Understanding Dispassion to deal with Disappointment

hello everybody

my name is kelly doji and i am

from bhutan i feel very badly about not

being able to be there

with you at dead extra rasta 2021 this

year

the pandemic has limited so many of us

from being able to achieve our desires

our wants

and in the process has not only

disappointed us

but has also led us to disappoint others

and in that regard i thank the wonderful

organizers of dead extra raster for

giving me an opportunity

to connect with you remotely just to

speak a little bit

about my thoughts in the hope

that they may connect and find a common

ground

with you so thank you for tuning in

today i’d like to talk to you a little

bit

about what i feel so strongly about

which is

the terms of passion and dispassion

comforted by compassion

it’s not a difficult concept we all have

passion within us

we all have a drive we all have

uh the desire to achieve

to attain to acquire you know

uh to do something and

that is fulfilled only with a passionate

drive

if you are not passionate about

something you could easily say that you

may not be able to achieve it

but at the same time when you look

at the opposite of passion so passion

is an old in the old pali context is

called

raga and dispassion the opposite of

passion

is viraga and that

is not about positive or negative or

good or bad it is just two opposite

things

so having passion for something is

actually

something that could lead

easily to disappointment to

misunderstanding

uh to sapping of energy

it could it’s an uncontrolled energy but

at the same time if you look at the back

seat

you’ll find viraga which is dispassion

and with dispassion i think you’d be

able to connect with passion

much better because in the past year i

have tried very hard

uh through the lockdown periods through

uh introspection through solitude

i’ve been able to think a little bit

about it i’m not trying to study i’m not

trying to

you know lead you on to big

terminologies because my own

understanding of religion or

spirituality is so limited

but i do try to understand myself a

little better i’m sure

many of you also do the same so now

this passion is being able

to have passion but also to deal

with the expectations the results

or the costs in the anticipation of any

results of passion

that is my understanding i’m sure some

of you may agree with me

some of you would like to define the

terms better but

there’s a reason why i would like to

talk to you about these two

terms it’s to introduce the third term

which i have found to be a

complete balance and so helpful

in my life and that is compassion

i am inspired greatly by my own

leadership

here in bhutan through my king jimmy

casa namgae wong

he is a wonderful leader and has shown

this country wonderful

leadership skills at the same time

made us realize how wonderful

it is to have compassion for others now

compassion

in my understanding and how i may define

it to you

is your pillow of empathy

that you put under others who are

falling from the disappointment of

passion

compassion is so important to have

because it will help you understand

the balance between passion

and dispassion it’s not necessarily

good and bad positive and negative it’s

just two

opposite things altogether we cannot

exist

without passion of course i mean

i’m very very passionate about what i’m

saying to you right now but i don’t have

the expectation

that all of you would agree with me and

that doesn’t disappoint me

because i’m approaching this whole

connection with you

with a certain dispassion that i truly

believe

what i’m saying and i hope that you

also will understand that but at the

same time

i’m not affected or disappointed won’t

be disappointed

because it is an understanding which you

will accept or you will not accept

so i i believe that to be dispassion

you do something we cannot live we

cannot exist

without passion of course we all have a

drive

we need to do something we need to have

the energy to do it the will to do it

to achieve to acquire to attain

and to be admired recognized we need to

get our validation

for so many things all that requires a

certain amount of passion

but at the same time if you expect too

much from it

it may be a force that is too empowering

on one’s

emotions and spiritual soul

and lead to a certain amount of loss

of energy through disappointment

so i think this passion is a very good

lever to re of release of energy

to be able to handle everything and that

dispassion

the concept of it is pillowed by

compassion

if you if you care for others if you

empathize with others if you

go forward holding the hands of others

that is compassion you’ll be able to

achieve

so much yourself yet you can also

comfort others

now i’ve been a part of the telugu film

industry for a good number of years

and i have acquired quite a few

friends many of them fans many of them

admirers

many of them critiques who all

at some point of time or the other when

they connect with me tell me oh

kelly you’re a star you’re this you’re

that

but you know i’m not

i’m i’m just i’m just an actor i’m just

somebody who has a craft who is

delivering

it’s a livelihood and in that regard

i thought about it and i tried to

connect

my understandings of compassion and

dispassion

and passion with the idea of people’s

expectations of me

so i thought okay if i myself

have passion for something and i’m able

to disappoint myself

what about being disappointed by the

disappointment of

others who have expectations of me

so you know it’s it’s something that

many

young folk think about

when they’re reaching a cusp from

young adulthood into responsible

adulthood

where so much is

dependent on them through expectation

but not in reality

so in that regard i was thinking and i

said

should i be affected by that so much i

don’t think so

it’s more important to be a good human

being than to have a great understanding

of

religion and so many

man-made rituals and

and norms and customs it is more

important for you to be aware

for us to be aware of what is there

around us

and to be dispassionate about it

accepting

enjoying but not being affected too

badly by it

and in that regard my reply

to to so many of my my friends would say

oh you’re a star

would be actually yes

i i want to be a star i think i am a

star

but i am a star that

shines and gives warmth to everything

but i don’t possess anything

so be a star shine

and give warmth to everything around you

but don’t possess

anything i hope you agree with me

i hope you are safe and i hope you will

be responsible in this new normal life

take care of yourself and i hope to meet

you all

one day personally thank you so much

and thank you my dear friends at tedx

charasta for giving me this opportunity

to connect with everybody through your

platform i wish you all the best

tashi delay

you