Beware Motivational Speakers Ahead

all right

the first time i got

[Music]

demotivated attending a motivational

speech

was almost a quarter of a century back

i was in a job and i was listening to a

motivational speech

and the motivator had taken us back to

the year 1893

and in 1893 the scene that he creates

the motivational speak speaker creates a

scene

and he says the year is 1893 and mahatma

gandhi is traveling by

first class in a train in south africa

at marricksburg station he gets thrown

off

the first class from the train

and he’s there on the platform in the

year 1893

mahatma gandhi has got a couple of

choices to make he can pick up his bags

move on to the second class coach travel

on

with his journey or he can pick up his

bags

go back home to kasturbai that’s his

wife

ask for a hot water bottle or a cold

pack

or a pain relief bomb because he’s been

thrown off the train

but he decides to not do either one of

these

this is what the speaker is telling us

and i’m listening madma gandhi decides

to stay

at the station the whole night

sit suffer shiver

look into his pain in the eyes try to

figure out

why is he suffering and the reflection

and the pain

throughout the night makes him realize

that the real reason

why he is suffering is because of

discrimination

discrimination because of the color of

his skin

and he feels this iniquity and this

inequality is not okay

he feels he has to put up a fight

against it

so he decides to raise

a voice and gather voice against

inequity and inequality he feels

white must equal brown

gora equal buddha

that’s the purpose of his life

he must do that for a long time

and that then gives him a platform to

spiritually

uplift himself also a purpose

makes you spiritually uplift yourself

so this was the motivational speaker

speaking and there it was me

listening to it with wrapped attention

and i was mighty impressed i said

wow that’s a life worth

living my resolve at the end of that

motivational speech

was that i too want to be a little bit

like mahatma gandhi that’s the purpose

of a motivational speech

the two values that appeal to me the

most

were truth and courage

and i decided to use truth and courage

to go and give some feedback to my boss

in the company that i was working in use

truth and courage to go and tell him

what are some of the better ways of

running this company

so i went ahead with these two values of

truth and courage

with full enthusiasm and energy of

mahatma gandhi because there was a

little bit of mahatma gandhi inside me

now

i was motivated i was inspired

after all i had attended a motivational

speech

so i went ahead all smiling wanting to

give him some honest

feedback my boss never said

that he disliked my feedback but his

body language said it

after i gave him feedback he withdrew

the warm eye contact from me

his handshakes were with with me were

like a dead fish

he started ignoring me

and started making my life really really

miserable

and what had happened in my life a

motivational speech had

really backfired on me

who did i blame obviously myself

for the industry of motivational

speakers as such

which teaches you to point fingers

towards yourself

for how can i blame words like truth and

courage

it would be extremely disrespectful to

disrespect respectful words

i mean i grew up with maxims like uh you

remark another sin

big thy conscience look within

so what do i do he makes my life

miserable

i sit and suffer and well-wishers

around me well-wishers around me who do

not want to see me

suffering like this what do they do they

start giving me

more cliched wisdom

and it starts to rain cliched wisdom

and the cliched wisdom goes like this

have a purpose have a passion

have patience perseverance man

discipline excellence goals no no

written goals

confidence achievement restraint

balance detachment faith growth

commitment collaborate determination

never quit stress coils health health as

well every sense of everything

and everything will sorry no point in

worrying

[Applause]

and did it work it did not

for it is extremely difficult to become

things it’s easier to do things

i was not only a failure in giving true

honest feedback

which i had given decently i was not

rude i was not crude

i had followed all the principles of

constructive

feedback but it had still backfired

and while i was sitting and suffering

another person

now sees my suffering and he says the

person comes and says

man try gratitude

gratitude for the fact that at least you

have a job

so what if your boss is making your life

a nightmare

you at least you have a job in the pink

of your health in the pink of your

career

when the indian economy is booming in

the late 90s

thanks to late prime minister mr pv

narasimha rao

but the worst piece of cliched wisdom

that i

advised that i got which really didn’t

work was this one

someone actually came and said have

compassion for your boss

the person who’s made my life miserable

a cliched wisdom comes and says have

compassion for me

and if you meditate enough and if you

breathe

alternatively enough then

then you will realize then you will

realize that

his atoms and your atoms and his energy

and your aura

did it work no it did not work

for a basic principle of education was

not being followed

and what is the basic principle of

education

the basic principle of education ma’am i

say it with all humility

is that knowledge flows from known to

unknown

i do not understand words like

unconditional love and

unconditional compassion and the balance

of gautam buddha

i don’t understand it i’m just a normal

regular restless bundle of energy

what is it that i needed at that point

in time

when my boss was making my life

miserable

what is it that i needed i needed the

skills of having a courageous

conversation

i needed skills of networking

i needed to do personal branding i

needed to learn brand

me i needed to be a bit more assertive

i needed to manage upwards but i didn’t

get any of these skills and competencies

instead i got motherhood statements

cliched wisdom quantum physics

did it work for me not at all so what’s

the moral of the story

are all motivational speeches full of

cliched wisdom will

they work it will age old wisdom

work well it will work

for highly mature individuals for highly

evolved souls

for highly satwik individuals who’ve

transcended

pairs of opposites but for averages like

me

motivational wisdom will work if and

only if

we follow four specific aspects so if

you

get enough dosage of motivational wisdom

in conversations back at home in the

office

from the speakers here listen on

the two things that we are supposed to

do when we are attending motivational

speeches

to get the most out of motivational

speeches

are one we must try to find the

context and our reality and our nature

at that point in time let me take you to

my crooked boss

the shakuni boss shakuni being the

character from

the epic mahabharata he was a bit of a

sharp shark

he was the kind of a guy who says that

you are either my friend

or my enemy no non-aligned movement

[Applause]

