Is Casual Bullying a Pandemic
have you been a bully
maybe just maybe i might have i suspect
that we may have all been bullies at
some moment in time
you don’t think it’s you a bully is
someone else
you may be unaware but truthfully and i
feel some real shame about this
i’ve called the phone company fully
intending to give them a piece of my
mind absolutely off my head angry about
the lack of service massive mistakes on
the billings them not doing what they
said they would i just felt that it was
my opportunity to get what was bugging
me off my chest
and maybe just maybe i was getting more
off my chest than the phone company was
responsible for you know life’s tough
sometimes not more so for us than the
last two years in the global pandemic
and you know there’s always something
the kids won’t get ready for school
they couldn’t find their favorite shoes
i fell over the dog some idiot cut me
off in traffic on the way to work i left
my lunch at home i hate my job and the
boss is on my back about everything
you know how it goes
it’s out of your control
everything seems to be working against
you and then
it’s time to push back and so you lose
it
have you called your phone company
lately to complain harshly about your
service or bill
i’ve done it yelling down the phone line
truthfully i am embarrassed and as i
should be
you feel better for a beat it’s like
fairy floss though you get a big hit of
sugar and then you feel lousy and
justified it’s not your fault janine
we’ve all been through some really harsh
times and self-reflection and
self-awareness
is it enough to start to move the needle
on reducing casual bullying
i fear not
please don’t disregard your feelings
take a good look at what’s happening
when i actually faced my shame i found
that according to asap the artificial
intelligence technology company in their
report cx the human factor as many as 81
of people on the phones in call centers
have experienced some
kind of customer abuse 81 that’s four
out of five workers
are you shaking your head
let me tell you that when i read that
statistic i certainly was
i thought who’s doing this stuff
well
obviously it’s ordinary people like me
and you
so thinking into this casual bullying
pandemic it’s not how you feel about
what you say and do
it’s about how what you say and do is
received by the person on the receiving
end of it the incidence of casual
bullying doesn’t stop there
hands up
if you’ve commented on social media
thrown out a quick quip
showing little respect for other
people’s actions and opinions what they
say and do
the problem is big
so big in fact that facebook brought out
policies for their communities on how to
handle harassment and bullying
what seems a little off to me though is
that facebook’s terms of service don’t
align with a nominee but don’t allow
fake names but nor do they have
validation processes for users when
they’re creating an account
so you can be belligerent when you are a
fake faceless nameless person
you cannot ignore the problem of casual
bullying
this change will make a difference in
the world we live in and it’s a kindness
to our future to respond responsibly
in 2021 facebook came out for the first
time to state that the company had
removed 9.2 million pieces of content
for breaking the bullying and harassment
rules
they also recognized bullying and
harassment content was seen
14 or 15 times per every 10 000 views on
facebook’s said to have 1.79 billion
users daily now i’m no mathematician but
that seems like a lot of people
teenagers kids exposed to casual
bullying and harassment
i believe social media companies should
be doing more to tackle
cyber bullying on their platforms and
casual bullying is shifting from name
crawling in the playground to 24 7
online trolling
and while there’s greater awareness of
casual bullying and the consequences of
it corporations are trying to improve
company cultures and corporate social
responsibility but i question whether
the good companies are doing it anyway
and not fixing the bad companies in
other words businesses that need it
don’t want it and businesses that want
it don’t need it
are our intolerance and lack of respect
bullying is casual bullying the gateway
to senseless violence and hatred
way back in 2003 the world health
organization talked about protecting
workers from stress
and after nearly two decades casual
bullying today remains in our society so
what have we learned bullied people
perpetuate bullying so please if you see
something say something report it accept
its time to change and together
destabilize this norm and reduce
aggressive and violent behaviors in the
world today
how does our intolerance or disrespect
impact not just the receiver but others
around
your children your family your household
your work mates casual contacts people
you don’t even know
how does one carry that negativity
through every day
does the individual adopt it embrace it
internalize it
does it eat them up and destroy their
health and well-being
what about you and your relationships
is bullying
causing or akin to ptsd
does bullying lead to breakdowns of
relationships at home work in the
playground and on the street
is casual bullying normalized in our
society today
even in relationships
and in the home around the world many of
us have been locked in our homes
during the pandemic
homes where work and business school and
living collide
homes where it’s been like a pressure
cooker
the stress anxiety disrespect spilling
over into violence
is casual bullying harshly speaking to
your partner
what about the kids
is verbal abuse a big deal
