The unspoken rules of the freelance world

hi

my name’s lexi signor i’m a musician and

i teach at indiana state university

i’m here to share my story with you

today i’ve done a lot of really exciting

things

and at the highest levels

and it’s been a heck of a journey and i

think

if i’m able to share my story with you

today it might just inspire you

to go after your own story mine starts

in northern michigan

at my family’s home i come from a family

of musicians

my mom played guitar and sang and my dad

played piano and saxophone and trombone

he was a multi-instrumentalist

and he was sort of known in the

neighborhood as being

particularly brilliant he was the kid in

school that would sit you know in his

study hall and just like scribble mozart

sonatas on his desk

when he was really bored i also realized

at a really young age that i also have a

photographic memory

i see everything in pictures perfectly

that’s not to say it’s completely

identic i’m not one of those people that

can tell you what

you know what the date or what tuesday

was you know

october 12 1989 uh i’m not one of those

people but

uh i i realized at a young age that i

had some superpowers and i just kind of

thought everybody had superpowers

kind of the way growing up in a musical

family you kind of just figured that

everyone plays an instrument

so when it came time for me to choose an

instrument at my band program at my

middle school

i went for the smallest one with the

least amount of buttons

i know it’s shocking there was no

philosophy i was 10.

and so i picked up the trump and i was

like yeah this is my instrument this is

awesome

so to say that i was unnatural at

trumpet

is a bit of an understatement i took to

trumpet

like a duck takes to water there was

nothing i couldn’t do on the trumpet

from a really young age so i ascended

the ranks in my middle school band

and my high school band and my honors

bands i was being sent to this camp and

that camp

i eventually went to the interlock and

arts academy and fought my way through

the ranks there seventh chair fourth

chair third chair finally first chair

and all along the way i was thinking to

myself man there are just

not a lot of female trumpet players

around what’s up with that that’s weird

um and i didn’t really pay much mind

until i

i got into high school and it became

more competitive

and i started to hear things like oh oh

she’s

a girl i wonder if she’s any good or

wow you play like a guy you sound so

great wow that’s amazing and i always

just thought

that is so strange why are they saying

those things that’s odd so i continued

on with my studies

in spite of this i pursued a degree in

music education from northern michigan

university

and i finished a five-year program in

four years i was

tenacious i love music education

i believe in education and so it was

very

easy for me to get through that program

and just rock it out and and

get my first job oh my goodness right

out of college it was amazing

got my first job and i thought to myself

now is my opportunity to pay this

forward now this is the opportunity for

me to share this love of music with

others

and so i grew in the span of three years

a program from about 50 kids to over 700

which included a

music program k4 we were very proud of

ourselves

and then the recession in 2008 hit

and there just wasn’t a budget for band

anymore and

so i went on after that and um i went on

a different things i i pursued a couple

master’s degrees and

in amongst doing so i of course stayed

in touch with

my band friends my band parents

while i was doing those degrees and um

we got to talking one

one time and uh this band parent who had

become the president of the board

said to me you know it’s a real shame

that they let you go i said yeah i loved

that job i would have retired from that

job

and he said yeah it’s um well

they didn’t let you go because they

didn’t have the money

and i said excuse me like it was a

budget issue we had like 300 people

testify on behalf of the band and they

still cut it he said no

no it wasn’t it wasn’t that you weren’t

doing a good job

it was that you’re too good

and i said i’m too good how does that

even work

isn’t that the goal here you know that’s

what they tell you in school like go do

the best you can do at your thing and so

i went and did the best i can do with my

thing is that not what they wanted

and he said well you kind of rubbed

people the wrong way and i said

what do you mean and he said well you

know people leaving at halftime

at the basketball games or football

games and

you know the growth of the band the

attention of the band there were some

people that got a little

jealous and they found a way to get you

out of the picture

and i got angry but i didn’t let it stop

me

i said okay so those are the rules it’s

not necessarily go out and do the best

you can it’s

it’s do as much as you can without

rocking the boat and making people

feel a certain way okay

so i went on and i did two master’s

degrees in spite of this i thought okay

well i guess i’ll take that loss and i’m

just gonna persevere

so i went on and i did two master’s

degrees at the university of missouri

one in classical trumpet performance and

one in jazz performance and pedagogy

i won several awards won several

competitions i was

you know one of the best trumpet players

in that area for a while and uh

i eventually went on and got into iu and

i started my doctoral work and all the

while i was i was gigging

i was uh working to make ends meet and

and make sure that my bills stayed paid

and here in the midwest everybody kind

of knows everybody so when people would

say uh oh yeah i need a trumpet player

for something and somebody would go oh

yeah call lexi she’s available

i was on the gig and i had a blast i got

to play with some of the best musicians

uh anywhere many of whom are right here

in indianapolis

and so i was gigging and i was a lot of

having a lot of success

and before i knew it i was i was on the

road with the diva jazz orchestra

and it brought me out to philadelphia

and it was so exciting i was i was

staying in philadelphia with the show i

was finishing my coursework at the same

time

i was out there just really you know

kind of musically tearing it up

and we’re sort of taught in the music

business in order to keep getting gigs

all you got to do is show up early play

great

and be helpful it’s not always in those

words but that’s basically it

and so that’s what i did and i was like

continually having success so i thought

all right the system works

nice so i i thought okay well

the east coast is cool maybe i’ll move

out here

and my partner and i moved out to the

east coast and he had been based on the

east coast and he tried to

network me into some gigs which is what

you do and he would refer me for gigs

