Perspectives on Challenge During the Pandemic

[Music]

loss comes in many different forms

the loss of a loved one the loss of

freedom

the loss of not being able to go outside

and breathe without a mask on

this is all due to the anxiety of

contracting the wretched coronavirus

this is what this pandemic has taken

from us our

freedom this fear of contracting the

virus has interrupted

everything in our lives from our

education to just trying to live a

normal life

it has caused us feelings of stress

anxiety and depression

and has forced us to become trapped in

our own minds prisoners

of our thoughts we are away we are made

to wear our safety daily rethink every

decision and constantly assess our

situations

nothing is simple anymore every step we

take is like the trickling sands in an

hourglass

it runs out eventually this is where i

began to see my perception of time

do a complete 180. just because the

world is on pause

time is not it continues whether you’re

ready or not

trust me i wasn’t ready for any of this

but then again

what 14 year old ever is

who would want to spend an entire year

of their lives

living in constant fear of getting

themselves and their loved ones sick

while also being a prisoner of their own

minds

not even i know within just the past

year 84.6 million people have contracted

this virus

and about 1.84 million have lost their

lives

this sparked a chain reaction causing an

explosion of thoughts

permanently changing my beliefs of time

and death

time goes on whether you like it or not

and as time goes on

it is up to us to decide how we live our

new realities whatever that reality may

be

we need to be accepting of whatever

comes our way and enjoy it before it’s

too late

now let me take you back to the

beginning of my five stages of grief

denial a state that one refuses to admit

to the truth or existence of a present

situation

or a life-changing event a state that we

all go through as we grieve

saul mcload a psychologist and published

researcher at the university of

manchester

wrote on simplypsychology.org that

defense mechanisms are psychological

strategies that are unconsciously used

to protect a person

from under from arising unacceptable

thoughts or feelings

we used to say oh my god this virus is

just gonna go away soon and everything’s

gonna be fine

it has to or so we thought

in february our state of denial was at

its peak to think that we were actually

going to go back to school after that

either watson

break i initially was happy about being

able to stay home if i’m being honest

we were convinced that everything was

gonna be okay

everything will be back to normal in two

weeks it has to

i need to go to start high school i need

to finish the semester it has to

we were wrong one week turns into two

then into three then into four and

suddenly

we’re in may finishing up the semester

at home

honestly i kept telling myself that

things would be back to normal

and that everything was gonna be okay

and that i would start high school like

a 14 year old would

but here i am a high school freshman

starting my high school career online

and having to adapt to the changes of

the pandemic

on top of all of us the propaganda and

media inflating the

inflating the situation made me start

freaking out

and forcing myself to give me to give

myself a sense of false hope that

everything would be okay

part of me hope the lies i was feeding

myself were actually true

but i knew they weren’t they were just a

fantasy

a dream of what reality could be

suddenly

i started getting irritated by the

slightest things

and becoming very irritable and within

denial

anger came following close behind

anger a strong feeling of annoyance

displeasure

or hostility the mask that hides the

pain from the world

being stuck at home caused me feelings

of anger that words could not even

express

i was spiraling with no sense of

direction and all i could see was red

i was most irritable during the fifth

and six months of the lockdown

i’d wanted to buy fabric to make a dress

as i had nothing to do and i wanted to

try something new

since this was obviously the best time

for it i waited patiently

for four months to be able to go to the

fabric stores to get fabric for the

dress i wanted to make

only to be told that they weren’t going

to be open for the next month and a half

because of the new safety measures that

were being enforced

when i tell you i was angry i mean it

but this was only just a fraction of the

situations that i was in

that made me feel like i had lost

control of everything and that i was

paralyzed and unable to do anything

about it

is it was at times like this where i

wondered

why this was happening is this just one

more injustice that is happening in our

world

are we being punished for another sins

is it not enough

that the world is going through poverty

hunger economic corruption environmental

detriments

the list goes on and now we have to

worry about a pandemic

the only consolation i had at the time

was being with my mom

dad aunt and cousins i hadn’t seen

anyone other than them for the past six

months and i was ready to see anyone at

this point and do anything to do it

oh how i wanted to pop that bubble so

badly i was ready to bargain my safety

to see

anyone at that point so i did

bargaining negotiating the terms and

conditions of a transaction

we as people bargained for our safety to

go outside and be

semi-normal please let us go outside we

promise we’ll wear our masks we’ll even

wear gloves

i even bargained for my birthday to be

semi-normal

my birthday was in july and it may not