these behaviors are just as severe as
other forms of abuse and may damage
self-worth and well-being especially for
the kids you may be setting them up for
a lifetime of self-limiting beliefs
what about you and your relationships
have things escalated in your home
during the pandemic
did it start with a bit of casual
bullying then losing respect
then verbal
exchanges controlling and coercive
behaviors to a bit of light domestic
violence
when you disrespect each other you lose
respect for both yourself and the other
person it’s a slippery slope
the point is
casual bullying can be anyone it could
be me it could be you
or
your brother
your sister mother father aunt uncle or
best friend
it could be any of us
or
it could be all of us it can get out of
hand
very quickly
and what happens when you’ve been stuck
at home in in a pandemic it may not be
you being a bully today
but what about tomorrow or next week or
month
what about the kids in the future
they’re learning those lessons even if
it’s by feeling the mood of
your home and and internalizing it
casual bullying doesn’t sound dangerous
or divisive
it’s just a bit of fun just joking mate
it’s casual
but i’m here to tell you
it’s not how you feel about it it’s how
the receiver those around you feel about
it and internalize it
how it becomes part of their psyche how
they carry it and pass it on
it can lay dormant in the subconscious
or cause immediate havoc at some point
in the future it’s coming out
toxic
dark slippery like mercury or a snake
slithering into someone else’s life
casual bullying isn’t just about mental
health and well-being it permeates all
areas of our lives
is casual bullying normalized in your
workplace being bullied has affected my
work my job and the career choices that
i’ve made the income that i’ve generated
and ultimately
my money health and well-being
i’d had a carefully curated plan for
myself
and i’d like to recount a scenario and
invite you to tell me if i was bullied i
worked locally for a reasonably large
listed company with over a thousand
employees and one day i was running a
little late for a meeting when i arrived
everyone in the room was laughing and
sharing a joke the discussion continued
and i thought it was a bit odd that some
people were snickering and after the
meeting ended about eight or ten people
were still congregating in the room
seemingly waiting for something to
happen and i didn’t know what as i left
the room david came alongside me and
asked did you see what was on that chair
and of course i said no
david told me i should go back and have
a look
and when i went and checked i was
horrified
i won’t tell you what it said because
there would be some language and i
wouldn’t use it however the writing on
that chair how it made me feel and the
outcome of those negative feelings
i still feel a bit wobbly today get a
bit emotional talking about it i
realized at that moment and many other
moments since that people think it’s
that this is normal that it’s okay
and when i relive that memory i see my
colleagues smiling faces around that
room in my mind’s eye laughing and
joking and having singled me out i feel
isolated and alone and embarrassed they
are high fiving each other all around
i
me
i am the butt of everyone’s joke
of course i am oblivious in that room in
that time
i politely smiled and laughed along
do people feel threatened or at risk
and therefore avoid standing up for one
another
do you feel peer pressure to participate
to go along with the joke even though
it’s not funny
why are we not supporting each other
has the me too
and speak up culture gained some
traction in the corporate world
if it has how many generations will it
take to see a change where no one person
is harmed by casual bullying
david came good
he told me about it when others had not
the act of casual bullying impacted me
for years and they even sent me photos
as a reminder of my shame
those self-limiting beliefs were carried
with me for years until i recently dealt
with that burden of having them i was
overriding those incorrect stories
carved out deep into my psyche the
stories you tell yourself over and over
i challenge you if you are not part of
the solution
you are part of the problem
today i would like to ask you to
consider are you a casual bully
have you ever been one
do you know one
and
what about what can we do
about it
she’ll be right mate just won’t cut it
it’s not okay
i suspect we’ve all done some casual
bullying whether to the phone company
staffer or whomever
people probably won’t get over it and
they’ll carry it with them
possibly forever let’s stop being so
casual
about such vital issues
we should protect each other if the
system’s not protecting us and finally
be the change we want to see
let’s not be so casual about bullying
nothing worthwhile is easy
and thinking about this is the first
step to change questions are good
because you get answers but they it
can’t stop there
be courageous
casual bullying exists
and it can be anyone as a society we’ll
continue to see people harmed if we
don’t stop casual bullying we diminish
the value of someone when they are
bullied not only in their mind but in
the mind of others and casual bullying
escalates and impacts not just the bully
and the person being bullied but i worry
it ripples out to everyone on the planet
the economic and human cost is beyond my
comprehension
the repercussions of casual bullying
crisis will be falling
disproportionately on young people and
women and worsen existing inequalities
and survive multiple generations
we can all act to stop casual bullying