Understanding Dispassion to deal with Disappointment
hello everybody
my name is kelly doji and i am
from bhutan i feel very badly about not
being able to be there
with you at dead extra rasta 2021 this
year
the pandemic has limited so many of us
from being able to achieve our desires
our wants
and in the process has not only
disappointed us
but has also led us to disappoint others
and in that regard i thank the wonderful
organizers of dead extra raster for
giving me an opportunity
to connect with you remotely just to
speak a little bit
about my thoughts in the hope
that they may connect and find a common
ground
with you so thank you for tuning in
today i’d like to talk to you a little
bit
about what i feel so strongly about
which is
the terms of passion and dispassion
comforted by compassion
it’s not a difficult concept we all have
passion within us
we all have a drive we all have
uh the desire to achieve
to attain to acquire you know
uh to do something and
that is fulfilled only with a passionate
drive
if you are not passionate about
something you could easily say that you
may not be able to achieve it
but at the same time when you look
at the opposite of passion so passion
is an old in the old pali context is
called
raga and dispassion the opposite of
passion
is viraga and that
is not about positive or negative or
good or bad it is just two opposite
things
so having passion for something is
actually
something that could lead
easily to disappointment to
misunderstanding
uh to sapping of energy
it could it’s an uncontrolled energy but
at the same time if you look at the back
seat
you’ll find viraga which is dispassion
and with dispassion i think you’d be
able to connect with passion
much better because in the past year i
have tried very hard
uh through the lockdown periods through
uh introspection through solitude
i’ve been able to think a little bit
about it i’m not trying to study i’m not
trying to
you know lead you on to big
terminologies because my own
understanding of religion or
spirituality is so limited
but i do try to understand myself a
little better i’m sure
many of you also do the same so now
this passion is being able
to have passion but also to deal
with the expectations the results
or the costs in the anticipation of any
results of passion
that is my understanding i’m sure some
of you may agree with me
some of you would like to define the
terms better but
there’s a reason why i would like to
talk to you about these two
terms it’s to introduce the third term
which i have found to be a
complete balance and so helpful
in my life and that is compassion
i am inspired greatly by my own
leadership
here in bhutan through my king jimmy
casa namgae wong
he is a wonderful leader and has shown
this country wonderful
leadership skills at the same time
made us realize how wonderful
it is to have compassion for others now
compassion
in my understanding and how i may define
it to you
is your pillow of empathy
that you put under others who are
falling from the disappointment of
passion
compassion is so important to have
because it will help you understand
the balance between passion
and dispassion it’s not necessarily
good and bad positive and negative it’s
just two
opposite things altogether we cannot
exist
without passion of course i mean
i’m very very passionate about what i’m
saying to you right now but i don’t have
the expectation
that all of you would agree with me and
that doesn’t disappoint me
because i’m approaching this whole
connection with you
with a certain dispassion that i truly
believe
what i’m saying and i hope that you
also will understand that but at the
same time
i’m not affected or disappointed won’t
be disappointed
because it is an understanding which you
will accept or you will not accept
so i i believe that to be dispassion
you do something we cannot live we
cannot exist
without passion of course we all have a
drive
we need to do something we need to have
the energy to do it the will to do it
to achieve to acquire to attain
and to be admired recognized we need to
get our validation
for so many things all that requires a
certain amount of passion
but at the same time if you expect too
much from it
it may be a force that is too empowering
on one’s
emotions and spiritual soul
and lead to a certain amount of loss
of energy through disappointment
so i think this passion is a very good
lever to re of release of energy
to be able to handle everything and that
dispassion
the concept of it is pillowed by
compassion
if you if you care for others if you
empathize with others if you
go forward holding the hands of others
that is compassion you’ll be able to
achieve
so much yourself yet you can also
comfort others
now i’ve been a part of the telugu film
industry for a good number of years
and i have acquired quite a few
friends many of them fans many of them
admirers
many of them critiques who all
at some point of time or the other when
they connect with me tell me oh
kelly you’re a star you’re this you’re
that
but you know i’m not
i’m i’m just i’m just an actor i’m just
somebody who has a craft who is
delivering
it’s a livelihood and in that regard
i thought about it and i tried to
connect
my understandings of compassion and
dispassion
and passion with the idea of people’s
expectations of me
so i thought okay if i myself
have passion for something and i’m able
to disappoint myself
what about being disappointed by the
disappointment of
others who have expectations of me
so you know it’s it’s something that
many
young folk think about
when they’re reaching a cusp from
young adulthood into responsible
adulthood
where so much is
dependent on them through expectation
but not in reality
so in that regard i was thinking and i
said
should i be affected by that so much i
don’t think so
it’s more important to be a good human
being than to have a great understanding
of
religion and so many
man-made rituals and
and norms and customs it is more
important for you to be aware
for us to be aware of what is there
around us
and to be dispassionate about it
accepting
enjoying but not being affected too
badly by it
and in that regard my reply
to to so many of my my friends would say
oh you’re a star
would be actually yes
i i want to be a star i think i am a
star
but i am a star that
shines and gives warmth to everything
but i don’t possess anything
so be a star shine
and give warmth to everything around you
but don’t possess
anything i hope you agree with me
i hope you are safe and i hope you will
be responsible in this new normal life
take care of yourself and i hope to meet
you all
one day personally thank you so much
and thank you my dear friends at tedx
charasta for giving me this opportunity
to connect with everybody through your
platform i wish you all the best
tashi delay
you