what will work what will work what will

work is this

mehra who is listening to that

motivational lecture yadav mehra needs

to make a two by two metrics

of the types of bosses that exist well

broadly there are four types of bosses

who are bosses

bosses are people with legitimacy power

they have the chair

there could be four types of bosses and

if we were to put them in a two by two

matrix

on the horizontal axis you put their

character and on the vertical axis you

put their intelligence

on the horizontal axis you put whether

they are well

intentioned or ill-intentioned whether

they are team

oriented or not so team oriented

and on the vertical axis if you could

actually put

whether they are intelligent or not so

intelligent

the best kind of a boss is obviously a

person who’s well intentioned

and intelligent and who’s the most

dangerous boss in your life

that’s the shakuni up there in the top

left quadrant

will feedback work with all the bosses

no will truth and courage work with all

the bosses no

you know that a lot of seasoned people

are sitting in the front row here

and some faculty sitting there where

will

truthful honest feedback work mahatma

gandhi’s truth and courage will work

here

i wish all of you bosses up there but

there are seven percent of them

93 percent of them are shades of gray no

pun intended

what will work in the top left quadrant

the top left quadrant

will not be able to receive honest

feedback they need tact

so you’ve got to have the fine craft of

stating what you want to say

striking the fine balance between

courage and consideration

otherwise you’ll really put your foot in

the mouth

the second lesson that i want you to

keep in mind the aspect that you have to

keep in mind when you are listening to

motivational speeches

and please remember this is that

when you are not able to implement

self-help speeches

when you are not able to implement

self-help speeches

in your daily life for heaven’s sake do

not blame yourselves endlessly

it will not be good for your self-esteem

stop

telling yourselves i have less willpower

because i do not have the great of

mahatma gandhi

it is going to create fear of

abandonment it is going to create

self-doubt it is going to create loss of

self-esteem

stop blaming yourselves unnecessarily

because motherhood statements

are not easy to implement the way to

implement motherhood statements

is by small actions sub-behaviors

competencies that will help you move

there

so the first part that i want you to

keep in mind is keep the x-axis

y-axis with you have the four quadrants

you’ve got the krishna boss

you’ve got the shakuni boss choose your

strategy

accordingly the second part is that if

motivational speeches do not work for

you

if motivational conversations do not

work for you

do not excessively blame yourselves for

you will create

fear of abandonment self-doubt and

loss of self-esteem now there are two

lessons

that there should be there for

motivational speakers as well

these two were that if you were

listeners motivational speakers

must keep the context of everyone in the

room in mind

when they are dishing out cliched wisdom

for example if a motivational speaker

comes here and talks to you about never

quit

man go never quit

there are posters on it okay there are

poetry on it

now this is cliched wisdom never quit

now is this a

good thing or a bad thing well it

depends on where you are

on the inverted you stress curve

which is a function of stress and

performance what this curve

inverted u curve says is that as stress

goes up

performance goes up as stress goes up

performance goes up

till a particular point in time that as

stress goes up performance goes down

now when you are in a particular part of

the curve take a look at this

if you are here in the curve in your

life never quit

this fellow is right if you are in this

part of your life

then stay the course never quit but if

you are

here and you are a self-improvement

junkie

pal take it easy quit take it easy

otherwise you go to the shrink and if

you are here

and if you are here then quit for a

while

motivational speakers have to make

things

contextual for a wide audience that is

there

there could be people here in this room

who are suffering from anxiety

and the more you tell them never quit

the more anxious they will become

so for heaven’s sake quit some things

motivational wisdom has found

its way into day-to-day conversations as

well

it’s not just the motivational speakers

who are talking they found it

their way into daily conversations

conversations which have become

do this become this don’t be this

now these are very cliched gyan

conversations

a typical conversation like that goes

like this i have a problem what’s your

problem

i’m lonely and why are you lonely

i’m an introvert i’m shy i’m socially

awkward

and there comes the first mantra come on

go make friends meet new people

and the poor fellow who has a problem

says i tried i can’t get a conversation

going there is a fear of getting

ridiculed

and that comes the second mantra become

become this become confident

and the person now says i can’t do that

i can’t shed

anxiety i get nervous with new people i

can’t have ice breaking conversations

and comes the third mantra which is

don’t be negative

we have to use motivational wisdom

cliched wisdom

motherhood statements age-old wisdom

very carefully very spherically and if

people around you

are using them a lot then find your

context

accept what is relevant for you do not

accept what is not relevant for you

for heaven’s sake do not criticize

yourselves and do not suffer from the

disease of perfectionism

i think it’s about time it’s about time

that motivational speakers like me

we begin to understand the context of

the audience work very hard

and perhaps perhaps perhaps we need to

move on from becoming motivational

speakers

to perspirational speakers thank you

very much

you