have been the birthday i expected

but i couldn’t have asked for more

i was so lonely that i bargained my

health and my safety

to be able to see a dear friend of mine

and have her come over to spend my

birthday with me

my parents had never seen me like this

so even though they were still

very very hesitant they let her come

over

and spend my covert birthday with me

ever since that day i

actually felt like a normal human being

and not an animal locked in a cage

and i’ve been able to see her

after that and since we knew that her

family was safe i continued seeing her

and i was genuinely okay for once

slowly pacing our bargaining chips down

on the table we tested the waters

dipping our toes in until we were fully

submerged

i gained and lost things while placing

those bargaining chips down

i gained seeing a friend and being able

to do semi-normal things with her

but i lost seeing my cousins since they

were at high risk of getting coveted i

did not want to risk their health

so i decided to stop seeing them

and since i got to start seeing my

friend we began incorporating

certain things that we did before the

pandemic like going to malls

seeing friends etc and

ever since then in my little world

everything seemed okay

relatively okay but in reality it was

only falling apart

depression a state of feeling severe

despondency and dejection

a state where i began to spiral into

sadness

with a rise in covered cases anxiety

levels increased

and the depression began sinking in i

began to worry about leaving the house

and i became stuck in an abyss of

negative thoughts

my dreams turned into nightmares

reflecting how i was feeling and i

became very very distant

online learning had been quite the

challenge as i was still adapting to the

changes

and it stressed me out so much to the

point where i would break down at least

twice

a week i recently wanted to make

brownies

specifically the betty crocker fudge

brownies

delicious but i didn’t have any of the

mixed at home

so living right next to the germania i

decided

let’s go walk let’s go get some brownie

mix

i put on a brand new outfit my

high-heeled black

combat boots and i walked

when i got inside i was horrified i was

greeted

with a sea of people and internally i

started freaking out

my fighter flight kicked in and i

decided to just suck it up

go get the baking mix and leave as fast

as humanly possible

as i approached the baking aisle i was

greeted by a man from the ministry of

health

who asked if i wanted to take a free

cover test

at that moment i realized how dangerous

this actually was

i kindly declined and i explained that i

was always at home and that i was safe

and i sprinted to the baking aisle only

to find

that there was no brownie mix i

left as fast as i could and

as i was leaving i was holding my breath

when i got a second to think clearly

outside

i was horrified i almost broke down

crying right then and there in public

but i decided

this can wait till you’re at the home

until you’re at the house

when i got home i got a call from my

sister

and she told me that she had gotten

copied

and then came the waterworks i broke

down crying on the phone with her

and i could not stop

she’s my older sister and we’re

two kids in the family so she was an old

she wasn’t she was the second mother

growing up

and i couldn’t help but worry for her

even though she told me that she was

asymptomatic

to make matters worse it’s not like she

was here in kuwait with me

she was in lebanon studying for

studying at university there and being

out of the country

and having me miss her made the

situation a million times worse

acceptance a willingness to tolerate a

difficult situation

the final stage of my grief my life

really came into perspective that day

the day i realized that we took things

for granted

if you asked me a few months ago if i

was grateful for the pandemic i would

have said no with zero hesitation

none zero zilch nada

but now that i’ve had time to be alone

with myself

and truly understand the benefits of

being alone i would say that yeah

i am grateful that this happened it

taught me that patience is key

and it showed me who my true friends

were

i learned a lot about myself and how i

was feeling mentally physically

and emotionally i learned that i’m very

introverted and that i prefer staying

at home rather than going out which is

quite surprising really as we’ve been

staying home for the past year

i’m quite comfortable with online school

now not as stressed depressed or

repressed

and this was an eye opener as it made me

realize that we’re in time similar to

those of war

and that this was survival of the

fittest because of seeing all the death

and sickness around me

i started taking my vitamins eating

healthy exercising

and taking care of myself seriously

because by doing this

i was not only preserving my body but my

mental health as well

i may not have control over what’s going

on but i have control over my body and

that

reassured me and made me feel like i was

okay

despite the circumstances

i’m gonna give you an advice i’m gonna

give you a piece of advice that my mom

gave me

yes plan for the future but enjoy the

present

make the most of it this is the time

that we’re not gonna be able to get back

once it’s gone

so we need to cherish it we need to

enjoy it and we need to spend it doing

something that we love

or with someone that we love this entire

experience feels so unreal

like something that would happen in only

our wildest dreams

as edgar allen poe once wrote is all

that we see or seem

just a dream within a dream thank you