education wasn’t hampered

she still tells me how that was probably

one of the most difficult decisions that

she had to make

when i went away we were only allowed

calls on weekends

at the school and as my mom got busier

she used to forget to call me and i used

to joke around and say

i know we don’t really exist for the

world but you do have two children and

you’re supposed to call one of them

on the weekends i feel like as a kids

we had the understanding to give her the

space and the time that she needed

or else she wouldn’t be able to excel at

what she was doing

growing up boarding school was a threat

all parents gave their kids when their

kids misbehaved and my parents said that

too

i still remember my boarding school

conversation very clearly

it was my mom and i both in bed balling

our eyes out

because she had just told me that i had

to go away

i was so sad that day but

she explained to me how it was very

difficult for her to look after a

nine-year-old

a three-year-old and focus on the job

all at the same time

to convince me she promised that she

would work hard

save up and then get me out of the

school in two years

i agreed to go away because i felt like

she was already doing so much that

this was kind of on me my first year at

the boarding school was extremely rough

i was miserable i was homesick

and i had to keep my parents separation

a secret because

we thought it was frowned upon my mom

also thought that i would

maybe be treated differently if people

knew so we kept it a secret

but a couple months into my school life

i confided in a friend

and i told her about my parents

situation

and she assured me that i was not

different and that my mom was really

brave

i felt so much pride in that moment that

i didn’t really care if people knew from

there on

now that i look back i know

being in a school away from my loved

ones

as a teenager i kind of got around to

making decisions

by myself which was really helpful

i felt extremely responsible for my

younger sister

who then a couple years later joined the

same school that i was in

i used to keep checking in on her making

sure that she was settling in okay

i have a very strong connection with her

and i feel like my love for her is very

maternal

i take a lot of pride also in her

upbringing because

i kind of feel like i have a big role in

it

um i didn’t really like bothering my mom

with the little things

i mean it definitely was confusing at

times you know

figuring out school and friends

and having a crush on someone at school

it was confusing but

now when i look back i realized that it

was a very good decision

that i made my decisions by myself

it really helped me in the long run and

now both my sister and i have

a sense of individuality and

independence and we’ve definitely gotten

it from a mom

very early on when i had no clue what i

wanted to do with my life

my mom always told me one thing she said

it does not matter what kind of job you

want to do

as long as you’re ready to put in the

hard work and it’s something that you’re

extremely passionate about

and i feel like that stuck with me for

the longest time

it’s something that i might even teach

my kids i mean

who thought documenting my life and

being on social media could become my

career

another thing that i picked up and

here’s a little secret

i picked it up from a bollywood movie

and i know that sounds really cheesy

but figure it out it makes sense

it went something like this

the dialogue was that you should follow

your heart if you go wrong it’ll be your

mistake

and you will own it i feel like that

makes so much sense because

you need to follow your heart to know if

you’re going to succeed you’re going to

gain from it and if you don’t gain

something from it you will learn from it

and grow from it

i feel like that was really helpful for

me whether it was

dating the wrong person or making a

wrong financial judgment

having a misunderstanding with my

friends or taking my family for granted

all of these things are going to teach

you something

as long as you don’t repeat your

mistakes again i mean of course

so yes i would say that making mistakes

is 100

encouraged

i i’ve been so

grateful because of the women that have

been in my life i’ve been brought up by

some really heroic women

and they are the ones that have taught

me

to be my own person to grow to follow my

heart

to earn my own money and

i feel like i also saw my mom doing all

of those things which is why

it kind of came very naturally to me

i mean my mom has been absent for

half my life but it doesn’t matter

because i know that

all those years she’s only spent trying

to secure my present and my future

when i was young i wanted to be an actor

and i used to have these make believe

award shows in my bathroom

and i don’t really know if it was

because it was my imagination or because

i

deserved it but i always won the best

actress award

i don’t know how and i always had a

speech ready

for my award so i used to always imagine

my mom sitting in the audience

just really proud of me you know smiling

ear to ear

and in all of my fake speeches she was

the only one i would thank

i know that i will never ever be able to

repay her for everything that she’s

endured in the past 25 years

and i might never even win back best

actress but

i kind of want to strive every day and

work hard so that i see that look on her

face one day

lastly if you have kids now

or you’re gonna have them 10 or 20 years

down the line

teach them everything that you wished

somebody had taught you

the future that we so dearly

hope for it is dependent on the

endeavors of today i mean i feel like we

need to teach our kids how to be

independent and

invest their money and be kind to

others and yourselves

this the stereotypical image of

a good mother is imposed by the society

and my mom never really tried to fit

into that image in fact

she went ahead and created her own image

and i feel like that is amazing

because a good mother is not she’s not

limited when it comes to the values that

she imparts on her children

so yeah whether it’s a 14 year old or a

40 year old let’s

let’s not ask them when they’re getting

married or when they’re having kids

let’s ask them if they’re happy if they

are loved

maybe also if they want a raise

let’s compliment women appreciate women

love

and respect women they are invincible

and they make this world a better place

i know they did they definitely made my

world one