and instead of me automatically being

put on the gig

as i had been in the midwest he had to

summarize my entire resume

to get these contractors to put me on a

wedding band i mean it’s not like i was

playing on air force one okay we’re

talking weddings

and i just thought to myself this is so

messed up this is not what they taught

us

this is not how the the rules work i

don’t understand

and um so i finished my my coursework

and

and uh i was gigging where i could when

i could

on the east coast i had a lot of work

but it was hard to get

and so i thought okay all right

i’ve done that and i got the opportunity

to either

go on the road with the first broadway

tour of escaped margaritaville

or take a teaching job here at indiana

state university i thought

here we go this is this is the time i

win

i got the degrees i’m gonna go get this

job it’s gonna be awesome

i can go out and inspire others to

pursue their passion in music and it’s

gonna be exciting and amazing and

i just to do good things so i got the

job and

they essentially said okay here are the

things you’ll teach do this to the best

of your ability

now i had been worn once on the whole do

it to the best of your ability thing

so i was like no no no i’m going to come

in here and i’m gonna

teach well and i’m not gonna rock the

boat i’m not gonna try to be

crazy awesome off the charts amazing i’m

just gonna do the job

and in my opinion i do the job

thoroughly but i

seek to also do the job as effectively

as possible and that to me means

bringing in guest artists

and networking and making sure that my

students have the best possible

information that they have

that i have available to give them and

and networking them in with other

resources and just

generally doing as much good as possible

and so by the end of my first semester

after having given

a really great concert with the jazz

ensemble i was thinking we got this

we win awesome everybody you know

happily ever after kind of thing

and then i got my first review from the

personnel committee and

i was told things like you need to tone

it down

you need to behave more in keeping with

collegiate decorum

and several other things that had very

little to do with my teaching at all and

i and i was shocked and i was angry and

i thought to myself wait wait wait

this is not what this is not what the

rules say

the rules you said just do you know

teach the things as well as you can to

the best of your ability and that’s what

i did is that not good enough

and as soon as i asked myself that

question i went oh no no no it happened

again

it’s not that i’m not good enough it’s

that i’m too good

now granted i guess that’s probably kind

of kind of a good thing

being too good at your job but i was so

good that i was making people

uncomfortable so uncomfortable that they

were feeling a need to be passive

aggressive

and punish me for this goodness and so

instead of letting that just take the

wind out of my sails

i asked for some letters of

recommendation i got together a 16-page

rebuttal and i i

followed the protocol that i needed to

stand up to these people and say no

i’m doing a good job these are the

reasons i’m doing a good job these are

the pedagogical reasons i do these

things and these are all the degrees and

the people who agree with me that say i

should be doing these things

so i intend to keep doing those things

and thankfully because there are a few

good men among us

they saw a reason and they let me

continue teaching

and it was then that i realized that

the rules that they teach us our

teachers

with the best of intentions aren’t

actually the rules

and so we have to learn these unspoken

rules so

nearing the end of january going into

the pandemic

i was sort of left in an introspective

state as many people were

are depends on how you look at it i

suppose

and i started getting counseling because

after that committee review

i was not well mentally and i sought

help and i just

needed to get my mind right to do this

job and to do it to the best of my

abilities

and in this counseling

we summarized you know some of what i

just told you about you know having been

particularly brilliant as a child and

understanding rules

and living by these parameters that i’ve

perceived around me and my therapist

said well have you ever been tested for

autism

i said no i’m not i’m not one of those

people no

and uh she said no you actually might

have autism would you like to pursue

that

and i and i thought to myself well if it

helps me

be a better person and a better teacher

and and understand myself more

sure so over the course of the next few

months

i became diagnosed with asperger’s

syndrome

which is no longer a thing it’s now just

autism spectrum disorder

but looking back on my my experiences i

just went oh my goodness

this is why this is why i keep messing

up this is why i keep being told i’m too

good

it’s because i can’t read the signals of

people being jealous i can’t read the

signals

of people being uncomfortable i just

don’t have that ability

yet in spite of this i still managed to

succeed

in several different realms to at

a national level in some cases i’ve

played with adele i’ve played with keith

urban

i have been a clinician from florida to

michigan

and across this country i’ve recorded

with some of the

biggest names in music i have taught

thousands of students

and all in the face

of this looming misogyny

it can be done we can do these things we

can do whatever we

put our minds to we women we people with

disabilities i don’t

i don’t really think autism is a

disability i

i think it’s superpowers i look back at

finishing two master’s degrees in three

years and i go

oh other people don’t do that

and my friends go no they don’t

you’re kind of a freak i have a

photographic memory i just thought

everybody had super powers and they go

no

we can’t do that i can compose an entire

big band chart in eight hours

i can arrange a big band chart in four

hours i see music notation in my head

when i hear music

it’s maddening listening to the radio is

really tough um

but all of these things i just thought

were normal for everyone are actually

super powers so in spite of all of these

hurdles i’ve still managed to succeed

and i’m here today to share that with

you in hopes that you will also succeed

that your goals are not governed by

these obstacles whatever they are

you can overcome them and be the very

best version of you

i’m working on being that breast version

and i think i’m doing a pretty darn good

job you can ask my students

but i’m here to speak on behalf of those

who don’t have a voice or don’t feel

like they can

be you be the vibrant

awesome super power driven version of

you

and the more you can do that the happier

you’re going to be and the more

effective you’re going to be in whatever

field you choose

thank you